This morning's selection comes from Joe Sports Fan, which asks the musical question, are these Arizona Cardinal fans going to hell? Impossible to say, but it is interesting to see that not everyone in Arizona is a Kurt Warner fanatic.

Alternate headline: Jake Plummer Jerseys Make Baby Jesus Sad.

OK, that photo was funny; but not as hilarious as this, which I call "The loneliest guy at the NFC Championship Game." Poor dumb lonely sap.

The Denver Post has a basically awesome story about how Plummer, who retired after being traded to Tampa Bay back in the spring, just doesn't care about the NFL anymore:

The NFL is so competitive, but it's also a very cutthroat business at times. I spent 10 years doing a lot of great things, and I wanted to get out before my career ended the way a lot of other people's careers end. I got out because I wanted to play handball and I wanted to do other things.

Plummer's Handball Odyssey [Denver Post]

But it really is true; Jake's walking away. Even yesterday, when I mentioned a potential future in the Peace Corps, I didn't believe it would really happen. It is. He said so himself on The Jake Plummer Foundation's website.

First, I want to thank my family and close friends for their loyal support all these fun-filled, roller-coaster years, Plummer said. Second, I owe all of my greatest achievements in football to the men who stood by my side as my teammates and coaches. Football has been awesome to me in many ways. I leave the game with my health and happiness, and look forward to the future; I've got many rivers to cross."

Well, good for him, and I wish him all the best in his river-crossing adventures. I don't blame him for not wanting to spend the next few years bouncing around the league in a back-up role, each year listening to "Godammit, we signed Jake Plummer" reactions from the fans of every team with whom he signs. There might be better ways for Jake Plummer to spend his time.

Still, it feels like Jake Plummer's career should have come to an end with a little bit more drama... something like a 7-interception playoff game, or maybe punching Broncos owner Pat Bowlen in the stomach. It ends with a whimper, though, with unwanted competition from Jeff Garcia and a message on a website.

I feel cheated. This is your fault, Jay Cutler.

A Message From Jake [The Jake Plummer Foundation]

The Bucs yesterday continued to corner the market on middling QBs. With Chris Simms and Bruce Gradkowski already in the mix, they signed Jeff Garcia and traded for Jake Plummer. That's going to leave one of those gentlemen in the pitiable position of being cut in favor of whatever three guys they decide to keep. I don't know if the Bucs are any better today than they were two days ago, but they've certainly upped the number of different ways in which they can lose.

Much of yesterday/today's free agent money was spent on linemen. The Chargers kept Kris Dielman, the Bengals' Eric Steinbach jumped to Cleveland, and ESPN says that Dallas is coming to terms with Leonard Davis. All of these deals, by the way, are going to equal or exceed the deal that Seattle refused to give guard Steve Hutchinson last year. What seemed like a ridiculous deal just a year ago can be had by any old starting guard this year. Go figure.

Drew Bennett was signed to a big deal by the Rams, who feel like they need more help at receiver, instead of a frivolous luxury like, oh, I dunno... defense. Travis Henry was released by the Titans. They owed him $8.3 million if he stuck around. Word is that he's talking to Denver. The Lions signed pass-rushing defensive end DeWayne White to a 5-year, $29 million deal, despite the fact that he's started five games in three years. Andre Johnson re-upped with the Texans, Terry Glenn's sticking with the Cowboys, and the Patriots are expected to sign Wes Welker to an offer sheet.

Free Agency Roundup [FOXSports.com]

The Denver Broncos quarterback won't yield the fourth- round pick the team acquired in a trade Friday with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Instead, he'll embark on a future probably filled with extensive travel, quality time with his serious girlfriend and charitable work, maybe even the Peace Corps in retirement.

I don't know if it's something he's really considering; that's not a quote from Plummer or anyone close to him. If it's not serious, Plummer has become, to my knowledge, the first NFL athlete in history to use the Peace Corps in contract negotiations. If it is true, then I couldn't help but admire a guy leaving the NFL to go plant trees and dig irrigation ditches in a third-world nation.

At the same time, though, I'd feel like a prick if I was mean to Jake Plummer for nearly has entire career, and just decided to be nice to him when he retired... so I offer this advice to his Peace Corps superiors. Don't let Jake be the guy throwing bottles of water to thirsty children. They would surely be intercepted by rebel forces.

(UPDATE: That trade to Tampa Bay may have happened happened anyway.)

Peace Corps Could Be Next for Broncos' Jake Plummer [NFL FanHouse]
Plummer leaning to retirement [Rocky Mountain News]

So you'll forgive us, we hope, as we type this with shaky hands and a cold sweat: Now that he has lost the starting job in Denver, presumably for good, Jake Plummer says he's open to returning to Buzzsaw land and finishing his career holding Matt Leinart's clipboard.

We know that, as far as backup quarterbacks go, Plummer is a reasonable choice, one who has starting experience and obviously knows the area. But you have to remember what Plummer's tenure in Buzzsaw Country was like. Imagine the way Plummer has been the last few years, except with no running game and coached by Vince Tobin. Oh, and somehow more impetuous. The guy likes to throw the ball backwards and with his left hand.

