I know, I know. You've had enough of the Gunslinger and all the duct taped t-shirts created in his honor. But this post should put a stop to all that because it is pretty much impossible to find a more impressive—or more fitting—memorial to the entire Brett Favre-Green Bay-Minnesota saga than this. A purple Firebird Trans-Am adorned with No. 4 decals and a "We Love You Man!" sticker on the back bumper has been spotted in, of all places, Green Bay, Wisconsin. This is the definition of perfection.

You may also rest assured that the tipster who took these photos can confirm that man behind the wheel of this beauty "took off, tires squealing." Is there any other way to drive an automobile like this? I say no.

I'm just going to go ahead and assume that Def Leppard was blasting out of the stereo as well.

[Photos via Mike C. of Green Bay, WI]

* * * * *

Welcome to Wednesday. Are you getting it?

You can watch the video below, or you can read driver Federico Villagra's haiku-like description of what happened:

I was surprised that some horses crossed. It hit the windscreen and flew over the car.

Villagra wasn't hurt and lost only 30 seconds in whatever absurd car race has drivers plowing through what looks for all the world like the seventh at Del Mar.

Federico Villagra Hits Horse During Rally [Anygüey]
Pictured: Horrific moment wild horse is hit by rally car and catapulted 30ft into the air [Daily Mail]

You see, just because Lisa Mayfield told NASCAR that her stepson is tweaked out on meth, that doesn't automatically give him the right to say she kills people. (Unless she does kill people! But that's why we have judges, right?) She's seeking compensatory damages and punitive damages, plus other "relief as the court may deem just and proper."

For his part, Mayfield The Younger is standing by his words, but still hasn't filed his wrongful death suit accusing her of killing his father, like he said he would. The "basically a whore" thing is more a judgment call, I guess.

Jeremy Mayfield of NASCAR sued for civil damages by stepmother Lisa Mayfield [ESPN]

It's not the same if you're single. If you don't have kids and you decide to bum rush the Good Humor man whenever he drives by, that makes you a fatass. But since kids are little ice cream crackheads, you're practically obligated to flag down Tommy Basilio ("How's it feel to be a chump?") and grab a Toasted Almond to share. This doesn't make you a glutton. This makes you a sensitive daddy who wants to share a precious moment with his little girl. Buying your kid ice cream is the only time they ever appear genuinely excited to be your offspring. This is why there are so many shithead parents out there who spoil their kids: because it totally works.

Anyway, I've spent the majority of this summer plowing through the entire ice cream truck menu. I am as knowledgeable of its strengths and weaknesses as Bill Belichick is with regards to the K-Gun offense. And now, I shall pass this knowledge unto you, the burgeoning fatass populace of America. I'll skirt the rules a bit here and rank all ice cream novelty products that I know of, and not just go expressly by the Good Humor menu, which often lacks the #1 ranked item. Perhaps your neighborhood is visited by a Hood truck, or a Mister Softee truck. I'm not one to judge.

1. Chipwich. A masterfully-designed product which allows you to eat two cookies and a shitload of ice cream simultaneously. Kudos to the very tubby engineer who thought of the extra chocolate chips studding the rim. Very Billy Idolesque.

2. Chocolate Éclair/Toasted Almond/Strawberry Shortcake. There are three bars in the truck (Chocolate Éclair, Strawberry Shortcake, Toasted Almond) that all have the exact same design. Little bit of cake in the middle, ice cream outside of that, all encased in a layer of… uh… crumbly stuff. I don't even know how to begin to describe that shit. It almost certainly contains asbestos. But whatever, it's fucking good. Like Pop Rocks mixed with the shit on top of an apple crisp.

5. Choco Taco. Because I've always eaten ice cream and thought to myself, "If there were just some way to make this more like Mexican food."

