Not content to allow LeBron James to sweep up all the attention for his leaked interest in going overseas for $50 million, Kobe Bryant stepped into the fray yesterday from Beijing. Telling The Boston Globe that he'd go to Italy for $50 million a year. You know, sooner or later the NBA brass might have to acknowledge that Europe is a legit threat to their league. Or maybe they'll claim that Bryant was misquoted. Kind of hard when you see this quote:

“I’d go. I’d probably go,” said Bryant, during a USA Basketball press conference on Friday morning. “Like Milan or something like that, where I grew up or something like that… Peace out.”

Peace out? That's the kind of lingo that still kills in Italy. That and jeans that don't reach your ankles. Recall that Bryant spent much of his childhood living in Italy and speaks the language fluently. He also owns 50% of an Italian team. Is there finally a legit threat to the NBA salary cap?

Kobe to Italy [Boston Globe]
NBA’s Worst Fears Realized: Kobe Would Leave to Play in Italy for $50 Million a Year [The Big Lead]

There are a couple of surprises here, first, Shawn Kemp is only 40. Surprising only because Kemp has a daughter who's 32. Second, an Italian basketball team called Premiata Montegranaro has offered him a contract. Of course this report comes via Ball Don't Lie (via The Sport Count) who claims that this article reports that. Only the article is in Italian. And my mom's basement doesn't have a pocket Italian translator.

So I'll just assume all this is true. Which is awesome. Because Shawn Kemp has been no stranger to the ladies in America—a country with sexual harassment laws. Can you imagine what Kemp can do in Italy? A country where sexually harassing women is the national past-time? Only good things can happen from this. Well, assuming the pasta isn't unlimited. Only good non-pasta things. Thank you Italy.

Italian MetroNews [Italy newspaper]
Has Europe gotten it right for once? [The Sport Count]
The NBA euro exodus continues... [Ball Don't Lie]

Italy's Serie A team Fiorentina recently put up the rights to broadcast some of their games up for open bidding. And a porn station won.

A milestone was reached last week in Italy when ContoTV, a hardcore porn channel, outbid other broadcasters to secure the rights to show Fiorentina's UEFA Cup first-round tie against Groningen on September 20. Just a publicity stunt? Probably, although ContoTV executives describe it as an attempt to offer their viewers "something different."

You're listening, MLS, right? Right?

Another Reason To Pay For Porn Channels [Shakedown Sports]

Unable to make the transition to a lesser league as smoothly as Ricky Williams, a lot of players on these clubs are going to want out, which means we're probably about to see a flurry of big-name transfers. Among the studs available will likely be Alessandro Nesta, David Trezeguet, Mauro Camoranesi, Gianluca Zambrotta, Pavel Nedved, Patrick Viera, Lilian Thuram, Luca Toni and World Cup stud goalie Gianluigi Buffon. The BBC Sport site has put together a handly little list of what players are rumored to be heading where. In summary, the rich clubs of the English Premiership (the season's just over a month away) are about to get a hell of a lot richer.

Juventus president Cobolli Gigli plans to appeal the verdict, calling it "unheard of." Unfortunately for him, also unheard of is the depth of the cheating in which Juventus participated. Fans are taking to the streets, too, gathering in protests that have been (somewhat shockingly) peaceful. I've got to think that if they didn't know, at least on some subconscious level, that they deserved their punishments, they'd be turning over cars and setting things on fire.

English clubs prepare Italy swoop [BBC Sport]
Angry fans take to the streets after verdicts [Soccernet]
Shamed Serie A clubs to appeal scandal verdict [Soccernet]

Nope.

"I am utterly disgusted by what I have heard. I praise my son for defending his family's honour. No one should be subjected to such foul insults on or off the football pitch and I don't care if it was a World Cup Final. I have nothing but contempt for Materazzi and, if what he said is true, then I want his balls on a platter.

Heavens! Though, to be fair, if someone had just called us "a terrorist whore," and every newspaper in the world were talking about it, we might be somewhat fired up too.

Bring Me The Balls Of Materazzi [UK Mirror]

"I did insult him, it's true," Materazzi said in Tuesday's Gazzetta dello Sport. "But I categorically did not call him a terrorist. I'm not cultured and I don't even know what an Islamic terrorist is."

OK, that's just awesome: The old "I'm just a caveman ... I'm confused by your 'cultured' ways" defense. That's in the face of the always-reliable lip-reading experts, who claim Materazzi said Zidane was "the son of a terrorist whore," which is pretty insulting even before you note that Zidane's mother is very ill.

Meanwhile, Materazzi, of course, has his own history of on-field violence.

To sum all this up, though, we rely on the subtle, restrained words of French "intellectual" Bernard Henri-Levy in today's Wall Street Journal: Here is a man of providence, a savior, who was sought out, like Achilles in his tent of grudge and rage, because he was believed to be the only one who could avert his countrymen's fated decline. Better yet, he's a super-Achilles who — unlike Homer's — did not wait for an Agamemnon to come begging him to re-enlist ... no nasty remark will ever tell us why the planetary icon that Zinedine Zidane had become, a man more admired than the Pope, the Dalai Lama and Nelson Mandela put together, a demigod, a chosen one, this great priest-by-consensus of the new religion and the new empire in the making, chose to explode right there.

Uh, sure, dude.

Materazzi Admits Insulting Zidane [ESPN]
"Son Of A Terrorist Whore" [The Sun]
Zidane [WSJ.com]

(UPDATE: Inevitably, the Daily Show has chimed in.)

Anyway, we had a classic Dr. Z moment yesterday, when he was properly piqued enough to fired off a rant about Zinedine Zidane. His argument was that Zidane was justified in the head-butt, not because he was the victim of a racist taunt or inappropriate matron-oriented remarks ... but simply because he plays soccer.

The problem is he doesn't hit the canvas as the rest of those prima donnas do. So the ref must figure nothing is happening. ... Maybe Zidane was tired of all this, of this travesty, which rewards all the things that we were once taught were cowardly, but can be used to great advantage in this game.

See what we mean? Damn kids ... get off my lawn! Dr. Z is the best.

Enough Is Enough [SI.com]

In case you haven't exhausted your Zinedine Zidane animated GIF quotient for the day, here's a compendium of some of our favorite ones; the Butterfinger one is still the best. And if you like your moving online stuff to be interactive, here's a game that allows you to collect Zidane red cards. Oh, and people are even coming up with conspiracy theories.

But remember, the World Cup is not about headbutts and angry Frenchmen; it's about crazy fans. After the jump, here are some randomly collected Italy fans celebrating in the notorious Italian enclaves of Williamsburg, Brooklyn and Hartford, Conn., sent in by readers. If the Cardinals win the World Series this year, we're totally gonna be the lady in the fourth photo.

Except this was bigger — a billion people, including Bill Clinton, were watching — and worse.

What odds do you think Ladbrokes was giving on "Minute that Zidane loses his mind, head butts an opponent, gets sent off and goes from savior of his country to an old man with a Vesuvian fuse?" Or to put it another way, what an ironic end to an iconic career!

There are really only two ways to interpret the petit mal that overcame Zizou in the 110th minute:

1) Matterazzi said something less than complimentary about his mother's moral rectitude.
2) Zidane had a sudden brain aneurysm and thought by butting his head into Matterazzi's chest, he could self-correct it.

