Jesus Leonardo (who sounds like a Christian Ninja Turtle or perhaps a sequel to both "Dogma" and "Clerks") has spent the last ten years hanging around off-track betting parlors, and looking for winning slips accidentally thrown out. He's made $45,000 a year. Do you make $45,000 a year? I sure don't.

Leonardo use to place his own bets. In 1999, he thought he had a loser, so he tossed the slip. But after an inquiry of the race, the results changed and he realized he had given up a $900 winner. Searching the trash, he never found his ticket. He did find two others worth $2000. Ever since then he's been a "stooper."

He has since returned nearly every day, waiting patiently for the OTB garbage to be placed at the curb before claiming it and picking out hundreds of betting slips. He places them in a separate garbage bag, which he hauls onto the PATH train for the ride home.

"At first, my wife thought I was crazy, but then she realized I was finding a lot of money in winning tickets, sometimes $200 a day," he said. "After a while, she didn't think I was so crazy."

Rather than be insanely jealous, like me, his fellow betters couldn't be happier for him.

Everybody in here loves Jesus," [Freddy Peguero] said. "When Jesus wins, we all eat, and we all drink. Jesus is a very generous man."

Just like the real Jesus! Only he probably reeks of smoke and urine after tending to his flock.

Picking (Up) Winners Without Placing a Bet [NY Times]

Leave it to a nation of convicts to come up with entertainment as wrong as the "Little Peoples Cup." Thousands attended the race at a track in Victoria to watch three dwarf jockeys ride their mighty steeds down the homestretch. Predictably, some are upset.

Meredith Tripp, a former president of the Short Statured People of Australia association, said that events that made fun of short statured people made it harder for them to go through life without being subject to ridicule.

"We hope to it make easier for short-statured people to participate in society without being bullied or laughed at or stared at. But things like this set us back a little bit."

Victorian Premier John Brumby says the event was inappropriate. "What occurred may well be humorous to many people, but I think the test is whether it's hurtful to people and what occurred is quite hurtful to a number of people and so I think it's tacky."

But as per usual, those complaining about demeaning little people failed to ask said little people.

We were dressed as characters, which were jockeys, to be out there and have a bit of fun, entertain and do our job as an actor," said Jeremy Hallam, who calls himself the "People's Dwarf."

Who better to represent the will of the people than the People's Dwarf? Controversy over. Let the gradual enslavement of our kind by dwarfs commence.

'Little Peoples Cup' Sparks Controversy [7PM]
Little People Defend 'Little Cup' Race [UPI]

Not appearing on TimTeblog today? The results of the seventh race at Monmouth Park featuring an energetic young colt, named Go Tebow Go. He did not win. He didn't not place either. Notes say he started strong, but weakened in the end for a solid fifth place finish. The good news is that he's saving his stud for marriage.

[TimTeblog]

* * * * *

Hoo-boy, do you want to be here tomorrow. You're gonna get a double-shot of love from Super Special Saturday Weekend Guest Editors Alex "If You Bring Up Obama's Birth Certificate I Will Gut You Like A Fish" Pareene, from Gawker.com (maybe you've heard of it?) and ... wait for it ... waaaaaait ....... Moe Tkacik, from this. Set your alarms, because you miss it at your own peril.

Sunday: Petchesky. He's good too.

Thank you. Your continued support of Deadspin holds on. Holds. On.

The combined racetrack/slots parlors that are popping up everywhere are called racinos, and they're the product of a strange law that only allows gambling in places there's already gambling. Miami International Airport sees slots as a surefire revenue source, much like the ones in Las Vegas's McCarran.

Therefore, to get their hands on that potential $17 million a year, there needs to be some kind of horse racing nearby. So airport officials have submitted a proposal to the state, saying they hope to partner with a local track. But if that partnership falls through?

Included in the proposal is a backup plan that would hold 20-40 races a year in an employee parking lot.

The site is sufficient to accommodate a J-loop track that will allow for races of distances generally conducted at quarter horse race meets,'' the county's application with the state's Division of Pari-Mutuel Wagering states.

So desperate is the airport for the invasion of the one-armed bandits that they appear to have snuck the parkling lot plan into the proposal without getting the OK from local officials.

County Commissioner Carlos Gimenez supports the slots idea as a needed revenue boost to financially-strapped MIA. The county estimates adding slots could bring in $17 million a year.

But though Gimenez voted in favor of the quarter-horse permit application, he said no one ever told him about the possibility of actually holding races at the airport.

"I'm not OK with that,'' Gimenez said. "Number one, where are we going to put the employees and their cars?''

Considering the likelihood of a horse, spooked by the constant roar of landing planes, running amok through the faux-Irish bars and Starbucks carts of the concourse, I'm not sure parking spots should be his number one concern.

