Shawnee Mission Northwest High School actually posted the best score at the Girls State Gymnastics Championships (103.950) which should have given them a victory of less one half point over rivals Lawrence Free State and Newton (who were tied at 103.525). However, their head coach "inquired about her team's scores on the balance beam after the 5-minute window in which coaches are allowed to do so from the time scores reach the judge's table after a rotation." The coach says "she gave verbal intent to inquire within the 5-minute window," which makes even less sense than the rule that she allegedly broke. Shouldn't the window really be 3 minutes and 14 seconds? That's just common sense, people!

This whole thing probably makes sense to some gymnastics expert out there, but will sound pretty pointless and arbitrary to dummies like me who don't get why teams with the highest score don't always win. Losing—and winning—on a rule violation that has nothing to do with the actual competition cheapens the game and drives reasonable people bonkers. But it does give old people (me again) something to gripe about so keep them coming.

Railer gymnasts tie for title [Pic via The Newton Kansan]
SM Northwest gymnasts lose state title amid controversy [Varsity Sports]
Surprise! Firebirds share state gymnastics crown [Lawrence Journal World]
Previous: Thread Color On Running Shorts Is The Most Important Sporting Issue Of Our Age

I got several angry emails from readers incensed about the decision. In case you're wondering, the Maryland Public Secondary Schools Athletic Association does not care what you think. They refused to overturn the disqualification of a Hereford High harrier (Yeah, I ran a little x-country back in the day. Why do you ask?) who wore black shorts with white seams during a county meet, in clear violation of the National Federation of Track and Cross Country Rules. Hey, rules is rules! Honestly, I have no problem with that. The question is why is there a rule about stitching in the first place? No one seems to have a good answer for that.

The Hereford runner's outfit would have been OK a year ago, said Becky Oakes, assistant director of the National Federation of State High School Associations in Indianapolis. But the NFHS then voted to bar runners from wearing visible undergarments of more than one color ... Oakes defended the new ruling, saying that conformity among team members is paramount.

"Your cross country uniform is supposed to say that 'I'm from high school XYZ,' " she said. "Philosophically, that's what 'team' is all about. The [multicolored] Spandex undergarment began to get away from that."

Yes, I can see the confusion. Except that uni-colored Spandex garments don't seem get away from that, since they don't have to match the team's uniform colors and everyone on the team doesn't have to wear them to stay in sync. It's an idiotic rule and judging by your complaints, I'm not the only one who thinks so.

Do you know who the official was who made this call? Or who to contact at whatever officiating body put on this event? I think they need to hear the public's opinion directly.

Yes, his name is "Steve Smith." (Yeah, right.) Trust me, he's aware of the public's opinion.

Out here in sunny California we had a situation a few years back when a kid on a relay team wore a headband, (in the schools colors) and once the team won the opposing team's coach made a big deal out of it. It was resolved in favor of the kid w/ the headband. Other numbskull penalties I've heard: for girls wearing the wrong color hair ties to hold their hair back, and an elite highschool runner during the T&F Masters Meet wearing a necklace with a cross that the CIF had not sanctioned... all of these idiotic punitive calls were over turned.

What does this teach people? Nothing but how to be a nit picking bean counter! Where does it lead: to bitterness.
Maybe with enough complaints the Baltimore school will be given its trophy back.

Actually, the coach of Towson (the school that won the title as a result of the DQ) says his team is awful broken up about it. Not enough to give back the trophy, but still they feel awful.

I used to be a huge track/XC guy back in HS (I have the jacked up knee to prove it). I can assure you, stupid rules absolutely abound in HS regulations of individual sports. It really makes one wonder where the brains are of the people who run these things. Among the idiocy of Massachusetts rules regarding XC/Track:

- 6 state rule: Schools could only compete in meets in which 6 or less states are represented, unless they acquire a waiver (6 states in New England). Most top athletes ran national meets anyway, just not for their school.

- Dual meets: because in track and field, the best way to settle who the best athletes are is make them run 8 individual meets a spring to determine a "league champ". And then have a league championship meet anyway, even though the MIAA recognized the dual meet champ as the official league winner. Thanks to awesome scheduling, in a span of 2 weeks, I ran 4 1 mile races (all around 4:50), 2 two miles, 2 800 meter races, and my coach put me in a B heat of the 4x400 meters cause I guess I hadn't raced enough. I was never the same and I wasn't the only one. And I never went under 5:00 in the mile again.