Though we do cherish the conversations he and Leinart might have.

Plummer: 'Sup dude.
Leinart: 'Sup dawg.

And they'd just go from there.

Jake Plummer To Return To AZ In '07? [The Fanhouse]

And now not only is Plummer being ticketed for a road rage incident, he's actually being openly mocked by the "victim."

"I know he's under a lot of pressure, and he just has a lot of competition now," said victim Doug Stone, referring to first-round draft pick Jay Cutler, the Vanderbilt quarterback selected two days after the alleged incident. "I thought the guy was about 19 or 20 years old, and he lived with his parents."

According to reports, Plummer, after cutting a guy off and being honked at, shoved his car in reverse and rammed Stone's car. Funny thing, too: Plummer had totally meant to hit another, entirely different, wide-open car.

Plummer Ticketed In Road Rage Allegation [Rocky Mountain News]

A die-hard Steelers fan and teacher at Beaver Falls High School made Joshua Vannoy, 17, take a midterm test on the floor. The honors ethnic relations teacher had Vannoy sit in a circle of desks, then instructed his classmates to throw paper at him.

The good news is that the kid wasn't wearing a Jake Plummer jersey, because if he'd have tried to throw the paper back at his tormentors, well, they probably would have come right back and hit him in the face.

Teacher's True Colors Definitely Not Orange, Blue [Denver Post]

We mean, we know that Jake Plummer has popularized the male porn star from the 1970s look, but we had no idea that the male porn star look from the 1870s was back.

And this is all your beard-related humor for the rest of the day. We absolutely promise.

Loosen The Chin Straps [New York Times]
World Beard Championships [Official Site]

And, fortunately, that prediction model is still in place: We introduce the "Beard To Success Ratio Theory", which takes into account the follicle tendencies of the starting quarterbacks — length, lack of grooming, thickness/patching — and estimates a team's fortunes accordingly. As you can probably guess, Jake Plummer and the Broncos are golden in this system. If you see a Seattle-Denver Super Bowl, you'll know why: Beard aggressiveness.

More proof, by the way, that the Bears should have kept Kyle Orton as the starter.

"JT's Beard To Success Ratio Theory" [Deadly Hippos]

We do not approach this question lightly. In the late '90s, we worshipped Plummer: He took a team we had blindly followed without any payoff — and have since blindly followed without any payoff — since we our age was in the single digits and took them to the playoffs ... and even won a game! He was pals with Pat Tillman, our favorite player at the time, he was scrappy and he even had a hint of the underground about him, which would metastasize in anti-war rants later in his career.

But then he, like his team, somehow got worse, culminating in a classic play when, while being tackled from behind, switched the ball to his left hand and threw it over and behind his head ... where it landed in the arms of a bewildered linebacker, who gleefully sauntered for an easy touchdown. The local hero was eventually ditched — for Jeff Blake! — and was thought destined to be the ultimate end to Broncos coach Mike Shanahan's reign.

And here he is: A game away from the Super Bowl we all dreamed he'd take us to someday. We still don't believe it. Trent Dilfer? Please. No quarterback ever seemed less likely to see a Super Bowl than Jake Plummer ... let alone lead a team there. Expect much griping about this from us, all week.

• With Jake Plummer's triumph last night, the "Year of the 'Stache" continues. Hey, I think Tom Selleck is missing something. [flickr]

• What happens when Deron Williams and Gilbert Arenas slowdance? Well, for one thing, I laugh my ass off. [J.E. Skeets]

• LSU and USC fans express themselves through billboards. [The Wizard of Odds]

• "Everybody talks about Shaun Alexander like he s Superman. But I don t know. The MVP came out there today and when the Riddles got to poppin , he went to the sideline to get an extra week or whatever." These, and more NFL Playoff quotes. [Sports Frog]

But check it out: Jake Plummer is, inexplicably, starting to become a gay icon. Why? You guessed it: The mustache. Prominent gay bloggers are picking up on the "pornstache," and even putting together greatly amusing photo montages of Plummer in various states of pseudo-gaydom.

Jake Plummer, in the span of a year, has gone from an erratic guy who sometimes throws with his lift hand into an MVP candidate, an anti-war protestor and a potential gay icon. God bless America, ya know?

Jake Plummer: Ready For "Colt" But Not The Colts? [Boi From Troy]
Snake Bitten [Kenneth In The 212]

Last week, Rocky Mountain News columnist Penny Parker — not a damsel in a comic book, by the way — wrote a piece about Kollette Klassen, Plummer's new girlfriend and Broncos cheerleader. Plummer flipped out about it and called Parker to complain, saying that he feared Klassen would be harrassed by Broncos fans. Then Plummer, as he tends to do while scrambling, made a bad situation worse by saying, "You think Denver has the greatest fans? Well, they aren't."

Well, Coloradoans tend to not like that, and Plummer apologized yesterday, saying he was just trying to protect his professional cheerleader girlfriend from the public eye. Now, if we can just get him to bring back the mustache, all will be well again.

Plummer Apologizes [Rocky Mountain News]
Kollette Klassen [DenverBroncos.com]
Jake Plummer, Antiwar Activist [Deadspin]