The Japanese can invent a transforming giant robot that spits out used panties, but they can't invent embeddable video? Check it out here — Dykstra makes his triumphant appearance at the 3:00 mark.

Here's a rough translation from my only Japanese-speaking friends who are up at this hour:

former big leaguer lenny dykstra just happened to come into the store after he retired from baseball, he was a venture capitalist, but due to the economy he went into chapter 11 bankruptcy in july

'i only come here to pawn my things'
'this is the watch from being the most valuable player of the week'

unbelievably, some of the commemorative awards from world series were seen in the display case

pawn shop owner: 'i can't put a price on this champion ring. It would cost 150000 yen to make this ring, but since it's lenny's it would fetch several 10,000,000s of yen. when is this from?'

'1986 world series'

'1986 world series. against boston, right?'

'yep'

dystkra: 'i come here because there is someone i trust here. he worries about me. so i have him taking care of my life medals/awards.'

So, yeah, all that hoopla about Nails auctioning off his stuff? Guess no one wanted it, since it's at a pawn shop now.

セレブが質屋に　危機が富裕層直撃 [TV Tokyo]

Here's the caption they attached to this picture on their website.

Atlanta Brave Kenshin Kawakami paid a visit to the Japanese language school in Mableton. Ninety percent of the students there are from Japan and trying to adapt to U.S. culture. Kawakami posed for group photo with the entire school. (The glare led to lots of squinting.)

If you say so!

Kawakami goes back to school in Mableton [AJC]

* * * * *

Thank you for your support of Deadspin's occasionally uncomfortable racial humor. Now here's something people from every walk of life can enjoy.

A team of Notre Dame legends trekked over to the next potential-maybe-or-maybe-not hotbed of football to play the country's national team, and — get this — the Golden Domers managed to escape from Tokyo with a 19-3 win, giving Notre Dame a 1-0 record against Japan. I'm sure it's an accomplishment worthy of the media guide, but it won't show up on Charlie Weis' page. No, because this win belongs to Holtz, who slobbered out plenty of what he thought were lauding words for the losing side.

Mr. Holtz, known for his effusive praise of opposing teams, lauded the spirit of the Japan side, saying Japanese football had improved greatly and that the national squad had played at the level of a mid-major Division I-A college football program.

"Getting a compliment in defeat is somewhat meaningless," said Kiyoyuki Mori, Japan's national team coach after the loss. "It's not about moral victories."

Sounds like a Notre Dame kind of guy.

The Fighting Irish Take On Japan [Wall Street Journal]
Vickers leads legends by Japan [South Bend Tribune]
EARLIER: Notre Dame Desperately Wants To Beat Someone At Football

University of Tokyo professor Masatoshi Ishikawa has created two robots, one pitcher and one batter. The pitch-bot throws 90% of its speedballs in the strike zone and is not subject to pitch count. The bat-bot hits 100% of those strikes, and never swings at anything in the dirt. So a batter who can't strike out vs. a pitcher who will never walk him should make for fast moving, but very entertaining games. Especially if the fielding robots play defense like David Ortiz.

Oh, it says here that the batter-bot can't go the opposite field, but that still makes him better than Jose Canseco.

Look out Ichiro and Daisuke Matsuzaka; Japanese professor creates baseball-playing robots [AP]

• If all the runs were earned, the pitcher had a 445.5 ERA for the game. But that's assuming that Japanese high school games go nine innings. Since several runs were most likely unearned, and assuming that Japanese high school baseball games typically go seven innings as they do in much of the U.S., the ERA was probably more like 324.0. That'll make it much easier to whittle it down to under 200.0 in his next start.

• Kawamoto Technical High School gave up 26 runs in the first and 40 runs in the second, when the game was called with only one out. This eclipses the record of 54 runs over three innings set by the Gashouse Gorillas vs. the Teatotallers at the Polo Grounds in 1946.

• No freaking relief pitchers in Japan?

• I'm wondering who made that one out in the second inning for the winning squad, Shunshukan High. Wouldn't it be funny if it was a strikeout? That guy would experience more enduring shame than anyone on the losing team.

The Japanese Don't Believe In Tommy John Surgery [Deadspin]
Bugs Bunny, Greatest Banned Player Ever [U.S.S. Mariner]

Most toilets in China are still of the squat rather than sit-down variety, as spectators and competitors at recent test events in otherwise state of the art venues like the "Water Cube" aquatics centre discovered. "In my personal point of view, there are cultural differences between Chinese and Western people. Chinese are more used to squat toilets," said Yao Hui, a senior official responsible for the management of Olympic venues. "Toilet alteration projects at the Bird's Nest (National Stadium), the Water Cube and National Indoor Stadium are ongoing and if technical conditions permit, all the toilets in these stadiums will be changed."