And yet, as shocking and abject as Zizou's fall from grace is, it should not take away from Italy's coronation. Not only did they win the World Cup, they won it under conditions that would certainly have broken players of lesser resolve than Cannavarro, Gattuso and Buffon. Into each game, the Azzurri carried the taint of the match-fixing scandal, the sadness of their former teammate Pesotto's suicide attempt and the uncertainty of their own futures in Italian soccer. At times they whined and flopped and dove under the strain, but they never buckled. As Grosso's penalty kick bulged the net, his scream of redemption could be heard throughout the courthouses of Italy. We are not criminals, it seemed to say, we are champions. Equally eloquent, Gattuso bared his ass to the world as if to invite all of those Italy-bashers to pucker up.

And yet, for all their triumphant celebrations, Italy could just as easily been the ones crying in their Chianti — and not because of Zidane's meltdown either . I mean, Mon Dieu, what the %$#* was French coach Raymond Domanech thinking when Les Bleus had Italy down, leg weary and out of ideas, deep into the second half ... didn't go for the knockout blow. The part-time actor has always been a loopy presence in this World Cup, with his reliance on astrology in picking his players and his comical sideline pantomines every time a call went against his team, but yesterday his timidity cost the French dearly. What was there to lose by bringing on Trezeguet to partner Henry up top and telling the relentless Ribery and the tricky Malouda to push the pedal on the flanks and try to score a killing goal? Italy was there for the taking, but Domenech must have been waiting for the moon to enter the Seventh House.

Instead, he witnessed the spontaneous combustion of Saint Zizou. After his outrageous penalty chip caromed fortuitously off the crossbar to give France a 1-0 lead six minutes in, Zidane was never the dominant, inspirational force he was in victories over Spain and Brazil, not least because Gattuso was attached to him like a lamprey eel. But it was a shoulder-rattling tackle from the peerless Cannavaro in the 80th minute that seemed to have left him unnerved, with a scowl of pain permanently affixed to his face.

Still, 14 minutes into extra-time, he found himself where he was eight years ago — leaping in the box to send a laser header goalward, just like the two he scored to beat Brazil in the 2002 final. How heartwarming it would have been for Zidane's career to have ended at that point, with the ball nestled in the back of the net and another World Cup trophy scant minutes away. Only this time, his old Juventus teammate Buffon was there to frustrate him, vaulting backward and somehow thrusting out his right hand to tip the ball over the crossbar. Zidane opened his mouth and let out a Munchian scream of anguish and horror, as if realizing, that for all his magical gifts, he was just another mortal 34-year-old victim of time and space.

Six minutes later, he took one more header, launching his powerful noggin into Mazzeratti's chest, and with that insane act, he wrote what may well be the first line of his soccer obituary.

Italy didn't win the World Cup because of Zidane's moment of madness — yes, he would have been among France's penalty takers in the shootout, but who's to say Trezequet won't have clanged one off the crossbar anyway? — but perhaps it fortified them. There they were, a team that lived in dread of penalty kicks, having been eliminated from three World Cups because of them, knowing that the great Zidane could no longer hurt them.

Who would have divined that Italy would have been perfect from the spot (you can come home now, Roberto Baggio), but then this World Cup has been nothing if not unpredictable. Anyone remember Brazil with its magical quartet of Ronaldinho, Ronaldo, Kaka and Adriano, who were a lock to win their sixth trophy? Or Argentina with Mesi and Crespo and Tevez and the 24-pass extravaganza that surely made them unbeatable? Or England, with its glittering midfield tandem of Lampard and Gerrard, not to mention pit-bull savior Wayne Rooney? Or the U.S., with its pre-tournament swagger and quixotic dreams of finally showing the soccer world why it should take us seriously?

All gone, long before yesterday's wild denouement. It was Italy, at the end, that was still standing, and it is Italy who deserves our praise for saying a defiant ciao to all its ghosts. At the same, though, we bid a sad adieu to one of the great players of the last 20 years. With any luck, Zidane may next be seen signing Red Bulls jerseys at the Secaucus mall.

David Hirshey will take some time off to recover from the World Cup, but we hope to have him back for the start of the Premiership season. Go you Gunners!

So everyone's wondering: What exactly did set him off? A racist comment? A nipple tweak? It's not like Marco Materazzi, the head-buttee, doesn't have a history of dirty play himself.

Of course, in a World Cup final, in his final game, it would seem inexcusable, particularly when it might have cost him the pivotal penalty kick (though we think that's somewhat overstating it). But we're not going to lie to you: Even though it could have irrefutably damaged his team, even though it was over-the-top and violent and kind of insane ... we think it's one of the coolest things we've ever seen in a soccer match. We know it's wrong to say that. But it's true.

Why? [Hindu Times]
Head Hits Man In Chest [Mutoni's Musings]

(By the way, thanks to commenter BlogPirates for that image.)

(UPDATE: Here's a theory on what might have set him off.)

(SECOND UPDATE: The Daily Mail is reporting it was indeed a racist comment.)

(THIRD UPDATE: A French newspaper reports Zidane's brother says he must have been called a terrorist or "something serious" for him to make the move. Warning: The link is in French, so we're just kind of guessing that's what it says.)

It's like the world's Super Bowl, except that the commercials won't be nearly as good.

Breaking with our habit of only live-blogging weekday games, we're live-blogging this one, because it's the final, you know? Kind of important. Who is entrusted with the big-time assignment? None other than That's On Point's Mike Cardillo, who has been one of our very favorite live bloggers and will surely rock it out this time. Besides, we thought it would be nice to save weekend fill-in AJ Daulerio the trouble of making fun of the sport. It's the World Cup Final! It's on!

Follow along in the comments and enjoy the game ... it's four more years until we get to do this again, so try to have a good time.

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Thanks for stopping by. Camoranesi was just sheared by his teammates. I think that means its time to go. Warning shameless plug coming, be sure to stop by my site. We'll recap and have some other fun stuff. Adios.

Man of the Match: Cannavaro. Brilliant on defense. Brilliant throughout the Cup.

I am spent. Phew. My grandfather is smiling somewhere. Enjoy this video, at least the music.

Not the way you want to end it, but Italy claims WM No. 4. Hero is, er, Grosso for making the dramatic shot. Goat is Zidane. Karma comes around for Trezeguet six years later, on a bigger stage.

Italy: Grosso — Good: ITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Oh the drama. If Italy makes this, it is over.

France: Sagnol — Good: Italy leads 4-3.
Italy: Del Piero — Good. Italy leads 4-2
France: Abidal — Good. Italy leads 3-2.
Italy: De Rossi — Good, Italy leads 3-1.
France: Trezeguet — Missed. Hit the inner half of the crossbar. 2-1 Italy.
Italy: Materazzi — Good. 2-1
France: Wiltord — Good. 1-1
Italy: Pirlo — Good. 1-0

The goalies hug. Awwwwww.

I have a bad feeling France wins and damnit, Barhtez is a hero. Merde.

PENALTY KICKS (with the Rocky Balboa theme music....should favor Italy, yes?)