6. Ice Cream Sandwich. I've said this before and I'll say it again. Ice cream sandwiches are fucking tremendous, but the only bad part of eating them is when you're finished and it looks like you just went three fingers deep inside someone else's asshole. Little children are also vulnerable to the dreaded Ice Cream Sandwich Sanchez, in which the chocolate part of the sandwich gets encrusted around your mouth, giving you that freshly administered Rusty Trombone look.

7. King Cone. Most King Cones include a thin layer of chocolate lining the inside of the cone, thus preventing drips. FUCK AND YES.

8. Creamsicle.

9. Push Up Pop. Some day, there will be an NFL player with the first name Sherbet.

10. That Oreo Sandwich Thing. You know. It looks like a giant Oreo, with ice cream in the center. This sounds awesome initially, but then you take a bite and realize the ice cream inside doesn't ALSO contain chunks of Oreos, which is heartbreaking. Hey fucktaster, I want some goddamn Oreo bits inside my giant Oreo sandwich. I want a more meta Oreo experience.

11. Candy Center Crunch. Holy shit, is that really chocolate in the center of the bar? Are you sure it isn't titanium?

12. Vanilla Ice Cream Bar. Whoa whoa whoa. Vanilla ice cream in a bar? SLOW DOWN THERE, WILD MAN. We wouldn't want you going crazy and being all Neopolitan on us.

13. Rocket Pop. I don't see the need to be patriotic while eating ice cream. This thing looks like a giant frozen dildo.

14. Lemon Slush Cup

15. Popsicle shaped like Spongebob/Mickey Mouse/Dora/Gene Simmons

16. Dippin Dots. You see Dippin Dots in ice cream trucks now, along with baseball stadiums, beach towns, and everywhere else. They're fucking retarded. Oooh, it's the ice cream of the FUTURE! In the future, all food comes in pellet form! Now I know how it feels to be a goat in a petting zoo. Get fucked, Dippin Dots. I'll take my ice cream in non-ball bearing form.

To recap: Mayfield tested positive for methamphetamines on May 9 and was suspended from driving on the circuit. He sued in protest and a U.S. District Court judge issued an injunction on July 1, lifting the suspension. On July 6, NASCAR administered another drug test that he also failed (again because of meth), so they went back to court yesterday to get the ban reinstated. In a surprise twist, their legal filing included a signed affidavit from Mayfield's stepmother, claiming that she has personally seen him use the drug at 30 times.

Well, Jeremy did not like that at all. He's filing a wrongful death suit against Lisa Mayfield, claiming she killed his father in 2007. (The death was officially ruled a suicide.)

"She knows what we've got on her," Mayfield said. "For her to come out and do this is pretty ballsy. Everybody that's ever known me knows I never, ever have been around her for more than 10 hours of my life. She's a gold digger. I knew that from Day 1." ....

"She's basically a whore," he told ESPN.com's David Newton. "She shot and killed my dad."

Oh my. This has certainly taken an unexpected turn. There are two possibilities here. Mayfield is right, and his gold digging stepmom killed his father and then ratted him out to his bosses—who are determined to destroy his career over some unexplained grudge. Or two: Mayfield is seriously whacked out on crank.

Or I suppose it could be both? Just because you're paranoid, that doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

"Brian France out there talking about effective drug policy, it's kind of like Al Capone talking about effective law enforcement. And that's the way I feel about it. The pot shouldn't be calling the kettle black, you know what I'm saying? And I think the world needs to hear that, too."

[...]

"They're playing this high school [expletive], they better be ready," Mayfield said of NASCAR. "I'm coming after them in a big way. I'm prepared to go all the way and have the backing to do it if it takes everything I've got. I'm not going to back down for something I didn't do."

Well, he's definitely excited about something. No sponsor would touch Mayfield before yesterday and no matter what the truth is, this won't help. You may now commence the "redneck soap opera" jokes.