Slots, Horses Could Mix At Miami International Airport [Miami Herald]

Dr. Nick RivieraThomas Lurito has been barred from the raceway pending an investigation into the claim that he put down 4-year-old filly Rich and Mean by popping a cap in her head. (She had a bad knee that they couldn't fix.) Not that there's anything wrong with shooting horses in the head—it is effective!—but firearms are not allowed at the park. Otherwise, it would have been totally cool.

Though gunshot is considered an acceptable and humane method for euthanizing horses under standards developed by equine veterinarians, horses at racetracks and medical facilities are typically euthanized with an injection first of a sedative and then an injection of barbiturates - usually, sodium pentobarbital - to induce cardiac arrest.

Gee, that injection thingy seems awfully complicated. What does a bullet cost again?

Vet Ruled Off for Using Gun at Philly Park [Blood Horse]
Pennsylvania investigating shooting of horse [Thoroughbred Times]
Daily Racing Form (third item) [Press-Democrat]

Rise and shine, it's go-for-the-Triple-Crown-on-two-different-horses time! At least, it will be in a few hours.

The star of the race won't be Mine That Bird — despite his transforming into a diva over night, evidenced by this snapshot — but his jockey, Calvin Borel, who's riding for the first Triple Crown since 1979. And that's why you should root for the 5-foot-4, 116-pound Cajun. He's the story here, people, not the damn horse he's riding. Remember?

*****

Good Saturday morning. Keep the tips coming nice and steady today and we just might get through the first part of the weekend.

In his forthcoming My Remarkable Journey, ol' Larry writes of a day spent at Calder back in 1971, when he was a spry 156 years old. Down at the heels and with $42 to his name, Larry bet his last dollar on a 70-1 filly, Lady Forli, wheeling her at the top of a trifecta that, miraculously, came through.

There was no question about it. The 11 won by five lengths. The 1 was three lengths ahead of the 9. I had every winning ticket. I had it to win. I had the exacta. I had the trifecta. I collected nearly eight thousand dollars. Eight thousand dollars!

Alas, it seems Larry has embroidered his history just a touch. According to Equibase, a Lady Forli was foaled in 1972, a chestnut. She ran three times in 1975 and never finished in the money. Larry might've won $8,000 off a horse in 1971, but it certainly wasn't off Lady Forli.

Now, the man has obviously lived a long, fascinating life, full of adventure and Teri Garr interviews, so maybe we should all give him the benefit of the doubt here. Maybe he just misremembers. Or maybe he really is fucking insane.

Excerpt: Betting my last dollar on a horse [CNN]

From My Remarkable Journey:

Things got bleaker and bleaker. I became a recluse. By late May, I was down to forty-two dollars. My rent was paid only until the end of the month. I locked myself in my apartment wondering how bad things could possibly get. Pretty soon I wouldn't even be able to afford cigarettes. I remembered a night when I was a young man in New York, alone, cold, and without cigarettes or the money to buy them — I had smashed open a vending machine to get a pack.

A friend called up and told me to start living like a human being again. He invited me to the track. I had nothing better to do, and I figured it would be good therapy to get out and have lunch with a friend and watch the horses come down the stretch.

I'll never forget that day. I put on a Pierre Cardin jeans outfit that had no pockets and drove to Calder Race Course. I can still see the horses warming up before the third race. There was a horse called Lady Forli — a filly running against males.

Normally, female horses don't beat males. We're talking cheap horses. I scanned the board and saw that she was 70-1. But my eyes really opened when I looked at the racing form. Racetrack people talk to each other. So I turned to the guy next to me and said, "You know, this horse, three races back, won in more or less the same company. Why is she 70-1?"

...

My birthday is November 19. Lady Forli was number 11. So I bet 11 to win, 1 to place, and 9 to show.

...

They broke out of the gate. The 1 broke on top, the 9 ran second, and the 11 came out third. The 11 passed the 9, passed the 1, and they ran in a straight line all around the track. There was no question about it. The 11 won by five lengths. The 1 was three lengths ahead of the 9. I had every winning ticket. I had it to win. I had the exacta. I had the trifecta. I collected nearly eight thousand dollars. Eight thousand dollars!

...

I paid my child support for the next year. I paid my rent for a year. I bought twenty cartons of cigarettes and stacked them up in my apartment, and I filled the refrigerator.

He's basically Charles Bukowski, if Charles Bukowski looked like a gargoyle in suspenders.

Also, no joke: Larry King really does have a Twitter: "What ever happened to galoshes?"; "in baseball... why 4 balls and 3 strikes??"; "why do some baseball players leave the brims of their hats flat?" He's back!

Excerpt: Betting my last dollar on a horse [CNN]
what ever happened to galoshes? [Twitter]
I Am Fucking Insane [The Onion]

Seven Reasons This Is Maryland's Last Preakness [East Coast Bias]

Fans will no longer be allowed to haul massive coolers full of Busch Light and Natty Boh (mmmm, Natty Bohhh) into the famed track on race day. Beer will still be served—at the surprisingly reasonable rate of $3.50—but only in plastic cups. The consequences of this are even more tragic than just a blow to the local ice industry. No one will ever again taste the sweet joy of freedom that comes from running across a row of Port-a-Johns while being pelted by full, unopened cans of beer.

