Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re covering soccer choking, onions, orphan spies, and more.
Once upon a time, sure as you are born, some dingus was all, “Onions?!?! In your guacamole?!?! You motherfuckers!”
Sauces and adjectives are the coagulated lifeblood of fast-food “innovation,” because it’s relatively cheap and easy to spike ranch dressing with cayenne dust, refer to the resulting substance as Kickin’, and splort it onto a chicken patty. It’s a slimy move, but what do you expect them to do? Improve the underlying…
In the end, there was no contest. Guacamole took an early 60-ish to 30-ish percent lead over Salsa and held onto it throughout the polling, with a final vote of 62 percent to 38 percent. THE MIGHTY AVOCADO REIGNS SUPREME! GUAC IS GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!
Holy chip-'n'-dip, Batman! What a contest this has been! Guacamole toppled the noble Queso! Classic Salsa slayed the mighty Buffalo Chicken Dip! (We blame the person who posted a recipe for it that called for canned chicken. Canned chicken, you guys.)
There's a new study claiming heart attacks skyrocket after the Super Bowl. Sounds plausible, but if it's anything like all the other things we "know" happen more on Super Bowl Sunday, take it with a grain of salt, i.e., it's completely bull.