Jeremy Mayfield accuses stepmother Lisa Mayfield, NASCAR of lying [ESPN]
Mayfield vs. NASCAR gets real bizarre, Part II [Birmingham News]

You see, NASCAR has a dilemma when it comes to racing at Talladega. They can use restrictor plates—as they do now—that limit the speed of the cars, resulting in close quarters, side-by-side racing where strategy, drafting, and even bumping other cars is crucial to victory. This is both highly exciting and very dangerous. Or they could take the plates off, which would open up the track and let drivers push their vehicles to insane limits. This is also exciting and also equally dangerous. So what to do?

Most of the current drivers think something has to be done before someone is killed. Jimmie Johnson suggests changing the famous Talladega tri-oval, which is like asking Fenway to tear down the Green Monster. Ryan Newman says "Dega" is an accident waiting to happen. Carl Edwards is on record as not wanting to park his car in the bleachers again. But then there's old timer Bobby Allison—whose famous 1987 wreck led to restrictor plate racing in the first place—who thinks that Edwards is just being a pussy.

"[Edwards' crash] was pretty spectacular, but it was nothing compared to what I did," Allison said. "My wreck was way bigger, way more guard rail, way more cars involved."

In other words, "Suck it up, pretty boy." It's a tough spot for the sport to be in, because the danger is the appeal of stock car racing. You can't take your Chevy Malibu up to 160 on the interstate, so Dale Earnhardt Jr. does it for you. The drivers accept the risk and fans reward them for it. Yes, the Edwards crash was scary, but that was a pretty spectacular way to end a race, don't you think? And look how much everyone is talking about NASCAR now?

But what if spectators had been killed? When a car went into the grandstand at Le Mans in 1955 it killed more than 80 people. Can you imagine what would happen to the sport today if that were repeated? How many hundreds could have been wiped out if Edwards' car had made it over that fence on Sunday? In this day and age, in America, a tragedy like that could end the sport as we know it. Forever.

So there is that to consider. Another thing to consider? Racing fans are completely insane.

In '87, after Allison flew, I went down to talk to spectators during the hours-long red flag to repair the fence. Several people had already been sent off in ambulances, one woman with a serious eye injury. The front row was jammed with Dale Earnhardt fans in black T-shirts, their arms and faces still bleeding from the shrapnel from the Allison wreck.

"If our man Earnhardt can take risks for us," said one man, "then we'll take risks for him, by being as close as we can when he comes by."

Yeah, it's hard to argue with that kind of logic.

Rounding up the opinions on the Talladega fence-slide [From The Marbles]
Ed Hinton: NASCAR has major decisions to make on restrictor-plate racing [ESPN]
The Associated Press: Edwards' last-lap crash similar to Allison's wreck
Jimmie Johnson: Changes to Talladega can control racing - ESPN [ESPN]
Drivers react to Carl Edwards' comments at Talladega [Newsday]
Will Edwards' words wake up NASCAR? Nah [San Jose Mercury News]

The major takeaway from the story is that Ovechkin likes to have fun, which is both shocking and appalling to people like Don Cherry. However, it is also very lucrative for luxury car makers like Mercedes Benz. Ovechkin took Nichols for a spin in his new SL 65 supercar that he boasts of taking up to 180 m.p.h. He boasts about a lot of things actually. He wants to let everyone know—without actually letting them know, you know?—that he is someone who enjoys a little unspoken depravity. (Although the infamous strip club receipt that is making the email rounds is almost certainly not his. The club in question is in South Africa, which is not exactly convenient for post-game relaxation therapy.) Bottom line: Party Man likes to party and the fact that people are bothered by it only makes it more fun for him.

Oh, and we sort of ribbed ESPN for their Nick Adenhart/NASCAR flub that was really just an unfortunate coincidence and not anyone's fault, but you do have to wonder if any of the producers of E:60 thought about the juxtaposition of Alex's "play hard, live fast" lifestyle with another story featured later in the program. It was about former Dallas Cowboy DB Dwayne Goodrich, who is currently serving a 12-year sentence for vehicular manslaughter. If you want to do something, do it, I guess.

