With all the rampant speculation about Marvin Harrison's involvement in a Philadelphia shooting (and his shady past), there has still been no conviction. And now, according to ESPN, the Philadelphia District Attorney's office isn't moving forward with the case until the Philadelphia police department comes up with some hard evidence, which, in this particular case, has been problematic.

The shooting, where two people were injured by bullets that allegedly came from a high caliber handgun that Harrison owns, is now seven weeks old and it appears most of the original witnesses in the case have been, according to ESPN, "less than cooperative." Translation: nobody's talking anymore.

This was the problem from the get-go with this case, as police were up against a neighborhood with a strict no-snitching policy and, according to our sources, one where some of its residents were clearly enhancing their stories with the hopes that they might be eligible to receive some of Harrison's millions.

There have been so many stories floating around — some advanced by police through the media, some through the media directly, some through blogs — that it appears more and more likely that unless police can scare-up some witnesses into telling them everything they know, this case will go completely unsolved and Harrison won't be charged. If he's not charged, the focus will then shift to how this story was reported and that's going to probably result in some pretty angry columnists from the Indianapolis area, who would be well within reason to question how this story was reported.

Philly D.A. wants more nvestigation on shooting case involving Harrison [ESPN]
Marvin Harrison Is Not A Suspect But Paolantonion, Florio and Smith Are [Stampede Blue]

• Colts Cheerleaders get their hair did. [Don Chavez]
• Straightening out what really happened with Bobby Petrino going to Arkansas. [The Slophouse]
• An exciting summer for Cedric Benson has just begun [Tirico Suave]
• Some impressive newfangled playbook technology. [The Wizard of Odds]
• Greg Oden doesn't share my contempt for that G2 ad. I guess injuries are part of the G2 life. [Blazers Blog]
• Jim McKay meant more in Maryland [Bromoblog]
• An ode to Mike Tranghese [35 Seconds]

Leaf tells the tale to Sports Illustrated, via Larry Brown Sports, of What Could Have Been.

It’s ironic: I had some of my storage stuff from Montana shipped down to Texas, and I ran across — I forgot I even had it — an Indianapolis Colts jersey, number 16, with LEAF on the back, that I think they had ready for draft day. I’m thinking about auctioning it off for charity. There’s no reason for me to keep it.

Of course this would not be quite as valuable as my Chicago Bears Favre jersey. Other valuable collectibles:

• Barry Bonds Red Sox jersey.

• LeBron James Knicks jersey.

• Fred Thompson White House stationary.

• Romo-Simpson wedding invitations (with envelopes).

Greatest Sports Collectible Ever? [Larry Brown Sports]
What If The Colts Had Chosen Ryan Leaf Over Peyton Manning? [The Red Zone Report]

Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy spoke with kids at a high school in Tampa on Thursday and apparently he was in a mood to foment him some controversy. And not in the usual "condemning o' the gays" way. Nope. He took a shot at the rival New England Patriots being embroiled in MattWalshGate. Nothing wrong with that. What was interesting was Dungy's willingness to gloss over accusations against his team.

Then someone asked if anything happened last season that he wished he could include in the book. What followed was vintage Dungy. He seized the opening. He brought up the videotaping scandal with the New England Patriots.

"We talk about how important it is to do things the right way and have integrity so that when you do win, people can never ask that question," he said. "That's the great thing that I'm happy about with our team.

"Yes, we won. But no one is really going to ask, 'Did they cheat? Did they do things the right way?' I think our record speaks for itself and if you're a true champion, that's the way you'd like it to be."

O RLY? I seem to be remember there being some questions about pumped-in crowd noise in the RCA Dome cropping up numerous times in the past few years, most notably after the regular season game against the Patriots last season.

He'd probably blame that on the gays though. Must they be so demonstrative? Tony Dungy's version of hell must be very loud.

The witnesses and victims of the alleged crime are still being pieced together. According to some police sources, there are a lot of conflicting stories surfacing, some as a result of individuals hoping to shake down and cash-in on Harrison's celebrity. But that's expected as soon as a millionaire athlete caught with a gun in a not-so-nice neighborhood happens.

According to one source close to the story, more revelations about Harrison's character and background — disturbing, American Gangster-like stuff — are also percolating as a result of this incident. Although Harrison has been deemed one of the consumate professionals in the NFL due to his quiet nature and workman-like approach to his game, it's appearing more and more that Harrison mayhave a very dark side to his private nature that few people knew about.

Yesterday, WIP's Howard Eskin alluded to those facts on the air yesterday before he was yelling about blogs:

I have heard many things about Marvin and I am shocked. I don't want to get into it but it shocks me. I've heard too many things, I heard things which shocked me.

"I do know this. [Somebody he[Harrison] knows had $10,000 confiscated. He went back to the police station and said, that's my money. . . . Two detectives have told me that. I don't want to get into it any deeper. Doesn't that present a lot of questions to you, too?

Now, as much as Eskin is a blustery asshole on air at times, he's also not reckless and does his due dilligence when it comes to stories of this nature. Also, what Eskin said is consistent with some of the stories being corroborated by a few people close to the investigation.

The take-away: Next week prepare to hear some more things about Marvin Harrison that might erase most of the good-guy persona he's cultivated in the NFL. According to one prominent national television reporter, if Harrison gets charged in this case, all of the dirty laundry that many people have been sifting through will be revealed.

