*****

Nation: Cinderella is nowhere to be found in Portland. Whatever the outcome of tonight's game, it will not be an "upset." Illinois is the higher seed, but because Fighting Illini point guard Chester Frazier is out with a hand injury, everybody who is anybody (the President and Ms. Andrews excluded) has picked Western Kentucky to advance.

The yocontrarian in me is skeptical. For starters, the Hilltoppers are without last year's starters. Gone from Western Kentucky are Ty Rogers, Tyrone Brazelton, and Courtney Lee. What's more, the Fighting Illini have more... of everything that matters in March. Height. Experience. Terrific perimeter defense. Quality wins. (Western Kentucky beat Louisville in November, but hasn't been an RPI Top 99 opponent since). An alumnus who founded this here blog. Even a coach, Bruce Weber, who used to drink warm beer to survive.

What does Western Kentucky bring to the table? Plenty, as the YouTube monkeys among you well know. There's this forgettable highlight reel of Orlando Mendez-Valdez's unforgettable triple-double. There's also this signature moment, Steffphon Pettigrew's signing with the Hilltoppers. And this less than awe-inspiring camerawork filming Sergio Kerusch's awe-inspiring handiwork.

But enough with the past. Let's go back to the future. Another Western Kentucky "upset?" So says my bracket (despite my above misgivings). Stay tuned.

18:09: Illinois misses, Western Kentucky mascot claps.

17:06: Why can't Western Kentucky keep control of the basketball? The Hilltoppers aren't especially prone to turnovers.

15:16: Demetri McCamey has missed his first three field goal attempts. As goes McCamey, so go the Illini?

12:33: Number of times the camera has zeroed in on Illinois coach Bruce Weber? Two. Number of times the camera has zeroed in on Western Kentucky coach has zeroed in on Western Kentucky coach Ken McDonald? Zero. Welcome to the league, rookie.

9:35: Monkey see, monkey do? Western Kentucky's game plan is to run and quicken the pace. But why is Illinois obliging the Hilltoppers? The Fighting Illini typically prefer to take their time.

8:28: Per statistician Bill James' calculator, Western Kentucky's 12-point lead is only four percent safe.

7:19: Mike Davis hasn't attempted a field goal in six minutes. Just sayin'.

6:36: Patience, dear Illini, patience.

5:56: Crazy Western Kentucky shot off the glass. The hustling Hilltoppers are getting all the bounces.

4:57: Illinois passes to Mike Davis. Illinois scores two points. Rocket science!

4:55: Western Kentucky calls a timeout. Why? Beats me. The Hilltoppers had all the momentum going into the TO. Coming out of the TO? It's anybody's guess.

3:43: The refs are letting 'em play (to Western Kentucky's benefit). In the game's first 16 plus minutes, Illinois and Western Kentucky have taken only four free throws - combined.

3:07: Western Kentucky's bigs are surprisingly quick.

2:29: Readers: Ask and ye shall receive. Illinois' quality wins: Missouri, Purdue (twice), Ohio State (twice), and Michigan (twice).

0:09: Chester Frazier's absence is killing the Illini, whose perimeter defense is as porous as can be. The Hilltoppers' guards are getting are getting into the lane at will.

HALFTIME: First look at the box score:

(a) Perhaps Illinois should stop jacking up threes? The Fighting Illini would be better served exploiting their size advantage down low.

(b) Western Kentucky's bench isn't known for its offensive contributions. If the Hilltoppers' bench continues to shine, they'll be tough to beat in the second half.

(c) All five WKU starters have scored at least four points.

(d) Illinois has led 23 of 31 games at the half. (Why can't I quickly find the Illini's record when trailing at the half? The tubes are failing me).

(e) No significant foul trouble for the Hilltoppers.

20:00: If the Illini play better team defense this half, they have a shot. (They were a little slow to help during the first 20 minutes). If not, they're toast.

18:57: Another Western Kentucky layup. Perhaps the Fighting Illini should try playing zone defense?

18:17: WKU penetrates again...

17:30: Finally, a pretty pass by Illinois.

16:55: Followed by a quick jumper (and brick). One step forward, two steps back for Weber's club.

15:00: In the first half, Illinois played hard — but Western Kentucky played harder (and smarter). In the second half, the Fighting Illini appear to have accepted their bracket busting fate.

14:43: Dear Mike Davis: Please stop pointing to where your teammates should go. Please start going to the paint yourself and calling for the ball. Sincerely, Illini Nation.

14:43: Per Bill James, Western Kentucky's lead is only 10 percent safe. Really? Not really. Unless Chester Frazier pulls a Willis Reed, this game is over. Let the Big Ten bashing begin!

