The interview was ostensibly a commercial for James Toback's "Tyson" documentary, but there were some interesting moments—like when he told the story of his first fight, against a bully who killed one of his pet pigeons. (For real.) He choked up when talking about Cus D'Amato. He talked about not really regretting chewing Holyfield's ear off, and how his incredible rage made him such a great fighter....and a pretty lousy person.

In this clip, Tyson talks about the infamous Barbara Walters interview where Givens flat out called him an abusive husband while he sat there quietly saying nothing. You can imagine how that went over later that night. Mike claims she was just as abusive to him as he was to her—which is probably true—but her fists aren't lethal weapons.

Hard to believe those two kids couldn't work it out.

Oprah Talks to Former Heavyweight Champion Mike Tyson [Oprah]

There was nothing too revelatory or emotional in the two brief segments—except when it turned out that the Andrews parents were in the audience. Nothing says good television like Oprah asking a dad about what happened when his daughter called to tell him she had been personally violated. (Geez. Did you really have to bring out the dad?)

She didn't talk about the investigation, but she believes it was probably a stalker. She's nervous about being alone in hotel rooms (of course), but going back to work was the best thing she could do. Oprah reminded everyone that it could happen to them and that was that. Erin wasn't even as hard on the media (and the blogs) as she probably could have been—although she's obviously not thrilled with any of us right now. But that's why we invented Oprah, isn't it?

Erin Andrews' Online Video [Oprah.com]

The Baseball Prospectus book is the staple of every March — I try to find someplace warm and read it cover to cover, like a novel — and in August, it's the Football Outsiders Almanac. The Football Outsiders' crew's takes are sometimes ridiculous — they love the Rams this year, for some reason — but always well-researched, smart and compelling. I find it the perfect way to prepare for the season; reading makes me feel like I know what I'm talking about, when I really, really don't. It's indispensable. Buy it.

I talked to FO editor-in-chief Aaron Schatz about the book, about the woes of the book publishing industry, the non-split with Baseball Prospecuts (the book is self-published this year, for the first time, and you can't get it in bookstores) and why he's so down on my Buzzsaw.

So what happened with Baseball Prospectus? You're still a part? Or no? Why's the book self-published? Was there some sort of fight? What happened?

We're fine with Baseball Prospectus, actually. Football Outsiders has always been a separate company, so there's no "divorce" or anything like that. We had a deal with them to produce a football book provided
they had a contract with a publisher, but their publisher, Plume, made the decision to no longer publish Prospectus books in sports other than baseball. By the time Plume made this decision, it was too late
for us to go with another publisher. In addition, once we had to do the book on our own anyway, it made sense not to pay for the promotional value of the name "Prospectus." But we are still friends with those guys, we still link to their site and they link to ours, Will Carroll is still writing for both sites, and I want to see them succeed. I especially want Basketball Prospectus to succeed because I think Kevin Pelton is a really good guy.

We have other publishers who are interested in the 2010 book, so we'll have to decide if we go back to standard publishing or do it this way again. Self-publishing gave us an extra five weeks or so to finish the
book, we didn't need to have it done until the end of June, and that was just HUGE from a sanity perspective. My wife is perfectly happy if I never go back to a schedule where the book is due by Memorial Day.

Football Outsiders has had a few staff changes of late too. (I remember when my college pal Michael David Smith wrote for you all the time.) Has this whole process been different than you were expecting when it started kicking in? How has it progressed?

Heh. Well, I started the site as a side gig when I had another job, and the only other people working on it were some of my old fraternity brothers. So yeah, this is a bit different than what I expected six years ago. The site has grown fairly organically, which has led to some of our infamous server issues, but it's also kept me from growing eyes that were far too big for my own stomach, if that makes any sense. I didn't ever want FO to grow too fast and then crash and burn. It's cool that some of our writers have gone on to bigger and better things. I mean, MDS had written on the Web before FO, but it was his work with FO that hooked him up with AOL and gave him the opportunity to do this for a living now, even though that means he can't work for us anymore. I wish more people could work for FO full-time, but that would probably entail taking almost all the content on the site to a subscription model, and I'm just not ready to do that right now. So for now, it's just me and Bill Barnwell.

I've always wondered if you'd start seeing Football Outsiders people working in the NFL the way you see old Prospectus people working in baseball. That doesn't seem to have happened yet, but you see little changes seeping in, most notably with Jim Schwartz, the new coach of the Lions and first real head coach to embrace advanced statistical principles. You've worked with him in the past, right? Is he a referendum on what you guys, and others, do?

Yes, I've worked with Jim in the past, and I hope to work with him in the future as well. I do want to say I would hate to have anything regarding the Detroit Lions become a referendum on what FO does. The
fact is, while FO people aren't working in the league, there are plenty of people in the league who do the kind of statistical analysis that we do. Historically, empirical thinking has always been far better accepted in the football world than in the baseball world. Many more of the management people in football have come from the business world rather than from the playing field. The most statistically oriented organizations in the NFL are probably New England, Philadelphia, and San Francisco. Things have not gone well for the 49ers, obviously, but I think the Patriots and Eagles have been fairly successful over the last few years. So as far as I'm concerned, stat analysis has already proven itself. Eventually, there will be people working in front offices who grew up reading FO. They're already there, it's just that right now they are at the intern level. One of those guys will be running a team in ten years.

The other thing I should point out is that when I started Football Outsiders, the goal was never the better management of NFL teams. It was always the better coverage of NFL teams by the media. The guys in the NFL front offices are smarter than fans give them credit for, and certainly they're smarter than those guys in the booth on Sunday babbling on about how the team is 8-1 when running back X runs for 100 yards. I'm here to improve analysis of the NFL, to make fans feel like they are a) more knowledgeable and b) more entertained. If teams read our work and apply that to managing their franchises, that's pretty
neat, but I'll always see myself as a writer first and foremost.

How mad will you get if I ask you about Kevin Jones? (Note: FO has been predicting stardom for Kevin Jones since he was three years old. It hasn't happened.)

Not that mad. Guys who look good as rookies fall in their faces as second-year players. It happens. All the signs that caused us to project him for such a great second season are still signs that players will improve in their second seasons. If we had a player now with the same stats that Jones had as a rookie, we would probably make a similar projection. Kevin Jones carried the ball 241 times for 1,133 yards, 4.70 yards per carry. Terrell Davis as a rookie carried the ball 237 times for 1,117 yards, 4.71 yards per carry.

To this year's book: I'm not upset that you think my Buzzsaw will flop, because you have figures and research behind it, rather than emotion. (Unlike me.) But don't you think there are certainly things that can't be predicted from past performance? No matter what happened during the regular season, can't you tell SOMETHING about how that team will do from that playoff run?

Sure, there are things that can't be predicted from past performance. That's why we do "mean win projections" based on running the season 10,000 different ways, rather than just saying "Arizona is going to go 5-11." The book says OAKLAND has a two percent chance of winning 11 or more games, for crying out loud. All kinds of strange, unexpected stuff happens in the NFL. On the other hand, when it comes to sitting down and writing the chapters, and doing things like fantasy football projections, we concentrate on what is likely, not what is possible.

I wish I wasn't predicting such a bummer season for the Buzzsaw. I was really annoyed when the projections came out, because the Arizona projection is based on a lot of little things rather than one or two big trends that could be easily explained. I didn't want the Arizona projection to be SO different from conventional wisdom, and I played around with the projection system constantly to try to figure out what variables I was possibly missing that might explain why Arizona should be expected to have another winning season. But there was no way to improve the Arizona projection without making the whole projection system much, much less accurate overall. So we go with what we've got.

The fact is, there just isn't a lot of history of teams that massively improve in the playoffs carrying things over to the next regular season. The 2007-2008 Giants are a big exception, which is what makes them so remarkable. The 2002 Patriots missed the playoffs. So did the 2004 Panthers and the 1981 Raiders.

You seem to imply you think the Rams will win the NFC West this season in the book. A few things have happened since your deadline. Do you still think they're underrated?

Well, first of all, I don't think we imply the Rams will win the NFC West. I think we're pretty clear that we think that Seattle will win the NFC West. The Rams' mean projection in the book is for 8.2 wins, compared to Seattle at 9.9 wins.

I'm concerned about the Rams' early injuries — I mean, without Donnie Avery that team really has an unknown group of receivers, and the idea of Kyle Boller at quarterback gives me hives — but the trends that we identify in the book are still there. The strongest trend in identifying "surprise" teams is still drafting an offensive lineman in the first dozen picks, like last year's Dolphins and the 2007 Browns. This is still a team that is likely to be much healthier and nowhere near as bad in the red zone [as last year]. The NFC West didn't suddenly get any better over the last few weeks — Seattle's dealing with even worse injury issues.

We know that every year some team that has been losing for a couple seasons will come out of nowhere to have a winning season. Everyone wants to figure out how to predict that team, and we're no different. We looked closely to try to figure out what trends pointed to a team about to break out. What we're saying is that St. Louis is the most likely team to do that this year — more likely than Buffalo or Oakland or San Francisco or Detroit or whoever else. We're not guaranteeing a playoff spot or anything. Given how much the Rams sucked last year, they could improve significantly on both sides of the ball and still end up 7-9.

You guys make a very convincing argument that the Broncos are going to be horrible this year. Is there a way for guys to account for 32-year-old maniacs who desperately want to be Bill Belichick?

Wait, is that supposed to be a good thing that leads to wins?

Did you guys ever do any Arena League statistics? Actually, now that I"m thinking about it: Don't you think some enterprising UFL coach could make a name for himself by using FO principles? Like, why not, ya know? It's the UFL.