- Shorts, yep heard that one before.

- My personal favorite as an athlete was the ridiculous difference of standard for sectional qualifying for girls and guys. Distance races for guys in track usually consisted of 10-15 qualifiers. Girls races? Normally around 25. Apparently this was completely fair to the higher powers.....

Essentially, HS sports regulations are a joke.

And there you have it. Next time you meet a high school cross country rules official I suggest you spit in their face. (Or at least send them a strongly worded letter.)

Officials defend cross country uniform rule and
Losing by a thread [and photo via Baltimore Sun]
Earlier: Improper Stitching Costs Cross Country Team A Title

The Hereford boys dominated the Baltimore County championship yesterday, but one of their runners (who finished fourth overall) was disqualified from the race because he was wearing compression shorts under his uniform. Oh, the shorts themselves aren't a problem. (That might even make sense.) It's that the shorts were black, but the stitching on the shorts was white.

That violates Rule 9, Section 6, Article 1b of the National Federation of High Schools rule book, which states: "Items displaying seams stitched on the outside of the garment in a visible contrasting color to the undergarment will be illegal beginning with the 2009-10 school year."

Un ... believable. I imagine that the person who actually had to type this edict into the Hammurabi's Code of teenage racing underwear must have thrown themselves off a bridge once they realized how futile and pointless their existence had become. By losing the points for the fourth place finisher, Hereford dropped to third in the team standings and the trophy when to a rival high school.

But you know who the real loser was yesterday? America.

Uniform violation costs Bulls title [Baltimore Sun]
[Image via]

Officials in Washington State are warning all high schoolers playing anything from football to diving, possibly including Mathlympians, to be on the lookout for this man, who they say is "developmentally delayed and has an apparent fixation on high school athletes." I'd say it's apparent:

Investigators said Sherwin Shayegan lured a Bonney Lake High School football player to a library on Monday, saying he wanted to interview the athlete for a college term paper interview.

The student later told police the man was acting strange and, when he tried to leave, the man jumped on his back and asked for a piggy back ride.

Cops say he has "committed similar offenses" throughout the state, though it's unclear if "similar" refers to his genius "term paper" ruse, or the jumping on the back of teenagers.

There's a fine line between insanity and brilliance. Give Shayegan a video camera and you get Frank Deford. Or at least Kige Ramsey.

UPDATE:

Shayegan gave the student a package containing odd amounts of money before the student fled the library.

He is accused of doing the same thing to student athletes in Ellensburg, Bellingham and Centralia.

Police said he gets permission to interview a student-athlete under the pretext of doing a student article. When he interviews them in library, police said he asks weird questions such as "Have you crapped your pants?" or "Looked at other boys in the shower?" When the student tries to leave, he offers cash and then yells it's "time for a piggy back ride!"

UPDATE #2: From a reader: "I played basketball at the University of Washington from 2003 to 2007 and this guy came around the gym all the time asking for piggy back rides. At first guys just thought it was funny but then he started jumping on guys and getting boners. He's a weird dude. He's been in the piggy back game for a long time..."

Police Warn Of Man 'Fixated' On High School Athletes [KOMO]

Police: Man Luring High School Athletes For 'Interview' [KIRO]

Halliday tossed the final pitch that clinched the state title, which resulted in the requisite joyful pile-up on the mound. No his bones were not crushed by the weight of his teammates — that occurred soon after he attempted a more personal celebration with his teammate, Kyle Beade. Chest bump success begets leg bone failure. Halliday, who had been ecstatic just a few seconds before it happened, quickly shifted to dude-like astonishment:

"I came out of the pile and was running around with teammates. I was back behind the mound, around second base and I did a chest bump with Kyle. I must have landed wrong when I came down. Right away, I heard a crack. I looked over and said, ‘Kyle, I broke my leg.' He said, ‘No way, dude,' and I just said, ‘Kyle, I broke my leg!' ''

Dude, he broke his leg. That's when things became a bit chaotic, almost ruining Auburn's triumphant victory.

