The former Oklahoma running back and 1978 Heisman Trophy winner kind of spoiled Sam Bradford's big triumph on Saturday by hollering like a escaped lunatic during the current Oklahoma quarterback's Heisman acceptance stroll. We get it ... you're both Sooners who won the Heisman, but guess what? In five years, you'll both be former Detroit Lions who won the Heisman and have gimpy knees, and that's a much less exclusive club.

* * * * *

9:01 — Well, damn, that went quick. If this was a college football game it'd probably be 4:29 left in the first, and they'd be reviewing an out of bounds play. Enjoy the brand new already-played football game, everyone.

9:01 — The voting breakdown:

1. Sam Bradford 1726
2. Colt Mccoy 1604
3. Tim Tebow 1575
4. Graham Harrell 213
5. Michael Crabtree 116
6. Shonn Greene 65
7. Pat White 19

8:58 — HIS SPEECH WON'T END. PLAY THE MUSIC!

8:57 — Thank me, Sam. Thank me. C'mon, I have to be next.

8:56 — GROWN MEN DON'T CRY, SAM.

8:55 — Why, that would be SAM BRADFORD.

8:54 — And the winner...

8:53 — Matt Leinart couldn't make the trip. He's busy ... playing ... football?

8:51 — Paul Hornung has pants on. Damn, this will be a close vote.

8:51 — Hahaha. BerWANGer.

8:50 — It's been almost a whole hour and we haven't even handed out Best Cinematography yet.

8:47 — We're leaving someone out. There's another quarterback from the south who long deserves to be mentioned in the breath of Colt McCoy, Sam Bradford, and Tim Tebow. There was a lot of commotion over him not being here tonight, and it's very understandable. Of course, I am talking about:

Name Of Quarterback: Johnnie Moxon
School: West Canaan High Coyotes
Stats: 1734 yards, 66.8% completion, 14 TDs, 5 INTs, 4 rush TDs
Actor Who Would Play Him: James Van Der Beek
Miracles Performed: Resisted high school girl in whip cream bikini, stood up to Jon Voight when no one else would, railed against the Texan high school football establishment of pro-set formations.

8:46 — Behind the scenes: "Poise" was almost a bingo square. Good thing I didn't include it, otherwise it'd have been riddled with sperm-bullets.

8:43 — By the way, you're probably wondering why the Barack Obama picture up top. It's because he was born in the next to Tim Tebow in the Philippines.

8:41 — Good, we got that Army Heisman winning guy out of the way. Now it's MONTAGE TIME.

Name Of Quarterback: Tim Tebow
School: University of Florida Gators
Stats: 2515 yards, 64.9% completion, 28 TDs, 2 INT, 12 rush TDs
Actor Who Would Play Him: Young Mel Gibson, or Jim Caviezel, or anyone who looks good drenched in blood
Miracles Performed: Became the only sophomore to win a Heisman trophy. Cured Percy Harvin's leprosy. Converted a state of hedonistic heterosexual football fans into loving, Christian schoolgirls. Fed the homeless by cooking a Brunswick stew out of nothing but his own internal motivation and a store-bought can of Brunstick stew.

8:40 — How did they find time to pry Andre Ware away from his busy schedule to make it to this presentation?

8:38 — By the way, about this Greatest Game Ever Played rebroadcast business. They're showing a re-run on ESPN prime time. Earlier on ESPN Classic, they showed a live college football game.

8:34 — There's a High School Heisman? And a guy named Leibowitz won it? Guess it's time to update the leaflet.

8:34 — "Tell me, coach Meyer. Share your defensive secrets on how to beat Sam Bradford. Coach Stoops, I entrust you'll cover your ears for this part."

8:32 — Take Sam Bradford's advice. Be great at every sport, kids!

8:30 — I have a feeling it was Sam's father's idea to cut his hair like 1970s-era Chevy Chase.

8:29 — "He always liked sports." Something tells me the angle of this Sam Bradford feature won't be "overcoming adversity."

8:26 — Mike Rozier handily won the 1983 Heisman over someone named Steve Young. Good thing he did. Because today he gets to be mentioned on a LIVE NATIONAL TELECAST sandwiched between features of today's hottest quarterbacks. And whatever happened to that other guy? Last I heard, people were throwing shit at him.

8:23 — Phew. For a minute there I was afraid Mack Brown was going to give a shitty opinion on McCoy's football ability.

8:21 — Goddamn, my bingo card is getting tagged more than a UT cheerleader passed out near a Hairy Buffalo.

8:18 — That was a nice profile, but I think we can do better:

Name Of Quarterback: Colt McCoy
School: University of Texas Longhorns
Stats: 3445 yards, 77.6% completion, 32 TDs, 7 INT, 10 rush TDs
Actor Who Would Play Him: Zac Efron
Miracles Performed: Finished with an NCAA record-breaking completion percentage. Somehow won over the hearts and minds of cosmopolitan Longhorns fans despite having such a rural, folsky name. Got the entire team to bathe daily in a mixture of sawdust and tiny bits of American flag.