No, we've never done anything with Arena or CFL. I've thought about doing UFL. It would likely be easy with just four teams playing what, six games each? I'm happy to talk to any UFL coach who wants to speak with me, and we've considered the possibility of a weekly UFL column covering that league, maybe looking at what players might be able to move up to the NFL (or, more likely, move back to the NFL).

In the book, you say if Brett Favre comes back, he's roughly the equivalent of Sage Rosenfels anyway, so it doesn't alter much. Does Michael Vick on Philadelphia change any calculations?

No, he's a backup. Unless Donovan McNabb gets hurt, he isn't going to matter much. Vick's return is more of a news story, whereas Favre's return is more of a sports story, if that makes any sense...

Which movie are you more likely to see: Moneyball, or The Blind Side?

Moneyball, because Demitri Martin is supposed to play Paul DePodesta, and I love me some Demitri Martin.

Note: After this interview, Schatz read Drew's Buzzsaw screed yesterday, in which Drew said, "Schatz was upset the Eagles lost the NFC title game because they failed to prove his metrics correct. But the reason you look to compile interesting stats isn't so that your predictions come true and you look like some big swinging dick. That's Mariotti shit." Schatz had this response:

First of all, I never, ever said I found the Pittsburgh Steelers lackluster in any way. NEVER. Do not besmirch my reputation with Steelers fans! The Cardinals fans are allowed to hate me, but I say lots of good things about the Steelers.

Second, the problem I had last year was not the Cardinals, per se. It was the Cardinals after the 2007 Giants after the 2006 Colts, and so on. It was the trend where the regular season seems to becoming less and less important. It's not about proving my numbers right and it isn't about hating Arizona or wanting Philadelphia to win. Of course the numbers will be wrong sometimes. They just shouldn't be wrong every year, because that would indicate that the regular season is totally pointless, and then the NFL has become hockey. Do we really want the NFL to become hockey?

This week I got to sit down with first-time director Robert Siegel (writer of "The Wrestler") and actor/comedian Patton Oswalt to chat about their movie. I learned how sports fans are like comic book geeks, Giants fans are classier than Jets fans, and what profession is crappier than blogging. Oh, and I may have gotten someone fired in the process.

Robert: So you write for Deadspin, yet you're a woman.

Sarah: Imagine that! We're quite progressive.

Patton: Impressive.

Sarah: In the movie breakdown, you call the lead character Paul a "complex everyman"…

Robert: What?? Is that what it says? I didn't write that…

Sarah: Well, Paul comes across as exactly the opposite of the everyman.

Robert: Well, I think what that idiot meant - whoever wrote that – is that maybe he's relatable because he's passionate about something…

Patton: Right

Robert: ...like that we all have something we're passionate about maybe…

Patton: Despite all logic

Robert: …but yeah, he's relate-able. I'm just covering the tracks of whatever asshole wrote that description.

Patton: "As mercurial director raged against his own PR people, flipping over the table upstairs at the Playwright tavern and polishing off his eighth Jameson's of the afternoon…"

Sarah: Uh oh. Is someone getting fired?

Patton:That's actually a good catch. I didn't think anyone ever read the crap the PR people send out.

Sarah: I was bored on the bus.

[At this point I sense I may have sent someone to the unemployment line, so I move on.]

Sarah: You've mentioned previously in a couple of interviews that you aren't really a sports fan….

Patton:Not at all. I have no…it's not that I hate sports, it's just that I don't have any knowledge.

Sarah: So what did you draw on? Because your character is very passionate and obsessive about his team.

Patton:Well I'm very passionate and obsessive about films, pop culture, politics, comic books, so I was able to draw from all of that. It's the same spark, just different thrill every time. These guys all move in the same lurching, lonely direction towards the thing that they worship.

Sarah: So you see a connection between sports fans and comic book geeks.

Patton: Well, with all enthusiasts, like foodies or people who follow a pop star or urban explorers who go exploring ruins of New York City. They're passionate people. The problem is most people use it to enhance their lives, Paul uses it to replace his life. That's the distinction.

Sarah: I found myself relating, as a sports fan, to a lot of the ways Paul reacts to his team and the way he handles his rivalry with the Philly fan…

Robert: Which parts did you relate to?

Sarah: I don't want to reveal too much about the movie, but for example when Paul and his friend were going over the upcoming season's schedule and tallying up the potential wins. Most sports fans I know do the same thing.

Robert Yeah, I used to do that when the schedule came out too. That's part of what makes him relatable in that all sports fans take a certain measure of abuse. As a sports fan you have to eat shit, uh, whether it's your team losing or…in a league with...how many teams?

Sarah: 32

Robert:…32 teams, it's funny how you listen to pretty much any fan of any franchise, you'll listen to them and they'll talk like they are…like they have an intimate relationship with loss and pain that no other team or not other fans could possible understand…

Patton:Like they feel responsible for the victory…

Robert:When in reality, 31 teams don't win the Super Bowl every year but they all think of themselves as the most long suffering. I can relate to this, believe me I can relate to this as a Kansas City Chiefs fan.

Patton: Sometimes you pick the wrong hero…

Robert: Right. So there's the pain of the losses and then the other indignity you suffer as a sports fan is when your heroes turn out to be creeps, cheaters, or steroid users or wife beaters. Not that they all are, but you know, it happens pretty frequently. It's often that you'll find that your hero is not what you hoped he'd be.

And then there's ticket prices…you know…if you're a Yankees fan, I mean $2,500 for crappy seats. You can't help but feel like it's a big "fuck you", you know? It's just everything. It doesn't love you as much as you love it. It's really a one way street. Your loyalty is sort of tested and taken for granted and abused, you know? Yet your faith is strangely unwavering like [Paul's] is. You may not get actually punched in the face by your favorite player but you get metaphorically punched in the face. But you'd never consider dumping your team.

Sarah: Which makes your comparison to comic books and politics interesting because I don't think anyone would really feel that way about their favorite super hero.

Patton:Well, there really are people who do take it too far, you know, they do take their politics to far. Like, look at the people who are still following Sarah Palin after she's saying the kind things that would normally end a politician's career, people would not waver from her. It's getting too Orwellian now. She's a leader by quitting, don't they understand that? And there are people that get way to into power fantasies and comic books, like there are Star Trek fans who want to be addressed as commander and wear the uniforms. Or people who follow the Jedi religion. People translate Shakespeare to Klingon for crying out loud.

[Ten minutes into the interview, Robert's attention has drifted to some point behind me in sort of an empty gaze. It's like most dates I've been on, except I'm pretty sure this interview won't end in me leaving with my underwear in my purse.]

Sarah: You've written this character, a guy who lives with his parents, masturbates, and is obsessed with his team. I, for one, am grateful you didn't make him a blogger.

Robert: Ha, yeah. He's kind of a pre-internet guy.

Patton: He just missed the internet.

Sarah: Right. So then what made you decide to make him a parking lot attendant?

Robert: (to Patton) See, I didn't know that your King of Queens character was a…

Patton: He was a token booth salesman in the subway…

Robert:…I had no idea. I found that out way after. People are going to be like "He's playing the same character…"

Patton:Those are the "King of Queens" nerds.

Robert:I didn't know, just for the record. So why the parking lot attendant? Uh, it just seemed like a really shitty job, you know, his interaction all day long is with people who have just come out of the hospital and he's asking them for a lot of money for parking. His day is filled with abuse and negative interactions all day long.

Patton: It's just a horrible job to have.

Sarah: OK, so I get the whole New York angle, but why the Giants?

Robert: You mean the Giants as opposed to the Jets?

Sarah: Yeah

Robert: Well I didn't want him to be in the Stadium, I wanted him to be watching outside in the parking lot. I had this image of that. I thought it would be much more realistic that he's a Giants fan because it's not nearly as hard to get Jets tickets as it is for the Giants. There's that history with the Giants where tickets are handed down from generation to generation. The idea that he was kind of an outsider, even within the culture of Giants fans, there are kind of the cool fans and the un-cool fans, the haves and the have-nots. I just wanted him to be a fan of a more upper class…uh…

Sarah You can say it. Giants fans are better than Jets fans.

Robert: Well, yeah. Or, well, there's a higher percentage of upscale Giants fans.

Sarah: I know a few Jets fans who would beg to differ.

Robert: Well, it's kind of like Giants, Yankees, Rangers are more Manhattan, kind of white collar teams and the more blue collar side of things I always think of as the Jets and the Mets. The Giants are further up in the hierarchy of New York sports. Now that I think about it, he probably should have been a Jets fan. It seems like more of his personality…

Sarah: A loser?

Robert: Yeah…well…I don't really think he's a loser. He's just more blue collar. And growing up in New York you sort of associate different areas, like Queens or Long Island with certain teams. Staten Island is more Giants country.

Patton: I wish I knew what he was talking about, but I have no idea.

Robert: That's ok.

Sarah: We can translate this into Klingon for you…

Patton: (laughing) Can you put this into Greedo's language?

[Patton breaks into impressions and I'm dying.]

Sarah: Did you get any push back from the Giants, especially with this whole Plaxico situation?

Robert: It's actually been nice and quiet so far. Howard Cross, do you know him? Tight end?

Sarah:Yes

Robert: He's done a few Q&A's for us. He actually interviewed me for a New Jersey news piece. He's kind of been our ambassador. But no, we do not have any formal relationship with the team. We haven't had any issues yet.

Sarah: Until the movie comes out and the phone starts ringing.

Patton: Right

Sarah:So you didn't need permission to use the team name?

Robert: No, we didn't need permission. The first amendment affords us certain rights that are rarely executed in Hollywood. They usually opt not to exercise those rights and make movies about the New York Wizards, you know? As a sports fan, fake teams take me out of the reality the movie. The teams are a part of our culture. They have significance and a resonance. Whenever I see a movie with a fake sports teams, I just don't get it.