"When they saw it, people started running away, trying not to puke,'' said the pitcher. "My coaches surrounded me and were holding my hand and stuff. My dad and little brother and uncle came onto the field because they thought I'd had a heart attack or something. They were kind of happy it was only a broken leg.''

Halliday was carted off the field on a stretcher and rushed to emergency room for surgery. However, as you can tell in the photo above, he did not let his mangled limb completely ruin the moment for him.

Fractured Fairy Tale [Boston Globe]

The University Interscholastic League, which is actually the high school sports authority (go Texas!), has canceled or postponed all events until May 11, including the Academic State Meet and the State Wind Ensemble Festival. Sonofa! The regional track meets scheduled for this weekend will also be folded into the state meet. I don't know how you feel, but if they are shutting down high school softball games because of this global pandemic then I think the swine have already won.

Even worse, our own president was recently spotted with the University of Connecticut women's basketball championship team playing a game of ... P-I-G! I KNEW IT! Obama is a secret swine operative sent to infiltrate our highest levels of government and give us all stomach cramps. I knew I should have voted for Kucinich.

Swine flu outbreak shuts down prep sports in Texas [USA Today]
UIL competition suspended because of swine flu [HS Game Time Blog]

A Knoxville, Tenn. softball coach has resigned after an incident in which members of her team, while on a spring break tournament trip in Myrtle Beach, allegedly forced freshmen teammates to strip in a hotel swimming pool and stay there for up to 15 minutes. Wait, wasn't this the plot to Adventureland? From WATE6 In Knoxville:

The parent also says Branum watched the incident and threatened the girls with running laps if they told others about the incident. In her resignation letter, Branum writes:

"It is with my deepest regret that I submit my resignation as the Head Coach of the Anderson County Softball team. During a recent spring break trip, an event occurred that I am extremely sorry that I allowed to happen and I take full responsibility. I would never do anything to put my team in harm's way or embarrass my team. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for any of my girls if they needed me. In the past two years, I've learned a lot about how hard it is to be a coach in today's environment and I am still learning. Please accept this letter of resignation with my sincerest apologies."

For responses from a couple of players who, apparently, were there, please visit the article's comments section. Those comments should also provide a chilling look into the state of education in Tennessee public schools.

Anderson Co. High Coach Resigns During Hazing Investigation [WATE6]

Jeffery Steffens coached freshman volleyball at Union Mines High School in from Oct. through Dec., 2008, and, according to CBS13 in Sacramento, "kept in touch" with several of the players after the season had ended. In this case, keeping in touch apparently included text messages with photos of his wang. And that brings us to our ... quote of the week!

Union Mine varsity volleyball coach Mike Yates says he knows Steffens. "He works hard, he cares about the kids," he said. "I don't think he messed up, I just think he got caught up in a screwy situation."

Somehow the photos came to the attention of school officials — as they always do — and Steffens was arrested. He's now out on bail. High school freshmen are typically, what, 14? Jefferey, that's not what your Verizon Network had in mind.

Update: Steffens attends Sacramento State, which I guess has no women.

Former High School Coach Allegedly Sent Inappropriate Material To Two Students [Sacramento Bee]
Ex-Coach Accused Of Trying To Seduce Students [CBS13]

Now, not sure on the accuracy of the page — or whether the "Dad" quoted on Graham's page is actually Clay Bennett — but if it is, well, it does offer some unsurprising insight into the man that ripped Seattle's heart out when he stole away their basketball team.

Via The Sporting Blog:

Now, the Crooked Oak cheerleaders being insulted by "Dad" in this are from Crooked Oak High School in Oklahoma City. Unfortunately, the cheerleader section of the school's website provides no pictures, so I can't verify whether the school actually does have a "pakistani," a "black midget with a pickle" and the other freaks of nature "Dad" was griping about. But if you go to their fan section, there is a shot of some of the "Ruf-Nex" cheerleaders during a football game:

Well, I don't see a pickle.

Clay Bennett Thinks Your Cheerleaders Look Absolutely Hilarious [The Sporting Blog]

The athletic director at the Wisconsin high school is cracking down on all "negative" cheering, including just about everything you've ever done at a basketball game. This is going over quite well with the student body as you might imagine.