14:09: More bad news for Illinios: Calvin Brock picks up his fourth foul. The Fighting Illini weren't deep to begin with (particularly without Frazier).

12:10: Illinois jacks up another jumper. Ugh.

11:32: Smart move by Western Kentucky to slow it down.

11:21: WOW. What a dunk by Sergio Kerusch.

10:51: And another by Jeremy Evans. Ouch.

10:16: Another Illinois three. Comeback? Western Kentucky (again) wisely slows it down in the halfcourt.

9:22: Dagger from "OMV."

8:25: Slaughter nails a runner. Everything is going right for WKU.

8:10: Obligatory pre-commercial shot of an unhappy Bruce Weber. He looks like he has resigned himself to an extra-long summer.

8:10: Five Hilltoppers in double figures.

7:20:: Obligatory shot of an unhappy Chester Frazier. Makes me thad.

6:05:: Western Kentucky continues to crash the glass.

4:28: Western Kentucky 68, Illinois 51. Morale of the story: Bruce Weber needs to recruit better players.

3:05: All is not lost, Illini Nation. Remember the Fighting Illini's Elite Eight comeback against Arizona several years back?

2:05: As if on cue, Illinois nails a three, then Calvin Brock draws a foul and nails both free throws.

1:24: Seven point game...

1:18: Terrible call. WKU pass was tipped by Illinois' Mike Davis. Hope the officials change their mind on further review.

1:07: Not sure why A.J. Slaughter opted not to dribble after receiving the inbounds pass. (Did he think Illinois was going to foul?) He all but assured he would get trapped and have to waste a timeout.

0:33: Wow. WKU goaltends. Illinois has cut the lead to three.

0:23: Good no call. Let 'em play the game... Illinois again cuts lead to three. Hilltoppers have struggled to inbound late in the second half.

0:16: Slaughter misses the first free throw. Wow.

GAME OVER. It's a wrap. Western Kentucky wins. Thanks for watching, thanks for reading, and enjoy tomorrow's games.

2) We're missing our most important player. Chester Frazier's numbers on the year: 5.7 PPG, 4.8 RPG, 5.3 APG. Not inherently impressive, unless you have a big "half a triple-double" fetish. But he's the senior leader who, through will and ability to be thrown against walls at high speeds without fracturing anything, carried a team of somewhat limited talent (essentially the same team Illinois had last year, minus their two top scorers) to the best season since the Dee Brown/Deron Williams/Luther Head monster. Even though he can't shoot. Now he really can't shoot: Weber and company are keeping details on Frazier's hand injury secretive, but no matter what they spin, Frazier's not playing in this tournament. It's a cryin' shame: Frazier is exactly the type of player college basketball needs more of, and it seems cruel to deny him the tournament he spent so much energy dragging his callow, sometimes sluggish team toward. This is not the team that won 24 games, not with Chester out.

3) Please, no more Jordan references. Yes, yes, MJ's son, Jeff Jordan, does play for the Illini. He's a quick, slashing, lefthanded sophomore point guard who came to the team as a walk-on because, well, because he can't shoot. (At all.) He plays oppressive defense, though, and is, not surprisingly, a fan favorite. (He also can jump higher than anyone else on the team. Shockingly.) He's probably in line to be the team's Chester Frazier in two years. Because his name is Jordan, there's a quiet chuckle from the announcers every time he comes in. When this happens — and you'll hear the chuckle every time — count the number of seconds until Michael's name comes up. I've yet to see a national broadcaster make it longer than a minute and a half. — Will "Emeritus" Leitch

WESTERN KENTUCKY HILLTOPPERS

1) Remember last year If it were not for some guy named "Stephen Curry," last year's squad, would be the most talked about Cinderella team in 2008, with a One Shining Moment to boot. If you need refreshing, that team went on to the Sweet 16 and gave UCLA all it could handle. Well, Ty Rogers (who nailed that One Shining Moment versus Drake), Tyrone Brazelton (who scored 33 in that game and issued the assist to Rogers), Courtney Lee (the 2008 Sun Belt Player of the Year and 1st round pick currently swishing baskets alongside Superman) and then-Coach Darrin Horn (who got South
Cack-a-lacky to the NIT this year) moved on, but things remained the same. 24-8, 14-0 at home and they beat the Big East Champs and overall top-seed Louisville.