Sarah:Last question. In the movie, Paul ultimately has to choose between his team loyalty and money. As a sports fan, which would you choose?

Robert: I don't like suing people…

Patton: The whole idea about these lawsuits, there's something like a lack of pride. There's something about it that rubs me…

Robert: You know, even if it was the right thing to do, I think I'd feel like a real shithead fuck-face asshole if I ever were like…

Patton: I would be very uncomfortable doing it…

Robert: …even if I were at McDonalds and someone poured hot coffee in my lap…

Patton: Like, where do you pull $40 million out of the air? It's like, really? I think McDonalds had to pay $20 million or something.

Sarah: I think the woman you're talking about actually spilled it on herself.

Patton: Really? That's even dumber then.

Robert: See, I'm Jewish, you know? I feel like, you know, there this stereotype…

Sarah: So, no, then?

Robert: I'd just feel like a real dick.

So there you have it. I got a chance to watch the screener and it's definitely worth checking out. Sports fans will find themselves strangely connected to this character, a die-hard radio call-in fan, who clearly needs a reality check. The casting was great (Michael Rapaport plays the nemesis Philly fan) and you leave questioning whether your own fandom goes a bit too far.

So Raul — Mr. Ibanez -do you feel like your career year is being unfairly scrutinized by the media because of the PED era?

"Unfortunately, I understand the environment we're in and the events that have led us to this era of speculation,"

Yeah, it's unfair. It's, like, you see a guy with a nice car one day even though he had a crappy car the day before you begin to think, 'Hey, how'd he manage to afford to buy a brand new car in one day?' He probably stole it, right?

"At the same time, you can't just walk down the street and accuse somebody of being a thief because they didn't have a nice car yesterday and they do today. You can't say that guy is a thief."

Well, I would, but that's just me. I have little faith in humanity. Or pets. If I had a dog, I wouldn't trust that either. I'm dead inside. Anyway, would you ever let me drink your pee just to be sure?

"You can have my urine, my hair, my blood, my stool - anything you can test. I'll give you back every dime I've ever made if the test is positive"

Well, that would require me to purchase a very expensive blender to make that concoction, but I appreciate the offer. Who do you think is coming up with these wild accusations? And would you put your supposed cleanliness up against, oh, I don't know some of my media colleagues $35k per job to prove your innocence?

"I'll put that up against the jobs of anyone who writes this stuff. Make them accountable..."

Yes, I agree with that and I'm sorry some of it has...

"There should be more credibility than some 42-year-old blogger typing in his mother's basement. It demeans everything you've done with one stroke of the pen."

Hey, hey, hey...now just wait a minute there, Raul. I have never EVER used a pen. Now take that back or I'm walking out of this interview...

"It's unfair because this story should be about how hard work, determination, and desire trumps chemicals and shortcuts."

Right. What about desire, character, and work ethic? Huh? You don't have to use a pen to be successful.

"That should be the message: desire, character, work ethic"

Yeah, I agree. Anyone who decides otherwise is just a coward and should be held accountable for their pen accusations. It's not fair.

"But some guy who doesn't know me - one idiot - says something like this. They should be held accountable. It's cowardly."

Now you're speaking my language! I always wanted to ask you, by the way, is your family related to the Ibanez guitar company at all? Can you get Joe Satriani tickets anytime you want. Raul?

I'm Clean, Angry Ibanez Says [Philly.com]

How would things have been different if that shot hadn't gone in with five seconds remaining against Syracuse at the Superdome? "Thankfully I don't have to think about that," Smart told me during practice with the Golden State Warriors recently, where he is an assistant coach. "But I don't think things would have changed much. I think I'd be in pretty much the same position I'm in now. But if you ask my kids, that's a different story."

More with Smart on The Shot, playing for Bobby Knight, and his unique role as the only official "defensive coordinator" in the NBA.

So take us back. How has The Shot changed your life?

I always say that the history of the shot is always chasing me to do things the right way. It's an honor, but it always makes me feel that people are looking up to that moment, and I have to make sure that I do all the right things. I still bump into people all the time who want to talk about. I don't mind. I'll talk about it as much as they want.

The thing I remember most about it was that Knight didn't call a time out before the play. Not that that was unusual.

People say, well you guys didn't call a time out. But that was Knight. We knew what to do in different situations; that all came out in practice. As a coach now I see that sometimes when you call a time out and draw up a play, the player only sees what you show him and doesn't take what the defense is giving. That shot came out of the motion offense, and that's an offense where you learn to take what the defense gives you. Playing at Indiana and playing for coach Knight has given me a tremendous base for basketball.

It went to Thomas first.

Yeah, in to Daryl, and he kicked it to me in the corner. I was just thinking 'I hope it goes in.'

Your kids must be old enough now to appreciate it. How often do they see it?

Especially now, because CBS or ESPN Classic or whatever will show it from time to time. When tournament time rolls around it will be on TV, they'll see it, and of course they'll see the short shorts and they'll see that their dad had hair, and all of that stuff. But it's always fun sitting there and watching their reaction when they see it on TV .Andre is my oldest, and Jared is the youngest. They both play basketball.

Now that you're a coach, what do you see that made Bobby Knight unique?

You couldn't tell if we were a losing team or a championship team. Because he coached it the same way. He didn't look at it like we were a 30-4 team, he coached it like we were a 4-30 team. I enjoyed my time there. I still use the drills as far as defensive principles of where you need to be. People always talk about the line drills and suicides and things; people always think that we ran a lot, but we didn't. We didn't practice a long time either. We went from an hour, maybe an hour and 15 minutes. But it was at a high intensity level. I've been around coaches in different places when you're in the gym for 2½ hours, but there's no focus or intensity with that. With Knight, practices moved from a to b to c, and you were out of there.

Do you still keep in touch? What does he think of your work with the Warriors?

I haven't talked with coach for awhile. I've talked to his son (Pat), but I have not talked to coach. Coach Knight doesn't call you; you call him. If there were ever something I needed, or if I wanted some advice, I'd call him and he'd be right there. He'll do anything for his former players. But while you're playing for him, you don't have a relationship. One big piece of advice he gave me early on was that once you start coaching, you have to fast yourself from playing basketball. Because if you're playing, you think like a basketball player. You only see one or two players removed. But when you're a coach, you have to see the entire picture. So I stopped playing completely when I started coaching. Not a pickup game, nothing. And as I moved through the years, my view of everything started getting much bigger.

What would he do when he got mad?

The big thing was when you got back to the locker room, your bags would be outside. And if he was real mad at you, he'd throw your bag down the hall.

What's the biggest adjustment from college to the NBA? How is the coaching different?

The defensive schemes are a lot different. There's a lot of motion and pick and roll stuff in college, where in the NBA it's a lot of quick hits to your best players right away. So a lot of players don't come into the NBA with that principle. Another thing is that back when I was coming up, you had players who were in college three years or four years or whatever it had been. You develop a toughness for rebounding and getting loose balls with four years of college. Now, players are coming out of college so early that most of their skills are on the offensive side. So you have to work a lot on defense. A senior in college very seldom gets caught on a screen. He gets over it or under it. A freshman, a sophomore, will hit a screen and say ‘Oh, I need help!' So that's what you learn with four years of college; getting to places before you need to be there.

Is defense a lost art?

Yeah. Because every guy wants to have fun. They want to have fun on the break with the wide open dunk. But if you don't have stops on defense that create those situations, you're lost. I was always taught that rebounding is the most important thing. The good teams rebound. If you're not rebounding, you're constantly playing fast, trying to catch up. When the shot goes up, if you don't get the rebound, your defense meant nothing. And you have to get the loose basketballs. So the art of teaching defense is really teaching hard work.

This has been a tough season for you.

Not really, because I'm learning a lot, and the players have bought into what we're trying to do. It's just that to be successful, you have to have the talent. And you have to stay healthy. That's been the big thing.

The Warriors are probably the only team that has two huddles during a time out. Don Nelson talks, and then the players huddle around you to hear about the defense. What's been the reaction to that?

I tell you, I have friends around the league who text me from time to time saying "Man, that is something else, we've never seen that. It takes a coach with an incredible amount of confidence to be able to do that. He'll just come to a game and say ‘You got your plan?' And we go on from there. And I want to be perfect for him. He trusts me so much, that I don't want to let him down. I think it's something that may catch on. Because you see a lot of coaches that work strictly with the defense. But nothing's like this situation right here. It's direct now. If there's a timeout and the players have a question about the defense, right away they come to me. It frees you up. So he's created something that's incredible. None of us had ever thought this way in basketball. It's gone beyond what I thought it could possibly be.

You make all the defensive calls?

Coach has told me if I need to take a player out of the game, I take him out of the game. It's not a problem. So I give the player three strikes. We had a situation a couple of nights ago, Cory missed an assignment. During the time out I told him, Cory, you've got one strike. The veteran guys have bought into it, and we've gone that way. And we haven't made it to three strikes yet. You have to hand it to coach Nelson. I can't think of another NBA coach who would be secure enough with himself to allow something like that.

Do you coach your sons? Who are their favorite players?

I don't coach my kids at all. I'm simply dad. Andre loves Jason Kidd. He gets more excited about making a pass than anything. He'll come home and say dad, I made 12 assists last night. Jared is a big Steve Nash fan. He got an opportunity to meet Kevin Garnett, and really likes him too. I just want them to have fun playing, and whatever happens with their career happens.

What do you tell your team when you're playing Kobe?