E:60 - Alexander the Gr8 [Full video @ ESPN]

A new coach, new GM, a new No .1 draft pick QB waiting in the wings (grumble, grumble) and now these snappy new unis—oh, yes this team is destined for greatness ... as soon as they shake off the five decades of failure that weigh down the hopes and dreams of a troubled populace like a rusty anchor.

The leaping lion appears more fierce, while the team name features an italicized slant. The team says the changes are consistent with its "sense of mission and direction."

Yes, he does seem more fierce. Having a face will do that to a mascot. Is it possible for Lions fans to be energized by this? Does a smart new coach and No. 1 overall pick encourage anyone at this point? How many times has this franchise been here before and how many times has absolutely nothing changed? Why do they torture their fans with "mission statements" and "new directions" and new merchandise that only translates into fans feeding a broken machine with more and more of their hard-earned money while receiving nothing in return? Why? Why?!

Oh, and where can I pick up one of those new t-shirts?

Detroit Lions New Uniforms leaked [Branded]
New Detroit logo features fiercer, leaping lion [AP]
Poor Lions! Another tough decision to make [AP]
Is NFL draft doom looming for Lions? [Detroit Free Press]
Lions' beefed-up logo doesn't pass test [Drew Sharp]

Button managed to keep it in his pants long enough to collect his trophy on the podium and then sit through a post-race debriefing with his crew, but immediately after that nonsense he sought out his underwear modeling special friend, Jessica Michibata, pulled her into a team office and ... well, I'm not sure that I can describe what happened next on a family blog, but I think the more tactful writers of The Sun can sort this out for us:

The playboy emerged with a sly grin and admitted: "It got a bit steamy in there."

An insider said: "His eyes were only for Jessica."

They held each other and kissed in the team office - it was clear he fancied popping a second cork.

I have no idea what that means, so never mind. Maybe Jenson can explain?

He said: "This is a fairytale - I'm chuffed to bits."

Well, that's just disgusting.

Jenson Button 'debriefs' girlfriend after F1 win [The Sun]
Media Waits While Racer "Celebrates" w/Girlfriend [SbB]

Police say Stallworth, driving in his Bentley, "hit a man crossing the busy causeway that links downtown Miami with Miami Beach". As a formality, the Miami PD took blood and are testing Stallworth for drugs and booze. He hasn't officially been charged with anything and police say it's unclear if he was breaking any traffic laws.

But... what are the chances that Stallworth was taking a leisurely drive through Miami Beach at 7 a.m. to jump-start his morning, as opposed to driving home half-asleep after a long and festive Friday night? You'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt, but given his history of substance abuse — or, at least, being enrolled in the NFL's program — makes it appear this incident is not going to end very favorably for Donte.

More details to come later.

Former Pat Questioned In Fatal Accident [MyFox]

As you can kind of see from the photo, Danica's flags have sprouted angel wings. Patrick appeared on TSN's "Off The Record", which we assume is Canadian for "Best Damn Sports Show, Eh" to show off the new addition to her tattoo menagerie. She also offered up this choice(?) quote:

I love tattoos, actually. ... Something that is that meaningful that it's there forever. Man, if I got another one … I want something with words in it next time. Mine is a checkered flag-American flag with some angel wings and some stars and stuff.

We'd like to say more, but you know what? She's still probably the classiest woman ever to come out of Roscoe, IL.

****

It's been fun, friends. KOGOD is your emcee tomorrow. Take care.

Undaunted by SI, Danica gets even bigger tattoo [SbB]

Fact: Santonio Holmes made more than $2 million this season. Fact: The federal government just bailed out General Motors to the tune of $9.4 billion. So, why is GM giving Holmes an $85,000 Cadillac Escalade Hybrid Platinum, which has been, in effect, purchased by the taxpayers?