Marvin Harrison? Really? [Deadspin]

Indianapolis Colts wide receiver Marvin Harrison is under investigation in his hometown of Philadelphia in a shooting that took place late Tuesday afternoon, a source close to the investigation told Anthony Gargano of Philadelphia's WIP Radio. The shooting reportedly occurred outside a North Philadelphia bar owned by Harrison.

Harrison has yet to be arrested or charged with the crime.

The source said the alleged victim came into the bar, Playmakers, around 5 p.m. and engaged in an argument with Harrison, who was at the bar. The victim then left the bar, heading to his car, with Harrison following. Gunfire broke out, the victim was hit in the hand, and a young girl was slightly injured by flying glass from a car that apparently was hit by a bullet.

Obviously, more details are forthcoming. This seems a little sketchy.

UPDATE:
Philly sources: This appears to be all sorts of trouble for Harrison. According to some sources, the the gun used in the shooting was definitely Harrison's, and the investigation right now suggests that it "doesn't look good" for Marvin. The gun used in the shooting is apparently a very expensive, custom-made job that uses 50mm bullets. (No idea what that means, sorry. Not a gun guy.) But, the fella who first reported it, Anthony Gargano of WIP, is going on ESPN at 6 p.m. to talk about everything he knows. The Philly police are hesitating about naming Harrison. According to one source, all he said was that "There's a local guy who plays pro football who is being investigated." Police are being cautious about fingering Harrison at this point.

But for now, yes, it appears Marvin Harrison might be being investigated in a shooting that occurred Tuesday night at his bar which is located at a shady area in Philly.

Marving Harrison's Gun Used In Shooting [Sporting News]

UPDATE:

Okay, here's the full, fuzzy report, from WIP's Anthony Gargano, who did his best trying to convey the really jumbled facts that are all "allegedly" connected to Marvin Harrison. If these are the circumstances and the "facts" available right now, well...it appears Marvin Harrison's lawyer should really be able to sort this whole thing out. Hopefully, Gargano's sources are good ones.

An off-duty police officer bouncing at the club said Keith and a few other individuals were outside Club 9 about 3 a.m., leaning on cars, dancing and not leaving the parking lot when they were told to. According to the police report, Keith resisted arrest and "would not be quiet. He kept hollering he was a Colts player, that he wasn't doing nothing wrong, that he would leave when he got ready."

Writer David J. Warner at AOL Fanhouse wildly speculates that Keith may be the victim of some sort of racism from the Indianapolis police department even though Keith was, you know, breaking the law.

Unlike last year's backup Colts running back, Dominic Rhodes, Keith did not urinate all over himself, which may save him from being picked up by the Raiders in 2009.

Police Arrest Colts Running Back Outside Night Club [The Indy Channel]

From Patriots' Pulpit:

Only utter dolts could be so dumb not to separate a high school freshman from a team they don't like simply because that team is far better than theirs. Grant told reporters that people at the stadium told her, "It's not you. It's your jersey." Wow, that's some justification. They were booing the jersey. It's hard to believe any so-called adult could be that irrational. The display was far worse than Eagles fans booing Santa Claus. Worse than Jets fans cheering the injury of their own quarterback. The act is beyond comprehension, beyond words. It was by far the most classless act by the most classless fans imaginable.

Please ... get over it. Razzing the other team's laundry has been in fashion since Napoleon invaded Russia. Think that being a kid makes you exempt? Just travel to Europe for a dose of reality. Over there they boo the Paraplegic Games.

Ironically, Grant seems to be the only one in the greater Boston area who understands this.

Anna Grant Booed At Chargers-Colts Game [YouTube]
'Class' Is In Session [Patriots Pulpit]
Once Loveable, Patriots And Their Fans Now Booed [MSNBC]

Let's ignore what the Chargers are up against next week for a moment — or a couple of hours, anyway — and reflect on what they pulled off yesterday. Their winning drive was engineered by Billy Freaking Volek. They overcome a cascade of ridiculous calls, a deafening home crowd and the depression that being in Indianapolis, even for a few hours, inevitably provides. And yet here they are.

The big discussion after the game was whether or not Tony Dungy will return to the Colts next year. (He might go be a minister to prisons, which is exactly the wrong place to start bashing gays, by the way.) We're not quite sure the Colts should want him back. As Peter King points out, this is now the second heavily favored Colts team to lose at home in the playoffs in three years. Bring in Cowher; he'll knock 'em into shape.

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-

Fourth Quarter

0:00 — Kneel, kneel. Cue the Dungy retirement rumors, for some reason.

0:58 — Manning floats one over the defender, but Clark flubs the catch. That means San Diego wins. Philip Rivers celebrates by taunting the fans behind him. People he'll never see again. That's fantastic showmanship by the guy who didn't lead the 4th quarter comeback.

1:03 — Reggie Wayne got pulverized by the safety on that incompletion. I never thought I'd say this, but the Colts appear to be running out of wide receivers with functional limbs. It's fourth down.

1:30 — Christ, Mike Scifres catapulted that punt almost 80 yards (66 effective) and the Colts have a way to go.

1:42 — Turner gets popped at the line of scrimmage, Colts call time out, Indy has one more shot at this. The mantra worked, we have our full 60-minute interesting game.

1:52 — The Bolts are relying on Michael Turner to run all the way to the 17-yard line, and they should secure the win. He's four yards away.