120' — Wiltord breaks free, skies his cross well high of an on-rushing Trezeguet. Looks like kicks. Dammit!

119' — For all the American sportcasting talking heads, you want these guys to play forever? Look at the state of this game. These players are finished. This isn't baseball folks.

117' — Italy is done. They are going to be in trouble for kicks.

114' — Wow. How could Zidane lose his cool there? For all the media ready to diefy him, better hit the delete button. , Still Italy cannot capitalize.

111' — Italy needs to press. If France is able to manage to win without their talisman, I will be shocked. No Zidane, no Henry. Who would have thought.

109' — WOW. Zidane should have been sent off. A WWF headbutt on Matterazzi. Dirty. Unbelievable. Nearly as bad as the Rooney stomp. Blatant. ZIDANE IS OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The ref consulted the linesman and they got it right. Zidane has been prone to blow ups in big games. This is a terrible way for him to end, BUT he should have known better.

107' — Henry comes off for Wiltord. Fresh legs, plain and simple.

This is some tense stuff. I almost can't bear to watch. I really love to see some grayhaired sumbitch walk in and wonder where my Tiger Woods golf is? What's with this sawker crap?

EXTRA TIME 2

Thats it for extra time no. 1. Zidane probably should have scored on that header. Italy did not threaten. Will they have some 119th minute magic again?.... ABC shows a replay of Toni's disallowed goal. Hate to say it, but he looked onside.

104' — What do you know. I just type that and Zidane gets a free header on goal right from the penalty spot. Buffon gets his left hand on it to knock it away. Wow. .... on the CK Buffon comes off the line to punch it away. Brilliant stuff form the Italy No. 1.

102' — We can kill the ABC guys for their mispeaks and errors, but they are totally missing the point here. All DOB wants to yammer about is Zidane. The real story is how France has been able get forward on the wings to create chances. And lesso how Itlay has lost all its form.

100' — Wooooow. Ribery JUST wide of the right stick. France looks tres dangerous. .... France sub: Trezeguet for Ribery. Interesting. Will lightning strike twice for the Juventus-man?

99' — What is going on with Italy...they are just stading around in the midfield. Dig deep fellas.

97' — Toni cannot hold up the ball for Italy, his second bad turnover of extra time.

95' — Malouda collides with Gattuso. Leaves his feet before contact looking for a call. Still, Malouda has been awful dangerous tonight. ... and dammit, where's my Cialis. ...Golf tournament that is.

93' — France CK.....cleared easily by Italy.

91' — Can we all collectively pray that this doesn't go to kicks? yes?

EXTRA TIME.

92' — Ribery chips, Buffon handles. .... and that's it. Extra time.

89' — Italy playing, of all things, long balls. Not a good sign. Looks like were getting "overtimes" according to Davey Boy.

88' — Here it is, the Celo standby, "Italy looks tired." (They do...what happened to their midfield?)

86' — Del Piero on for Italy. Camoranesi comes off. Can he be the hero? (With his freshly shaved head, he looks a little bit too much like Vin Diesel for my liking.)

85' — Henry with another snaking run. Sends in the middle for Zidane....nothing doing.

83' — Long attempt from Sagnol. ... Zambrotta clears akwardly. ... France still controlling the run of play.

80' — Zidane sitting on the turf. He looks ok. Pointing to his shoulder. ... the stretcher comes out. Collison with Cannavaro. Zidane looks like he is really hurt. He walks off the field. Interesting turn of events. ... He's back on quickly. (Marcelo inferred that Zidance asked to be subbed. He knows all.)

78' — My brother with a great Marcelo impression. "You know its great whoever gets the trophy, because they won the game."

76' — Diarra with a yellow card. Elbowed Toni, gets the card for a personal favorite, "dissent." ... Italy FK. .... 40 yards, straight on goal. .... Pirlo takes it. ... Ripped it. Just wide of the left post.

75' —Zidane lines up a kick from the left side. ... sails too far for anyone to get a touch on. Yet, to Celo its, "a great ball" despire being five feet over everyone's head.

73' — Marcelo on the "magic spray" — "It's cold, so it numbs it up and numbs the pain." Is there a magic spray for my television volume? ... Let's compare Cannavaro to Marcelo, as a player. Cannavaro is "The Godfather." Marcelo is, "In the Army Now."

72' — A shot of former president Bill Clinton in a luxury box. I really don't know how to respond to that other than, wooooooo pig suey.

71' — Zidane freekick, knocked away with two hands by Buffon.

69' — Celo, "The best teams in the world have a mix between the old players and the young players."

65' — Italy looking better. Toni with a chance that is blocked....later a cross that's blocked. ... Cannavaro wins a ridicolous tackle. He was basically hunched over, best I've seen. ... Malouda's shot is wide.

63' — Henry with another quick strike. Buffon saves and parries the rebound away. Henry showed up tonight. The early headbutt must have woken him up.

62' — Italy looks like it scored, perfect header from Toni...but just offside. CLOSE CALL. Smart move on the quick restart.

61' — Diarra body slams Totti. Meanwhile De Rossi on for Totti (who did nothing) and Iaquinta for Perrotta (who did nothing also).

59' — Zizou chants in the stadium. Stevesie is there?

58' — Zidane winds up for a volley at the top of the box, blocked by Italy. Italy looks totally listless.

56' — Vieira is off. Big loss for France. Alou Diarra comes on. Didn't look that bad of an injury. This could really change things up.

55' — France is going for it. Malouda is terrorizing the left wing. He threads it across the box, but Ribery is too deep to control. ... Vieira cramping up. I really feel bad for the guy. The stretcher is out. You're a hardman, walk it off!

53' —France breaks out, led by Ribery. Centers to Zidane, feeds to a streaking Malouda. There is contact, Zambrotta clearly clips him and doesn't come near the ball, but no call. So we are even in that department.

52' — Henry open in the box. Cannavaro plucks it off his toe. What a duel these two are engaging in.

50' — Ok, take it back. Henry dances through the box. He slides it over and Italy clears for a corner. Good stuff at both ends. Call me crazy, but Italy is looking a little shaky again.

49' — Italy AGAIN threatens off a corner. Cannavaro with a flying header, blocked by Gallas. Toni lets the rebound fall, instead of going for the header. Odd.

48' — Malouda shoves down Zambrotta. To borrow an old UCB line, 'wouldn't you like to shove Henry Truman?" Man, I miss that show. At least we still have Crank Yankers.

46' — Henry breaksthrough, somehow keeps his balance and fires a shot right at Buffon. Henry's work is done for the night. Buffon taps Henry on the shoulder in a friendly gesture. MAYBE on ABC they'd like to mention they both played at Juventus together briefly. (Ok, they do eventually.)

Saw the Malouda "penalty" again. Get the man an Oscar. To borrow a wrestling term, great sell. The anti-Hulk Hogan.

Oh baby....Calista Flockhart returns to tv this fall. ... Jim McKay...is this the Johnny Cash, "Hurt" video. Yikes.

If you don't give my football back......

Halftime: Good stuff so far, even with the rather bogus France PK. We get a Jim McKay essay at halftime. Wheeeeeeeeee. I need to break. Hit the WC and get something to nosh on. Be back soon.