8:16 — "Nobody knows where Tuscola, Texas as until Colt McCoy signed with the University if Texas." Um, bad news for ya, Tuscola citizen...

8:14 — "Hi, Chris? Here are a list of websites that college kids visit. Please use at least two of them in a joke. You'll probably want to not mention Bangbros, however, unless you want to co-host a show with Fred Hickman on NESN at 3 a.m."

8:13 — Ah, a BCS joke aimed at McCoy in the event of a Heisman voting tie. "BECAUSE YOUR TEAM LOST THE TIEBREAKER!" Twist the knife.

8:13 — Chris Fowler is dying to sign Sam Bradford's cast.

8:11 — I'd like to thank Evanescence cover band "The Fallen" for providing this somber background music. I'm extremely pumped up in a very mellow, self-defeating fashion.

8:10 — Really, why even make a new former Heisman winner montage every year?

8:05 — With the commercial, let's look at our first candidate:

Name Of Quarterback: Sam Bradford
School: University of Oklahoma Sooners
Stats: 4464 yards, 68.3% completion, 48 TDs, 6 INT, 5 rush TDs
Actor Who Would Play Him: Ryan Reynolds, aka "Van Wilder"
Miracles Performed: Led his offense to 60 points in five straight games. Got a great deal on a car from Rhett Bomar. Went six whole days without eating a steak. Convinced BCS computers that loss to Texas was actually a war with Eastasia.

8:03 — Someone evidently found Ron Dayne in a Sheboygan-area log cabin.

8:03 — Herbstreit said he changed his vote four times. I'm guessing he just changed it to Terrelle Pryor to avoid tough decisions.

8:01 — BradfoMcTebow is milling around, shaking hands of former Heisman winners. It probably isn't helping them that none of them are wearing nametags.

Pre-Telecast Babble

If I've learned anything about college football, it's this:

• Good coaches don't stay in Bowling Green forever, eventually they will win championships at Florida
• Auburn is impressed with a 2-10 record
• It's immoral to include players' names in video games
• The best college football players are only quarterbacks and sometimes running backs.

A guy like Andre Smith isn't considered the best college football player at all. Yet he only allowed one sack all year and probably will be drafted way higher than any of these three guys. Also, he played for a team that didn't lose until last Saturday. What more d'ya need?

Also, about Graham Harrell not being in New York for the ceremony: so what? Can't you still win this even if you're not physically in the building? I mean, couldn't technically everyone vote for Eastern Michigan's long snapper and he'd still win? Moreover, why didn't everyone vote for Eastern Michigan's long snapper? Dude kept EMU's punting game crisp and efficient. And EMU beat Central Michigan, who beat who beat Ohio, who beat Akron, who beat Syracuse, who beat Notre Dame, who beat Navy, who beat Wake Forest, who beat Ole Miss, who beat Florida, who's in the national title game! You can't possibly leave out the impeccable long snapping of the legendary whatshisname and call the Heisman Trophy the award that goes to the best player in college football.

Bingo Time

Texas Tech quarterback Graham Harrell was a key part of the Big 12 passing orgy that dominated college football's storylines this season, but he has not been invited to Heisman Trophy presentation ceremony on Saturday. I guess the Downtown Athletic ClubSports Museum of America is worried that they'll run out of chairs.

Obviously, no one expects him to win and the committee has invited as few as three and as many as six finalists in past years. But it seems like he's earned the right to at least get a free trip to New York and pretend-clap while some other jerk wins a stupid trophy that he didn't want anyway. Don't you agree, Mike Leach?

"If Graham is not invited to the Heisman, they ought to quit giving out the award," he said in a statement. "It is a shameless example of politics ruling over performance."

Leach then hocked a loogie into a spittoon and shoved a half-empty bottle of whiskey into his saddlebag before storming off to find a poker game. He was a little upset.

Texas Tech's Graham Harrell misses out on Heisman nod [Dallas Morning News]
Graham Harrell's Absence in New York a Flaw of Heisman System, Not Voters [Bleacher Report]

Yes, this is a special commemorative T-shirt that honors "Florida Quarterback"'s winning of the Heisman Trophy this year. Not Tim Tebow, mind you, but "Florida Quarterback."

We congratulate "Florida Quarterback" on his "Heisman Trophy" and hope he can continue to earn the University of Florida millions of dollars while being unable to cash in on his own "Florida Quarterback" status.

Reebok Men's Heisman Trophy Tee [East Bay]

Tebow, who beat contenders Darren McFadden, Colt Brennan, and Chase Daniel for the award to become the first sophomore to win the trophy, said he plans on entering the clergy now that his career as an athlete is done.