2:01 — Whoa! Pressure finally gets to the quarterback, and he has to unload prematurely (heh, heh). San Diego takes over, but the Colts have all their touchdowns.

2:06 — Another fourth down, this one about five yards away from a touchdown.

2:58 — As if it mattered, Manning to Clark secures the 4th down play, but Phillips mistook Clark's face mask for an Etch-A-Sketch, and 15 more yards go onto the end of that completion.

3:10 — Manning's constructing a drive without Joseph Addai, and now without Marvin Harrison. Deep balls to Devin Aromashodu and Reggie Wayne failed, bringing up 4th down for Indy.

4:50 — Nobody ever doubted Billy Volek. And why would they? He sneaks it in from a half-yard out. Damn.

7:55 — A Volek incompletion is negated by Marlin Jackson pushing Chris Chambers face mask in such away that made it a penalty. That's 15 yards and a new first down instead of a punt, which Isiah Thomas informed me is a pet ... never mind.

8:13 — Did Shawne Merriman just try to get the crowd pumped up a little on third down?

9:50 — Good throw by Volek to Chambers for a first down. Good protection, actually.

10:11 — You know, I'd love to see Rivers come back into this game any time now. I wonder how we can ... 55 yard pitch and catch to Anthony Gonzalez? Sure, that'll work. But wait, did he go out of bounds? Probably not, but humorist Dave Barry coach Norv Turner wants a review. Yeah, that thing stands.

11:03 — Billy Volek completes a three-and-out drive.

12:02 — Welcome back to the sideline, Philip Rivers. He jogs out on his own, and apparently that makes him tough. It's not like he just got a vasectomy. This doesn't mean he's coming back into the game. And why would he? Billy Volek is fully capable of three-and-outs too.

Okay, so after seeing the replay, Rivers wasn't celebrating. He just fell down. I gave him too much credit, and I retract my earlier comments.

14:09 — We're evidently going to see the teams alternate big penalties. First the PI, then a personal foul on a Colts offensive lineman, now defensive holding on Drayton Florence. It's time for the Colts to see if they can get a roughing the kicker penalty. I know Nate Kaeding's on the sideline. Doesn't mean they can't give him the business at this very moment.

14:41 — So I looked up who the backup QB is for San Diego. I was hoping for Craig Whelihan, but I'll settle for Billy Volek. That's comical enough.

14:48 — The Chargers get flagged for pass interference. That'll hurt.

Philip Rivers hobbles to the locker room, but not before he jaws with Colts fans down the sideline. What trash could possibly be talked? "No, douche, I'm not really hurt. Your mom is hurt. When I banged her in the ass!"

Did ... did the Colts fans just boo a 14-year-old girl who won Punt Pass and Pick because she was wearing a Patriots jersey? Wow, I wasn't aware asshattery was within the parameters of the Indianapolis way of life. I'm impressed.

Third Quarter

I do think Philip Rivers did his best Bill Gramatica impression, hurting himself after jumping up in celebration. Ah, I see how it works. Confuse the masses with poised pass plays by Philip Rivers, addle them further with a Sproles run, then bring it all back home with that. Well played, NFL.

0:00 — Darren Sproles replaces Turner at running back, then catches a screen pass and darts 56 yards for the touchdown. The confusion continues to mount over here.

1:09 — The Chargers try to pull off the "fake false start" but it fools nobody and winds up being a delay of game.

Dan Dierdorf continues to rub the replay in the referee's face, like he just took a dump on the 1-yard line. "See? Right there. No. Bad referee."

3:19 — Reggie Wayne catches it in the flat, dekes out the defender, and dives for the end zone. Really? They say he didn't get in? I disagree, kind sir. Tony Dungy throws out the red flag to try and get the call reversed. It's a dandy little gewgaw, the red flag. Ten years ago you couldn't use the red flag in the NFL. You had to use a $100 bill, but to keep it discrete they wrapped it in a red flag. And ... yes, it's reversed. Rightfully so.

3:41 — Uh, what just happened? Indy quickly tried to catch San Diego substituting lackadaisically and Kenton Keith just got hammered, but SD was offsides. A rather clever ruse by those Horseshoes, and they're almost back where they were before the second interception.

6:07 — They've successfully scraped up Bob Sanders' bone marrow in time for play to resume, and Rivers ends the drive with a three-and-out.

6:14 — Bob Sanders isn't getting up. That's a synchronous "rut roh" across Colts fans.

7:10 — Well, shucks. Manning's pass gets racketed around by various hands and lands in the arms of a Chargers defender at the 2-yard line.

7:50 — The Colts move all the way down to inside the 10-yard line. Although I guess physically inside the line would require one to be of microscopic height.

11:23 — Chris Chambers didn't have to make a spectacular catch. Rivers put that ball exactly where it needed to be. Now San Diego has the lead, and my full interest.

(Photo from Viewimages.)

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—

Second Quarter

0:03 — What we just had here was the play of the game. Manning's throw was deflected and intercepted by Antonino Cromartie. Even though a holding play negated the touchdown, he ran 89 yards into the end zone. If nothing else, it was amusing to see if Peyton Manning would be able to overcome two Chargers blockers and take down Cromartie. Rivers kneels and it's sandwich time.

0:36 — Indianapolis aims to get within field goal range, and they appear to be doing that with little resistance.

