1. They guaranteed Jake Delhomme $20 million. Even worse, Delhomme's massive contract extension all but ensures he'll remain with the team for three more years at the minimum. That's a terrifying prospect given just how truly, spectacularly awful he was against Arizona in the playoffs in January. Everyone has bad games, true. But this was more than that. Delhomme's performance that night was a flaming shitwreck so profound in its ineptness that a mere nine-month break will do little to wash away its searing memory. It was a defining masterpiece of shittiness. From now until the day he hangs up his cleats, every football fan watching Jake Delhomme play quarterback will do so with the same measure of trepidation a mafia witness has while turning a car key. Oh sure, maybe he'll have the occasional 300 yard game this season, and maybe the Panthers will win 11 games again and win the division. But that will do little to ease the skepticism, to dull the anticipation most fans of have seeing Delhomme inevitably crumble once more. It's like waiting for Britney to get fat again. It's a fait accompli. Everything between now and that moment is just window dressing, for when the real Delhomme comes back out, throwing passes to areas where there are no teammates, and giving us the unforgettable gifs we crave so very much.

2. John Fox used to be a good coach. Let's revisit that Arizona disaster one more time. On the game's first drive, the Panthers scored a touchdown. The drive encompassed 50 yards, 41 of which were compiled on the ground, on three carries. After this drive ended and the Panthers had a 7-0 lead, they ran the ball three consecutive times with DeAngelo Williams on their next possession and were forced to punt. After these two first drives, the Panthers had a rushing average of 8.2 yards a carry, which is pretty fucking solid. They would go on to run the ball a grand total of nine more times the entire game. Nine times?

Niiine times.

Which brings me to my next point…

3. They fucked DeAngelo Williams, and they fucked you. DeAngelo Williams, who was unstoppable by the end of the regular season last year, ran the ball 12 times against Arizona that night. It fits a pattern where the Panthers have steadfastly refused to use Williams properly in key moments, most notably the entire years of 2006 and 2007. The number of fantasy football owners dicked over by the Panthers in that time is gargantuan. Everyone knew he had potential, yet there he was, stuck behind DeShaun Foster. What kinda blowjob does DeShaun Foster give? It got to the point where most fantasy owners gave up on Williams, which means that the people who benefited from Williams' astonishing season in 2008 were lucky fucksticks who happened to take a flyer on him. LOOKING AT YOU, DAN STEINBERG. Speaking of Jews…

4. They cut Goldberg! It's true. Former WCW superstar Bill Goldberg was the first player ever cut by the Panthers. How dare you, Carolina. This man started his wrestling career 108-0. The fact that the entire streak was scripted only makes it MORE impressive, you pricks! NEW BABYFACES NEVER GET THAT KIND OF MAJOR PUSH!

5. The least they could do is find another decent receiver to complement Steve Smith. We don't want that fella punching any more babies.

Wanna be part of the Deadspin NFL previews? It's simple. Just email me here and give me some reasons why the team you hate most sucks. If it's because you dated a fan of the team and she turned out to be some crazy bitch who keyed your car, all the better. I'll throw any good material into the post and give you proper credit.

In fact, home teams are 2-4 in this year's playoffs. On the other hand, weather has not yet been the factor it will be today. And home field or no home field ... six turnovers for Jake Delhomme? That's more than five! Even worse, this totally obvious YouTube video was not made with yakkity sax. It's so unprofessional. It's almost like none of these people have ever worked on TV before.)

And yes, it was delay of game on Joe Flacco, but it was 3rd-and-2 and the play went for 23 yards. It's kinda hard to claim that a flag would have won Tennessee the game at that point. Plus ... Joe Freakin' Flacco! A rookie, 2-0, on the road. Deal with it!

Apologetic Delhomme looked like raw rookie [Arizona Republic]
On football: One-and-done will linger after Titans ' choke [USA Today]
Playoff hopes blown when whistle wasn't [Tennessean]

* * * * *

I'm heading out shortly for what I'm told is a wi-fi enabled bar, that I'm told will be overrun by hyper, possibly inebriated Giants fans. (I won't tell you where it is, because I'm afraid of you people.) I have no horse in this race, but I will venture into the belly of the playoff beast and attempt to bring you tales of local fan excitement. I'm like that Survivorman guy, as long as I don't have to brew my own beer out of tree bark.

Meet Deborah Voit, a woman who was recently arrested and charged with stalking Carolina Panthers quarterback Jake Delhomme. If you're wondering why she's so smitten wake Jake Delhomme, I don't think there's a reason; the woman isn't real picky about who she stalks. She's been convicted of stalking twice, and has been jailed eleven times in the past year. Seems to me like she has more in common with Chris Henry. I'm kind of surprised that their paths haven't crossed.

The woman recently got past security at the Panthers practice facility, and followed Delhomme onto the field, and handed John Fox a letter to give to Delhomme. She's called him repeatedly, visited him in his hotel room, and even called his parents.

WCNC.com has copies of an e-mail she sent to the Panthers and a hand-written letter she composed for Delhomme. Here's a snippet from the letter:

But I also know that you are the most wonderful, loving awesome man that I have ever met and I love you with all my heart. You are the best one ever for me to share my life with and I promise you that I am the best one and the right one for you to share your life with and I will be everything you could ask for and more as your companion, lover, best friend, helpmate + confidant as your wife and I will be the love of your life and make life so wonderful for you + you'll never regret it ever."

Mother of woman accused of stalking Jake Delhomme speaks out [WCNC.com]
Hand written letter to Jake Delhomme (.pdf) [WCNC.com]
Read e-mail sent to Panthers (.pdf) [WCNC.com]