From the New York Daily News:

Breaking from recent tradition, there was no Cadillac on the field Sunday night during the Super Bowl awards ceremony and no Cadillac in the hotel ballroom Monday for the MVP news conference. Usually the MVP marks off on a board which car he wants. There was no board, either. It was all done in private.

There was no mention of Cadillac or of Holmes winning the car at the news conference. It was at the request of Cadillac, commissioner Roger Goodell told the Daily News Monday. When asked if Cadillac asked not to be mentioned, he said, "Yes."

Of course there's also a good chance that Santonio's new Cadillac was assembled by some of the 22,000 GM hourly workers who were just offered buyouts; with inevitable layoffs soon to follow.

Cadillac realizes how screwed up this is; it wasn't even at the Super Bowl. Their reasoning for going ahead with the car prize, it seems, is that they consider the federal money a loan, and not a bailout. Of course there's no telling what could happen with the economy in the immediate future; GM could end up being a chain of Chinese restaurants. But Holmes will still have the goddamned car that we paid for.

Why didn't GM opt out of its contract with the NFL?

"Given the current business environment, it was much more appropriate we not do that," Cadillac spokeswoman Joanne Krell said in a phone interview. "We made the decision not to actively participate in the Super Bowl. We congratulate the MVP, it is a great achievement. We are very sensitive to the federal assistance loan we have received and we want to carry on our fiduciary responsibility. The Super Bowl was not a place for us to be this year. That is not to say it's not a great platform."

So here's the deal, Holmes: I get the Cadillac on alternate Tuesdays and Thursdays, you can have Monday, Wednesday and Saturday. Friday is first-come-first-serve, and Utah gets it on Sunday for church.

Cadillac Opts To Keep MVP Prize Quiet [New York Daily News]

You never want to see the terms "punching a tow truck" and "shot with a stun gun as he resisted arrest" assembled in the same story about you two months before the NFL draft.

Alex Boone was taken to Saddleback Hospital by sheriff's deputies for injuries resulting from being shot with a stun gun and being heavily intoxicated, said sheriff's spokesman Jim Amormino. He was arrested on suspicion of resisting arrest, threatening officers, jumping onto the tops of several cars and banging on garage doors around 11:30 p.m. Sunday at the Barcelona apartments at 23500 Windsong.

When deputies arrived, Amormino said, Boone was trying to punch out the driver's side window of a tow truck; he then jumped onto the back of the truck. Boone then tried to flee police, Amormino said.

Boone has had a problem with binge drinking in the past — he was arrested for DUI in Columbus in 2006 — and his mother, Amy, is hopeful that he will now seek treatment, according to the Columbus Dispatch. And now it is time for the Jim Tressel quote:

"Alex headed to California to focus solely on his training. It is so disappointing to hear that he had this mishap. His intentions were to prepare for his NFL dream."

No Jim: stepping on a rake so that the handle snaps up and hits you in the face, that's a mishap. Getting drunk enough to tackle a tow truck while you're preparing for the NFL draft is something quite more serious.

Your move, Michael Phelps.

College Football Star Shot With Stun Gun As He Resisted Arrest [Orange County Register]
Boone Arrested Following Outburst [Columbus Dispatch]

I'm not sure anyone really blames him, given the weakness of the tools at his disposal, but he did have to leave. About 95% of the club's employees need to go, if there was anyway to do that, but the coaching staff (six assistants, including both coordinators have fired or demoted) will have to do for now. It's been a steady downward progression since the last playoff win in 1991, and there's a certain cathartic release in knowing that it literally cannot get any worse.

Wait ... actually, it can. Most Lions observers should have no confidence that owner William Clay Ford will pick a sound rational manager to run his football team, despite windmill-tilting rumors that Bill Parcells may opt out of his Dolphins contract and would like to come run the new worst team in football. The Big Tuna's ego is certainly up the task, but is the man himself that desperate to prove his awesomeness? Don't hold your breath.