The issue came to light last year when a visitor, noticing the fans' behavior, asked if school officials were familiar with the WIAA sportsmanship rules. Ever since then the athletic director has been enforcing the rules. "You can't turn your backs, you can't single out an opponent, you can't single out a team, you can't say anything negative," Olson said.

That includes using phrases like "sieve," "what's the score," "overrated," "airball," and even singing "nah-nah-nah-nah, nah-nah-nah-nah, hey-hey-hey, good bye."

True story: At the high school where I formerly coached basketball, Serra in San Mateo (Calif.), we had an annual showdown with St. Ignatius of San Francisco (home of Dan Fouts!). It was called the Jungle Game, due to the St. Ignatius coach one year commenting that "Playing at Serra is like playing in a jungle." Students ran with the theme, decorating the gym with palm fronds and stuffed jungle animals. The atmosphere was raucous; one had to arrive at the gym an hour early just to get a seat.

Then one year the St. Ignatius principal called the Serra principal and demanded that the jungle game be toned down. No more negative cheering, and, get this: He claimed that the decorations were "intimidating the St. Ignatius players." A compromised was reached, in which Serra agreed to remove "two-thirds of the palm fronds." I am not lying about this.

We live in an unsportsmanlike world, and high school is supposed to prepare young people for it. Spineless compromise sends the wrong message, unless you're planning to live in Disneyland, or Congress. (Rumor has it that when bin Laden heard of the palm frond compromise, he released a video which included nothing but him giggling).

Besides, what fun is a basketball game in which you can't wave a Peyton Manning big head?

Ashland Cracks Down On Unsportsmanlike Cheers [Duluth Tribune]

Under his proposed rule, "interscholastic athletics" would be banned at any school where "more than half of the students score below the 50th percentile on end-of-grade or end-of-course tests for at least two straight years."

This will never pass, of course, because ... you know ... "Friday Night Lights" and everything. Still, it does raise an interesting question. I've been around more than one school district where academics seemed to always take a back seat to the athletic department. But since you generally have to be a good student to participate in extra curricular activities in the first place, this rule would really just be punishing the best students. (And taking away their biggest incentive to even try.)

So should schools actually have to teach ... stuff ... before they can open up the gym? Remember, we're not talking about universities, because no one goes to college to learn.

Bill would send sports at low-performing schools into sudden death [WRAL]

Steinbrenner High is located in Lutz, Fla., which is in the Tampa/St. Petersburg region. Yes, it's named after that Steinbrenner, because, presumably, there's already a Marge Schott High in the area.

Grasso and King are visiting schools that will feed students to Steinbrenner and, among other things, asking students to vote on a school mascot and colors. Prospective mascots include the Stallions, the Chargers, the Yankees and the Clippers — all in keeping with the interests of New York Yankees owner and sportsman George M. Steinbrenner, for whom the school is named.

"I'm begging you: Please don't call it the Yankees," said Terry Bitter of Lutz, whose three children will one day go to the school. Bitter, a Rays and Tigers fan, said calling the teams the Yankees would be too polarizing, and besides, the school is not in the North.

For those of you who suggested "Sea Turtles," sorry.

I think that calling them the Steinbrenner Red Sox would heal rifts and add instant good karma to the universe, but I could be wrong. I also have a suggestion for school motto (should be written in Latin):

"What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for?! He had 30 home runs, over 100 RBIs last year! He's got a rocket for an arm... You don't know what the hell you're doing!"

Hillsborough's Steinbrenner High Has Much To Do Before Opening [St. Petersburg Times]
Steinbrenner: 'An Enormous Honor' [St. Petersburg Times]
George Steinbrenner High School: The Final Countdown [Bugs And Cranks]

Tatiana, 15, was born with short-limbed dwarfism, a condition that did not require me to check WebMD for an explanation. And yet, there she is, running the point for her high school team. I once got teabagged at the University of Kansas student rec center by a dunking Billy Thomas. We all have our crosses to bear, I guess. I'm just happy that the Syracuse Post-Standard got a hold of this story before Rick Reilly did. It's worth noting that Daulerio sent me this link with a message saying only, "there's your fuckin' DUAN." The man's got a nose for news.

