The Hater’s Guide To The 2015 Oscars

Every year, the Oscars come along, and it becomes more evident that the Oscars are the worst live event on television. Other award shows are smart enough to jettison technical categories, get the nominees shitfaced, and encourage poor wardrobe choices. Meanwhile, these things are still as self-important as ever… » 2/19/15 12:09pm 2/19/15 12:09pm

The Scientology Christmas Catalog Is Totally Insane

Finding the right gift for everyone in your family can be a real bitch. Your mom just wants a phone call. Your dad wants you to find a job. These are not easy people to shop for. But what about your second cousin who moved to L.A., got introduced to Scientology by an actor friend, joined the church to make… » 12/22/14 2:32pm 12/22/14 2:32pm

The Hater’s Guide To The 2014 World Cup

Soccer! Football! The Beautiful Game! OL' NETTY! Yes, it's time again for 31 contending nations (plus England) to gather together for the World Cup. Now, soccer people (very much to be confused with pod people) will remind you that the World Cup is the most popular sporting event in the world. Of course, that's… » 6/11/14 3:29pm 6/11/14 3:29pm

The Hater's Guide To The Sochi Olympics

Greetings, comrade! And welcome to the 2014 Winter Olympic Games in Sochi, Russia! Thank God that Vladimir Putin has restored Russia to its rightful place as America's enemy and foil. (Russia: We Don't Even Pretend We're A Democracy Anymore!™) Russians are white and live inside a distinct national border and you can… » 2/06/14 1:18pm 2/06/14 1:18pm

The 2013 Hater's Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog

I have a house and, like most houses, it's an unfinished work. There are cracks in the paint. There are piles of old clothes and shoes exploding out of the laundry room, which doubles as a storage room because we don't have a storage room. The walls in our bedroom are bare because we haven't had time to hang pictures… » 12/11/13 4:31pm 12/11/13 4:31pm

The Shitty Parent's Guide To Children's Christmas Presents

Christmas is coming, which gives you a golden opportunity to squander money and add to the mounting clutter inside your home. There are millions of options when it comes to buying presents for your children and then pretending that Santa gave them those presents and then resenting the fact that the children thanked an… » 12/10/12 3:40pm 12/10/12 3:40pm

The 2012 Hater's Lover's Guide To The Top 25

Every year, we preview the upcoming college football season with a Hater's Guide to the Top 25, and every year I make the same jokes about Ohio State fans being dumb and Alabama fans being racist (it's true!), and it's always a great deal of fun. But this year, between the Hater's Guides and the Why Your Team Sucks… » 8/30/12 12:35pm 8/30/12 12:35pm

The Hater's Guide To The 2012 Academy Awards

Ah, the Academy Awards. To give you a firm understanding of just how awful the Oscars are, consider this: This is the only entity in the universe that considers the inclusion of Billy Crystal to be an act of salvation. If they told you they were going to try and fix all the gaping plot holes of The Walking Dead by… » 2/23/12 9:08am 2/23/12 9:08am