Baltimoreans are up in arms, naturally, threatening Facebook boycotts (oh no!) and alternate celebrations. Tickets sales are down 15% even though the track has hired ZZ Top to provide entertainment. (What?! Who wouldn't pay for that?) Binge drinkers everywhere would like to pour one out for this grand tradition, but it just doesn't work as well with red plastic cups.

"I'm definitely not going this year, and I don't know anyone who is," said James Reiter, 28, of Baltimore. "ZZ Top seems lame to me. Maybe they're trying to calm things down, but the older people who come to enjoy themselves go to the grandstands, not the infield ... It used to kind of belong to Baltimore, and it was our thing. Now it has a more corporate feel to it. That doesn't make sense."

Wait ... raging drunks falling off portable toilets and hitting people with 12-oz. projectiles was Baltimore's "thing"? I thought it was gritty, heart-sickening crime dramas? In any case, the one thing that does make sense is to look back fondly on the era of bruised foreheads, exposed breasts, and hazy, puke-filled memories ... and weep. Our humble photographic tribute is below.

Reining in the Revelry at the Preakness Stakes [NY Times]
Remembering the Terrorlawn [Steady Burn]
I'm Doing It For You, Big Brown! [Deadspin]
[Photos via Baltimore Sun; Baltimore Magazine; Flickr and others. More credits inside.]

The owners of three year-old filly Rachel Alexandra are indicating that their horse will race this Saturday at Pimlico with Derby winning jockey Calvin Borel in the saddle. This leaves Mine That Bird, Derby winning horse and an early favorite for next weekend, without his jockey.

According to Mine That Bird's trainer Chip Woolley Jr., Borel is still his jockey but will replace him if needed.

I know, I know. But it's a slow news day and I have to keep you guys entertained with something. Besides, this post gives me a good excuse to run this classic video again:

There was a suspicious-looking metal object hanging from what I imagined to be a low-slung underarm holster beneath Woolley's jacket during his post-race victory interview. I'm sure that's not what it was, but I'm not sure that wasn't what it was, if you know what I'm saying. Woolley does seem like the kind of guy who would be packing heat at a Kentucky horse race—but he also seems like the kind of guy who would wear his cellphone on his belt, so I'll stop with the unsupported innuendo now.

However, if he had been carrying a gun at Churchill Downs that would just make him horse racing's all-time renegade bad ass, which would officially vault Mine The Bird into mythical "let's make a sequel to Seabiscuit" territory. Woolley already stood out like a sore thumb in Louisville with his black cowboy hat and blue jeans. His 21-hour horse trailer convoy from New Mexico still has the media salivating and will keep his status as the sport's outlaw secure until Pimlico. He even teased us all for a few hours this morning with his "We don't need no stinkin' Preakness" attitude. This guy MAKES HIS OWN RULES, people!

Of course, he does need the Preakness and no one in their right mind would skip it with a healthy horse. And getting snotty with the post-race interviewer just because he wants to talk about your pickup truck doesn't help. (Your horse was a miracle 50-1 shot, so maybe show a little bit of joy. The announcer calling the race was so confused when Mine That Bird took the lead that he couldn't figure out his name.) Still, there is some potential in a brash Wild West character who thumbs his nose at that those stinking bluebloods, but the window of opportunity is small. If he doesn't show the world something in two weeks, everyone will stop caring real quick. He should bring a gun next time, or better yet ... an authentic Native American with a bow and arrow. That will really show those snobs that he's got some serious balls.

Unlike his poor horse.

Woolley Soaking Up First Derby Experience [BloodHorse]
On to Preakness for Derby winner Mine That Bird [AP]
Mine That Bird won't have much shot at Pimlico [NY Daily News]
Meet America's perfect sports event [Detroit Free Press]

Looks like a whole hell of a lot of fun if you ask me, which you didn't. Of course, a trip to the Kentucky Derby infield wouldn't be complete without porta-potty racing. We've discussed the phenomenon before, but check out yesterday's action, complete with racing girls and flying chairs.

Also be sure to check out Spencer Hall's superb Derby wrap-up over at The Sporting Blog; it's Orson's world, we're just lucky to live in it.

Photo Credits:
Spencer Hall/The Sporting Blog
Cameron Smith/SPORTSbyBROOKS
AP/Charlie Riedel
Busted Coverage
Yes But No But Yes
Jack Fleming

Borel, who was also victorious yesterday in the Kentucky Oaks, was understandably excited after coming off the rail to torch the field by over 6 lengths. From a layman's perspective it certainly looked like a masterful job by Borel, who weaved through traffic seemingly at will en route to the lead. Pioneerof The Nile placed while Musket Man finished third. Last place belonged to Flying Private, who will now be forced to box Floyd Mayweather Jr.

Reuters image via Yahoo!