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An Adult’s Guide To Learning To Ride A Bicycle

The Anna Karenina principle of biking is this: Everyone who learned how to ride a bicycle did so in roughly the same boring way; anyone who made it to adulthood without learning required a unique series of roadblocks, failures, negligence, and procrastination. If you fall into the latter group, congratulations! Your… » 7/15/15 2:20pm 7/15/15 2:20pm

Is Refusing A Breathalyzer Test Ever Smart?

Welcome to Ask a Lawyer, where I, a lawyer, respond to your questions. Got a vexing legal issue? Send it over, or drop it in the comments below. Keep in mind that this is general information, and not formal legal advice or legal representation; if you need any of that, you should get it from a lawyer in real life, not… » 7/10/15 2:19pm 7/10/15 2:19pm

How Do I Furnish My Adult Apartment?  

Welcome to Bro Rescue, a safe space where dudes can ask the questions they can’t (or maybe just won’t!) pose to their fellow dudes about relationships, fashion, family dramas, dating, existential crises, weird sex stuff, and so on. In our continued effort to help you attain adequacy, the Women of Deadspin (and some of… » 7/09/15 1:24pm 7/09/15 1:24pm

How To Move Across the Country, One Step At A Time

Last winter, after waffling between leaving or staying in Brooklyn for close to four years, I finally bit the bullet. I decamped to Seattle. I used to think I couldn’t live without an egg & cheese from the bodega, McGolrick Park, or Pete’s Candy Store (where there’s no candy, but plenty of liquor). Now I do a lot of… » 7/09/15 12:07pm 7/09/15 12:07pm

Oh God, What Is Croup, Does My Kid Have It, Oh God Oh God Oh God

Parenting a small child means, of course, doubling the number of people whose well being is your responsibility. This can be difficult, for a Wearer Of A Garbage Bag Because You Forgot To Buy Laundry Soap For The 27th Consecutive Week—for someone who has arrived, mostly by accident, deep in the swamp of real-deal… » 7/06/15 11:57am 7/06/15 11:57am

How To Cook A Brisket, Which Is Totally Worth The Effort, I Swear

Just once in your life, cook a brisket, over smoky charcoal heat, on the grill. Do it for the solemn pride of having done so, and for the rime of authority it will lend to your future haughty pronouncements on the quality of others’ briskets. Do it because brisket—a massive cut of tough working muscle from the chest… » 7/03/15 2:39pm 7/03/15 2:39pm

Let's Make Some Kick-Ass Sangria!

Sangria is like summer itself: always good, but rarely as great as it could be. Due to their respective built-in advantages of cold, fruity alcohol and relative proximity to the sun, sangria and summer are tough to fuck up. But these same inherent strengths can lull us into a laziness that prevents us from maximizing… » 6/26/15 2:44pm 6/26/15 2:44pm

How To Sext Without Being A Creep

Welcome to Bro Rescue, a safe space where dudes can ask the questions they can’t (or maybe just won’t!) pose to their fellow dudes about relationships, fashion, family dramas, dating, existential crises, weird sex stuff, and so on. In our continued effort to help you attain adequacy, the Women of Deadspin (and some of… » 6/18/15 3:14pm 6/18/15 3:14pm

How to Become a Cunnilingus Master

Cunnilingus has an undeserved reputation of being one of the trickiest sexual acts to perform well. I think this characterization is grounded in cultural judgments of women’s genitals as being “complicated” and “mysterious”. Let’s lay this unfair reputation to rest with some straightforward advice on performing some… » 6/11/15 11:16am 6/11/15 11:16am

Why Not Brew Your Own Beer? 

The art of crafting homemade hooch isn’t just for the heroes of country music songs anymore. Ever since 1979—when President Jimmy Carter signed a bill allowing homemade booze for the first time since prohibition (!)—homebrewing has become an American pastime for self-declared connoisseurs of beer. (Though it wasn’t… » 6/08/15 4:22pm 6/08/15 4:22pm

How To Make An Even Better Negroni

The Negroni is a deceptively simple drink, which is one reason so many cocktail blowhards use it to gauge a bartender’s competence. They’re looking to see if the new guy remembers to use the right color of vermouth, and then if he manages to combine it in equal measure with both gin and Campari. The other major reason… » 6/05/15 2:36pm 6/05/15 2:36pm

Threesomes Are Fun (If You Do Them Right)

In the pantheon of sexual fantasies blissful to imagine but volatile to undertake, threesomes are near the top of the list. It might seem like a ménage à trois should be an easy sell: more hands! More mouths! More genitals! More fun! Yet such logic evades the emotional brains driving our hot-sex-machine bodies. As… » 6/04/15 1:21pm 6/04/15 1:21pm

Stay-At-Home Dads Of The World, Unite!

We are a vast, disconnected, sleep-deprived sleeper cell. We are everywhere you look, hiding in plain sight, picking out the just-ripe mangoes at the grocery store or pushing our swinging kids at the playground. We kiss boo-boos, braid hair, and fix the kitchen faucet. Call us Mr. Moms, stay-at-home dads, or house… » 6/03/15 10:02am 6/03/15 10:02am