2) Same formula, New parts New coach Ken McDonald (a former assistant to Dennis Felton and Rick Barnes) became the fourth coach in Hilltopper history to win 20 games in his first season and the second coach to win the Sun Belt tournament on his first attempt. Two key reserves from last year's team stepped up and took over: Orlando Mendez-Valdez, a senior who was named as the 2009 Sun Belt Player of the Year, and AJ Slaughter, a junior who was named to the All-Sun Belt Conference 2nd team and was the 2009 Sun Belt Tournament MVP. Backcourt play always seem to be a key come Tourney time, and OMV and AJ fit the bill. Experience also is a key, something the likes of Steffphon Pettigrew, Jeremy Evans and DJ Magley can provide. New additions Anthony Sally and Sergio Kerusch also help.

3) A Nation watches and dances Western Kentucky is located in Bowling Green, which will have 50,000 people cheering them on. But, that is not counting 80 million people halfway around the world who will be rooting for a bench-warming big man. The only player from the Philippines that is currently on a NCAA Division I Men's Basketball roster plays for Western Kentucky. Japeth Aguilar, a senior who transferred from Ateneo de Manila University, is looked upon to be the future of Philippine basketball. Filipinos are devoted basketball fans who even have a specific cable channel purely devoted to the sport. To see how good he really is and how important he is to us, I pooled together these highlights. And if you are still unconvinced as to how big basketball is here in the country, maybe this will help shed light. — JP Manahan, proud Filipino

Join the Deadspin Pants Party Group Pool [ESPN]
Download the Deadspin Bracket [PDF or JPG]

Not only was yesterday's tussle in Champaign the second-lowest scoring Div. I college game in four years, but it took a late offensive barrage by the Nittanys to get the score that high; it was 31-24 Illinois with six minutes remaining. Let's go to the stats, assisted by Rush the Court:

• Only one player scored in double figures (Penn State's Taylor Battle with 11).

• The teams combined to shoot 28-of-96 (.292) from the field, and 6-of-33 (.180) from the 3-point line.

• The combined total of 71 points is the second-lowest output in Div. I in four years (since Monmouth defeated Princeton, 41-21, in 2005. Last year, George Washington beat Saint Louis 49-20, the 20 points being the lowest total for a Div. I team in the shot clock era).

• Is this box score correct? Illinois didn't attempt a single free throw? How is that even possible?

• The line for Penn State guard Stanley Pringle: 1-9 from the field, 0-2 from three, 0-0 free throws, 2 rebounds, 2 points.

I love good defense, but this simply smells like fail.

Did The Big Ten Ban The Shot Clock Tonight? [Rush The Court]

The Irwin Center, you see, is for athletes only; the $6 million facility is not to be wasted on nerds. And Illinois is not the only campus that has them. There are also such facilities at Michigan, Louisiana State and Texas A&M, the latter which cost $27 million.

Some are not amused.

"These athletic tutoring palaces perpetuate resentment and stereotyping on campus," said Allen Sack, a University of New Haven professor who played football for the University of Notre Dame and has become a critic of what he sees as the corrosive effect of sports on university life.

"A student who is not an athlete will say: 'I'm working nights to get through school, why don't I get free tutoring?' " Sack said. "That the athletes do perpetuates the image of a dumb jock who couldn't get through school without special help."

The universities say that these centers only cost a fraction of the revenue their athletic teams generate. And they help preapre athletes for life after sports.

Debby Roberts, a learning specialist at the Irwin Center, said she counsels Illini athletes to use their college years to develop their non-athletic potential. "It's a daily battle," Roberts said. "They all want to think they're going to turn pro."

Yes, a major university has "learning specialists." Look, your book has words and pictures inside! Did you know that? No, you don't eat them ...

$6 Million Center Tutors Jocks Only [Chicago Tribune]
The University Of Illinois Center For Athletes Who Can’t Read Good And Want To Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too [Deuce Of Davenport]

ANYWAY. I do check out the Illinois page on BigTenNetwork.com, which occasionally gives me updates on the team and the show. Which is why I was able to catch this:

Fast-forward to the 9:20 mark, and you will see ... Ron Zook water skiing. Go watch it. See his imposing body armor. Watch his air wave slowly through the breeze. Stand in awe of the guns, man.

He is Zook. ZOOOOOOOOOK. The man truly does piss intensity.

Like, look at these guys. (The site is called The Bleacher Report, and if you run a blog, you know them because they send you about 35 links a day.) They've actually gone ahead and predicted bowl matchups? And why not, you know? It's just freaking guessing. Who cares?