"I'll follow the example of my boyhood hero Danny Wuerffel and help those less fortunate by preaching the word and working in the community. It would also really help if I didn't have to throw anything ever again, since I couldn't toss a sandwich wrapper into a wastebasket with any accuracy now. I would also appreciate not being jostled or bumped."

Yeah, it's mornings like this that make me happy that Jesus created Every Day Should Be Saturday. Be sure to check out the rest of the brilliance, especially all of the advice Tebow received from past winners.

The four invites to the reception — no longer at the Downtown Athletic Club in New York City; it's now at something called "the Nokia Theater" — are Tebow, Hawaii's Colt Brennan, Missouri's Chase Daniel and Arkansas' Darren McFadden. Tebow is likely to become the first underclassman to ever win the award.

The Heisman is a silly, overhyped trophy, but there's still something charming about it: You have to love an award that allows O.J. Simpson to vote for it.

2007 Final Brutally Honest Heisman Breakdown [Scout.com]

Troy Smith's Heisman Trophy was shipped home because airport security would not allow the Ohio State quarterback to take it on the plane Tuesday.

"We decided to have it shipped. That's much easier. How times have changed. Eddie carried it on the plane and put it in the seat next to him," sports information director Steve Snapp said.

For the record, we watched "Sleeper Cell" last night and would not put it past Al Qaeda to embark on some Heisman Trophy nefariousness. Though, to be fair, it would much easier just to pay Gino Terreta 20 bucks for his and go about it that way.

Security Says No To Smith Flying With Heisman [MSNBC]

StiffArmTrophy.com, in the business of predicting these things, is calling for a Troy Smith victory with 94% of the first-place votes. Smith might as well show up wearing a t-shirt that reads, "THE REST OF YOU SUCK." They've got the second place vote as being pretty tight, though, with Darren McFadden having a 5% edge over Brady Quinn, who, if you didn't know, is the quarterback at Notre Dame. After that, there's another big drop to Colt Brennan, Mike Hart, and Steve Slaton, none of whom are in New York.

The Heisman show also is serving tonight as a lead-in to "Ali Rap," which I think ESPN might mention once or twice during the broadcast. Hopefully, pictures of Troy Smith freaking some young lady at an after-party will be on Deadspin by Monday afternoon.

Stiff Arm Trophy 2006 [StiffArmTrophy.com]

The most remarkable thing about this is the Argos depth chart. Check this out:

3rd: Eric Crouch
2nd: Michael Bishop, former Kansas State Wildcat and New England Patriot
1st: Damon Allen, older brother of Marcus Allen.

When it's 2006, and you find yourself two spots on the depth chart behind the older brother of a man who was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame three years ago, it might be time to re-evaluate your career. Somewhere along the line, you've made some poor decisions. I really think the Argonauts just wanted to brag about signing another Heisman winner.

Argos Bring Home Another Heisman [SLAM! Sports]

Seriously, was this some kind of a secret? Wait, hang on one second. I'm getting a phone call from those same sources. They're telling me that AJ Hawk, Ohio State linebacker, needs a haircut. These guys are on top of things.

Everyone agrees that Bush would be the #1 overall pick, should he leave early. The Houston Texans appear to be throwing games so they can put him in a Texans jersey next year. If Reggie Bush didn't forego his final year of eligibility, it would be a major upset. Of course, his advisor was once affiliated with the Raiders, which makes it fair to question his decision-making ability, so who knows?

Sources: Bush to turn pro [LA Times]

And if Reggie Bush is anything like this guy, who he may or may not have some things in common with, then he might not even need to win the popular vote to walk out of there with the Heisman.

The good news is that Vince Young really wants to win, and really believes he should win. So when Reggie steps up to collect his award, there may be some kind of intense staredown like the one that took place between Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant before Wrestlemania IV. And then maybe they'll play the Rose Bowl inside a steel cage.

Comparing Bushes [Boi from Troy]

"Football is where your mind is, that's all I'm focused on," he said last week. "Obviously, I'm focused on working on my dance moves, but ..."

We hope people will save the outrage here; Leinart is a fifth-year senior who could have graduated last year. We just think it's nice that, unlike, Evander Holyfield, Leinart will be able to learn how to dance without having his brains bashed in for years beforehand.

The Last Waltz [LA Times]

(By the way, we love that picture. We imagine Leinart being like, "Uh, sir, I can give you a minute, if you'd like.)

Anyway, SIDs are notoriously bored during the summer months, but the lucky ones keep busy with pointless Heisman Trophy crap. The campaign for the most overrated piece of metal since Tom Cruise has already begun. Useless promotional trinkets include a 7 1/2 inch stock car model based around Memphis running back DeAngelo Williams. We'd like to note, by the way, that the college football season doesn't start for almost three months.

Race Is On For Heisman Spotlight [Orlando Sentinel]