Meanwhile, in Japan, toilet technology is light years ahead of that in China. The Boston Red Sox and Oakland Athletics came home from their two-game series in Tokyo raving about the toilets. They practically could talk of nothing else. Said Oakland's Emil Brown:

"The toilets are the best. Do we have those? I mean, they're, like, way ahead of us as far as putting stuff out there."

Best feature, according to Brown: The heated seats.

But when he says that Japan's toilet technology is ahead of ours, I have to laugh (photo below from Dave Barry's blog).

A's Turn Up The Heat On Red Sox [Yahoo Sports]
No More Squatting In Water Cube Toilets, Beijing Says [Guardian UK]

Yes, in Japan, the 20-year-old pitching phenoms aren't destroyed by Dusty Baker; they're featured nude in national magazines.

He stands 6-foot-5, is model skinny and resembles no one else in the stadium, the product of an Iranian father and Japanese mother. He's undeniably good looking, and he knows it, having peeled off his clothes for a nude magazine spread last year.

You know, this would have totally helped Zack Greinke's mental state.

In other indecent exposure news, a Brit soccer coach apparently made some bondage video. Talk about an idea made for Bill Belichick.

The Man, The Myth, The Mystery: Yu Darvish [Tremendous Upside Potential]
Paul Jewell Likes To Role Play [Unprofessional Foul]

We're not gonna do anything stupid and try to live blog the game tomorrow — we leave that to

The stable master, Junichi Yamamoto accused of ordering the code red-like beating against his young student, doesn't see what the problem is:

Yamamoto publicly denied striking Saito inappropriately, though he did admit to striking him on the head with a beer bottle during dinner that day. He told reporters shortly after Saito's death, "This was an ordinary practice. How could you think I would do anything to hurt someone I consider my child?"

He sounds much meaner than the demanding Assan Motors president, Mr. Sakimoto, from the movie "Gung Ho!"

Sumo hazing allegations rock Japan [CNN]

Just eight days before signing with the Royals, Hillman opened a new restaurant called Hillman's Hangout.

If you're ever in the Sapporo-neighborhood and get a hankering for an Onion Loaf with a Thousand Island sauce, stop on by to Hillman's Hangout.

We've always enjoyed coach-themed restaurants; the steak is lousy, but we hear the ham is excellent.

This Post Is Not About A-Rod; It's About Trey Hillman [UmpBump]
Hillman's Hangout [Official Site]

According to an interview in Chunichi Sports, an unnamed player personnel official with the Yokohama Bay Stars called a recent attempt by Sosa's agent to get him a roster spot with the team for a $500,000 salary as endeavoring "to perpetrate fraud on us." In addition, the bigwig expressed strong doubts about the former Cub's character. Alluding to the still unproven rumor that Sosa took steroids as well as the corked bat incident, he smirked, "guys who use performance enhancing drugs and break the rules aren't real sportsmen."

He then elaborated, "besides, he's fat now. Where would we play him? He would probably go home in two months."

We sympathize with Sosa; the process of aging can work depressing wonders on the complex physical construction that is the human body. Now that no MLB or Japanese teams want Sosa, we would like to respectfully extend an invitation to play on the Gawker Media bowling team. They certainly do not test for illicit substances there, thank heavens.

Yokohama Bay Stars Official Blasts Sammy Sosa [Japan Baseball Daily]
Sammy Sosa-San Could Rack Up The Yen [Deadspin]

For all the talk about how baseball's All-Star Game has become boring and irrelevant, it appears the Japanese All-Star game has figured out how to liven up matters: Aliens in the dugout.

Seriously: They have a little more fun with their All-Star game there than we do. Heck, you should see how Shinjo dressed up.

Weirder than Shinjo, and Fasa-NOOOOOOO [Marinerds]

For the record, we would have done the same thing: Here's a video that's old, but has never appeared here, of pitcher Masanori Ishikawa of the Yakult Swallows, plunking former American major leaguer Tony Batista of the SoftBank Hawks in a Japanese League game. When it appeared that the rather imposing Batista was charging the mound, Ishikawa made his decision and made it quickly; to head for the hills.

When it became apparent that Batista was just taking the long way to first, and had no intention of harming anyone, Ishikawa returned sheepishly to the mound. His expression here is priceless actually; his embarrassed delight only surpassed by the announcers working the game. We're pretty sure that we would still be running.