Sometimes there's nothing you can do. When he wants to turn it on and go, you can forget what you're trying to do. Those guys are so good, that sometimes you say that they're just bleeping with the game. They'll let you have fun playing with them, but they'll look at the score and say OK, we're up by six, let me turn it up a notch. Those guys, Dwyane Wade, they have the ability to allow their teammates to get involved. The key is to hold every player to his average. Don't allow other guys with a low average to have a great game.

Tell me something about Knight that may surprise people.

One of the first days I was there, I went to the dining hall. We had all of the African American players sitting at one table, all of the white players sitting at another table. Nothing big, but we knew that that wasn't how he looked at things. He told us that he didn't want to see that again. You know you don't think anything of it; right away I gravitated toward Darrell Thomas, Rick Calloway, Dean Garrett, and we were all sitting at one table. We didn't think anything of it. But you started to see that he didn't want it that way ; he wanted us all together. I didn't have the same roommate twice in a row. We rotated. He saw things differently. He and coach Nelson, their thinking is just different. I've had the opportunity to play for one who's the all-time winning college coach, and working for one who will probably be that in the pros. I am really lucky.

Yes, Fast Times at Abilene Christian, the small Texas university with the big offensive stats. The first time I called Wildcats head coach Chris Thomsen on Monday, his voicemail was full; clogged with congrats and woo-hoos from friends and former players who couldn't quite believe a college football team could keep the accelerator down that long. In fact, Thomsen's football team outscored the basketball team, who played later that evening on the same campus and only got 90.

Abilene Christian is led by a quarterback, Malone, who was recruited by just about every big school in the nation, but settled on Tulane because that's where his brother played. But a vascular condition that doctors at first thought was life threatening forced him to sit out his first two seasons there, and he ultimately transferred when Tulane coaches — and more importantly, lawyers — figured it was too risky to allow him to take the field. Malone, who now has a clean bill of health, was 16-of-25 for 383 yards and 6 touchdowns on Saturday, all of the scoring passes to different receivers. Bernard Scott ran for 292 yards and six touchdowns, and had one receiving TD. The teams combined for 1,531 yards total offense, with ACU getting 810. It was the highest-scoring playoff game in NCAA history.

All of this is rather perplexing to head coach Chris Thomsen, a meat-and-potatoes Texas football man who idolized the straight-ahead, bruising players of the 1970s, and would rather club you with determination than dazzle you with guile. I talked with him on Tuesday as his team prepared to play Northwest Missouri State in the second round of the playoffs on Saturday.

DS: I guess we can start with this: What the heck happened? I'm saying heck because I know you're a Christian University.

CT: We have a bunch of talented, explosive players, and it was just one of those games. We executed well. The game tempo was unbelievable; the other team was running hot as well. But in the third quarter [West Texas A&M] went with a couple onside kicks, and we recovered. That let us pull away.

DS: Would you rather coach a game like that, or a 7-3 slugfest?

CT: I'm an old offensive line coach. I prefer a steady running game and play action and grinding it out. Like those Dallas Cowboys teams of the 1980s. But the college game has changed; it's not geared to that any more. And we have an offensive coordinator, Ken Collums, who calls all the plays and who is very talented. We coached together at Central Arkansas.

DS: Tell me about Billy Malone.

CT: We have some good key players and are blessed with a great player at quarterback. He's a great guy, a leader and a family man. He has a wife and two daughters. He's going to get an opportunity in the NFL, and it couldn't happen to a better guy.

DS: You have a couple of other big names on the roster, I see.

CT: Well, our running back Bernard Scott is also a pro prospect. But the two players you're referring to are (receiver) Chance McCoy, the younger brother of Texas quarterback Colt McCoy, and (quarterback) Clark Harrell, younger brother of Texas Tech quarterback Graham Harrell. Both are youngsters, part of our future.

DS: The school has produced some notable players over the years.

CT: Wilbert Montgomery, Clint Longley, who played for the Cowboys. Johnny Perkins (receiver for the New York Giants), Grant Feasel (center, Seahawks), Cleo Montgomery (receiver for Raiders, Browns, Bengals), Dan Remsberg (offensive lineman, Broncos), and John Bradshaw Layfield, who wrestles in the WWE. They all went here.

DS: What's special about Abilene Christian?

CT: It's juts a great environment. They care about kids. They care about creating great students and allowing them to become great people; they go the extra mile here.

Where did you grow up, and how did you become interested in sports?

I was born in Madison, Florida, which is just east of Tallahassee. I was raised by a single mom, who had 10 kids; five boys and five girls. I was number four, but the oldest son. We were poor country people; no recreation for kids or anything, so we played street football. The kids all knew me so me having one leg was just normal to them.

What were your limitations athletically?

I didn't have any. I usually played with kids older than me, and I had to keep up. We'd play football, baseball, and jump over fences and climb trees. I was like anyone else and nobody treated me different.

What sport did you first play competitively?

Seventh grade basketball. The coach was also my PE teacher, so he knew me and knew I could play. One of the first things I did in practice was stand underneath the basket and jump up and touch the rim.

Did you ever doubt your ability? Ever get depressed and want to quit?

Never! Not one doubt. It kind of worked to my advantage, sometimes. The first time we played a team, the other players would kind of stare, and I'd go right by them. I remember other coaches yelling at their players "Get him, get him! Stop gazing at him!"

What sports did you play in high school?

Football, basketball and track. I won the district in the high jump at 5-8, and threw the shot 40 feet and a 130 discus.

How did your high school football coach react to you on the first day of practice?

He was concerned for my safety, you might say. But after two games he realized I was capable, and I started the third game and never looked back. I made the varsity in the 10th grade.

Why did you decide not to wear a prosthesis?

It just slowed me down. When I was a kid I just hopped a lot; that's what felt comfortable. I'd been doing it since I was a kid and I wasn't going to change.

The game that stands out the most for you?

When we played Brooks County, Georgia, my senior year, They were big for high school players; 6-4, 6-5, 250 to 280 pounds. We averaged maybe 185 on the line. They looked at us and just laughed. 'Look at those little guys!' And that's the game I made all the tackles. I had 11 tackles, an interception, and blocked a kick. And that's with them double-teaming me the whole game.

Did you often get double-teamed?

Always. If they had scouted us.

What position did you play at Bethune-Cookman?

Middle linebacker. We had some excellent teams; in 1984 we won our conference championship. Lee Williams, who went on to play for the Chargers, he was on that team. Dewey Forte (Miami Dolphins), Mike Revell (Dallas Cowboys), John Bostic (KC Chiefs) were also teammates.

What do you think of today's NFL players? What's your reaction when Terrell Owens complains about not getting the ball?

Football is not based on individuals; it's a team game and a team effort. Everyone should remember that. That's what I tell my players.

You're a coach now?

I returned to Bethune-Cookman and coached there until 1991. Now I coach at Jefferson County High School in Tallahassee, where I live. I'm the defensive coordinator.

What do you tell players who are down on themselves, or seem to lack confidence or drive?

You can do whatever you want to do when your mind is determined. What can stop you? My momma taught me that. You see, she did not have pity on me; she treated me like everyone else. I was not exempt; if I didn't do my chores, I got a whuppin'. She told me I was no different from anyone. And think that was the difference. I owe it all to her.

How big is your own family?

I have eight girls and one son. I live in Tallahassee, and sing with the gospel group Elder Carl Joseph & The Spiritual Tru-Tones. My faith was always very important to me. It still is.

Any advice for high school players who may have a football playoff game this weekend?

How big is your heart? That's the most important thing.

Boulware, a Republican, was running in a traditionally Democratic district that includes Tallahassee, where he played at Florida State. The four-time Pro Bowler is the Ravens all-time sacks leader (with 70) and he helped win the Super Bowl in 2000, before knee injury forced him to retire.

How is decompressing from a political campaign different from decompressing after a football game?

In a football game you practice all week, and win or lose you put it behind you. In the political world, you gear up for a lot longer; I was campaigning for over a year. And then suddenly you lose, and there is no game next week. It's all or nothing. It's not easy for me right now.

Did name recognition give you an advantage? I didn't notice Michelle Vasilinda flashing a Super Bowl ring, although I could be wrong.

It helps at first, but name recognition can only get you so far. Eventually people want to know what you're going to do for them. They want to know how you're going to help fix problems, how you're going to govern. And being a football player ultimately has nothing to do with that.

What was the strangest thing about the campaign? What weird shit went down?

I don't know about weird, but it's a very different world from what I was used to. Campaigning at this level mainly consists of going around and meeting people, knocking on people's doors to ask for their vote. That's an adventure. I was stung by a bee, chased by dogs ... I got caught in sprinklers, I got spider webs in my face. In the NFL you're catered to, they take care of everything for you. Now here I am knocking on doors and asking for people's support. I learned a lot about politics, and a lot about myself.

Would you do it again?

When I got into this I knew very little about it, and learned as I went. Yeah, I would. It was very exciting. Add to that it was one of the most historic elections ever on the national level. Voter turnout was high everywhere, it really was an exciting time to be in politics. In the end it came down to 400 votes. I wish I would have won it, but it was a great experience anyway. If you would have asked me a year and a half ago if I'd ever do this, I would have said you were nuts.

Will you do it again?

It's hard to say right now. If the right opportunity comes along, then I would. You never know.

I know it hasn't been that long since you retrired, but have you noticed any differences in the game?

Every year it seems to get faster, and the players get bigger. When I played, once and awhile you'd see someone get carried off on a stretcher. Now it seems like every week someone's getting knocked out. It seems like it's a lot more violent.

What are the Titans' chances of going unbeaten?

They're playing some very good football right now. I think the key has been Kerry Collins taking a leadership role. That has made all the difference.

Why did you decide to come back to Tallahassee to live, and then to run for office?