45+' — Informative. Placido Dominguez will perform during halftime. He must have a heavy heart with the health of fellow tenor Pavoratti. I guess eating ten plates of fetticini alfredo per week isn't good for the ol' ticker.

45' — Italy with a FK from 45+...nothing happening. Italy losing a little bit of its sharpness. ... and Vieira just called for a throw-in violation. Ha. .... We should have at least four minutes of stoppage time.

44' — Materazzi picks the ball clean off Ribery's toe on the touchline. Man, these Italians can tackle. ... Am I going to type this? I agree with Celo, where is Totti?

42' — Great line from a German newspaper on Toni, "He's built like a truck with a Ferrari engine."

41' — Shot of the crowd doing the wave. Damn Euros...they still love that stupid shit.

39' — Poor back pass from France. Toni almost sneaks in. Barthez kicks out of bounds.

36' — End-to-end stuff. Henry gets down in the box, but Cannavaro slides in to block it for a corner.

35' — Toni with a shot. ... leads to CK. ... Off the corner Toni with ANOTHER free header. Hits the crossbar. Should be 2-1. France cannot mark Italy on this set plays. They are living dangerously.

34' — Quick line on Ribery. French right wing leader Jean-Marie Le Pen, called out Domenech for including too many players of color on the French team. Thuram responded and shot him down. Long story short, Le Pen must be conflicted on Ribery, while he is white. he is also Muslim. Wait a second why am I wasting time talking about right wing assholes?

33' —Perrotta looks like he's been shot. Ribery with a side sweep, light attack button style from Street Fighter II. Ribery does have a scar like Sagat, afterall.

31' — Soft shot skies into the grip of Buffon. ... Wow. They showed Franz Beckenbauer on the screen and ACTUALLY idenitfied him. Cash in your life insurance policies.

30' — Just had to post this quote from Gattuso on guarding Zidane. "If you want to limit his effect you need a lot of luck and need to make the sign of the cross."

29' — Italy FK — blocked.

28' — Wow, Materazzi with another form header. It's blocked. A foul anyway.

27' — Game has settled down a little bit. Hard to say which team is fitter as the game progresses.

25' — Ribery gets behind the defense and centers. Tapped out by Italy. Henry, btw, trucked an Italian with no call. And Zidane has gone down twice without getting a call.

24' — Wow. Did you know that Jesse Owens won Olympic gold medals at this stadium. Way to earn your paycheck Dave O'Brien.

23' — Jesus, Materazzi has about as many tattoos as Allen Iverson. In the NBA we have neck tats. In world football, massive forearm tats. Again, Barthez just flapped at the header. France has gotten by with this goon this far, but he might just coast them in the end game.

21' — This game is turning into the "cracker." How is France going to generate any offense? Their last three goals have come from penalty kicks and set pieces. Meanwhile Italy is dominating possession.

19' — WE ARE TIED. Materazzi with a header off the corner. Belisma. Great service from Samuari Camoranesi. Vieira totally burned on the defense. Barthez no where to be found. 1-1. Goals. Who'd have thunk it John Feinstein?

18' — It's worth nothing Italy hasn't trailed in this tournament until now. France seems content to sit back and defend like they did against Portugal.

16' — First shot of Italian manager Marcello Lippi. Didn't he play Det. Frank Drebin?

14' — Italy free kick...Pirlo curls in. Thuram heads wide. Barthez was caught looking.

12' — Sagnol a yellow for a hard challenge. Quoth Celo, "It's a final. It's going to be a physical game." Brilliant.

11' — Celo raving over Zidane's near shank of a PK. This guy comes from another planet. He almost talks more than Hubie Brown, if that's possible.

9' — Ooooh. Italy looks rattled. Materazzi nearly headed it backward into the net. Buffon forced to stretch.

6' — Malouda takes a tumble in the box. Total flop. France gets a penalty. —— Zidane to take it. Hits the crossbar, rattles in, barely. Almost paid for the chip. 1-0 France. Drats. Considering the amount of flipping and flopping during this Cup its only fitting the first goal of the Final is a PK. Italy's check to the refs must not have cleared yet.

5' — Zambrotta yellow card for running into Vieira.

4' — Henry is back after some smelling salts.

2' — Henry is hurt. They have one of those old-timey ice bags. Cannavaro with the collision. Inadverent. Henry looks like he definitely got his bell rung rung rung. Henry comes off for the time being.
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PREGAME

Hello Internet.

You're looking (live) at the 73,000 seat Olympiastadion, the site of today's WM final between France and Italy. Upwards of one billion eyes may be trained on this game of all games in a sleepy Western Berlin neighborhood. (And upwards of dozens should be tuned into this live blog.)

Today's game brings an end to what will probably be considered a mediocore, to sub-par World Cup. Yes, the Group Stages provided plenty of exciting games, but few surprises aside from Ghana. The Knockout Phase has been a display of hunker-down, defensive 1-0 football. Fun for everyone!

Meanwhile, no individual player has jumped up and taken this Cup over by the short-and-curlies. Yes, Zidane's inspired run is a story most with a heart can get behind. (The legend riding off into the Marseille sunset with the Jules Rimet trophy.)

But let's be honest, he played great against Brasil and that's about it. Due to the lack of a dominant, driving force (Ronaldihno, how's life?) all the media is just eager to annoit him. Don't forget, he picked up his second yellow card way back against Korea and didn't play in Les Bleus' do-or-die match vs. Togo.

If we were to award the Golden Ball at this very moment my vote goes to Fabio Cannavaro. The pint-sized Caesar owns the penalty area and fortified a defense that has conceeded only one goal. Plus he's been paired with a revolving door of centre-backs, losing no quality in the process. (Although if Italy wins, watch Buffon win it.)

Despite what I wrote a few graphs ago, don't count out Zidane though, the man is probably the best player since Maradona and has a knack for coming up huge in the big game, both internationally and on the club level. (Let's see he's done the header and the left-foot volley thing. Perhaps he can score with his eyes closed.)

On paper this looks like a pure defensive struggle, but for some reason I think Italy should be able to score in a variety of different ways, while France is going to be hard pressed to breakdown the Italian "Senators" on the backline. Read more of my brilliant analysis here.

And most importantly, today is our last chance to mock Marcelo Balboa for his mangling of both the English language and the beautiful game.

Also of note, both teams wear a shade of blue — Italy, "The Azzurri"; France, "Les Bleus" — but today it will be Italy in blue. For today at least, France will have to be Les Blancs.

THE NITTY GRITTY

PREVIOUS FINALS: Italy — 1934 beat Czechslovakia 2-1 a.e.t.; 1938 beat Hungary 4-2; 1970 lost to Brasil 4-1; 1982 beat West Germany 3-1; 1994 lost to Brasil in PKs; France: 1998 beat Brasil 3-0

LEADING SCORERS: Italy — Luca Toni, 2 (nine other Italians have scored); France: Thierry Henry 3

GOALS ALLOWED: Italy 1, France 2

ROAD TO FINAL: Italy: Group E 1st: Beat Ghana 2-0; Drew USA 1-1; Beat Czech Republic 2-0; Round of 16: Beat Austraila 1-0; QF: Beat Ukraine 3-0; Semi: Beat Germany 2-0 a.e.t; France: Group G 2nd: Drew Switzerland 0-0; Drew Korea 1-1; Beat Togo 2-0; Round of 16: Beat Spain 3-1; QF: Beat Brasil 1-0; Semi: Beat Portugal 1-0

PREVIOUS MATCHUPS OF NOTE: France eliminated Italy in in the Quarterfinals of 1998 in penalty kicks. Two years later they struck a blow that might be the turning point in Italian football at the Euro 2000 Final. Italy led 1-0 at Rotterdam, only to see Wiltord tie it in the 90th minute, followed by a 103rd minute Golden Goal by Trezeguet. Watch it right here.