So now we wait. For Sam Bradford or a Herschel Walker-like trade or Barry Sanders Jr., no one is quite sure. We just wait. And think about all that Matt Millen gave us—especially the Zero and Sixteen 2008 Detroit Lions.

Lions fire Marinelli; Mayhew named GM, Lewand team president [Freep]
Tuna fishing? Parcells has opt-out clause [ESPN]
One Man's Plan to Revive the Lions [Fanhouse]
PFW ranks Giant's Spanuolo as top head coaching candidate [Highlight Reel]
Shouldn't the losingest of owners pretend to care? [Mitch Albom]
How Can Detroit Go Winless in Today's NFL? [Time]
Why Parcells is a perfect fit for Detroit Lions [Sports Climax]

• Two interceptions from Dan Orlovsky and a failure to recover more than one of the three fumbles Green Bay coughed up kept the Lions from scoring repeatedly. Combined with an inability to run more than 3ish yards per carry and 5ish yards per catch (and only connecting half the time), the Packers had plenty of time to get Aaron Rodgers his 4,000 yards, Donald Driver his 1,000 yards, and two runners a hundred yards apiece. The final result: 31-21 Green Bay in a game neither team should have been allowed to win.

• In other NFC North business, the Vikings beat the Giants 20-19, which sounds lovely except the second unit was out for the Giants early and often. This might have crushed the Bears' hopes, but they were busy squatting on said hopes with a 31-24 thrashing by the Texans in which anyone with a three in the tens digit on their Texans uniform could do any damned thing they wanted. Boy, those Bears really did miss the mythical Mike Brown. Or a front four.

• Carolina gave up 21 points in the final quarter but managed to fire off a successful field goal with about zilch on the clock to beat the Saints 33-31 and securing the NFC South, also a bastion of greatness. That left a winning Atlanta squad (31-27 over the Rams) with a wild card berth. Go crazy, kids.

• Losses by Tampa (to Oakland, 31-24) and Chicago (sigh) leave the Philadelphia-Dallas late afternoon game as a win'n'in proposition. Baltimore and Miami battle others for their playoff lives. Washington and San Francisco prove they'll uphold a contract. And so on.

In early games that matter only to the addicted gambler, the unfortunate fantasy leagues that go 17 weeks, and about a third of the national sports media: Atlanta 31, St. Louis 27; Cincinnati 16, Kansas City 6; Indianapolis 23, Tennessee 0; Pittsburgh 31, Cleveland 0 (and one temporally displaced quarterback).

First: Your NFL Maps. Please note the distinct lack of a Monday night game; the NFL will bravely squeeze their entire schedule into one day. Stay strong, NFL; we're there for you.

According to the NFL Network (via Fanhaus), today's Patriots-Bills tilt in Buffalo may actually be delayed due to 50 mph winds that have... well, tilted the goal posts. That's certainly one way to cover for quarterback inadequacies.

Another would be to play your final game in a stadium with holes in the roof that force it to stay open during a downpour, such as in Houston. Kyle Orton may not even be able to complete any of those untimely interceptions and Matt Forte may be a classic mudder. Well-timed, Chicago; let's see if the Vikings counter with a frog infestation in the Baggiedome to cover for Tarvaris Jackson.

Late player news:
• Try to brace yourself: Mike Brown ends the season on IR.
• Tony Romo will play today despite having the dreaded "flu-like symptoms" this week. It's better than the funk, we guess.
• It's fair to say that any team listed below as "in" will play their starters for about six plays, especially in Indy. Exception: Arizona, for reasons that only make sense if your team has been to the playoffs about as often as Truman Capote attended Harper Lee book release parties. The National Football Post has the latest.

Here we go, yo; here we go, yo; so what-so what-so what's the playoffs scenario?

In the AFC, the 1, 2, and 5 seeds have been clinched by Tennessee, Pittsburgh, and Indianapolis. Sunday night's Hochuli Bowl winner takes the four seed.