(Thanks to the fine gents at Kissing Suzy Kolber for pointing this out to us. Those guys are on a roll; somebody put some pants on that kid!)

It's a end-of-day match between Brazil vs. Japan, with the Brazilians getting their last tuneup until everything is all toenail-biting nerve-wracking.

Your live blogger is Thomas Moyles, from The Middle Foam Finger. (He was here yesterday, and he'll be here again tomorrow.) Get all your fun Brazilian comments in, make fun of the fellas in that picture and keep your nose clean, people.

FULLTIME: After taking an early lead and maybe putting a little scare into Brazil, Japan allowed an equalizer just prior to halftime to Ronaldo and then plain got steamrolled in the second half. While Brazil had dominated play in the first half, they had trouble finishing, an issue that was resolved for them in the second as Kawaguchi made a meal of Juninho P.'s long drive and after that, Brazil settled down and killed off the contest with two extremely well-taken goals. Japan is eliminated from the Cup as they needed to win (and get some help, which they wouldn't have gotten anyway) to advance.

A historical note for today's match as Ronaldo scores 2 goals to give him 14 total goals in the 3 World Cups in which he played (although he was on the 1994 Brazil squad, he never got on the field), which ties him for the all-time scoring record with West Germany's Gerd "Der Bomber" Muller. The Phenomenon now has a great chance to own that record outright, especially considering how good he looked today after appearing slow and fat in Brazi's first two games.

(A quick shout-out to Soy Bomb, who correctly predicted the final score in the comments shortly after Japan opened the scoring. Don't awaken the sleeping giant!)

This has been The Electric Zarko. Don't drink and drive and stay safe in your respective neighborhoods.

93' A final spasm from Japan comes to naught as Nakamura forces a save from Ceni and then a corner fizzles out as the ref calls for time. An impressive performance by the ref by the way, as I hardly noticed that he was out there.

92' K. Nakata hits a long drive from outside the box, Rogerio Ceni makes a comfortable save. Ceni is the penalty- and free-kick specialist for his teams in Brazil, the current one being Sau Paulo. He either recently tied or passed the famously crazy Paraguayan keeper Jose Luis Chilavert in terms of goals scored by keepers.

90' The end of normal time comes with Brazil stroking the ball around the pitch, content to kill this game off. As I type this, they wind up winning a corner. 3 minutes of injury time.

87' Offside on Oguro as Japan tries to break Brazil's trap and regain some pride.

85' The second half has been all Brazil, Japan finally getting some offense and Gilberto Silva pulls down Kaji about 35 yards away from goal. Nakamura to take and wide.

83' An odd change as the goalie Dida comes out for Rogerio Ceni, who I believe is the all-time leader in terms of goal-scoring goalkeepers.

82' GOOOOOAAAAALAAAAZZOOOO de Brazil! Ronaldo ties Muller with a great shot from the top of the box. After playing a one-two with Robinho, Ronaldo turns his defender and smacks a stinging volley into the lower right corner of the net, giving him 14 total World Cup goals. 4-1 Brazil.

80' Just switched over to the ESPN team, they're talking about the US result. Of course. It's so relevant!

75' Yup. Time to put the kids to bed on this one, Brazil continuing to take the air out of the ball, even when they turn the ball over, it only takes them a short time to get it back. Cicinho having a great game at right-back tonight.

73' Brazil dominating play now, retaining the ball in the middle third.

71' Ze Roberto in for Kaka, Ricardinho in for Ronaldinho.

70' Inamoto sends a long shot into the photographers, Japan get the ball back and force a corner, which Oguro flicks out for a goal kick.

69' Robinho breaks through and sends a square pass just wide of Ronaldo on the far post with the goal-mouth begging.

68' Brazil, sensing that the game is slipping away from Japan, are starting to get fancy, turning on the flair and looking as good as a team can with yellow jerseys, white shorts and white socks.

67' K. Nakata gets his head on the free-kick; however, he can't direct it on goal and Brazil get the ball back.

66' Japan with pressure and Alex is fouled on the left side of the area. Oguro comes in for Takahara, who played for about a minute before getting hurt.

64' A rasping long drive from Robinho is slapped away from goal by Kawaguchi. The corner is take to Juninho P., who forces Kawaguchi into yet another save. Ronaldinho appears to go for the olympico from the corner and Japan eventually clears.

62' Takahara in for Maki and he almost immediately gets hurt. Stoppage of play and the Japanese fans, once so loud, have been taken out of the game as Brazil have absolutely bossed the game in the second half.