LINEUPS:

Leftback: Willy Sagnol
Centreback: William Gallas, Lilliam Thuram
Rightback: Eric Abidal

Leftwing: Franck Ribery
Defensive midfielder: Patrick Vieira, Claude Makelele
Rightwing: Flourent Malouda
Attacking midfielder: Zinadine Zidane

Forward: Thierry Henry

Goalkeeper: Gigi Buffon

Leftback: Fabio Grosso
Centrebacks: Fabio Cannavaro, Marco Materazzi
Rightback: Gianluca Zambrotta

Defensive midfielder: Gennaro Gattuso
Central midfielders: Simone Perotta, Andrea Pirlo
Attacking midfielders: Francesco Totti, Mauro Camoranesi

Forward: Luca Toni

PREDICTION: Italy 2, France 0

THE LAST WORD: "I have found myself appreciating this sport more than ever, during this tournament." — Mike Lupica, ESPN Sports Reporters. (Beware children, the end is nigh. He actually defended soccer againt John Feinstein's nonsensical argument. Yeah John, golf is sooooooooo action-packed and exciting.)

Oh, finally, if you want to pretend you're inside the stadium. Enjoy these these two videos.

David Hirshey is currently dealing with the psychological implications of this picture being released to the public, so he won't be back until Monday with a wrapup. To appropriately warm your cockles for the game, we suggest this bikini simulation of the game — this is how Jimmy the Greek used to make picks — and this video devoted to Zidane, the Frenchman it's OK to like.

The game is at 2 p.m. ET on ABC, and our man Mike Cardillo of That's On Point will be live-blogging the game right here at this bat station. If you like soccer, it'll be as exciting as one could possibly hope for, and if you don't, well, you don't have to hear about soccer for a while. It's win-win!

Not since the Rolling Stones' Iron Lung tour has the world marveled at a bunch of geezers getting it up one last time for a happy ending. Just when you thought that Zidane and the rest of "Les Vieux" (trust me, it's funny if you speak French) had exhausted all their AARP-approved elixirs, they found another keg of Ponce de Leon prune juice to save the day.

Is it just me, or were you not misting up when Zizou and Figo, the two proud old men of soccer and former teammates at Real Madrid, embraced at the end of France's valiant 1-0 semifinal victory, stripped off their sweaty jerseys and showed off the best waxed six packs since the volleyball scene in Top Gun? Or, come to think of it, was it more like Brokeback, which I never saw but friends talk of how Heath Ledger just couldn't let go of that shirt. The question begs: How long will Zidane hold onto to Figo's No. 7 jersey, and will he ever wash it?

France is in the World Cup final against Italy, a sentence I never thought I'd write. Which color blue do you prefer: Azzurri or Bleu? I'm a Bleu man myself, especially after Zidane bleu me away yet again.

You can moan, like Big Phil Scolari, that Les Bleus were lucky, that Henry's theatrics in the box would have made Belmondo proud and that Portugal should have been awarded their own penalty when Sagnol nudged Ronaldo as he tried to head home a Figo cross. But make no mistake: The better team won. Portugal, with their one-named players (Maniche, Ricardo, Costinha, Pauleta, Miguel), their Brazilian-born midfielder Deco, their Brazilian manager Scolari and an attack spearheaded by The Other Ronaldo, has been the Brazil Lite of this tournament, playing with flair but no real cutting edge. They deserve their fate for their 16-yellow, four-red card burlesque show against Holland, their inability to breach the England defense after Wayne Rooney's ejection left them one man up (albeit two squashed testicles down) for 60 minutes and their scoreless dry hump against France.

Not that French were exactly magnifique yesterday. This was no stirring performance to put in the time capsule alongside their inspired fight back against Spain and their masterclass against Brazil. Once again they relied on the sorcery of Zidane and the cunning of Henry to get them the one goal they needed, and then they prayed that their ancient and venerable central defender Lilian Thuram would keep Portugal from exposing France keeper Barthez for the herky-jerky, bobbling, flailing spaz he is. The 34-year-old Thuram, who for my Euros is the second best defender in the Cup next to Italy's Cannavarro, was unbeatable in the air and tackled with crunching resolve. Speaking of crunching things, it sure looked like Ricardo Carvalho's swingers, the subject of the world's attention after Rooney stamped on them in their quarterfinal match, had recovered nicely when he stuck out his left foot as Henry jinked past him in the box.

Even taking into account Henry's dramatic flourish as he went down, there was no way that referee Jorge Larrionda couldn't give the penalty; at least there was a soupcon of contact on this play, as opposed to the phantom foul he whistled on US defender Oguchi Onyewu that knocked the Americans out of the Cup. After Larrionda pointed to the spot and Zidane dispatched the kick with consummate composure, Carvalho and Scolari were gesticulating wildly at the referee for the perceived injustice. Zidane simply looked heavenward, as much to say merci as to say see you Sunday.

Does life get any better than this? Germany weeping and wailing, the country's manhood in freefall and Michael Ballack exposed for the empty sausage casing he is. Wait, it gets even better. Italy, a team described by my favorite newsweekly Der Spiegel as a bunch of "greasy lazy parasites," a team mired in scandal and derided for its negative style and cynical play, took that big chip on its shoulder and ground the Germans into dust yesterday in their own living room.

It took 119 furious minutes before the Mannschaft succumbed to two bolts out of the Blue that sent millions of buxom Italian women diving and flopping through the fountains of Rome. Perhaps more important, the twin daggers from Grosso and Del Piero spared us the eye-misting sight of Lehmann and Kahn hugging it out again just before the Germans won on penalty kicks. Frankly, I couldn't take another ending where Germany overcame a more stylish and technically superior opponent (Argentina, per favor) because they were able to perform in the shootout as if they had no central nervous system.

Oh sure, the Germans, under Klinsmann, had much to admire — a balls-out attacking mentality, a work ethic second to none and Klose, who can play for Arsenal anytime — but just between us frauleins, does anyone other than Angela Merkel think they deserve to have gone further? And, for all his alleged leadership qualities and playmaking abilities that caused Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich to open up a geyser of cash (35 million) for his services, I would still reserve a place for Ballack — actually next to Lampard in midfield — on the All-Multimillionaires Who-Did-Fuck-All-In-The-World Cup team. Am I being too harsh? Only if you didn't see the German captain getting undressed yesterday at the beginning of overtime when Gilardino turned him inside out before sending his shot off the post. Ballack was also involved in the most acrobatic move of the first half when he and Totti engaged in a Cirque de Soleil routine where the latter somersaulted onto the former's shoulders (where, of course, room is at a premium, since Ballack was carrying the entire German team) hoping to cushion his fall on a yellow card for his opponent.