Anyway, as an Illini fan, the most satisfying part of last year's surprise season is that now, everyone assumes at the beginning of the season that we're going to make a bowl. That's all I've asked of Ron Zook; get us to a damn bowl. If we can, we'd love to avoid the Motor City Bowl every December, but mostly, get those 6-7 wins and send us to a bowl. If you make a bowl, you are in the top half of college football teams, and because there's still no playoff system, making a bowl is the only real concrete way to judge whether your team was relevant. If we had a playoff, going 7-5 and barely stumbling into the Insight.com Bowl wouldn't mean anything. But now? Come on down, Indiana!

Sure, Illinois was hammered in the Rose Bowl — and seriously, brutally hammered — but whatever! It's sunny in Pasadena! Right now The Bleacher Report has the Illini in the Capital One Bowl against ... well, against Florida. Yeah. Listen, people: Zook is ours. I know Florida was rough on him. That was years ago. It's over. ZOOK IS OURS NOW. Got it?

Good.

Anyway, the Capital One Bowl would be fine; it's a New Years Day bowl, it's sunny outside and occasionally vikings and other pillagers will show up to enforce your credit company's hidden fees. Looking at the Illini schedule this year, I think No. 18's a bit high; it's easy to imagine five losses (Missouri, Penn State, Michigan — who Illinois CANNOT beat — Ohio State and Wisconsin), and that won't get you the Capital One Bowl. That'll get you ... well, the Motor City Bowl probably. That's OK. It can be sunny in a dome.

Two main questions for Illinois:

1. Can Daniel Dufrene take over for Rashard Mendenhall? No he cannot. He is too small.

2. Can Juice Williams throw this year? I am less than convinced. Everyone got a bit too excited by the Ohio State game; the man still has a long way to go.

So, yeah: 7-5 sounds about right. And Rose Bowl or not, I will take it. 7-5 and a bowl game every season is just fine; it's another excuse to hide from everyone for three hours over the holidays. Plus, 7-5 every means that Zook won't bolt for a better job; that level of sustained mediocrity will save us from the Bill Self fate. And I can't go through that again.

This is a great opportunity to own a frosted corn flake shaped like the great state of Illinois! The corn flake is larger than your average flake, measuring about 2 inches in length and 1 3/8 inches in width, and is just lightly frosted. Its large size adds impact to its unusual shape. This is a must have item for any Illinois lover, collector of food lookalikes, or anyone who desires a unique conversation item!

Hey, I'm pretty sure that Will is all three of those!

If this flake can somehow be purchased and put into the possession of the Fighting Illini, that NIT Tournament trophy is as good as theirs.

Corn Flake Shaped Like Illinois On eBay [ABC-7]
The Great Illinois Corn Flake [eBay]

Don't get us wrong: We're losing our shit over here. This has been grand, unfathomed fun. But let's be clear: Illinois is not putting on a clinic in the art of basketball, and neither are their opponents. The Penn State game Thursday was hideous to watch, and yesterday, Billy Packer did little to hide his disgust at having to broadcast such an unimportant, unskilled game. (Bob Knight has already earned some Champaign ire — as if he needed more — by refusing to make a prediction on the Illinois-Minnesota game, saying on ESPN, "Who cares?") The Purdue win on Friday was a classic, and probably the best game Illinois has played all year ... and it tells you all you'd want to know about the 2007-08 Illini that the best game they've played all year was in which they committed 21 turnovers.

So no: We don't see much possibility of Illinois beating Wisconsin today. If they somehow pull this off, we're thinking a No. 13 seed ... but seriously, who are we trying to kid? This isn't going to happen; this team is not skilled, and suffers too many mental lapses, to beat a top 10 team like Wisconsin. They're here because the luck that went against them most of the season finally started going their way. And they're not likely to last long. We've enjoyed this little run, and we're pleased to see they had a little fight in them after all. But the NCAA tournament? This Illini team? Please. It's ridiculous to even contemplate. No way.

So relax, Badgers, and all you bubble team fearful the Illini are going to take your spot. Not a chance of it happening. We might not even watch; the chances are too remote.

Illini Are At Least Making Things Interesting [Mark Tupper]

(EDITOR'S NOTE: This in no way was written as a reverse jinx. At all.

I - L - L!!!!)

Yes, we'll be spending our Thursday and Friday of next week live blogging the first round of the NCAA tournament — the afternoon games, anyway — and we are extremely rusty. Therefore, this little practice round of a game no one cares about but us.

Oddly, Vegas has the Illini as an eight-point favorite in this game. Clearly, Vegas hasn't watched many Illini games this year. We'll see how this goes.

Anyway, let's start it up ... after the jump.

———————————————

Final Score: Illinois 64, Penn State 63

FINAL: Chester Frazier hits a layup and ILLINI WIN GOD WE LOVE BASKETBALL NOTHING BETTER THAN MARCH.