1:46 — Nate Kaeding rattles the crossbar, unfortunately field goals only count if they go between the two yellow posts. Bob Sanders practically hops on Kaeding's back after that play, visually expressing his pleasure in Kaeding's humiliation, which I'm pretty sure you can't do. Sure enough, Sanders gets a taunting penalty. The field goal miss still counts, and the Colts just get backed up 10-ish yards.

1:50 — Now Rivers is on a roll. Two straight incompletions.

1:56 — Rivers' first true incompletion. Vegas sportsbooks had that line all wrong.

3:38 — Rivers makes his eighth completion, this one to Vincent Jackson, who has half of them. He's 8-for-9, with that lone bad pass being an interception. Technically, every one of his passes have been caught.

5:14 — I was going to whisper Vinatieri's name, but he's just getting a field goal, so I'll have to think of something quieter than a whisper. How about closed captioning?

++++VINATERRY KICKS A FIELDGOAL, COLTS TAKE THE LAED++++++

6:05 — There's a shot of Colts offensive coordinator Tom Moore. I'm sorry, but Tom Moore doesn't look like a football guy. He has the casual gumption of a baseball manager.

8:44 — <whisper> ...jackson... </whisper>

9:41 — The crowd noise has officially drained the San Diego reservoir of timeouts. They now have to conserve all remaining time by boiling it.

12:09 — After a delay of game, it almost happened again, but Rivers somehow scrambled throughout the pocket and threw a bad ball to convert a long first down. Zuh? Oh, then he followed that pass play with another pass play to Antonio Gates.

First Quarter

0:00 — Wait, that was the first quarter? Is it Monday? Oh, crap, I'm late for work.

0:54 — Now Harrison touches the ball. But... ooh, not for long. After the catch, Harrison drops it, and San Diego fans feel a sense of hope and optimism. And that's when they realized now Rivers will handle the football.

3:08 — Marvin Harrison hasn't touched the ball yet, but Manning's already 9-for-9 in passing. Just like Tom Brady!

6:24 — I should type faster. Rivers throws to a guy in a blue jersey named Kelvin Hayden. Norval Turner wants a review, because the ball might've been moving around between his hands and torso. The ref, after review, disagrees and confirms that Philip Rivers just killed their opening drive and ruined Christmas.

6:35 — San Diego, too, advances the ball succesfully past midfield. Rivers looked un-Riversly on a big pass to Vincent Jackson, then a nice screen pass to Tomlinson.

I totally didn't expect a new Peyton Manning commercial during the Colts game. But in all seriousness, I didn't expect Eli Manning to be in it as well. Licking Oreos for sport seems more like a Cooper Manning thing.

9:13 — <whisper> ...clark... </whisper>

12:11 — After moving the ball well past midfield, Manning gets shoestring sacked by Shawne Merriman, and is it? Yes, it's that frilly little dance.

Pregame Babble

Absolutely nobody on TV appears to be picking San Diego to win. Nor are they thinking it's going to be close. That's what I was afraid of. I was kind of hoping for one of those "interesting games," you know, the ones where the announcers during fourth quarter are talking about the fourth quarter and not about what the losing team has to do next year to return to the playoffs.

That's not to say I'm calling a San Diego upset. In fact, I don't think I'm going to call any upsets for the rest of the playoffs. I'll take the Colts by 8.

But if you listen to pretty much everybody talking about the game ... well, nobody trusts Norv.

• Cool Standings: Chargers.
• Football Outsiders: Colts.
• Matt Pitzer: Colts.
• Dan Shanoff: Colts.
• With Leather: Colts.
• Michael David Smith: Colts.
• Big Daddy Drew: Colts.
• AJ Daulerio: Colts.
• DEADSPIN: Chargers. Seriously, everyone: This team, Gates or no, they're pretty talented, right? We didn't imagine that, did we? For one day, we say Norv is vindicated.

Your thoughts?

Lucky for us, NBC flexed its scheduling option-ceps with this one — which way to the gym? — so we all get to watch Jim Sorgi let down the entire city of Cleveland firsthand. Should be fun.

And finally, I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't present Kige Ramsey's hard-hitting analysis of tonight's big game. Take it away, champ:

"The key [to a Titans win] I believe is that they've got to score a lot of points. They have to. And their defense has got to stop the Colts offense."

Honestly, the "dancing" girls in the background made us very, very sad.

Ron D MySpace Page [MySpace]

That is, after all, all we ask of our Thanksgiving Day games: Keep it close enough to allow us to stare at the television rather than talking to our family. (That's not an insult, inherently, to families; it's just that everybody needs a break.) But it's difficult to convincingly look wrapped up in a game that's 27-3, even if you're a Cowboys fan. And that Colts-Falcons game was too sloppy and scattered for anyone to watch.

Mainly, we could just enjoy Ryan Grant and the Packers. That team is freaking 10-1 now. The Packers! They play at the Cowboys next Thursday in a game that will be hyped enough for the next six days without us starting it up now.

The Hobbesian Life Of A Running Back [Cake Rocks The Party]

In other noteworthy news: Joey Harrington found Crumpler for a last second Falcons win over the Panthers; Big Ben and McNabb pulled off a few second-half heroics to lead the Steelers and Eagles to victories, respectively; and the Bills won their fourth in a row on a 34-yarder via Ryan Lindell's foot. It was a nice 'lil buffet of one o'clockers, actually.