For three and six, a mishmash of Ravens (win and in), Dolphins (win and in), Patriots (Ravens or Dolphins lose and win and in), and Jets (Patriots lose and win and in) will keep you on your toes through the afternoon games.

In the NFC, the Giants, Panthers, Cardinals (!), and Falcons (!!) are already in, though the Panthers and Falcons can play for seeding. Nearly everyone else still has some formula to get them in, though Jerry Jones is using Formula 409 to stay youthful. All-purpose, indeed. If you know how to build a pivot table to make this remotely approachable, let us know. The Vikings and Cowboys are your win'n'in candidates.

Finally, the Lions and their fans are winners today, no matter the result. Next year's ticket prices will drop by at least 8% and there's a party to celebrate the season after the game. Party to the disenfranchised people, haaaay. And Daunte Culpepper will be there personally to overthrow your drink orders!

(P.S. A submitter asked us to consider the top picture for you today of the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders, noting he got it from SI.com's Extra Mustard. We suppose that's regifting, but we're not looking a gift hobby horse in the mouth.)

Even though he is a staunch conservative, Bunning is well liked on both sides of the aisle and fans who remember him from his days on the Tigers and Phillies generally do so with fondness. (He threw a no-hitter for both of them!) That's why this weekend was a typical one for him—hang out in Washington until Friday, maybe vote on a couple of bills, then head out to the heartland and greet his fans. Except this weekend those fans are in Michigan and he just voted against the bill that would have kept the auto industry from going under.

The Gibraltar Trade Center has canceled an appearance by former Detroit Tigers pitcher Jim Bunning at a weekend sports card show after the Kentucky congressman voted against the loan package Thursday night to help Detroit's auto companies.

Bunning is a former Hall of Famer who was a popular draw at the shows. He was set to sell autographs this weekend at the center on Eureka Road in Taylor....

Robert Koester said his father's decision to drop Bunning came within 20 minutes of discovering how he voted on the bailout package.

I guessing letting auto workers lose their jobs and then charging their kids $45 a pop for souvenir balls isn't the savviest political move of his career. The cancellation should be considered a favor, since the crowd would probably prefer to bean him to death with used spark plugs.

Gibraltar Trade Center snubs ex-Tiger after he votes down auto loan deal [Detroit News]
Bunning and McConnell vote to kill auto bailout [Politicker KY]
WATCH YOUR BACK JIM BUNNING [World Of Issac]

Unser Jr. was allegedly the victim of an extortion plot, according to the Albuquerque, N.M. district attorney's office. In a 137-count indictment against a guy named Bobby McMullin — internet escort service proprietor, downtown strip club owner and all-around swell guy — prosecutors say that Unser Jr. was being blackmailed with claims of a "compromising" video tape that showed the racer with a prostitute.

Unser is mentioned in counts 72 and 73 of the indictment. The DA's office said McMullin told Unser he had video of the racing legend in a "compromising position." McMullin allegedly asked Unser for $750,000, or he would release the tape to the public.

How exactly was McMullin going to release the tape? YouTube? Regis & Kelly? Deadspin tips? The answer is unclear. What is clear: Unser Jr. is one hard-drivin', hard-drinkin', hard-lovin' son-of-a-gun. Perhaps he should reel things in now that he's in his mid-forties? Let's get it under control, Little Al. Even Gunnar knows when to put on his leg brace*.

* = Will be explained in the comments.

D.A.: Al Unser Victim Of Blackmail Scheme [KOB.com]
Indy Winner Al Unser Jr. Listed As Extortion Victim [Albuquerque Journal]

It happened at the Rallye de Serrians in France, the car is a Renault, and the driver's nuts got very toasty at the end, and that's all I know. There's also some mention in the post about rev limiter abuse ... no idea what that means. Those wacky french. Skip ahead to the 2:00 mark in the video below for the silliness.

Determination, Or Darwin? [Axis Of Oversteer]
Crazy Rally Driver [Jacqui's Sports Blog]