Yes, the Italians sometimes overdid it — they are still the masters of simulated agony — but nothing that registered on my Figo-o-meter. Can we finally say it? Has the statute of limitations on Italy-bashing run out? This is a team of great craft and pugnacity, and, with the exception of the streetfight against the US and 20 minutes of the Australia game when they should have been wearing a mask and snorkel, the Azzurri have played some of the most compelling soccer in the World Cup. Their game may not be as dazzling as the mythic Brazilians (not to be confused with the 2006 Brazilians) or as lyrical as the French, but the amount of skill and concentration required to defend as brilliantly as the Azzurri do cannot be underestimated. In Cannavarro and Buffon, they have the best defender and goalkeeper in the Cup, and, in Totti, they have a head case still capable of conjuring genius, as evidenced by his audacious backheel in the box in OT.

So now the Italians are one game away from lifting the trophy, and I know at least one American who is pulling for them. I mean, if Italy wins the World Cup, what does that make the U.S., which gave them all they could handle in a 1-1 draw? Bruce Arena can take that consoling thought with him on his way out the door.

That I am alive today is a testament to the Gemutlichkeit that I feel toward my German brothers, whom I kid, but really want to see lose, too. And I'm betting that every sentient human being this side of the Rhine feels the same way as Italy goes into tomorrow's semifinal with the confidence of a team that has NEVER lost to Germany in the World Cup. But really, what do I know? I was convinced that Argentina had the Germans' number, too, only to end up with bratwurst on my face when they choked in the penalty shootout. Not that I'm bitter ... but didn't Pekerman live up to his name when he forgot that he had the best young player on the planet, Lionel Mesi, sitting on his bench, and instead put in some defensive-minded lummox for Crespo?

Oh, I'm full of questions today about the surreal weekend of World Cup action that we just witnessed. Here, in no particular order, are a few more:

• Has anyone else noticed that Michelle Lissel of Fox Soccer has gone glam on us, trading in her librarian look for a more pixie-ish bent featuring new hip specs and a sexy bob? Let's hope the boys at Maxim are paying attention.

• Why is it that when England gets knocked out of a World Cup, two things invariably happen? First, they are never beaten fair and square by an opponent's foot. In 1986, there was the fabled Hand of God, and now we have the Testicles of Carvalho. It may not be as mellifluous-sounding as Maradona's brazen piece of chicanery, but judging from the Portuguese defender's face after Rooney stomped his lunchbox, it's a lot more painful. On the other hand, when's the last time that you got kicked in the swingers and didn't have to spend the rest of the day in a fetal position with a bag of ice between your legs? The fact that Carvalho, after much moaning and writhing around, was able to continue playing only minutes later suggests either he has balls of steel ... or is Portugal's answer to Al Pacino.

Second, their marquee player always dissolves in tears. Does anyone remember the sorry sight of Gazza blubbering after he was yellow-carded during England's semi-final loss to Germany in '90? On Saturday, it was David Beckham's turn to do his best impression of Johnny Sack after he was carted away, sobbing and wailing, from his daughter's wedding. When Becks limped off in the 60th minute, the camera caught him all red-eyed before panning to Posh in the stands. It was difficult to glimpse her tears because she was wearing one of the 60 pairs of over-sized sunglasses she had brought to Germany for her three-week stay.

• When, just before the penalty shootout in Germany-Argentina, Kahn came over and put an arm around Lehman's shoulder, did you, like me, hold your breath to see whether Kahn would then use his other arm to smash Lehman's nose up into his brain and render him unconscious so he would get a chance to step in for his bitter rival in goal?. Instead, we got a touchy-feely moment for the ages with the two men clasping hands in a "Deutschland Uber Alles" shake that made my heart soar.

• And speaking of soaring, for a guy who made diving into performance art as a player, doesn't Juergen Klinsmann have some mad ups? When Lehman stoned Maxi Rodriquez' s penalty, Klinsman vaulted at least three feet off the ground and kicked his legs up like Jordan did after hitting The Jumper over Byron Russell. I think it's safe to say that Peter Crouch, all 6-foot-8 of him, has never sniffed the air at that altitude.

• Not that I'm complaining, mes amis footballeurs, but was anyone else as startled as me (and I'm just guessing Carlos Parreira) that no Brazilian defender was within a swath of Copacabana beach of Henry on Zidane's free kick? I mean, Henry was so open he must have felt like Jean-Marie Le Pen at an End to Racism rally.

Perhaps the Brazilians had heard that the last time Zidane passed to Henry was back when the Americans liberated Paris and figured he would never cede the glory to the Arsenal striker, with whom he has always had a cool relationship. But Les Bleus, after almost imploding in the early rounds, have re-discovered the fraternite that drove them to victory in '98, and it's all one big love-in now with Zizou at the heart of it. Against Brazil, it was almost as if he were taunting Ronaldinho, saying "I am the Great Zidane, three-time World Football Player of the Year and until I leave the stage you will always be in my shadow."

• And finally, what upsets you more about Brazil's stunning exit from the tournament? The thought of not getting to revel anymore in their celebrated Jogo Bonito (wait, did we EVER get see it other than in commercials?), or not getting to ogle all those gratuitous shots of Brazilian fans on Deadspin?

Phil West of Austin, Texas: "My prediction is France-Germany and some really nasty Vichy France/Arc de Triomphe parade needless trash-talk. My nightmare is Italy-Portugal, which would inadvertently be decided on a penalty kick after a dive and an accompanying (because, you know, 2006 World Cup) yellow card."

Richard Gadsden: "We've been here before, and, unusually, Germany doesn't have the advantage. In fact, Italy are 2-0-2 against Germany in World Cup Finals tournaments, including wins in a final (1982) and a semi (1970). The "bogey team" concept has already been reinforced this year by France's unlikely win over Brazil, so Italy's awesome history over Germany has to be taken seriously."

And footie guru Mike Cardillo was kind enough to send in a detailed report on both semifinal games. It is available, in its glorious entirety, after the jump.

Good idea on all reader preview. Although our knowledge is considerably less than Marcelo Balboa, we manage to get our point across without stammering!

Italy/Germany

Loathsome, contemptale, obnoxious, dispicable. Surpringly were not talking about our German overlords, nay, the greasy-haired, underwear models from Italia.

Meanwhile, the usually stern Germans have taken a cue from German-turned-California Jurgen Klinsmann and have given the host nation a bunch of thrills, amazing with smiles instead of moustaches and bad perms on their face.

That said, that means nothing when they meet Tuesday in the 'Opera House' that is the Westfalenstadion in Dortmund.

If you take the tournament as a whole, Italy has been the most impressive team — including the USA debacle in Kaiserslautern. No opposing player is yet to penetrate Gianluigi Buffon's net.

Also, for all the talk of the Italian football scandal, it's probably brought the team closer together and given them a rallying point.

Meanwhile, the Germans have only played one good team — Argentina — and needed a miracle in kicks to defeat them. Die Mannschaft's only chance is if Michael Ballack plays like the player Chelsea has spent all these Euros on. Don't count on Klinny pulling the right strings.