Checking in on the current action: Reuben Droughns' 1-yard TD run has given the Giants their first lead versus the Cowboys; Kurt Warner's got the Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals moving the chains; and Da Bears and Raiders are trying hard to out suck each other.

But hold on, there's more! If you promise NOT to tell a friend about that ugly Bears-Raiders game, Madden and Co. will throw in an Indianapolis at San Diego game ... FREE!

Can the Colts bounce back from their tough loss to The Greatest Team Ever? Can the Chargers give up 300 yards to Joseph Addai? Who knows? That's why we watch the game, folks. Enjoy it.

Foley has been shooting sports for more than a decade. He was covering the game for WBZ-TV and claims the noise in the RCA Dome was deafening when the Patriots had the ball. "It was almost silent when the Colts had the ball," he said. The noise was so bad he asked a security guard about it. "I asked him, 'Do you go home at night with a headache? Because it's early in the first quarter and my head is already hurting.' He said, 'I don't know if you know this, but they actually pick up the crowd noise and pump it back through the P.A. (public address system)'"

The NFL has already exonerated the Colts on this issue. But when Bob Woodward's book — possibly entitled Hear No Evil — hits shelves in about a year, we'll all wonder how we could have been so blind to the truth. Or um, deaf, actually.

Security Guard Claims Colts Enhance Crowd Noise [WBZ-TV]

The Patriots had the game in hand with the ball and a 24-20 lead but Bill Belichick still had to rip the heart out of his last non-New England supporters. I speak of course of gamblers. We're a simple people, and we don't ask of much. But when you've committed your season to blowing opponents out of the water we'd really appreciated it if you didn't take a knee when you're a field goal away from a cover. Banging out some guy's wife for a couple of decades is one thing, but taking a knee with two minutes left? You Mr. Belichick, are fucked in the soul.

• Jason Witten doesn't need no stinkin' helmets. The big tight end was nearly decapitated by Philadelphia's fans defensive backfield, but still managed to finish with 77 yards along with a touchdown. TO and Romo hooked up 10 times for 174 and a touchdown, the qb added a third touchdown pass to somebody named Tony Curtis. I imagine he was quite pleased.

• Why does Mike Shanahan have a job? Denver was eviscerated by the mighty De-troit Li-ons by a score of 44-7 (how'd they score seven?). Jay Cutler was apparently eaten by Shaun Rogers meaning it was Patrick Ramsey's turn to suck (sidenote: the Lions lead the league in players named Shaun...and frowns). At one point the team's long-snapper/emergency third quarterback was warming up under center. Hey Shanny, if Patrick Ramsey is your backup then you damn well better have a capable third-stringer.

• New SSW: The Saints don't even suck a little bit. Last year's darlings were written off after their 0-4 start, but the plucky bastards have found their form and returned to .500 at the halfway point. Drew Brees threw for 900 yards, I'm super cereal.

Peyton Manning, having been vanquished, loses half his gold. But unfortunately the Colts cannot hit the Reset button. Their season progress has already been recorded in the Imperial Scrolls of Honor.

On an actual football comment, I can't remember the last time I saw so many pass interference calls in a game. CBS sideline reporters were actually flagged 15 yards for obstructing Belichick on his way to the locker room.

Patriots 24, Colts 20 [NFL.com]

Addai's best play of the game was that dumpoff pass by Peyton Manning which blossomed into a final-minute 73-yard touchdown, putting the Colts up 13-7.

Meanwhile, I hope you're sitting down for this news, but the Patriots' touchdown occurred when Tom Brady threw a touchdown pass to Randy Moss. The catch tied Moss with Stanley Morgan for most touchdown catches in a season as a New England Patriot (12). I've never heard of Stanley Morgan, but he has to be good if they named a financial advising firm after him.

The Patriots can still tie this thing up with two field goals, followed by no more scoring by either team.

Elsewhere...

• Shaun Alexander took Joey Fatone's dancing advice to heart, but signals were crossed when he was suppose to use those dance moves when you score, not behind the line of scrimmage. Nevertheless, his team's bailing him out, including Nate Burleson, who returned a punt for a touchdown. Seahawks 21, Browns 9

• Sage Rosenfels is playing smart football. Houston fans with basic cable must be ecstatic! Texans 17, Raiders 0

(Because today's already an amazingly intelligent day for me, I already deleted the e-mail from the reader who sent me in that incredible Photoshop up there. So now I don't know who to credit, so I'll just play it safe and hat tip ProFootballTalk.)

Yesterday, Manchester United and Arsenal ended a one-versus-two battle with a 2-2 tie. While the British are more accustomed to ties, pig dog Americans are not. Yet the tie is a legitimate ending to an NFL game, albeit extremely rare. But just imagine the ramifications of a Colts-Patriots tie:

Glorious Consequence #1: It simultaneously ruins both teams' hopes for a 16-0 season. The 1972 Dolphins can commence their champagne bukkake post haste.

Glorious Consequence #2: The anticipated orgasm of crowning one of these teams Super Bowl champions in Week 9 never reaches its climax. And if you need a non-sexual metaphor, a nation of analysts will collectively hold their breath until the AFC playoffs. All that hot air kept within ESPN's respiratory system will cool down the earth and slow down global warming.

