We pick things up with an eyewitness account from one of Anderson's Facebook friends:

Last wednesday I got a facebook chat from Jamal Anderson around 6 AM asking for my phone number which I obviously did not give out. He then went on to tell me that he had a couple women coming over, one of them was a big girl but the rest were bangin and then he started complaining about why women think a big man can't handle multiple women. He would go on to talk about his penis and how he could totally handle multiple women. He told me that he was considering going into porn under the name Axel Steelcock as a play on the character from Guitar Hero.

Fearing for Anderson's mental health, or perhaps his physical well-being had Jamal done the Dirty Bird with said "big girl," our tipster checked up on him. This was his response.

No, Jamal. Hope all is well with you.

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Dirty Birded. Again.

So when this whole Jamal Anderson blowing a guy in a bathroom stall thing came out, i turned to all of my coworkers and said see, SEE! I told them all this two years ago and now...well now I just feel like bragging. Oh, and i work at FOXSports.com, and i'm a gay, so this was all the more entertaining.

a couple years back, a friend of mine was working at a new restaurant in LA (fuck if i can remember the name...i wanna say Citizen Smith, but new joints open and close all the time in hollywood) and he tells me a pro athlete came in an hit on him. but he wouldn't tell me his name—because he knows where i work and that i know my shit and was affraid i would go all TMZ or something—and he said the guy was really nice and he actually wanted to go on a date with him (or booty call, cause let's be real here). i asked for a hint—team, sport, last name...anything—but he wouldn't budge. i was too excited at the prospect of hearing yet another gay-pro athlete rumor (i'm lookin' at you, Troy Aikmen and Paul O'Neill), so eventually i broke him down. sport? football. team? atlanta. this was getting juicy. after a few more minutes, i get him to tell me the athlete's first name: Jamal. my response?

HOLY SHIT, YOU MEAN THE DIRTY BIRD JAMAL ANDERSON?! Bingo! (and he even showed me a pic of him at the restaurant as proof...it was just a solo shot, nothing notable or drunk-like).

I was floored. First time i'd heard about The Bird being on the DL. Apparently Jamal goes up to my friend, who is (and i'm trying to be nice) very obviously gay, and asks him "where all the ladies at?" the friend, with obvious perplexion, tells him he doesn't have the faintest idea, so Jamal asks, "oh, so you like guys? then were are the dudes then?" ha! Jamal gives my friend his number (F-minus for not keeping it!) and tells him to call. my friend calls. Jamal doesn't answer or call back. dick.

oh, and that whole response of Jamal smooching it up with a couple ladies...ever heard of fag hags? women love to kiss on their gay friends, because gay friends don't molest back. that's like saying lebron is going to play for the knicks cause he wears a yankees hat all the time. oh wait...

Upon Further Examination, Jay Mariotti May Not Be Botoxing

Okay, so it's not a huge tip, but my friend is in the Phoenix airport waiting for her flight to Chicago and Jay Mariotti is next to her. She saw the ticket for confirmation. As for Botox, she says she can still see wrinkles. We've seen him out in Chicago before and he refused a picture then, saying ESPN says no pics. The Botox excuse is a lot more creative.

But He Could Possibly Have A Hankering For Strange

Saw the Wake-up Mariotti entry this morning, this caught my eye...".saw Mariotti with a semi-cute blonde"... I had the displeasure of sitting next to Mariotti and his family one time at dinner, and his wife (and two girls) are decidedly not blonde. Circumstantial? Maybe. Enough to convince me this dush is stepping out the wife? Abso-fucking-lutely.

Please Exercise A Reasonable Amount Of Decorum In Your Comment Wars

AJ, Rick, Pet, et. al.

I hate that I have to do something like this, this is so lame my head hurts. But, here's the recap: a few months ago, I said to Candace Parker Secret Lover something along the lines of "no more stupid puns until you say something funny." A little This really hurt his feelings. And I suppose he has been quietly seething with internet rage.

Last night on a liveblog on a website he and FEAST edit (Lowposts), a friend told me they posted a picture of me (from my Twitter account) and were yukking it up.

Here's the link:

http://lowposts.com/liveblog-6-spurs-pistons/

I think respecting other commenters privacy is necessary (like the whole Kid Canda thing), and posting my Twitter picture, while not illegal, is just sort of wrong. I feel violated. I am not an attention whore who wants my photo all over the internet, I am just a man who likes sports and jokes.

My marriage, job, and reputation is not on the line here, but I think that there should be a reminder sent out to the commenters that there is certain baseline civility that needs to be respected and followed.

This is a stupid, immature situation.

Thank you all for for looking into this, and for running a great site.

Mr. Jackson's Porta Patronage Is Always Appreciated

Hello, Am Mr Jackson i will like to know if you are a porta john seller let me know the size's you have in stock with the price list
and i will be doing the payment with my Credit Card.
Thanks for your Co-Operation..

Mr Jackson

PHOTO: Drunkathlete.com

[Sic'd]:

I don't know much else, but I was at The Tavern the night when Jamal got busted....I can tell you one thing, he was in the corner with two girls smooching it up....my best friend Nick was actually in the bathroom when the cop busted in, and we both just read this story and we call bullshit dude....they fucking tried to embarrass the shit out of him that night, but they would leave out of the police report that he was blowing a dude? Yea fuckin right dude.....I just dont believe that shit they would leave that out. And according to Nick, he didnt even hear them "Allegedly" snorting. The guy fucked up for sure, but people are trying to make shit look stupid...

So there's that: He wasn't blowing dudes, but "smooching it up" with ladies, and possibly not even snorting. Anderson's probably going to have a tough time doing anything football analyst-y on-air again after this incident. And in addition to dealing with the stigma from his arrest, he's going to have to find some sort of life coach or new hobby that doesn't involve an excessive amount of alcohol and drug consumption with minors. So we wish him the best with that and are hopeful no more videos of Jamal in this condition ever surface again.

Ex-Falcons Running Back Jamal Anderson Is On Drunken Dirty Bird [SBB]

We told you about his on Sunday, but now come new, horrifying details. From the Atlanta Journal-Constitution:

"The patron had heard what he thought was sniffing from inside the stall and told the off-duty officer," police spokesman Otis Redmond said, according to the newspaper. "The officer went into the restroom, heard the same sniffing and peered over the stall door. He saw Jamal Anderson and Mark Hudson sniffing two lines of powdered cocaine off the back of the toilet." Hudson, 20, was also arrested at the bar in the Buckhead area of Atlanta, the report said.

Another "how the mighty have fallen" story? Actually, according to his MySpace page, Anderson is doing well for himself since two knee surgeries forced him to retire in 2002; he apparently has a production company and a clothing line, in addition to working as an ESPN college football analyst. So why was he hanging out with AJ Soprano in a toilet stall?

Ex-Falcons Star Jamal Anderson Arrested For Drug Possession [Atlanta Journal-Constitution]