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12 Shows To Binge-Watch With Your Fussy Family Over The Holidays

You’re about to be in for a whole lot of family togetherness. Some of that togetherness will probably be spent around a TV, which is great, but you’ll have a lot of different tastes to satisfy, which can be very bad. You want to avoid something too graphic (your mom’s in the room) or too sexual (your grandma’s in the…

'I've Known Donald for Years': 3 Hours Undercover at a Young Republicans Holiday Party 

The New York State Young Republicans—not to be confused with the New York Young Republicans, whose website is much nicer—is a scrappy group. Outnumbered in their home state, and somewhat less maniacal than their southern counterparts, its members seem to need a fancy Christmas gathering more than most; the occasion…

How To Tell Your Folks You're Not Coming Home For The Holidays 

No matter how old you get, there’s some news that’s hard to break to your parents. Nobody ever wants to trigger another “we’re not mad, we’re just disappointed” situation. The holidays especially hold a lot of emotional weight, so making plans can get complicated, especially when you’ve got ... other plans. And…

10 Ways to Handle Your Wild, Crazy Family This Holiday Season

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Unfortunately for many of us, all of those deep fried turkey faces and iced gravy drums come at a price: having to spend time around that mangy group of creatures you call a family. But don’t fear, you shivering, nude snowflake: we’ve got you covered. Just follow our…

How To Survive A Long Car Trip With Your Kids

It’s that time of year. Time to visit those weird, faraway relatives in weird, faraway places, where the Target and the Costco and the Whole Foods are all switched around. It’s time to roll down hundreds of miles of dear old Ike’s eight-lane American dream, leaving one suburban hellscape for another. It’s time for the…

You Don't Have Daddy Issues But Your Piece of Shit Father Might

Until recently, I’d never been on the website AskMen.com, I suppose largely because I never had the occasion to ask a man anything. The site’s tagline touts that it is a place where men can become better men, though on my first visit I’m already suspicious that any of my questions will be answered or that I will…

They're Gonna Crucify Me: A Heathen's Guide To Easter

Life gets more complicated and demanding as you become an adult. Children are not expected to know much of anything—or to understand the meaning and significance of stuff, or to buy their own beer—so long as they interact with the world sweetly and cutely, and from time to time throw in an unprompted I wuv you…