What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?

It is time for a Deadspin holiday tradition like no other: our annual trawl of the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission's database of emergency room visits to discover the strangest, unlikeliest, and most awkwardly shaped objects America inappropriately shoved into its various holes. God bless us, everyone. » 12/25/14 10:19am Yesterday 10:19am

Report: Jabari Parker Out For The Season With Suspected Torn ACL

Jabari Parker will likely miss the rest of the season with a "suspected torn ACL," according to ESPN's Marc Stein. Parker left last night's win over the Suns with a "sprained knee" after he collided with PJ Tucker. He becomes the second lottery pick to suffer a season-ending injury, after Julius Randle broke his leg » 12/16/14 10:50pm 12/16/14 10:50pm

Soccer Player Struck By Lightning, Thought Dead, Says He Survived

Joao Contreras Fuentes is either one lucky son of a bitch or tops on God's shit list, take your pick. He was playing soccer for the club Sport Aguila in the Copa Peru when a bolt of lighting leaped from Zeus' fingertip and basically erased Fuentes in the fashion of blowing out a candle. The bolt ignited and vanished… » 12/11/14 10:25pm 12/11/14 10:25pm

Kyrie Irving Helped To Locker Room After Injuring Leg

Kyrie Irving had to be helped to the locker room in the second quarter of tonight's game against the Thunder, after seemingly suffering a knee or leg injury. Irving jumped out to contest Russell Westbrook's shot, and his knee banged into Westbrook's, causing him to land quite awkwardly. There is no word on his… » 12/11/14 9:23pm 12/11/14 9:23pm

Jadeveon Clowney Out Nine Months After Microfracture Knee Surgery

Houston Texans 2014 number one overall draft pick Jadeveon Clowney will be out for approximately nine months after undergoing microfracture knee surgery yesterday, according to Adam Schefter. Professional athletes undergoing microfracture knee surgery have had mixed results, with some (Marques Colston) seeming to… » 12/09/14 9:02pm 12/09/14 9:02pm

Brandon Marshall Taken To Hospital After Receiving A Knee To The Back

Bears receiver Brandon Marshall left tonight's game against the Cowboys after this play, where he got kneed in the back on safety Barry Church's tackle. The Bears initially said that Marshall had injured his ribs and his return was questionable, but later ruled him out for the rest of the game...because Marshall is… » 12/04/14 10:10pm 12/04/14 10:10pm

OSU's J.T. Barrett Out For Season; Here's The Ovation He Received

Ohio State quarterback J.T. Barrett will miss the rest of the season due to the ankle fracture he received late in today's win over Michigan, leaving Cardale Jones to serve as field general for the rest of OSU's season. Above is some previously-unseen video of Barrett being tended to by medical personnel (and,… » 11/29/14 6:07pm 11/29/14 6:07pm