It's a great community. I had a great career here and I knew a lot of people, and I thought I could make a difference. I met my wife here, raised my three kids. The biggest thing is the economy; there are a lot of state employees in Tallahassee, and people haven't had raises in awhile. We need creative solutions to get things going again.

Peter Boulware Goes Door-To-Door In Race For Seat In the Florida House [Sports Illustrated]

"Erin is a tremendous reporter. She's a prepared and a hard-working journalist, who is well respected and asks excellent questions. We're proud to have her as an important part of our coverage team. Beyond that, we feel it's unnecessary to even respond to any of the specifics outlined."

Fair enough. Thanks for playing. Nadel took the time to speak to us about his motivation for the piece, the feedback he received, and if he would write it differently after it happened. His e-mail answers are below.

DS: So, I'm going to assume that your column caused a lot of very enthusiastic responses. Would you say it was split down the middle or were there more "Stop Picking On The Pretty Lady!"-type nonsense?

MN: It leaned toward the latter. Interestingly, many of those who "yelled" at me ALMOST got my point. One e-mailer criticized me for making "a sad remark on the respect of women in sports journalism." Another said I
was playing "right into the stereotype of women sportscasters/reporters." Actually, the remark I was making about women in sports journalism is that it's difficult for them to do their job when one of their colleagues is feeding the stereotype.

At least a dozen fellow "mainstream media" reporters - including three women - have told me they liked the column and agreed with its premise. I heard no dissent from anyone in my field, though I'm sure there must be some out there.

Plenty of blog readers had fun commenting on my sexual orientation - as in: Only a gay guy could possibly object to the way Erin dressed and acted. Well ...Shhh! My wife thinks I'm straight!

DS: Did you intend to write a story about her? Or was that just something that happened during your coverage of the game? And would there have been any change in your approach in hindsight?

MN: I was expecting to write a baseball column Wednesday. But as the scenario unfolded in the clubhouse, I began to notice - it would have been impossible for me not to have. And when Cubs manager Lou Piniella saw Andrews and bellowed: "Hey, hey, hey! Look at this! Are you doing a baseball game today or a modeling assignment?" I realized that pretty much everybody was thinking exactly what I was thinking. In my mind, that made it a viable angle. (I also bounced the idea off my editor to make sure it worked.) As I've learned, A LOT OF PEOPLE CARE DEEPLY ABOUT ERIN ANDREWS. Many, a tad too deeply.

As for the second part, I wish I had included a couple of paragraphs about all of the excellent female sportswriters and broadcasters I have worked with over the years. Many of them would be described as "good-looking" by most men, though that's not the point. Many have been leered at by athletes, just as Andrews was Wednesday. But these women have worked hard to overcome the stereotypes. They never would pander to athletes. They never would get touchy-feely. Being considered professional is paramount to them. I believe they would have been mortified to see that scene Wednesday: a reporter who LIVED the stereotype and profited from it.

I also wish I had used the word "sashayed" instead of "sauntered" in my lead. Good word, sashayed.

DS: My biggest objection to the column was the fact that it seemed like it was condemning Erin Andrews a little unfairly compared to other journalists. Erin Andrews is Erin Andrews. She's on her own island. Not because she's the greatest, most bangable sideline reporter ever to carry a microphone, but because her Erin Andrewsness has become her biggest commodity. ESPN knows that. She probably knows that. It just didn't seem fair to exploit the obvious in such a demeaning way. We get it: Erin Andrews is hot and maybe a little too friendly with the players. If anything it seems the issue could be more with ESPN than with her at this point.

MN: Fair enough. That seems logical. My intent wasn't to condemn Erin Andrews but the "Erin Andrewsness" you refer to. Maybe we are supposed to totally dismiss the journalism aspect of it and look at it strictly as
entertainment - as if she were the card girl at a boxing match. Maybe that's what Disney/ESPN wants. That's a sad commentary in its own right.

And as far as her being "the greatest most bangable sideline reporter ever to carry a microphone" ... are you forgetting about Craig Sager and His Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoats?

DS: Do you honestly think that what Erin Andrews is doing is making it tougher for sports journalists — not just female but males too?

MN: Definitely for females. Probably not for males.

The comment I keep seeing over and over again from Deadspin readers - and readers of the approximately 87
gazillion other blogs that linked my column - is that I'm "jealous" of Erin's popularity or access or something.

I get plenty of interviews, as do most of my male cohorts. I never once have said: "Player X won't talk
to me. If only I were a gorgeous blonde, I'd get some quotes." I'm much more likely to say: "Player X won't talk to me? I don't need the douchebag anyway. And hair is way overrated."

For years, when ESPN, Sports Illustrated, the major TV networks, the New York Times and other heavy hitters in the industry have asked for access, they've gotten it. It's just something "local media" must deal with.

Plenty of male ESPNers could get all the same interviews Erin Andrews does. Of course, Pedro Gomez has lovely eyes. And Rick Reilly's smile ... don't get me started!

DS: If Erin Andrews were not attractive, wearing that dress, showing that much leg, etc. and had still interacted with the players in a similar fashion do you think you would've found it objectionable enough to be column worthy?

MN:Almost surely not. What made me even think of the column was the way the athletes and manager responded to Andrews.

DS: At anytime the players were making the lewd remarks, etc., do you think you would've joined in had you not been writing the story? Like there are obviously other reporters, athletes, etc. who have brought up the way she approaches her job and her appearance in casual conversation. (And in Rick Sutcliffe's case — on-air conversation.) That exists in any industry: everybody wants to bang the hot girl/guy at the office regardless of how good or bad she is at her job. In fact, they call it "locker room talk.". But it rarely goes public. Do you think in some way by including those little anecdotes (Cubs players hubba-hubba-ing, etc.) you were in some way crossing the line both as a human being and a columnist?

Well, before I even knew I was going to do a story, a Cubs player did make eye contact with me and nod his
head in Erin's direction to make sure I saw her. I took a few steps closer to him and softly said, "Wow!" But no, I never once thought of saying: "Yeah, I'd love to get all over that, how about you?"

It's not my nature to pal around with the athletes I cover. They have their world and I have mine. As long
as we can meet in the middle occasionally and have a professional relationship, I'm happy. I believe the
vast majority of sports journalists - male, female, print, broadcast, Internet - agree with me.

I did ask myself if I was crossing some kind of line by writing about the clubhouse scene. I decided I
wasn't. (As did my editor.) Erin is a public figure. The athletes are public figures. Piniella's comment
was made loudly enough for folks in Sheboygan to hear. If one wanted to make the argument that I shouldn't
have used the line of dialog I quoted from one player to another, I'd certainly respect that opinion.

DS: Do you think she does her job well?

MN: Honestly, I don't pay enough attention to Erin or any other sideline reporter, regardless of gender, to make such a judgment. They seem so unnecessary.

Then again, I'm sure they feel the same about bald (but beautiful) sports columnists.

As you may know, Pat Jordan ain't no Rick Reilly. Jordan's profiles— from Roger Clemens, to Carlton Fisk, to O.J. Simpson, to Pete Rose Jr. — are all painstakingly excavated, analyzed and scrutinized through his head-first reporting. His stories reveal a darker, unflattering side of some — okay, most — of his subjects, but his technique is so refined it is more revelatory than gossipy. And although some of the stories are more than 30 years old, they feel remarkably timeless.

Here's a short interview with Pat Jordan that'll give you a little better idea of the type of writer — the type of man — behind some of these stories.

AJD: There seemed to be a time when sportswriters could befriend athletes — actually hang out with them, go to dinner with them, have a relationship that's convivial and not antagonistic. Are those days completely gone forever?

PJ: Gone forever. Now, you're lucky to get 20 minutes at their locker with everybody interrupting you. It's a big mistake on their part. Fans don't get to know them as people, to form a relationship with them as people, so they only know them as athletes and an image. See A Rod. Which is why fans delight in catching A Rod in gotcha moments with a stripper. These guys foster love-hate relationships with their fans because of the distance they maintain from them. If they let guys like me profile them, we could show fans their human side. Now, I was supposed to do a profile on Josh Beckett this spring, but he backed out of it. On one hand, I don't blame him. From his perspective, what does he have to gain? It's Beckett's prerogative, of course, but it would make him more human if I did a profile of him. Now fans just know him as a great pitcher, who's a sullen, red-ass, Texas boy. My profile would help him survive bad times in Boston when they come. But he can't think that far down the road.

AJD: Was there ever an athlete — either you've written about or just met casually — you perceived as an asshole who pleasantly surprised you?

PJ: Yes. Bo Belinsky (author's note: Bo Belinsky!). I thought he was a guy who pissed away his career, carelessly, but he was a man who was very sensitive, a good guy, who could never hurt anyone but himself.

AJD: You seem to have an admiration for players who are a little prickly, who have principles both on and off the field, like the piece on Carlton Fisk in your book. Do those athletes even exist anymore?

PJ: I don't know. I haven't interviewed such guys lately. Seaver, Fisk, they were men first, and athletes second. I admired them as men, and then, secondarily, as athletes. They had fucking standards. Maybe not my standards, but at least they had standards. They were AUTHENTIC. That's all i expect in a subject.

AJD: I found the story (Breakers West: Where The Kissing Never Stops) about the Williams sisters disturbing. It had this very incestuous vibe to it. You seemed to go out of your way to point out how their father wasn't the usual overbearing tennis father (in his mind, at least), but you had it peppered with those odd "I love you Daddy/I love you, Venus Williams" exchanges throughout. Were you genuinely freaked out by Richard Williams?

PJ: Second worst pathological liar i have interviewed. OJ was the first. Richard was a scary guy. A manipulator. He was not an authentic man.