:15: Illinois has the ball down by one. We just talked to our dad. There were expletives.

:51: There was 4:30 left when Musberger said, "Illinois starting to take control here." Since then? Penn State 11, Illinois 0. Screw off, Musberger.

LESS THAN A MINUTE TO GO PENN STATE BY ONE WHY DO WE CARE?

2:04: Two free throws gives Penn State the lead. An 11-0 run. Not even Erin Andrews can cheer us up now.

2:10: Illinois misses another shot. Penn State driving. We are now throwing things around the room, regardless.

2:51: We've seen just about enough of this Talor Battle kid; he inspires Randle to foul out and brings Penn State within one. If this is Randle's last collegiate moment, it seems about right: Looking disappointed and fouling out.

3:30: Time out with Illinois up by three. It's all crashing right here.

3:45: Make that a seven-point run. A three-point lead. We're telling you: We've been watching Illinois all season, and this looks AWFULLY familiar. If we weren't already broken down by four months of this, we'd be throwing stuff around the room. Now, we just can't muster the enthusiasm.

4:30: Musberger just said, "Illinois is starting to take control here." And, on cue, here come five straight points from Penn State.

4:52: Shaun Pruitt hit two free throws! Illinois by 10. We're due for an Erin Andrews update on Bruce Weber growing a second penis.

5:54: Taking advantage of the "Penn State Has A Guy Lying Down Hurt On The Other End Of The Floor," McCamey drives and lays it in to give Illinois an eight point lead. And JEFF JORDAN, MICHAEL'S SON is back in the game.

6:40: Trent Meacham drains a three, and Illinois has a seven-point lead. We are far from over. As if to prove it, the slappy white guy for Penn State hits his own, and it's four again.

7:35: We know we're the only one here watching this. Imagine if it were on the Big Ten Network.

8:43: A bad call that goes Illinois' way keeps the Illini with the lead. Oh, and Larry Bird is here, sitting alone in a suite. That guy isn't too happy these days.

9:25: Back to a two-point game. How in the WORLD was Illinois an eight-point favorite in this game?

10:25: Jeff Jordan isn't in the game, but, so you know, he's not Client 10. Thanks for the update!

11:38: Erin Andrews updates us on Randle's injuries, and the reciting of her name causes his spleen to burst. It's OK, Brian; same thing would happen to us.

12:19: Randle is fouled on a layup that gives Illinois a six-point lead. The bad news is that his fibromyalgia is acting up.

12:30: We love it when the ball gets stuck between the rim and the backboard. It's like watching a flipped coin land on its side. It feels like time stops.

13:32: Illinois hasn't scored in almost five minutes, but it ends with a Frazier 3-pointer. He was obviously WIDE open. Illini by four.

14:45: It's a Jeff Jordan sighting! He comes in just in time to watch Penn State come within one. In case you're wondering, Jordan's quick, smart and outstanding on defense. But man: Please don't let him shoot.

15:11: We were wondering why everyone looked so depressed, and then we remembered: They're in Indianapolis!

15:45: Pruitt going to the line before the commercial break. To save us this gruesomeness, Erin Andrews does a report. In addition to being an excellent sideline reporter, she's actually kind of pretty.

17:00: A McCamey three and a Randle jumper give the Illini a five-point lead. A note on McCamey: The guy's very talented and is one of the people Kelvin Sampson got in trouble for calling. (Grrr.) Say what you will about how great Gordon is, but he'll just be around one year. McCamey, who is kind of Gordon's replacement, should hit the whole four. If Indiana doesn't win it all this year, Illinois wins that battle.

(Yes, we're reaching.)

18:45: This game is VERY ominous. As Lavin points out, Illinois has been terrible at three and free throws all year. This game they're hitting both those ... and we're still tied. Ugh.

Second Half

Halftime: That Battle fellow once again drove through three? four? we'll call it six Illini to score at the buzzer. Illinois is up by two and should be up by 10. Alas. Andrews talks to the Penn State coach at halftime, and he looks like every accountant we've ever met.

HALFTIME: Illinois 39, Penn State 37

:41: Lavin just mentioned having a margarita! We'll call that a shoutout!

:41: Taylor Battles weaves through four Illini, and it's a two-point game. Weber quacks a timeout.

1:30: For some reason, seeing "Billy Crystal, 0-1, K," on the ESPN Bottom Line makes us angry. There's no reason for that to be the case, but it is, nevertheless.

1:46: Illinois just had a 5-on-1 break. Amazingly, the Illini scored.