For some reason this game is going to atone, at least for the Italians, for the Cup in 1990. Italy, as hosts, were ousted in the semifinals by Argentina. My grandfather was in Italia during the tournament and basically described it as dour as if the Pope was shot. (Well...not exactly his words.)

Therefore Italy denies the hosts their chance to become champions on homesoil. Luca Toni with another brace. The Pick: Italy 2, Germany 0

France/Portugal

It's hard to call Portugal a surprise or underdog. The small Atlantic state has continually churned out, fun, attacking players and with Big Phil Scolari at the reigns can lockdown the backline with the best of them. Still, this is only their fourth World Cup and first semifinals birth since the great Eusebio in 1966.

For France, everyone, HOPED they were dead in the Group Stage. Really, even with geniuses like Zidane and Henry you cannot root for the Les Blues. Still, the '98 champs have looked better and gained confidence since dispatching Togo 2-0 and did send Brasil (which played dismally against quality opponents) packing.

This will be a pairing of two teams using the 4-5-1 formation, the difference will be a rested Deco, who sat out the Engerland win with a Red card suspension. France has put too much into the last two wins and their astrology loving coach Raymond Domenech's luck runs out here.

You can't overstate the impact of Big Phil. The players absolutely love him and don't think they can lose with him on the touchline. Did you see him bearhug each and every player after the win over England? They'll atone for losing Euro 2004 on homesoil with a win here.

The pick: Força! Portugal wins it for Nelly Furtado, 1-0.

So, it's the notorious floppers from Italy vs. the scrappy underdogs of Ukraine. The second of the four quarterfinals matches, and the one that's supposedly the biggest "on paper" mismatch of the quarterfinals. We won't lie: We're rooting for Ukraine. We suspect some of you are too.

Your live-bloggers are the fine folks from F.C. Camena, a soccer site that's much more studied and intelligent about these matters than we are. (It's a very fun site, actually.) It's Eusebio and pjdinho, and they may have "cameos from the other members of the team, weighing in with their observations as well." We are honored they wanted to be a part of this with us. Follow along in the comments, and enjoy all the Italiany-Urkainey goodness.

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And, of course, we want to say thank you to the good people at Deadspin. We're big fans and it was an honor and a privilege to hang out in your neck of the nape this afternoon to talk footy. Please do stop by F.C. Camena if you have moment and say hi. After all, it is the Greatest Football Club In The Entire World, Ever.

Forza Camena!

FULL TIME Italy 3-0 over Ukraine: We've conferred on two (2) coasts, and we agree that the player of the game is Signor Zambrotta — that was the kind of performance that lets the rest of the Italian team shine. Well done. And we will all begrudgingly tip our caps to the Italian side — whom we swore we would root against for the remainder of the tournament/ the rest of our lives after the game in K-Town — for playing impressively and handling themselves well. Maybe they have a little more karma than we all realized.

90'+ Luca Toni has made sure Ukraine sleeps with the fishes.

90': Ukraine can't be too disappointed about how the World Cup went. Sheva got to play on the big stage, officially checking himself out of the Ryan Giggs club, and they lost to a team that was clearly their superior (though we'll admit they did have their chances). Plenty to be proud of. I'm sure they'll be toasting their moral victory in Kiev!

89': One last bit of magic from Sheva in this World Cup... and it's called a dive. Good to see the ref is still taking this game seriously.

88': Did ESPN just show us the Telemundo feed of that friendly?

87': I'm pretty sure the last time the President of Ukraine attended a sporting event he suffered an assassination attempt. Let's hope he gets out of the AOL OK with nothing more than a few scrapes and bruises.

86': A header by Ukraine. BLAH.

84': Worst Ukraine meltdown since Chernobyl?

82': As a fan of whoever's playing Italy, I'll be supporting Germany in the semifinal matchup Tuesday. California Klinsy!!!!

79':Let's hope Sheva is involved with this set piece . . . and a solid blast punched away by Buffon. It hasn't hurt that Buffon is having an outstanding game

78': In case I forget to say it, this Italian team has been total class. The operatic gesticulations have been minimized, and they've actually played a free-flowing game.

75': Time for more fun facts. Did you know that the Bill James of football is Ukrainian? Professor Anatoly Zelentsov developed a complicated statistical system for both tactics and evaluation of footballers. This is the sort of thing I need to know a LOT more about.

75': Ukraine deserve at least a consolation goal.

71': And that was definitely the most Camena-like goal scored in the World Cup thus far.

70': Heckuva run from Zambrotta. That was well earned. I guess there's plenty of time for ill-advised tackles and spiteful cards from Ukraine.

69' Goal Italy 3-0.Zambrotta was covered by two defenders but Shovkovskiy still comes out unnecessarily and leaving his goal wide open for Toni to slot home.

69' And while the chances dwindle for Ukraine, the bottom line reminds me how much the Phils suck this year.

68': So lockdown mode means that Totti is going to have to keep running. Well well well. Mea culpa.

67': Oooh! Oooh! They're doing the White Stripes thing!

65' "Two knees collide." Samauri Camoranesi goes down _very_ easily at the top of the Ukraine box. No stretcher needed... as soon as play stops he's fine.

64' The Ukraine manager looks like he should be coaching the Red Army gymnastics team. Is that a tag hanging out the back of his tracksuit?

61': So we'll say that lockdown mode officially begins when they take Totti off the field?

60' Gusin with another header... off the crossbar! Maybe Ukraine are not finished yet!

60': Uh oh. The Italians grab another, off the dread short corner (note: short corner is typically only "dread" for the team taking it. But the Italians make it work, helped by a bit of confusion in the back for Ukraine. And by "confusion" I mean "they forgot to get goal-side of the 6'4" dude."

59' Sorry Ukraine. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL Italy. 2-0. Perhaps that great chance was still on their minds as they let the guard down for a quick, skillful header from Luca Toni.

58': Okay, Buffon is officially standing on his head. Ukraine probably should have finished one of those, but, well, if Buffon is going use his ninja skillz like that, there's not much to be done.

58' It's hotting up. Sheva is sent through on the right and unloads a shot which Buffon saves, bounces off Cannavaro's face, another shot from Ukraine, saved off the line from Zambrotta, and then finally cleared. That should give Ukraine a jump. Just a lucky bounce away from equalizing.

56' Tricky lob from Totti on a free kick just outside the Ukraine goal. Comes to nothing, but still draws praise from JP and C4L (Captain for Life Harkes)

55' Sheva & Ukraine are to Italy as LeBron & the Cavs are to the Pistons?

54': Just when you think that Ukraine and Sheva have a head of steam, Gattuso busts them up and send Italy the other way. Tighty-whiteys or not, Gattuso is exactly the sort of player who tends to be on successful teams.

53' Far better effort from Ukraine this half. Just need sharper timing on the runs in the box.

50' And unlike hockey, these nets do NOT come off their moorings. Ouch.

50' Off the corner kick, ball eventually finds its way to the back post where Gusin heads towards goal - and Buffon makes an amazing fingertip save and knocks his head into the post. That looks painful.