AJD: You're married to Meg Ryan's mom. You did a piece slamming Meg because of some of things she'd said about your wife. Do you still have animosity toward her? Do you consider her, uh, a step daughter?

PJ: Technically, Meg is my step-daughter, even if she does refer to me in Hollywood as the Anti-Christ. But I hold no animosity toward her as long as she leaves her mother alone. I am known in Hollywood as Meg Ryan's mother's pit bull. No one fucks with my wife, especially not her kids. If Meg called her mother today and said she was sorry and she loved her, I'd be the first person to pick her up at the airport.

AJD: Obviously, Jose Canseco didn't appreciate the story you wrote about him. In fact, he (and his girlfriend!) pretty much discredited the whole thing by making it seem like you were an angry, bitter writer taking out your frustrations on him. How much of the version that you published on Deadspin do you think would've been in the piece had you actually spent some time with Canseco? Would an hour of his time really have changed the direction of the story that much? Or is Canseco just telling the truth again and you're just an angry, jealous man?

PJ: I certainly am not jealous of Jose. I never aspired to stupidity. But I was certainly pissed off at his dragging me to LA for three days and canceling our interview. He definitely would have come off better than he did if he'd have talked to me. Maybe he could have made himself more human in my eyes in a way he wasn't from a distance. His mistake.

AJD: Do you think the majority of sports writers are pussies?

PJ: Abso-fucking-lutely. Most have yet to grow pubic hair. They idolize and are resentful of jocks that have a talent they never had. They fawn over them one minute, and slam them the next. Very schizophrenic. I never admired athletes because I was one and knew just because we were athletes that didn't make us any better than anyone else. So I could throw a ball faster than a non-athlete, so what. Anyway, I admire athletes who are, again, AUTHENTIC. I am not a fan. I am a writer who appreciates authentic people, whether they are jocks, actors, politicians, or unknowns.

AJD:When was the last time you got into physical altercation with somebody?

PJ: I was 52. My wife and I were pedaling our bikes on the sidewalk on Fort Lauderdale beach. This big guy, maybe 220 lbs, 28 years old, was roller blading backwards toward us without looking. He clipped my wife's bike, almost spilling her to the sidewalk. When he passed me I said, "Hey, asshole, watch where you're going." So he skates back to me in a threatening way and says, "What did you call me?" I said, "Asshole." Now he's thinking, this is an old guy, but not that old, and then he slams into my wife's bike again and knocks her to the sidewalk. I leap off my bike on top of him and we're wrestling on the sidewalk. I have his head in a headlock, when my bicep rips, and I let go. He jumps off and skates furiously away, screaming back at me, that I was crazy. I told you, nobody fucks with my wife. Anyway, my bicep is still ripped and I never had it repaired. Long story, huh?

AJD: Does publishing a book like this depress you at all? Of course, it's gratifying, but at the same time, it's your life, or at least a huge chunk of it. Doesn't putting together a collection like this open you up to second guessing any of the choices you made?

PJ: Nothing depresses me, in my job, except when I'm not writing. Writing is an end for me, not a means. I aspire to nothing, ESPN-TV, fame, fortune, or anything, other than to be able to write each day and pay my bills. The collection has some of my best stuff, not all. I don't live in the past of everlasting regrets. Every story I do next, I think will be my best. That's what keeps me going. I am first, last, and always, a professional writer who lives to sit at the typewriter each morning. As for regrets, I have none, except for my sins, which will remain private as far as you're concerned. Certainly I have no regrets about my career. I never thought of my career as a career. It was God's gift. I fucked up the first gift God gave me, and hope He isn't still pissed off at me. Then He gave me a second career which I know I haven't fucked up. I do the best and truest work I can from story to story and let the rest of you decide whether their good, bad, or irrelevant. and you guys, Alex (Belth, the editor of Jordan's collection), and anyone else who reads my stuff is the point for me. I write for my readers, not me. If i don't please you, I failed. As for second-guessing, that's for losers. I live with my choices, even if I wish I hadn't made some of them. It's called, being a fucking man, guys.

—————————————

Did you just become aware of the fervor about your comments?

Yes, I've been on vacation, and just saw [Sunday]. I noted that many of the comments expressed disappointment. I wanted to clarify and amplify my points, not backtrack or apologize or anything.

All right. So did the Miami Herald story quote you correctly?

Yes, the quotes were accurate, but it didn't have everything I said. Barry Jackson [the reporter] is an good reporter, but that wasn't everything I said. He, and everyone who was at the [charity auction], knew that I wasn't condemning everyone.

So, feel free to clarify.

I don't have any problem at all with the mainstream media being challenged or supplemented by new media. No entity has a monopoly over good writing from a valid point of view. In that sense, the more the merrier. In fact, many bloggers, on numerous subjects, sports included, are talented, humorous and bring fresh perspectives.

My commentary was aimed solely at a portion of Internet sports discourse, an unfortunately large portion, that consists of nothing more than potshots, ad hominem arguments, ignorance and invective. No one who is familiar with the general tone of public discourse, whether it be sports, politics, whatever, can honestly deny that much. It comes from that direction.

I was absolutely not saying that most or all bloggers were losers. It just seems so often that commenters use insults in the place of arguments. Is there a lot out there that's also well-written? Or course. But forgive me for not placing the exact same value on an comment on a political blog that I would to something said by Ted Koppel. Sure, they have the equal value in a voting booth. But you have to assume that if you've done something reasonable well for an extended period of time, you have some notion of what you're talking about.

So you don't think anyone who writes a blog or comments online is a "get-a-life loser?"

Some have inferred that I have this elitist view, and that I think only people who have been somehow "certified" have the right to comment on sports. It shouldn't be confused with somehow being superior. If you opened up anything to large numbers of participants, you'd find some real gems in there. But you'd have a lot of muck to sift through. I do think newspapers' comment boards need to have the same sort of standard they'd have for a letter to an editor. It's possible they just don't have the manpower for that, though. I do think I made a good point [in the Herald story], but it's only part of what I think.

Do you read blogs?

I look at some baseball blogs, Baseball Prospectus and what-not. Sometimes I'll see something funny in The Onion, and I've recently been looking more at your site since your book came out. It's a generational thing, though. I would do well to download music, but that's just not something I do. It's not my natural first impulse. I still love to pick up a newspaper in the morning.

We think the tipoff for people being angry was the "basement" line. Everyone's a little tired of that line.

Yes, well, that might have lapsed a bit into cliche.

Friday afternoon, we accepted an invitation to MLB.com's offices in Manhattan for an interview with ... Harold Reynolds. This is the first SHOTY nominee we've interviewed — save for the imaginary conversations with Barbaro that go on in our head every day — and we talked for about an hour on a variety of topics, most of which involved ESPN and Reynolds' ongoing lawsuit against the company.

Reynolds couldn't get into detail on most aspects of the case, but he still had plenty to say. After the jump, dip inside the brain of the newest MLB.com employee. And we will say this: The man can hug.

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Mr. Reynolds, we won't lie: We're pretty surprised to be talking to you right now.

Hey, you guys have been real good to me.

Really? We think we once called you "Handsy" Reynolds.

I've been called a lot worse.

We think that if your firing would have happened five years ago, you would have gone quietly into the night, ESPN would have just moved on and no one would have ever thought about it again. You'd have just been gone. But today, the way they're used to running their business doesn't work anymore. People hold them more accountable than they used to, and when they shroud something in mystery, people want to know what happened. The day after your firing, "Harold Reynolds" was the No. 1 most searched item on Technorati. No offense, but you're not Britney Spears. Were you surprised by the mass interest in what had happened to you?

First off, I'm glad I'm not Britney Spears. And certainly none of those searches were done by me. As for being surprised, yes and no. Yes, because to me, I'm just Harold. But no, because ESPN, it's a huge entity. It's a huge monster. The day I was let go, with nothing said, no comment but "he's just no longer with the network," that piqued a lot of curiosity. Because of that, people were trying to find out what was going on.

You did an interview with The New York Post the day after you were fired where you just sounded confused.

That was an ambush. I just answered the phone, and the guys says, "I hear it's sexual harassment." I was like, 'Excuse me, who is this?' I wasn't ready to do an interview; I was still trying to figure out what the heck's going on.

And at that point, you had no idea you'd been fired for sexual harassment?

I found out solely through newspapers and your site. They never specified this is what it is. In the vernacular of the paperwork, it's actually "Not Following The Direction Of Production." But they never said that publicly. They just let me hang out there and get slaughtered.

To this day, of all the people you worked for at ESPN, the people who fired you, you still haven't talked to any of them about why you were fired?

Nobody in upper management. I've talked very briefly with a few different people I used to work with. I've searched for information just like anybody else. I didn't know what was in the complaint. We sent the labor board to go get [my personnel file and complaint], and they were denied. The state attorney general subpoenaed ESPN, and they just didn't turn it over. Finally, we got in front of the judge, and the judge turned over the personnel file. And that was just May 18. May 18 was the first time I had ever seen my personnel file and what any of the complaints were against me. Through a court order.

Do you still talk with any of the guys from the show?

Kurkjian and Peter (Gammons) have called, and I speak with them a lot. Ravech has tried to contact me a couple of times. The main people I worked with were Peter, Karl, Krukie and occasionally Kurkjian, and everybody's contacted me except for Kruk. I'm not gonna sit here and slam him, though.

I think what has happened with most of the people at ESPN is, because of the lawsuit, a lot of people are afraid to get in touch with me. It's not that they don't like me. I understand.

You were there for a long time.

Eleven years. I knew everybody from the janitor to the president. I felt like that was home for me. I understand if people don't get back at you.

It was tough to leave, because I went across every portion of ESPN, with Little League, and College, and Major League Baseball. That means studio and remote side. I knew thousands of people. It's difficult not being in touch.