2:25: This game has devolved into the brutal. This is how Illinois has lost all season; playing well enough, but not scoring much, and next thing you know ... the game's tied, and then the other team goes on a run, and then they're down by 10. This reeks of something that's just around the corner.

2:54: Ha. We're not leaving Deadspin. Who says journalism isn't done on blogs?

3:55: For a while, this was a crisp, smoothly played game between two teams playing above their heads. That didn't last long. Illinois by four, and we're not sure a single thing has happened in the last four minutes. This conference should get its own network.

4:45:: Here's your Brian Randle: He makes a great steal, drives all the way down the court ... and travels on the breakaway.

5:55: Now here's a Big Ten game for you: We've gone about three minutes without a basket. A Nittany Lions dunk brings them within four.

6:49: A Jared commercial, followed by Carlos Mencia's multicultural hour. It's gonna get so much worse during the actual tournament too.

7:15: Illinois is 6-for-11 from the 3-point line, and they're only up by six. This does not bode well.

8:12: Erin Andrews is back! She's discussing tendonitis in Chester Frazier's knee. Like listening to butter churn. Or something.

8:45: So here's something we're not used to seeing: After a Chester Frazier free throw, the Illini have a double-digit lead.

9:11: Hey, is that Giuliani?

10:10: Shawn Pruitt hit a free throw! Yowza!

10:25: Promoting their new "Black Magic" show — which looks pretty cool, actually — ESPN shows Charles Oakley in college. It seems bizarre to think of Oakley that young. We imagined him being born the age of 34. And what a painful childbirth that would have been.

10:57: We'll talk a lot about Demetri McCamey today — he hit a three just now, and the Illini are up 20-17 — but our favorite fact is that his high school coach was Gene Pingatore, otherwise known as the Bad Guy in "Hoop Dreams." He was also Isiah Thomas' coach, so we will be following McCamey QUITE closely in coming years.

13:00: This "Jones" fellow for Penn State made a layup and screamed like he was Monica Seles. Imagine how he'll scream when HE gets stabbed. Grrr.

14:15: True story: We once drank three margaritas with analyst Steve Lavin when we lived in LA (and he was still UCLA coach). He was kind of friendly, actually, and allowed us to use his hair as a seasoner.

14:45: Andrews makes her first sideline report, about all the injuries the Nittany Lions have had this year. She plays sympathy well. We love that ESPN calls its biography segments like this, "bio-blasts." That sounds either like a children's treat, or something very painful.

15:15: Musberger just said Illinois was on a "6-3 run. It has been that kind of year. Illini up 13-12 at the 15-minute break.

16:00: Shawn Pruitt lays one in down low to give Illinois a 7-6 lead. Pruitt is like Deon Thomas — god, you non-Illini fans must be LOVING these early-90s references — which is a bad sign, because guys like Deon Thomas, as good as they are, only succeed on bad teams. This Battle fellow for Penn State hits a three to give Penn State a 9-7 lead, and then Stanley Pringle — nice name, dope! — his another one, makes it 12-7..

18:30: Trent Meacham hits a 3-point to give the Illini a 5-2 lead. Meacham is a perfectly serviceable player, but when he's your main scoring option ... you're in trouble ... particularly when he's only starting because Eric Gordon ... oh, let's stop.

19:25: The Illini are wearing their orange jerseys. This used to be just for special occasions; it is a sad commentary on the Illini season that a first-round Big Ten tourney game against Penn State counts as a "special occasion." Randle with a lay-in to kick us off.

20:00: Brian Randle is starting. It's unbelievable that guy played on the Final Four team. No player has been more frustrating to Illini fans than Brian Randle. Can't blame Weber for that guy. He looks cooler when his head is shaved, too.

Still more pregame: Just to be rude, ESPN shows Bruce Weber giving his pregame speech. The man still talks like a duck. It's difficult to be inspired by a duck. We still don't think he should be fired.

Hey! Hi, Erin Andrews! She's wearing a mock turtleneck thing. It must be cold in the ole Canseco Fieldhouse.

More pregame: Sweet! It's Brent Musberger. He's the whippets of broadcasters!

Pregame: Before we start, we'd like to thank MJD over at Yahoo for this gem, a "poetry slam" from an Illini fan against Eric Gordon. Yes. We're all still bitter, unfairly so. We still don't disagree with a single word here:

Traitor, Eric Gordon
You are a disgrace
You chose another school
So I'll throw bricks at your face
I'm mad because we suck
But my anger is not misplaced
I'm going to cut off your head
Because we need something to fill our trophy case

Sure! Go Illini!