Glorious Consequence #3: It sends everyone to their computers, calling for an end to tie games in the NFL, with some NFL writers getting so enraged as they write their rant that it sends them into an ulcer

God, who DOESN'T want a tie game, folks? Patriots 27, Colts 27. If there is a Buddha, we'll see the game in Indianapolis end like this.

See, if the game isn't a sellout and is therefore blacked out, Oakland and San Francisco residents can actually watch the Patriots-Colts game.

This is one of the rare times that a substantial portion of local NFL fans may be rooting for a Raiders blackout. (The 49ers have a 10 a.m. PST kickoff in Atlanta.) Barring a deadline extension by the NFL, the Raiders have until 1:15 p.m. Thursday to sell out the game. Otherwise, the local telecast will fall into its own Black Hole.

Frankly, we don't see why this is a problem; we didn't know there 50,000 people who would rather watch Raiders-Texans over the Colts-Patriots anyway, let alone enough who would want to suffer through the experience in person. Even if there is a baby sacrifice.

Is Blackout A Boon On Sunday [San Francisco Chronicle]

New England (8-0) at Indianapolis (7-0). The only thing like it in sports today in competitive intensity is Red Sox-Yankees — and Colts-Pats, to the country, is much, much bigger because, of course, football is much, much bigger. But the story is the same.

It's only Tuesday, and we're weary of the Patriots-Colts hype already ... and a bit apologetic that we'll be adding to it. But not too much, hopefully. And certainly not like this:

So we begin the countdown toward the most hyped regular-season game in memory. Maybe ever

So a writer hypes a sporting event by calling it the most hyped game of all time, thus hyping it more, which causes him to remark that it's even more hyped, which hypes it to a greater degree ... we're Through the Looking Glass, people!

Again: Not that this isn't going to stop us from writing about this game all week, including later today, probably.

Here They Come [SI.com]

We have always tried to avoid the relentless Patriots-Colts hype whenever it comes up up each year, but it's gonna be tough come November 4. The game's in Indianapolis too; the way the Patriots have been messing with Vegas this year, we can't even guess at what the line would be. But last night actually got us excited about a game two weeks away. The Patriots were there last night in spirit.

By the way, the last team the Colts lost to? The Texans.

Oh, and this Jags fan just had to keep himself entertained.

Divisional Domination [Indianapolis Star]
Jaguar Fans Are Inappropriate, Funny [Mr. Irrelevant]

Well, tonight, he'll be calling the Colts-Jaguars game, and it's finally a halfway decent Monday Night game. No Falcons in sight! We've got a couple days off until the World Series starts, and this one should get us through until Wednesday. Besides, we want to see if Jimmy Kimmel is arrested trying to sneak in the booth. Or Joe Theismann, for that matter.

Not the best of seats for this family, but it's closer to the snack bar. Plus, right after the game, I hear that he found the third Willie Wonka Golden Ticket!

KSK 2007 NFL Preseason Prekakke: Indianapolis Colts [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

The Colts hammered the Saints in the NFL opener last night — and hey, isn't it great to see John Mellencamp back on our sports broadcasts again? — and David was the main offender, with Peyton Manning seemingly purposely picking on him. The game was noteworthy not necessarily for David's flailings as it was for the Colts' defense dominance of the Saints. We were expecting something along the lines of 41-31. We hope the Saints pick up their offense again, or they're gonna end up really disappointing those fans without homes, who are putting all their emotional health and well-being into whether or not Drew Brees can throw touchdowns.

Madden Got It Wrong [The Goose's Roost]

It's the Colts-Saints tonight, which means you're going to see a lot of pregame footage of Peyton Manning on "Saturday Night Live" and Reggie Bush hanging out with David Beckham, back when David Beckham could walk. As KSK introduces us to tubby Colts fans, we enjoy that the American Sport Of Bloodlust begins its season in the royal palace of Indianapolis.

An actual game tonight. Have fun out there.

As always, we know nothing.

Your author is Will Carroll, a a senior writer at Baseball Prospectus, contributed to Pro Football Prospectus 2007 and writes about football at Sports Illustrated and Rotowire. Considered the pre-eminent writer on the topic of sports injuries, he's also the only writer that correctly predicted that their team would win the Super Bowl in our previews last season. His words are after the jump.

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Repeat, repeat, repeat. Is that the only word that's going to be used when we talk about the Colts in 2008? Yes, quite possibly.

Last season was about getting the monkey off the team's back. The monkey wore red and blue and might look a little like Bridget Moynihan, but that's another story. The 2007 season for the Colts is about hunger. Can a team in the age of parity approach dynasty or, more important, remind people that the Patriots weren't the best team of the era? Is one ring enough for Peyton Manning, or is it enough to keep him from the inevitable Dan Marino comparisons that will come up when Manning heads to Canton? At least then, he'll be the only Manning around.

Boiling down all those questions to one leads us to this: Can they repeat? The answer is a clear yes. It's not going to be easy, but the team isn't any worse. Manning is still the best QB in the league, he still has the same weapons — maybe better. Joseph Addai — who came very close to fulfilling my prediction of being Super Bowl MVP — will carry the load alone. The kid is good, certainly worthy of the lineage of Colts carriers that goes Eric Dickerson, Marshall Faulk, Edgerrin James and now Addai. Add in a surprising pick of Anthony Gonzalez, and you've given Manning his favorite thing in the world — a slow white guy who knows how to run routes. Ok, Gonzalez is Latin, but give him some time under the RCA Dome and he'll look white enough. It's Indiana for cripes sake.