****

Well, folks, it's been a pleasure. I've been awake and sober for nearly 10 hours now; that just won't do. Thank you to everyone who sent along tips and emails. I'm sorry if I didn't get to everything. Thanks also go out to AJ Daulerio for letting me housesit for the day. Let's all hope he got to his destination safe and sound.

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin.

[Syracuse.com] Central Tech basketball player plays big

The eight-member girls team — who gained national fame when a video entitled "The Sluts Of Jonesboro" hit YouTube last week — was scheduled to fly to New York appear on Tyra Banks' syndicated talk show. But the show's spokesperson told the Atlanta Journal Constitution today that the Jonesboro team's appearance has been canceled.

Dance routine video here.

We initially did reach out to them," said Jessica Fielder, a publicist for Banks. "But we're not having them on now." However, some of the students still thought they were going on the show.

"Nobody told me they canceled it," said Allison Bryant, whose daughter Exia is on the team. "The principal told us we were making a big mistake going on the show. But as far as I know, the girls were going on the show."

The team is not listed on the show's online schedule of guests. Other topics this week included "Child Brides" (Tuesday), "Mama's Boys" (Wednesday) and, from Jan. 15, "Bleaching For Beauty." No reason was given for the cancellation.

The team was disbanded by Clayton County school board officials following their performance at halftime of a high school basketball game, in which they wore skimpy shorts and danced somewhat sluttily on chairs.

Exia Bryant, 16, said does not regret the dance, but is tired of people at school calling her a slut, ho and stripper. "Eight girls went out and did something we love to do and had fun," the junior said. "I knew who I am before I did the dance and I know who I am now. I will keep dancing and keep my head up."

Your move, Oprah.

'Tyra' Won't Host Jonesboro Dance Team [Atlanta Journal Constitution]

New York City is planning to open a new vocational high school this fall called the "Business of Sports School" and it will be a collaboration between the Department of Education and ESPN. The goal is to give students hands-on experience with the business side of sports entertainment, with mandatory internships at companies like "ESPN The Magazine, ABC Sports and VitaminWater." (Huh?) Time permitting, they will also learn how to read.

I was not aware that the sports world was in dire need of qualified candidates to stack video tapes on shelves and bring Scott Van Pelt his coffee, but I guess that void will soon be filled. Hopefully, classes will also cover important topics like avoiding Joe Namath, history of modern Norby, and the dangers of microphone rot.

Let's not kid ourselves here—we all would have applied to this school if we'd had the chance. On the other hand... I bet their basketball team stinks.

UPDATE: ESPN says NY Post story is "overblown" [CNBC]

CITY'S 'GAME' PLAN: ESPN THE SCHOOL [NY Post]

Here's Hope Jacoby, 23, an athletic trainer at Tustin High School (Calif.) who was arrested recently on suspicion of engaging in sex acts with an underage boy. She has worked with athletes at the school for a year, according to the Los Angeles Times, and that may be an understatement. Oh, and she was busted in the way we have all become accustomed: Sending photos of herself to students via text message. Way to finish out 2008, Hope!

Hope Jacoby, 23, who has worked with athletes at the school for the last year, was arrested last week on suspicion of oral copulation of a minor and unlawful sex with a minor, said Orange County Sheriff's Department spokesman Jim Amormino. Sheriff's deputies were informed of the unlawful acts by someone who saw a text message photograph, Amormino said. The boy was between 14 and 17 years old.

I know you're asking "Is there a MySpace page?" Well of course there is. In case it's been taken down by the time you get there, here's an exceprt:

About me: Let's see. there's a lot to tell...maybe. My names Hope ~I love goin out. Im a huge fan of the hug. I hug all my friends, and think its an important way to say hi and bye. If I dont hug you, I probably dont like you. Either that or you make me totally nervous, so I wont do it. I believe in karma, however i also think that no matter how good of a person you are, bad things are gonna happen to you. I like hanging out with guys cuz they're a lot easier to talk to. They don't like drama, and neither do i. ~I may come off as full of myself, but i promise it's a front. I don't have the highest self-esteem, but i don't think i'm a bad person either. It's a weird position to be in. Wow this is long. stop reading.

Hat tip to Barstool Sports and their NSFW headline.

Tustin High School Athletic Trainer Arrested On Sex Charges [Los Angeles Times]
Hope's MySpace Page