According to Ken Pomeroy's "Luck Ratings," the single unluckiest team in all of college basketball this year has been ... our Illini! That doesn't exactly make us feel better about a loss to Oprah's alma mater, but man, it at least allows us to convince ourselves that the stars have been aligned against us this year.

Anyway, because we're gluttons for punishment, we're gonna be live blogging the first round of the NCAA tournament next week, but our live blogging skills are quite rusty. (And don't compare to MJD's and Sussman's anyway.) So, as practice for that chaos, we're going to be live-blogging the Illinois-Penn State Big Ten Tournament game tomorrow at 2:30 p.m. ET. (Approximately.) We don't expect any of you to really care about our stupid Illini, but it wouldn't hurt us to stretch the muscles a little bit, so we're gonna say goodbye to this wretched team in style tomorrow.

Heck, maybe they'll even win! If they do, we won't be live-blogging that game; it's on the goddamned Big Ten Network.

In an awful, grueling season, every Illini fan told themselves going in: If they could beat Eric Gordon and that slimy Kelvin Sampson, the whole season would be worthwhile. Even the players felt that way; Illini point guard Chester Frazier's aggressive pregame bump on Gordon was completely classless and totally awesome. That it went two overtimes, and was lost on the old Illini saw of miss free throws, is just fitting; it might as well be as painful as possible.

Gordon's surely going to the NBA next year, and Sampson, being slimy, may have gotten himself and his school in trouble anyway, trouble that may come to roost in the next couple of years. So Illinois will likely not have the chance to boo Gordon all game again. It might be time to move on. Still sucks. At least our March will be more relaxed this year.

Heartache Find A Home With Illini [Decatur Herald And Review]

Yes, even though he's a college basketball player on scholarship, Thermocaster introduces us to Fire Alex Legion.

We Illini fans should beware, they say.

And for the Illinois people who think they are getting a mint with Alex Legion. Yes it's exciting to THINK you are getting some super player but the fact is, anyone that watched the games he played in at Kentucky saw a player that needed tons of work. Slow on defense and not a good scorer. He was honestly someone that when you watched the video clips of his high school games, you thought he would be this big time player. Most UK fans thought the same thing you most likely are thinking, however he didn't deliver that drive and determination and ability that you see in those videos. He quite honestly was an extreme letdown and did not prove to be anything special when compared to a freshman like Patrick Patterson. Patterson had that drive and determination, Legion simply does not and you will learn that soon enough.

We would like to remind that Legion is now 19 years old.

Fire Alex Legion

The Motivator. Facing Indiana for the first time in Eric Gordon's career after the superfrosh spurned Illinois to play for the Hoosiers, the Illini pulled out all the stops. That included the return of ZOOOK!!! The man who pisses intensity paid a surprise visit to the Illinois locker room before the game, urging Bruce Weber's charges to bring the hammer down on Gordon and the Hoosiers. "I want you to go out there and play like animals!" Zook spat at the mesmerized players. "The first one of you who knocks down that Gordon kid gets free waterskiing lessons and a copy of the Rose Bowl video, edited to show us kicking USC's ass and doing unspeakable things to Traveler. Now get out there and bite their heads off!!!"

OK, this never happened. And neither did an Illini win. Illinois ran out to a 34-30 lead as Indiana struggled early with their shooting. But Gordon scored 11 of his 17 points in the second half, and the Hoosiers came back to claim a 62-58 win. The loss left the Illini 0-4 in the conference, and Will in full spring training countdown mode. (Ed. Note: GLAUS!)

"He put a rock in his sling and swung the sling around by its straps..." OK, Oregon's 71-66 win over No. 23 over Stanford wasn't exactly a huge upset given the Ducks' talent and track record. But 5'6" Tajuan Porter's big steal and four points in the final two minutes of the game overcame a combined 35 points, 14 rebounds and five blocks by Brook Lopez and his twin 7-foot brother Robin, creating some serious David vs. Goliath overtones. Tune in next week for another installment of Old Testament Hoops, when Jerry Tarkanian's reign at UNLV ends with him playing the role of Job.

David Padgett is walking through that door... Juan Palacios is walking through that door...Derrick Caracter is walking through that door: Louisville's improving health, including the return of its top three big men, has helped the Cardinals start to live up to expectations. Rick Pitino's squad rolled to an easy 64-49 win over Rutgers in Piscataway, as Padgett, Palacios and Caracter combined for 25 points in 58 minutes. Louisville gets a big test Thursday at home against Marquette, before returning to Jersey Saturday night for a Newark Pants Party showdown with Seton Hall at the Rock. I've got 10-to-1 odds on Daulerio shaving his mustache and dropping it in Pitino's pre-game coffee.