Oh, you want to talk about the defense? Look, Bob Sanders isn't the difference. The Colts defense stunk all year, but it was better than it looked. There's no depth, there's some questions at the corners, but Indianapolis is built on bending, not breaking, assuming you define bending as giving up 30 points. There's some guys you might not know about like Freddy Keiaho and Matt Giordano, plus no one knows the ubiquitous Tampa-2 like Tony Dungy. But that doesn't even matter. Essentially, Peyton Manning is the defense. Give up 30? He'll usually find a way to put up 31. Give up 20? Heck, that might as well be a shutout with the quick strike Indy offense.

So how does this season end up? Same way it did last year, despite a record that won't look as good, thanks to a brutal schedule. The Colts standing tall on the field in Arizona, a little drier than they were last year. Manning gets his MVP trophy to go with the everything else in the NFL he has on his shelf. Tony Dungy waves and walks off into the sunset, retiring on top as many thought he'd do last year. Then we can start talking about the new stadium and a new word for the NFL - threepeat.

Yeah, you read that correctly, a $30 million signing bonus! Leitch wouldn't even cop me free fucking Gawker pen when I signed on here. That cheap son of a ...

Freeney will receive $37.72 million over the first three years of the contract. In doing the deal, the Colts will save $3.68 million of salary-cap room that they can use to keep other players whose contracts are expiring. The Colts had $3.4 million of cap room before reaching agreement with Freeney.

Dwight Freeney Signs ... [Stampede Blue]

I had to mention Sinbad for a couple of reasons. First of all, he was flat out hilarious. He started out talking about how he remembers Tony Dungy from his prep days in Michigan, where both men grew up. He was ALL OVER our coach for wearing a big afro, and tight 1970's shorts, etc. Very funny.

Oh, we're sure he was! If there's a better analogy for the Indianapolis Colts winning the Super Bowl than the fact that they had Sinbad host their rings ceremony, we can't think of one.

We Got Our Rings. This Is So Cool. [PatCoyle.net]

Illinois alum Jack Trudeau kept the tradition alive yesterday after 12 teenagers were arrested at his house and charged with various things ... some with minor consumption, some with minor possession, some with one of the previous charges, with a resisting law enforcement charge thrown on top. A bunch of the precocious youths hid in the woods. And one young scholar managed to pick up a resisting law enforcement charge, despite not being charged with consumption or possession. Trudeau himself is charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

As noted in the Indy Star, Trudeau, in 1987, admitted to striking a cop in a bar brawl. In 1990, he was arrested for a DUI with a blood alcohol level nearly twice the legal limit. And since then, he'd been clean ... his 17-year streak of law-abiding behavior came to a sad end yesterday.

Dozen teens, ex-QB for Colts arrested [Indy Star]
Jack Trudeau is the Cool Dad [Bad Idea Blue Jeans]

From time to time someone will try to get me to listen to Christian Rock. "It's just like any other form of music," they'll say. "The only difference is that when they're singing about love, it's for their love of the Lord." Fine, but I've always thought that really good music examines life in a more universal sense; not just the times when things are going well. The best love songs come from heartache. And as far as I'm aware, I've never come home to find that the Lord has thrown all of my belongings onto the front lawn with a note in my catcher's mitt that says "Don't ever call me."

The Indianapolis Indians don't find this argument valid, evidently. That's because the best Christian Rock band you will ever hear with an AFC punter singing lead vocals, Connersvine, is set to entertain Victory Stadium on Saturday. Hunter Smith, the Indianapolis Colts' veteran punter, and guitarist Chris Wilson will rock the masses in a "pre-game Christian concert" before the Indians take on the Charlotte Knights. And be advised: God knows how to party!

As [Connersvine] continue to write new songs and challenge themselves in worship leading, God has poured out his creativity through them. They believe that God, the Greatest Artist, is the inventor of creativity and as believers we have direct access to the Father of creativity through worship.

And ... exciting bonus! Fans in attendance will also be treated to the musical stylings of Colts' tight end Ben Utecht! Plus, Saturday is Mascot Mania, so you really can't go wrong. But if none of this appeals to you, why not stay home and get a jump on growing your back hair, because the Indians' Hairiest Back Contest will be here before you know it.

Other promotions, other lands, after the jump:

• 24 Hours Of Baseball. Saturday, June 2. Brooklyn Cyclones (Class-A New York-Penn League). Beginning at 4:30 p.m., the Cyclones front office staff will play baseball for 24 straight hours, in an effort to raise money and awareness for local Brooklyn food shelters. The staff, according to their web site, "will take on teams consisting of the Borough President's office, T-ballers, circus clowns, Coney Island freaks, The Old Boys of Summer, mimes, surviving members of The Village People, various dogs, cats and other pets, the infirm, the incontinent, and the New York Yankees (some of those may be ours). There is no charge, but fans will be asked to make donations toward the charities.

• Adam West Appearance. Tuesday, June 5. Myrtle Beach Pelicans (Class-A Carolina League). Batman always shows up when you least expect him. Also, apparently, he fails to show up when you most expect him. According to Benjamin Hill over at MiLB.com, West has been booked to appear at Altoona's Blair County Park on three separate occasions, and has canceled each time. Well, of course: Altoona doesn't have a bat-signal.

