Forgive the analogy, but it occurred to us that a Peter Vecsey column is a lot like going hunting with Dick Cheney. If you're loud and obnoxious enough to scare the little critters out of hiding and keep loudly blasting away, you're bound to hit something eventually. And those innocent people who get in the way and… »
We have very few requirements when reading our favorite sports columnists. One is that the article should be in English. Another is that there be no popup ads for the latest Rob Schneider comedy film (we're adamant about that one). Lastly, we must be able to stay awake throughout the entire column. Not sharp and… »
It was Joe Biddle who once said: "Not everyone is going to like you. If you want that, go be a greeter at Wal-Mart." Well, we knew a greeter at Wal-Mart once, and he was a real bastard. His first words to us upon entering the store were: "Keep it moving, Jose." Our name is not Jose. Then, and we're not totally sure about… »
The way we hear it, it's only a matter of time before citizens of the greater Boston area seize up torches and pitchforks and march en masse on the Globe building, demanding the head and/or various other stubby, dwarfish body parts of Ron Borges. If there is a sportswriter more despised in his own local area we know… »
Yes, he once wrote that "if Tom Brady were a politician, he'd be JFK." OK, he once, on assignment at the 2001 Super Bowl, wrote an entire column off of radio quotes. OK, sure, he's at times jingoistic, hackneyed and wishy-washy. Yeah, yeah, it's true that Jets' quarterback Richard Todd once smacked him and heaved him… »
Out on the plains of Texas, the setting for John Ford westerns and Cindy Sheehan protest vigils, there once lived a writer who had a lot of promise. He was the kind of a man who would look you square in the eye and tell you want he thought, and be damned entertaining about it in the process. But somehow, somewhere, he… »
"Steve Kelley looked at his column.
He had only one sentence so far, so he hit the "enter" key and described it.
Then he did that for the second sentence, and he was three paragraphs in. Soon, his column-inch target would be met.
But not soon enough for Kelley."
Our thanks to DMZ at U.S.S.Mariner.com for this apt… »
We've never met Dan Le Batard, but this is how we picture him: green makeup, pointy hat, always carries a broom. He's looking into a crystal ball, wherein a typical Miami Herald reader is stuck, motioning helplessly, calling: "Dorothy? Where are you?" Le Batard cackles, and flying monkeys then fill the skies. And the… »
OK, it's just time to say it: Roger Brown makes stuff up. That's the word on the street anyway. When a veteran Northeast Ohio sportswriter such as Hal Lebovitz (and when we say "veteran," we mean "was the last person to interview Custer") levels the charge, we tend to give it weight. Said the late Lebovitz of Brown (to… »
We've been doing this feature for a while now, but this is the first time we've dressed in a tux to write it. Featuring Skip Bayless on Why Your Hometown Columnist Sucks is like having a play open on Broadway. Which play? Springtime For Hitler comes to mind — a subject so rancid, it can't help but bomb. And yet people… »
By all accounts, Bob Ryan was once a good writer. But then something happened. The molten lava, burning his features. The painful reconstruction. The cryptic words: "Rise, Lord Vader." Yes, Bob Ryan's journey to the dark side is now complete. With his ubiquitous presence on Around the Horn and Pardon the Interruption, he … »
It was the best of times.
It was the worst of times.
It was the age of wisdom.
Yes, you read that correctly.
How did Charles Dickens miss the boat on this whole one-sentence paragraph thing? Clearly today's breed of sportswriters are far better wordsmiths than the old quill pen-and-ink set, who crammed all … »
And now it's time for a new category: columnists who left sports to write for the living section but still manage to write about sports most of the time. Frankly, we're not sure why C.W. Nevius left the sports pages of the San Francisco Chronicle to begin with, but one day we looked there and he was gone. Busted down… »
We're not even going to get into his show on ESPN, which we've well-documented elsewhere. We are here to discuss the many sins of Stephen A. Smith the writer, the columnist. The man absolutely refuses to back up any of his written assertions with sources or facts. A guy who routinely sends in columns between TV… »
OK, we surrender. The white flag you see waving above the rubble means that we're coming out peacefully, kicking several weeks worth of Jim Souhan columns ahead of us. That's it, you've taken all the fight out of us. We have freaking had it with writing like Souhan's — the tortured prose; the sloppy research; the… »
OK, our problem with Bob Kravitz isn't that he's a terrible writer. (He isn't.) It's that too often he phones it in. No, check that — he often doesn't even bother to phone, instead stuffing his column into the backpack of a mental patient, who then wanders in the general direction of the Indianapolis Star. Yes, Bob can … »
There must be a school out there, some sort of Hogwarts-inspired academy where columnists go to learn the art of lousy column writing. It can't just be a coincidence that our worst sports columnists, people such as Woody Paige, Jay Mariotti and this week's featured guest, Bud Poliquin, are all seemingly cut from the… »
We have seen Bill Plaschke's desk. Well, to be more precise, we haven''t actually seen the surface of the desk — just the refuse piled on top. We doubt that anyone working at the Los Angeles Times since the early 1990s has seen what's underneath. To best describe it, think Dennis Nedry's work station in the film … »