Predictions. I picked Niagara over Siena by 11 and Vanderbilt over Kentucky by 14. Siena took out Niagara 94-84 at Niagara, while Kentucky claimed a 79-73 double overtime win at Rupp Arena. In the case of the MAAC battle, Niagara may have the conference's best player (and the nation's leading scorer) in Charron Fisher. But Siena looks like the cream of the conference right now, getting balanced production from multiple sources—including 18 points each from Tay Fisher and Ronald Moore and 28 from Edwin Ubiles against Niagara.

Meanwhile, Kentucky's win was a case of a rebuilding team starting to come together. Freshman big man Patrick Patterson gave the Commodores match-up problems all day, springing for 23 points and 12 rebounds and outplaying Vandy's combination of Shan Foster and A.J. Ogilvy. When making my prediction, I noted that picking from the gut can often be a bad idea. But in retrospect, taking the Cats could've been a good percentage play: No major U.S. team sport shows a bigger home team advantage than college basketball. When asked about the crowd of 23,965 fans at Rupp, Ogilvy said: "I think we got taken out of our game a little bit at the start," Ogilvy said. "We just tried to recover, but never could."

No. 8 Georgetown 70, No. 18 Pittsburgh 60. DeJuan Blair is averaging a virtual double-double as a freshman, forming a potent combination up front with Sam Young and keeping the Panthers afloat while they cope with the losses of Mike Cook and Levance Fields. But the 6'7" Blair and 6'6" Young figure to have no answer for the Hoyas' deep front line of Patrick Ewing Jr., DaJuan Summers and 7'2" center Roy Hibbert. Not just around the rim either.

No. 3 Kansas 81, Oklahoma 68. I'm going to start picking more upsets soon, I swear. Just not here. Oklahoma's coming off a draining 84-82 home loss to Kansas State Saturday. Out of the frying pan, into the fire at Phog Allen Fieldhouse, where the undefeated Jayhawks are firing on all cylinders, including a healthy Brandon Rush looking most of the way back from knee surgery. Tune in to watch Kansas' cavalcade of stars, but also Oklahoma freshman Blake Griffin, who's got the talent to play well at the next level.

Record: 4-3
Results within five points: 1-6

The last time Illinois made the Rose Bowl, in 1984, they were destroyed by UCLA. (They should have made the Rose Bowl in 2002, actually, but they were using Pasadena to host the national title game that year. Instead, they were destroyed by LSU in the Sugar Bowl.) We will always remember that game. We remember that game, and that achievement, far more vividly than Jeff George's vivisection of Virginia in the 1990 Citrus Bowl. The Rose Bowl does mean something more, even if it's just, for the layperson, a prime-time beating of your team on national television.

There was a brief second, right before wide receiver Jacob Willis fumbled deep in USC's zone, that the Illini looked like they were going to make a game of it. After that play, it was over. But that was a moment of genuine excitement, in the Rose Bowl. When it got out of hand after that, it was easy to turn it off; that "Twilight Zone" marathon was still on.

The power of Zook, nevertheless, continues to compel us. So, for the last time until September ...

Tough Lesson, But A Necessary One [Decatur Herald And Review]
Why God Why? [Foul Balls]

It's somewhat comforting to know your NCAA tournament hopes have been extinguished before the conference slate has even begun. Saves a lot of time and energy.

It's New Years Eve, so we're going somewhat self-indulgent here, but anyone who has watched this Illini team knows they're not very good. Everyone knows this, apparently, but the players, who were apparently snickering while watching the Tennessee State game tape.

It's just very disappointing that maturity level and understanding that anybody can beat anybody," [coach Bruce] Weber said. "We talked about it last night at our meeting and you have snickers. Just from our clip tape on (Gerald) Robinson and Price, they had to realize how good those guys were, and then we let Houston get involved."

Yeah, they deserved to lose; screw 'em. Save us, Zook, save us!

Illini Find Intensity Eludes Them Again [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]

Like, at all.

We've made our thoughts about the Chief pretty clear: We never much cared for him, but mostly, we just tired of the debate and hoped his absence would stop people from talking about him. Not bloody likely. Chief supporters are "gearing up" for a big Rose Bowl push, and, having attended two Illini sporting events in the last week, we can assure you that every damned shirt has CHIEF on it. The white people sure do love their Chief.

Anyway, let's fight the real enemy, people: The cheap tickets given out to friends of the University president. As if it weren't hard enough to get tickets.

Illinois Fans Fighting For Mascot Revival [Sports By Brooks]
Something Smells, And It's Not Roses [Chicago Sun-Times]