The Secret To Perfect Weed Butter

To begin, the briefest of rants. A few years ago, I got one of these Crock-Pot Little Dipper dealies as a gift. The idea, the gift-giver told me, was that I could use it to keep queso or artichoke dip warm when I had friends over. This was going to be so great! No longer would once-hot queso congeal sadly on my coffee… » 4/20/15 5:51pm Today 5:51pm

How To Make Hollandaise Sauce, And Defy The Brunch-Industrial Complex

Hollandaise sauce is the lifeblood of the brunch-industrial complex. You want brunch—which is to say, you want eggs Benedict, the totemic brunchstuff, and maybe like some strawberries or quiche or whatever else goes with brunch? I dunno, I just really want some eggs Benedict, and it’s 11:30 already—but don’t know how… » 4/18/15 10:59am Saturday 10:59am

How To Survive A Music Festival

Music festivals are fun but, be warned: They can also be pretty taxing. After x days of spending x hours listening to x bands while making questionable life decisions, you might be riddled with looming regret. Why did I just do [unconscionable thing] in [a large, public place] while surrounded by [every variety of… » 4/17/15 3:14pm Friday 3:14pm

Make Your Own Brunch, Please

Brunch could very well be the American millennial’s favorite bougie pastime. You may have tried to avoid it for as long as possible (like me), or you may have fully embraced it after your first sip of that amazing mimosa. But face it: There’s not a weekend that goes by where you don’t want to go out and order some… » 4/16/15 4:29pm Thursday 4:29pm

How To Ride The Subway

Boston's MBTA complex fell apart this winter, when 110.6 inches of snow illuminated how my city's subway system (the oldest in America) is also one of the most decrepit in the country, with entire lines shutting down for days at a time due to mechanical failures. New Yorkers endlessly whine about the subway and the… » 4/15/15 5:26pm Wednesday 5:26pm

Therapy Is For Everyone, Even You

Contrary to popular belief, everybody could use a little therapy. Even after a decade of watching Don of All Dons Tony Soprano put in his weekly couch time, we downplay the importance of mental health and regard talking about your feelings as a sign of weakness. (It's not.) That said, therapy shouldn't be… » 4/14/15 1:32pm 4/14/15 1:32pm

How To Book A Music Festival

Over the past few weeks, your hip friends have been excitedly clogging up your social-media feed with chatter about the bands that will be playing over three days in some remote location you've never even heard of. Meanwhile, the first weekend of Coachella 2015 has ended, and the second weekend is still to come. So… » 4/13/15 4:06pm 4/13/15 4:06pm

A Clueless Dude's Guide To Women's Makeup

Will knowing anything about the cosmetics women wear directly improve a man's life? Probably not, and they'll likely thank you to stay out of their stuff. But knowledge is power, and there's something to learn from this strange ritual, or at least it's worth knowing why your lady looks one way when you take her to… » 4/09/15 12:16pm 4/09/15 12:16pm

How To Make An Adequate Rye Old Fashioned

I go on runs with cocktails. I'm like a child who gets a new toy, obsesses over the toy for a full week, and then wants nothing to do with it. I went through a whole summer of drinking greyhounds and throwing up those greyhounds into the bushes. I drank a lot of rum & Diet Cokes when I was trying to drop weight,… » 4/08/15 11:17am 4/08/15 11:17am

How To Get A Chill Cat

So you’ve decided to get a pet. Maybe you’re hankering for some furry companionship to perk up the lonesome evenings. Perhaps you’re attempting to plug an emotional gap in your life by saving some of god’s non-edible creatures. Or maybe you just want to strike back at those people clogging up your Instagram feed with… » 4/02/15 5:17pm 4/02/15 5:17pm

How To Make Friends With Other Parents Without Embarrassing Yourself

Hi, new parent. Welcome. So you have a kid now, and you may think sleepless nights and wide-arcing pee hitting you in the eye from an unencumbered baby penis are the worst things you'll face. But you are wrong. There is something else coming that could scare you into living in total obscurity in a yurt on a… » 3/31/15 11:18am 3/31/15 11:18am

How To Smoke Salmon: Mystical Alchemy From The Majestic West

Pity the poor East Coast rat racer. Look at him, pouring out of the subway with his sooty, bedraggled kin, lurching through ill-lit corridors, past dripping pipes and glaring widows just missing him with the splash of their chamberpots. There he is, spending $12 on a substandard turkey sub. Here he goes, hat brim… » 3/27/15 2:16pm 3/27/15 2:16pm

How to Talk To Your New Girlfriend About Your Ex

First and foremost, congratulations on the decision to put your fuck parts together with another person's fuck parts in a more meaningful way than you were putting fuck parts together with others during the abysmal slog through Tinder you've been on since your break-up. Things are probably great: you two have stopped… » 3/25/15 12:40pm 3/25/15 12:40pm