Was there a fear, once all this went down, that you'd never work again?

I had to think about it, before I filed the lawsuit, and I came to the point that I was like, "You know what? I'm just not working anymore." And that was fine with me. To me, it's always been about clearing my name. I don't, to this day, feel like I was fired properly. I was wrongfully terminated, it was rush to judgment, they did not do a proper investigation. Had they done this the right way, we would have never been in this situation. I stand by that. I built my life for 30 years as a professional, whether it's in baseball or broadcasting, and to have that torn down, in one statement, by one person, I wasn't gonna stand for. This was my only recourse. I wanted to meet, and I wanted to sit down, and I didn't get any answers.

We've seen the court papers of what has been filed against you, and, not to make you get into specifics, but when you look at what some other ESPN personalities have been accused of, or what they've even admitted to ... why you? If these were all just misunderstandings, they could have had stronger cases against other people, if they wanted to make an example out of someone.

I won't get into specifics, but when you look at some of the other stuff people have said about other people there, it's pretty obvious that this situation was not fair to me. I will say that. They can read between those lines as well as you can. That's one of the main reasons I think I've got such a strong case. I was not treated fairly in comparison to some of the other things that have gone on in that place.

Talk about the day all this went down. Was it just HR in the room with you? Oh, and by "HR," I mean "human relations," not, you know, you.

It was Norby Williamson, Marcia Keegan and Steve Anderson. That's who was in the room, and that's who fired me. They called me in, and told me I was fired.

After you were fired, did you look around for other jobs immediately?

I talked to just about everybody in the industry. The first people who came to the forefront were the Mariners; I've always got a job there. I met with everyone. And every single one of them was like, "Well, let's see what happens with this ESPN business first." That's another reason I'm so grateful for MLB.com, to step up and say, "we'll give you a job right now." They know interviews like this are gonna have to happen. But when I met with other executives at other networks, they'd always ask immediately about the ESPN thing. After I tell them what happened, they're like, "That's it?"

Have you ever talked to any of the women who made accusations against you since they made them?

No. These weren't relationships. They could stand in front of me right now, and I wouldn't know who they are.

Do you still watch "Baseball Tonight?"

A couple of times. But it's hard. I feel like I helped build that show. It's tough to turn it on and see the show and not see me on it.

Do you think, generally speaking, that ESPN is a difficult place for women to work?

Anytime you have women in a sports environment, it's going to be difficult to them. They're just outnumbered; they become a minority. I think you have to be extra respectful to them and their position. You have to be more sensitive to it, because you never know how people will react to something.

Did you ever have any sexual harassment training at ESPN?

Nope, never. They put out that there were concerns of five women with incidents of misconduct, but this isn't something that happened in one incident. I never had training, I was never asked to go to training, though I think everybody else in the building probably had it.

Everybody but you?

I'm sure I wouldn't slip through the cracks now, after me, but yeah: It was just never offered to me.

Do you think, generally speaking, that ESPN is too powerful?

They're a powerful entity, there's no doubt about that. But I couldn't worry about that. But I needed to file this suit to file my name. Whether it would have been ESPN or anybody else. It had to be done.

Before this whole business, we never got the impression that you were one of the least popular ESPN broadcasters; there wasn't a site called "Fire Harold Reynolds" or anything. People like Kruk and Berman get it a lot worse than you ever did.

Man, you guys just kill Chris. Leather? Is that what it is? You're with leather?

Something like that. We actually have no problem with leather. It's one of our favorite materials. Anyway, you'd never had that much negative about you in the media, and then, suddenly, everything in the media about you was negative. That must have been disconcerting.

The biggest eye opener for me was that I never had enemies. My whole life, I was the guy who loved everybody, hugged everybody, said hi to everybody. When something like this happens, they come out of the woodworks. I'm like, "Man, people hate me." That hurts, you know? That's probably the biggest shocker of it all. I really was naïve to that side of things.

Did people get quiet when you walked in the room?

Oh, yeah. I'd walk into restaurant, and my wife would always get the "Oh, poor girl" looks from everybody. That's hard. That's been the most difficult part of the whole thing was seeing my wife see all the hurt she had to go through. We're pretty upbeat people. To have night when you were crying and you don't have direction, it's real hard. But it's been good for us, it's forged our relationship closer. Hell, we'd just been married a couple of years. It was like, "Hello, marry me" and then BLAM. But we'll weather the storm. Forget jobs, forget if I'm gonna work again, forget about how people who don't know me perceive me. What matters is what's happening at home. I sat down with my wife, explained to her what was going on and she said, "Let's go forward with the lawsuit." She backed me up, no matter how darts were thrown our way.

Talk about this new MLB.com thing. Do you have a contact all set? Is part of this a deal with the new baseball network that's coming in a couple of years?

It's a two year contract, and, as for the baseball network, that's something that we'd all have to address down the line. They don't have it under the same umbrella. In my eyes, I see them co-existing, but it's up for MLB to set up the difference. I'll be on five days a week after the All-Star break, and then it'll be two days a week in the offseason. I'm not taking this job because I couldn't wait to work again; it's an unbelievable opportunity. The reach here is greater. I'm not Internet savvy, so it kind of blows me away what people can get to on the Web. In my heart of hearts, I love to teach baseball. If I can get in people's homes and teach the game, and educated people on it, this is where I need to be.

Do you still live in Connecticut?

Yep, in West Harford. I'll come into the city twice a week, and we'll have everything done that can be posted for the rest of the week. We want to be as current as possible.

Have you lost any friendships because of this whole thing?

Naw, people know me. People who have been around me have never wavered. They know that if I had done anything, I would have said so. The real people around me ... well, I don't want to get into anything too philosophical.

The Web doesn't handle philosophy well.

Exactly. I'll get killed when this runs.

So we were wondering if you would give us a hug.

I don't think my lawyers would like that too much.

We promise not to file a complaint.

Sorry. Probably not a good idea.

Why did we decide to interview Rocker? Well, the interview took place just a day after Michael Richards' famed "fork up your ass" performance at The Laugh Factory in Los Angeles, and we thought maybe he could shed some light on the situation. He also is promoting, uh, something right now, his "Speak English" campaign, an attempt not to change his image but, you know, enhance it. It's clear Rocker would like to be a Fox News talking head, and he's in the process of writing a book expounding his worldviews. And also: We thought it would be fun to see what kind of drink Rocker would order. (Mandarin Absolute and Red Bull; not much of a surprise there.)

He was accompanied by his girlfriend, African-American model Alicia Marie (pictured), who chimes in occasionally during the interview. She's a lovely woman, and awfully nice. (She ordered a Diet Coke.) After the jump, our entire hour-long interview with Rocker, mostly unedited, except for when a question we asked made us sound like an idiot, in which case we edited it up to make ourselves look witty and charming. We were going to have a surreal picture of us, Rocker and Alicia to accompany this story, but we had a few too many Newcastles and forgot to take one. We're such an exceptional journalist.

It's long, but we hope you find it worth your while. Maybe. Enjoy.

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Hey, thanks for meeting up with me. Cheers. Welcome to New York. How long are you here?

Through Sunday, actually.

Where you having Thanksgiving?

At her parents' place (points at Alicia Marie).

Really? Uh, have you met her parents before?

Yeah. I've met the younger sister, and both parents. I've met her mom once, her dad twice and her younger sister went to dinner with us three weeks ago.

Uh ... do they like you?

Alicia chimes in: I was initially worried about my dad.

I can imagine.

Alicia: But my dad, like, loves him.
Rocker: Yeah, we all went out dinner and had a great time.

Really?

Yeah. They really like me. They're really nice people.
Alicia. I grew up in Connecticut. They're the only black Republicans on earth.

Did you guys really meet when John was pitching against me in Herald Square Bryant Park? I'm really pissed you struck me out, by the way. My excuse is that it was really cold outside.

Well, when it warms up, let's try it again. Yeah, you were wearing the Rick Ankiel jersey, right? Sorry about that. I don't know what happened to that kid. The first game he disintegrated was against us, actually, back in 2000. They ended up winning that game, though in the first three innings he had, like, eight walks. The media got on him so bad. After they beat us, they kept showing the highlights over and over. I guess he probably watched all the press about himself, and when he came back in Spring Training, that's all they could talk about.

Anyway, yeah, we met there. I haven't actually picked up a ball since that day.

Really? You haven't pitched once? Not even in your backyard or something? Do you miss it?

I miss parts of it. When I watch the playoffs I miss it, but when I watch Game 146 in the middle of August, I'm glad to be out at the beach instead. There's part you miss and parts you're happy are gone.

Do you still talk to any current players?

Yeah, tons. I just talked to Mark DeRosa, who just signed a big deal with the Cubs. I talk to Ryan Klesko a good bit. John Smoltz every once in a while, Dave Burba, Andruw Jones, Steve Woodard, he got married about a month ago.

What's your schedule a lot like now? You seem to be in New York a lot, with Alicia around.

I'm here at least twice a month. She's my main business up here, but I'm meeting with my literary agent. I think I found an editor we feel comfortable with editing. I do a lot of work with a venture capital guy here too, and I'm always doing radio interviews and what-not.

And you two met when she was interviewing you? Because I want to make it clear that I'm not hitting on either one of you.

Yeah, all of her questions were, "Do you have a girlfriend?" "Would you like my number?" I just looked down her shirt, saw what I needed to see and moved on. (Laughs.) I took a leap of faith, because she had a long coat on, and she could have had big birthin' hips or something.

I see.

But I found her, and here we are. The hips are fine.

Yes. Want another drink?

Yes please.

