Visiting Harvard won both the men's and women's squash matches this week, but came away complaining about abuse from the crowd.

Dartmouth student Bryan Giudicelli said Thursday he and his soccer teammates are routinely cursed at and heckled while playing on the road and were seeking to create a similarly intimidating atmosphere at Berry. However, he said the soccer players and some Alpha Delta fraternity brothers didn't realize how hostile such behavior would appear in the crowded squash courts.

So far, so good, right? Squash could use a little vitriol, and it's always cute when the Ivies pretend they take their sports seriously. Well, things got a little ugly.

Words such as "dick," "fag" and "——sucker" were repeatedly shouted at the visitors Wednesday, many times with "f———" added as an adjective. Harvard's female players eventually sought the protection of an assistant coach after they said they were called "whores" and "sluts" while they cheered on their male peers. While playing his match, Franklin Cohen was told he had small genitals and asked if he liked bagels, a phrase his mother viewed as a reference to the family's Jewish surname.

Wait, the worst thing they came up with about the Jewish kid was that he likes bagels? As a card-carrying member of the tribe, I say, damn straight. If the Procotols of the Elders of Zion was all about our love of bagels, that would be wonderful. If Kristallnacht had only targeted the bagel stores in Nazi Germany, I'd take that in a second.

And, worst of all about this misplaced racism accusation, the bagels weren't even about the Judaism.

Giudicelli said Susan Cohen confronted his group about the bagel phrase immediately after her son's match and was told it referred to Franklin Cohen having a zero or "bagel" on the scoreboard at a certain juncture in play.

"We discussed whether to say doughnut or bagel and obviously we decided to use the wrong word," said Giudicelli, a junior defender from Emerald Hills, Calif., located between San Francisco and San Jose. "There was no anti-Semitism behind that."

Of course, if they had used the term doughnuts, it probably would have been deemed offensive to the obese or the diabetic. You really can't win.

Dartmouth Students Slur Harvard Athletes During Squash Match [Valley News]

See if this sounds familiar. Yale was leading by three points with 2:25 left in their giant season-defining game against Harvard on Saturday. It was fourth down and they had the ball on their own 26-yard line. Seems like an obvious punting situation, right? (After all, their punter is the best in the Ivy league and was averaging 51 yards per kick for the game.) Well, Williams was apparently so won over by the outpouring of love and affection that Bill Belichick got all week by going for it against the Colts, that he decided to do the Patriots' leader one better. The Bulldogs ran a fake punt that gained 15 yards on an end around run. The only hitch in the plan was that they needed 22.

I'm not sure those Ivy League eggheads read all that statistical analysis defending Belichick very carefully. Oh, sure it was a gutsy gamble that really sent a message. The message is that Yalies are not smart. Seriously, fourth and 22? Harvard got the ball at the Yale 40 and three plays later they scored the winning touchdown, their eighth victory in nine tries over their arch rival. Gah!

Williams has made a bit of a name for himself in his first head coaching season with his frequent and effective use of trick plays, and he claims he did not want to play scared. Plus, he was worried that Harvard had gained momentum and he wanted to "keep our foot on the pedal," because you always want to be going full speed when you drive into a brick wall.

Although, to be fair to the Elis, Williams did go to Stanford. Those West Coast buffoons can't do math for shit.

Williams offers apology to players day after loss [New Haven Register]
Head Coach Pulls a 'Belichick,' Yale Loses to Harvard [Fanhouse]
Harvard-Yale Game 2009 Has Yale Lose with 'Belichick' Call [Associated Content]

First, there was the whole Jeff Jagodzinski "unpleasantness." Firing your football coach to prove a point is never a fun day. But at least the basketball team was riding high. They skyrocketed from outside the Top 25 up to No. 17 after the UNC win and were pushing a 10-game win streak, so thing were looking pretty good for the remainder of the season. Now what's this about the Harvard game?

Oh. The Cambridge Snobs beat the BC Slobs last night, 82-70, marking the first time in school history that Harvard has beaten a ranked team and their first win over Boston College in 10 years. Point guard Jeremy Lin scored 27 points to lead the Crimson. (A nerdy Asian kid from Palo Alto who can ball. Nice job, Stanford.)

So much for all that. Maybe the Eagles gymnastics team could run over a puppy in their team van just to put a capper on this most excellent week.

Giant-killer Eagles upset by Jeremy Lin, Harvard [Boston Herald]
Men's Basketball Stuns No. 17 Boston College, 82-70 [The Crimson]
Asian Americans remain rare in men's college basketball [SF Chronicle]

Yep, Amaker — by all accounts a classy and upstanding fellow — is the new coach at Harvard, an intriguing career move but on that will be kind of fun to watch. (At least we know whom to pick in our NIT pools next year!) Amaker replaces Frank Sullivan, who coached the Crimson for 16 years and never finished higher than second place in the Ivy League, which would seem difficult to do.

Anyway, we have to say, we're beginning to find it more fun to watch coaches go down the food chain rather than up. There is far more joy in watching Amaker try to resurrect a Harvard team than, say, looking at Bob Huggins' yearly sleazy desperate job grasp. Go Crimson!

Harvard: Michigan Of East [The Realests]

Because nothing's better than an Ivy League streaker, here's video of a guy somehow making it onto the field of The Big Game last Saturday between Harvard and Yale.

You know what's sad about this? This guy has a chance to be president someday, and you don't.

(UPDATE: IvyGate has some more, uh, "info" about this story.)