• Toga Party. Tuesday, June 5. Lake Elsinore Storm (Class-A California League). All fans who sing I Gave My Love A Cherry will be admitted free, although their guitars will be violently smashed by Lake Elsinore staff.

• Mr. Celery T-Shirt Giveaway. Tuesday, June 5. Wilmington Blue Rocks (Class-A Carolina League). My Mr. Celery memorabilia collection is now shy one very desirable item. But considering that the Blue Rocks are only giving out these shirts to kids, it should be very easy to steal one.

• Mascot Of the Week. Buster, Lakewood BlueClaws (Class-A South Atlantic League), Saturday, May 26. It's not every mascot who can say that he was manhandled by the great King Kong Bundy. (Also, the kid seems a little too into the abuse, if you ask me). Funny what happens to pro wrestlers when they get older; these days Bundy is almost a perfect sphere. If he were to fall over he might never stop rolling.

• Bulletin! From the Danville Braves web site: Calvin Funkhouser has left the Danville Braves staff. His last official day was Sunday, May 20. He will be helping run the speed pitch for the Braves at Festival in the Park.

• Confusing Photo Of The Week. Delmarva Shorebirds (Class-A South Atlantic League). Well, the catcher is obviously covering second base because ... and the runner is starting his slide so early, due to ... wait, wha-?

We want your tips! Send any minor league photos, interesting stories or guitar shards to RickChand@gmail.com. And thanks!

MJD mentioned the Peyton Manning-hosted "Saturday Night Live" yesterday, but we finally sat down to watch it today. We have to say: We were actually quite impressed. He's sure as hell a lot funnier than Michael Jordan was on there, and definitely superior to Dane freaking Cook.

Our favorite sketch is above; it is, without question, amusing to watch Peyton Manning hit children in the head with footballs.

The show could have been more racy, however: According to one of Dan Shanoff's readers who was in the audience for the taping, Manning actually took a shot at Tom Brady that was not aired.

During Peyton's monologue, Amy Poehler was dressed in a Patriots jersey and heckled Peyton, saying "What does Tom Brady and the Circus have in common? They both have two more rings than you."

Peyton stared right back and said, "That's not the ONLY thing he'll have two more of....."

OK, if they had aired that, that would have ruled.

Manning Disses Brady On "SNL" [DanShanoff.com]

(UPDATE: We've switched the video back to YouTube.)

"I appreciate the stance they're taking, and I embrace that stance," Dungy said. Local and national gay-rights organizations had criticized Dungy for accepting the invitation to appear at the banquet. The institute, affiliated with Focus on the Family, has been one of the leading supporters of the marriage amendment. "IFI is saying what the Lord says," Dungy said. "You can take that and make your decision on which way you want to be. I'm on the Lord's side."

We think we know what inspired this stance: This guy.

Dungy: I "Embrace" Same-Sex Marriage Ban [Indianapolis Star]
Tony Dungy's Rabid Fan Base [Deadspin]

Peyton, like many athletes, performers and celebrities, occasionally accepts offers for private appearances. The PeyBack Foundation will benefit, as it does when Peyton accepts fees for corporate and charity events, sports outings or a celebrating a business milestone like last week's event.

They gave no more details on the appearance, which is a shame; we really wanted to know if Peyton popped out of a cake.

Peyton Manning's Sweet 16 Party Cameo [Deadspin]

So, less than a month after you've won the Super Bowl, you've got a bevy of entertainment options and endorsement opportunities. Or, you can just ignore both and sleep on a beach somewhere, maybe make out with balding country music stars your wife, just take it easy.

Or: You can accept $200,000 to show up at a Sweet Sixteen party.

According to one of the (anonymous) party attendees, Manning spent the past weekend as the main attraction at a girl's Sweet Sixteen party; he was rumored to have been paid $200 grand for a two-hour appearance. (Cedric the Entertainer was also there, which must have been confusing, since "The Entertainer" is also Peyton's nickname.)

According to an attendee:

"The first hour was the actual birthday ceremony which included Manning hiding behind a cake with a baker's hat on, then Manning took off the hat and surprised the birthday girl and the rest of the crowd. The second hour was Peyton standing next to a background and a professional photographer, where the entire party lined up to take pictures with him one by one. The pictures were printed and framed and given to the guests as they left."

We're sorry, but if you want Daddy to hire someone famous to attend your Sweet 16 party, and you pick Peyton Manning ... you're the lamest teenager we've ever seen. We love that of all the people in the above photo, Peyton's the one who looks like he's going through his awkward phase.

Some more pictures from the evening are after the jump.

(UPDATE: Manning's people are denying the story. Our witnesses insist it was a Sweet 16 party. It's really nothing to be embarrassed about, Peyton.)

That's right, Mr. Charming Plucky Affable Comedic Stylist Peyton Manning will be hosting "Saturday Night Live" on March 24, which is sure to be a combustible ball of hilarity. Expect jokes about ... uh ... well ... whatever the funny parts of Peyton Manning are.

Here's all we really want: A replay of the famous Joe Montana "I'm going to go upstairs and masturbate" sketch. We are not holding our breath, however. And no: The musical guest is not Kenny Chesney. Sorry.

Thankfully, "Saturday Night Live" is absolutely still relevant and will therefore find all kinds of great new ways to maximize Manning's comedic potential.

Peyton Manning Will Turn 31 By Hosting Saturday Night Live [Loser With Socks]