49' Ukraine run down the right wing, cross and a dangerous deflection for a corner kick

47' Right in the jacobs for Cannavaro. For once he has every reason to be down for a break. Very humble indeed, Harksey

According to the CIA Factbook: the sex trafficking of Ukrainian women is a serious problem that has only recently been addressed. So they've got that going for them, which is nice.

HALFTIME: pjdinho says: Ukraine are in big trouble. Expect a lot of falling down, time wasting and 10-men-behind-the-ball from Italy in the second half. Nothing plays into Italy's hands like an early goal. But... if anyone knows how to score against the Italians it's Sheva.

HALFTIME: Eusebio says: I guess we could say the game has gone to form, in that the heavy favorites are winning. The large swaths of ground in the Ukraine half do not bode well for keeping the Italians to one goal, but Italy have politely agreed to ease back on final passes and shots. The Italians have yet to go to lockdown mode, which is at least keeping it lively. (But we have to assume lockdown mode looms.)

45'+: Yes yes! The magic spray! Spray that ankle! Spray! The spray is good! The spray cures all! How come we've never seen this magical product on an American field? Is there some sort of FDA holdup? How is it that the MySpace generation hasn't made a party drug out of it? These are the things we need to know.

45' Ukraine not getting a ton of pressure down the middle. Looking for long balls to the wing but not getting on the end of them.

42':The singing in the stadium sounds great. I was extremely jealous of the Italian fans' songs during the USA-ITA game, especially when they did the White Stripes thing (the first couple bars from "Seven Nation Army"). We really should have thought of that first. On the flip side, we did do an excellent job deploying "America, $%&#; Yeah!" from Team America.

41' Little stumble from Buffon after a seemingly weak strike from Sheva. More where that came from.

40': Lovely through-ball from Totti...and then...errr...nothing. Wasteful. Still, those acres of space on the Ukraine side of the field do not bode well. This is exactly what Italy wants.

39' Officials doing a good job in this half. Not letting any crap dictate the flow.

36' Ukraine kits have a Wolverine from the 80s look. Or perhaps even LaSalle College High School. Dig it.

36': Did it really take until the 36th minute to mention the match fixing scandal? JP and Harkesey are not nearly as annoying (or erroneous) as Celo and O'Brien.

33': Tymoschuk with a shot from distance. "First real chance for Ukraine." But it was no more than a half-chance, as they say.

32': Someone needs to tells the Ukraine that they should play someone at the "defensive midfield" position.

32' Another nifty diagonal ball from Totti. Perotta receives, gets tackled and falls down. He's hurt. (Remember, he's Italian)

29' Extremely nifty flick from Totti. Generally speaking, it was a bummer he wasn't in form for this World Cup, if only because he's probably the most gifted Italian playmaker since the pony-tailed one.

28': Gattuso's back. For the avoidance of doubt, that was Gattuso in his underwear that was all over the billboards in Germany?

21'Ukraine 0 cards until tonight, and now 2 in the half. The Italian style of play rubbing off perhaps?

20' - A tactical substitution for the Ukraine. Striker Vorobey comes on for defender Sviderskiy, who just picked up a yellow. This seems a bit of a hasty change to announcers JP and Captain For Life John Harkes. But really, what has Ukraine done so far?

17' Free kick to Italy, 35-yard low line-drive shot by Totti is easily saved by Shovkovskiy

16': And we have our first card. I feel a lot better now.

14' - Nice ponytail Camoranesi

14'Gattuso is first in anguish. "My achin' back!"

13': First mention of legendary club Dynamo Kiev, which was essentially the Ukraine national team when the Soviets were running things. Fun fact: when the iron curtain fell, Dynamo Kiev secured a license to export nuclear weapons parts! Seriously. I read it in a book (Soccer Against the Enemy by Simon Kuper).

11': Someone tell Kalinichenko he stole Pavel Nedved's hair.

9':: Nifty cut through the center of the field by Perrotta, though he doesn't get the shot through. Errr, Ukraine really need to be closing down space in the center of the field.

6': Whoa. That was a TON of space 35 yards from the goal, well taken by Zambrotta. We'd like to believe that this won't rattle the Ukraine. Really, we would. But, errr, this isn't a good sign. Still, there's plenty of time to settle the match down. Let's see that fighting spirit, Sheva!

4' Camoranesi and his free-flowing locks with a run from midfield and a shot just wide. Goal kick.

2' First dive for the Italians, throw in for Italy

PREGAME: Pregame speeches about why discrimination is "bad" in "society." Charming. Though I would have preferred Mr. Cannavaro to share his thoughts on drunken Italian fans spitting their blood at otherwise charming Americans who happened to be sitting in the Italian section during Group Play. Not that we would know anything about that. Not at all. A time to make friends(tm)!

PREGAME: Ukraine's glory has not perished!

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Quarterfinal matchup from the AOL Arena ("You've Got Football!") in Hamburg. Italy (winners in Group E) vs. Ukraine (runners-up in Group H).

The most recent encounter between the two nations was a 0-0 June 2 draw in a friendly match in Switzerland as part of the build-up to Germany 2006. We'd like to promise this match will end up with something other than a scoreless draw and penalty kicks. But when Italian teams and Sheva are involved in big matches (2003 Champions Leagues final we're looking in your direction), it isn't always a free-flowing affair.

So far, Italy lead the tournament in disgraceful play. Italy manager Marcelo Lippi claim they will "aim to entertain." Note to Signor Lippi: Diving and faking injuries are NOT entertaining. Also, Signor Lippi has been going increasingly bonkers in his press conferences of late, but you really can't blame him when higher-ups in Italian soccer are mysteriously plummeting from windows in the midst of the tournament. Italy reached the quarters by beating Australia 1-0 on dubious penalty call in 94th minute. Today, three defenders are out of the lineup: Alessandro Nesta injured, Marco Materazzi and Daniele DeRossi meaning a start for Palermo's Andrea Barzagli. In fact, Italy seems to be fielding a defensive lineup of five midfielders and Luca Toni as a lone forward.

Ukraine are this tournament's surprise entry in the QFs - and not just because they have not received a card in any of their four matches (and good luck keeping up that streak this evening). They are led by captain and new Chelsea striker Andriy Shevchenko who has owned Italian defenders for the last 7 years while playing at AC Milan. Critics paint Ukraine as a one-man team, taking an overly defensive posture in their round-of-16 overtime session with Switzerland. Sheva dismisses such talk, and says they'll be taking the underdog approach: "We must try and play as a team, summing up all our reserves of fighting spirit to make up for our lack of technical ability." Hmmm, that sounds suspiciously like the F.C. Camena motto ("Camena: A tactical system of football/ soccer characterized by extreme fighting spirit, impassioned defense, opportunistic attacking, and a proclivity for petty revenge"); perhaps Sheva would like us to arrange a swap!

• The two biggest divers? Italy and Mexico. Italy also fakes the most injuries.
• Most "temper tantrums?" The French!
• The nation's players who sing the national anthem the least? Serbia and Montenegro, which makes sense, considering the country kinda doesn't exist anymore.
• The cleanest, non-flopping, non-tantruming country in the World Cup? The United States, of course. No wonder we suck!

It's so nice when stereotypes are confirmed. It makes life so much easier for the lazy.

World Cup On The Ball [Information Builders]