OK. Let's talk about the 7 train story, of course. What I find amazing about the aftermath of the story, and this is what I wrote in the Deadspin piece, was that Americans love second acts. No matter what a celebrity does, if they say they're sorry for it, and seem legitimately apologetic, we tend to root for them to recover, at least until they screw up again. But that never happened with you. You gave that interview, and from every day since then until now, you were The Racist. You never got a second act. I'm not saying you necessarily deserved one, but people usually don't deserve one. Why do you think that interview just set it all in stone like that? Did you ever try to resalvage your reputation? Are you still trying? Is that what the book is for?

Naw, I don't think the book will help with that, and I don't care. The book is more conservative Republican rantings. The Bill O'Reillys of the world, they will appreciate it, the Rush Limbaughs of the world will appreciate it, but, unfortunately, most members of the media - well, I don't know what you are politically.

I'm an agnostic. Politics terrify me.

Well, anyway, those liberal media people, they'll appreciate some things, but I am a Republican. I'm not Republican in everything - I mean, look at my girlfriend - and I'm not a huge pro-lifer, but I think 95 percent-plus of the media is liberal, and they see me as the antichrist of liberal views. It's much easier for them to just keep piling on than to look closer and realize that, hey, we might have been wrong about this guy.

It seemed that people felt like you were an outlet for their own sublimated racism. They were like, "Well, we must not be too bad, because we're not nearly as bad as this guy."

It was much easier to label me than sit down like you're doing and actually talk to me. It's a lot easier to label and move on. There are two or three hot-button issues in this country that people feel like they need eradicate, and racism is one of them. So when you have someone like me who has said something, or has betrayed themselves to be such, if you can label them as The Racist, well, Katie bar the door, because we're going after him. Liberal America, which is probably 90 percent plus of the media, that is their end-all, be-all of expressing themselves as liberals. They're all "happy, everybody get along, everybody mesh into one big happy union." When these comments were made years and years ago, it became easier to label than to sit down and wonder, "OK, what is really going on in this guy's head." That's what a huge purpose for this book is going to be. Yeah, these things were said, but these were the 45 minutes worth of context that surrounded those things that were said. You can make anything look bad when you just strip it out.

To be fair, you are promoting a campaign called "Speak English." That's hardly the type of thing that's going to change your image. You did choose that. That wasn't a misquote.

I'm not looking to pop any bubbles about myself; people are gonna think what they're gonna think. I came to that realization about a year and a half ago. I was doing Hannity and Colmes, and because of that SI interview, I had been tiptoeing around every interview I did just to make sure I didn't say the wrong thing. I did that throughout that whole interview, and on the way home, I realized, "You know, I'm retired. You can't get me. You can't picket where I work or play. You can't fire me. I don't have to be politically correct anymore." I realized I didn't have to worry about whether or not the minorities were mad at me. If I wanna say it, it's gonna get said. If you wanna not like me because of it, then oh well.

Alicia, I have to ask: Do you agree with all his political views?

Alicia: Well, there are many things we disagree on, yes, but at least I see where he's coming from. I feel like part of my job with him is to help people get past this whole "He's John Rocker" thing, because anything that comes out of his mouth is going to be misconstrued, no matter what he says. I want to help facilitate that.

Rocker: Well, it's not like it's her job or anything. It's not like I said, "Well, I need to hire a black girlfriend to make me look better."

People have said that.

Yeah, she's gotten lots of emails. I wish she weren't so accessible on the Web, actually. Honestly, I don't understand why people are so interested in me, and what I'm doing, and who I'm dating. But people mostly misinterpret the fact that I just don't care. If I were still playing and needed to worry about my image, I might pull some shit like this, dating a black girl, just to throw the old Jedi mind trick on people. I'm out of the public eye now. People's opinions aren't that important to me, I'm not gonna do something like this just to change the opinion of people I don't care about.

When you guys walk down the street, and people see that you're John Rocker, do they say anything?

I don't ever make eye contact with people on the street. I've become like a New Yorker in that way. People want to say, "Hey, has John Rocker changed, has he turned over a new leaf?" I haven't changed at all. I don't understand why it's so hard for journalists to admit that I haven't changed; they were just wrong. Maybe they made me change by writing an article or something. That song by Joe Walsh, "Life's Been Good To Me So Far," that's totally how it is. I haven't changed.

Just to ask for the millionth time: Do you regret the interview? You didn't really pitch much after that.

If it would have been portrayed in the correct version, no. The way the sucker punch was done, yeah, it was horseshit. Every dark cloud has a sun behind it, though; there's a lot of things I can do now that I wouldn't have been able to do had it not been for that article. It's opened a lot of doors. I know a lot of players who had a lot better careers than me, but when they retired, you never see or hear from them again. For some reason, people still have interest in me. Without that article, I wouldn't be writing a book. When you go into a restaurant and the maitre'd says, "Come on in, sit down," that's when you don't mind it. When you're at Bungalow 8, and the bouncer won't let you in because he's Dominican, well, that's when it's not so good.

That really happened?

Yeah, even though two or three of my best friends are Dominican or Puerto Rican. And her, of course. (points to Alicia)

Did any players ever give you any crap about the interview?

Not really. Most players have been misquoted before, so they know how it goes. It happens on some scale to pretty much everybody.

So when I told most of my friends who don't know anything about sports that I was interviewing you, they all knew who you were and wanted me to ask you about Michael Richards.

Well, it was bad, but I bet he ends up getting work in a few years. That's not what happened to me. People still bring it up today all the time. People act like they're gonna "get me" or something. Journalists act like they're the first person to ask me about racism. I apologized and everything, but it didn't stick. I think it's because I was a white man from the South. My favorite show is South Park, and those guys are probably liberals, they're from Canada, but their perception is that the South is dumb, ignorant hicks. They don't see it as the cultural center that it really is. The liberal side of things, they try to pin the South as the racist place in the world. We can connect John Rocker to the South, which equals racist, which equals John Rocker is a racist. The South is just a bunch of fucking racists, that's what they want to see it as, and I just got caught up in that. Michael Richards is lucky he's not from the South. If I'd been Ozzie Guillen, no one would have cared. But I'm not. I'm from the South. It's just a gross double standard. I have a chapter in my book about double standards.

How far along with the book are you?

I've got about 70 pages written. I've put it on hold for a bit until I find a publisher. When the deal is done, I'll finish it up over the course of the next couple of months. That's the thing, though: When people have an agenda, that's all that matters. Jeff Pearlman is who he is: A liberal Jew from New York. He's one of their own, who spent a couple of hours with me, pulled things out of context, and you're trying to create a persona of an individual when you don't know them. You look at Michael Irvin, and Michael's a friend of mine -

You're friends with Michael Irvin? Really?

Yeah.

I would like to watch you two talk to one another.

He's a very nice guy. I see him at a lot of parties. Anyway, it's not like when he goes on to do his morning show, people don't call him the crackhead womanizer, though he's been caught twice with cocaine and prostitutes. I've heard from people who have worked with him on movie sets that it's not a once-in-a-while type of thing, that it's more of a lifestyle thing. So I sit back amazed that people still don't give me any slack on it.

I'm not sure how long your friendship with Michael Irvin is going to last.

No, we're friends, we're friends. Honestly, people in this world just need to stop being so sensitive. Sure, if you go take a lead pipe to someone because they're a different ethnicity than you, then yes, you've got problems. But someone's gonna call me a cracker or a honky? Come on. I'd think the Islamic religion is the most sensitive group of people ever. These people lose their minds over anything. I'd like to see someone make a comment about Muslims, Muslims get mad, and have the person say, "Take it, and ram it right up your ass. Get pissed all you want, I'm not taking it back." You see people ripping on Jesus or the Virgin Mary or Jewish religious stuff, and people can take it. Get on Muslims, though, they get on you quick. At some point, someone needs to just be irreverent. I like Carlos Mencia, I like Dave Chappelle, they can dish it out and have fun with it. The crying and bitching and whining for people to not express their dislike of you, it's no way to bring people around to you.

Do you think if the story hadn't come out, you'd still be playing?

I don't think so. When I played in Long Island last year, I stunk, man. It had been two years since my shoulder surgery, and I was throwing 88 mph on a good day. It would take me 40 minutes to get loosened up for one inning. The shoulder would have blown out regardless. In 2000, I had an ERA under 3.00. The next year I led the league in saves. But then I got traded to Cleveland, and I was pissed to leave Atlanta. I pitched well for the first month I was there, then I stunk, and then I went to Texas, and I was kind of pouting.

If it hadn't been for the story, you might have stayed in Atlanta.

Yeah. [Braves general manager] John Schuerholz traded me. He's a real asshole. I'm gonna absolutely crucify him in my book. The credibility that guy receives for the Atlanta Braves dynasty ... he is an imbecile. Every player who took that team to the playoffs were people who were already there. All his good acquisitions were no-brainers. Scheurholz tries to take all the credit, but he's a complete moron. It's amazing he gets so much credit for it. We had a bad arbitration case, he and I. He just sat there and motherfucked me to death, you suck, you're horrible, and I lost the case. I never spoke to him again. He'd walk right by me and say, "Hi, John," and I'd just ignore him. He has the worst case of Little Man Syndrome I've ever met. He's about 5-foot-5. He's a piece of shit.

I don't know why I'm asking this, but what do you think of the war?

I'd like to go into politics someday. I'm a little young now, but I think I'd be good for it and people would get behind me. I'm not a George Bush fan, but I'd like to see him work with the left a little more. But we need to help those people. They were living under the iron fist of a dictator, and we have to help them. But I don't know. It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't type thing. But it's Islam and the Middle East. It's not gonna get better.

Thank you for your time, sir.

Thank you. Congratulations on your Cardinals, by the way.

Thank you.