60 GOOOOAAAAALLL de Brasil! Gilberto (not Silva) scores to make it 3-1! Brazil immediately finds space on the break as left-back Gilberto sprints onto a ball over the top into space on the left, cuts into the area and cleanly places the ball into the far post. Great placement on that finish and Brazil look to be killing this one off.

57' Long strike from H. Nakata, easily handled by Dida.

56' K. Nakata in for Ogasawara. For Japan. You probably figured that out.

55' Brazil steams forward again, a cross from the left finds Ronaldo and Kawaguchi gets down to save well. The Univsion announcers are killing Kawaguchi for letting in that second goal, saying that he had made much more difficult saves earlier in the match and should have easily handled that one.

53' GOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAALLL de Brazil! Juninho P. lets go with a thunderbolt from 27 yards out that completely catches Kawaguchi off-guard. A shot that on second glance, looks like he should have been able to save. 2-1 Brazil.

52' A rare spot of possession from Japan ends in an offisde call on Maki.

51' Japan finally get the ball into Brazil's half and promptly turn it over. Brazil goes back on the offense, Ronaldinho and Ronaldo playing a breathtaking one-two with a crisp backhell from Ronaldinho, only for Ronaldo to pull his strike wide of the post.

49' I'm not sure if Japan has gotten the ball across midfield yet. Brazil are just moving the ball around, foul on Japan about 40 yards from goal out on the left side. Juninho P. arcs a harmless ball straight into the arms of Kawaguchi.

48' Brazil hold it. Hold it. HOLD IT!

46' No changes for either side in the second half, Brazil immediately goes on the attack and Kaka has a shot blocked by a defender for a corner kick, which is, all together now: easily cleared by the Japanese defense.

45' Another added bonus of watching on Univision: ads for Mexican TV shows. Mexican TV is still firmly based on the theory that dramas be incredibly overwrought, comedies still feature soundtracks involving slide-whistles and spring sound effects and with both involving truly impressive amounts of cleavage. Folks, it's a winning formula.

HALFTIME: We go into the locker rooms tied as Brazil snatch an equalizer just before the half ends, Ronaldo finally proving that the tail has a stinger after Brazil had failed to convert possession into goals. Japan had been looking good after Tamada latched onto a brilliantly-placed ball from Alex and rifled his side into the lead; now they'll need to hope that they can catch another on the break and that Brazil will continue to have difficulties breaking down their final wall of defense. Ronaldo is now one goal away from tying Gerd "Der Bomber" Muller as the all-time World Cup leading scorer and I wouldn't bet against him getting it in the second half as he looks far better than he did in the first two matches, possibly because of Robinho's ability to drop back into midfield and help keep the ball moving.

46' GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLL de Braziiiiiiiiiiilllllll. Ronaldo with a close-range header on the second post. Ronaldinho had switched fields to Cicinho, who headed across the face of goal, Ronaldo winning Brazil's first header in the box and nods it home. The half ends immediately on the following kickoff.

44' Yellow card for Gilberto (not Silva) for obstruction on a Japanese break. Free-kick from about 40 yards out near the right sideline. Flicked on by Maki and well over the goal. Japan wins another header and this is getting a little weird. Somebody told Brazil that the other team is pretty short, right?

43' Another corner for Brazil, cleared by Japan for a throw. Brazil have had 7 corners today and have looked horrible on all of them.

42' The Japanese fans are in full voice, singing loudly. Ronaldinho motors down field, unleashes a series of step-overs and hits a weak shot easily saved by Kawaguchi.

40' Yellow card for Kaji. Brazil continues to hold the ball, Japan defending desperately at the edge of the area.

39' That Japan goal was given the full GOOOOLAZOOOO treatment by the Univision announcer, complete with the -AZOAZOAZOAZOAZO suffix treatment. A lightning strike by Tamada and Japan has hope, hope that is then dashed by a Craig Moore penalty for Australia, making the other game 1-1.

37' Robinho goes at the Japan goal at pace, laying the ball off to his left to an on-rushing Cicinho, who, when given a chance to cut the ball back across the face of the goal, hits a floating volley well over the crossbar. Goal kick.

35' Kawaguchi goes on a walkabout, leaving the goal open as he fails to take the ball away from Ronaldo on a long ball over the top. Brazil takes too long working the ball around and Ronadinho's eventual shot dribbles pitifully wide.

34' TWAT! That's liquid football! GOOOOAAAAL for Japan! Great through ball slid through by Alex to Tamada on the left side of the area and he does incredibly well, smashing a left shot near-post and high past a stunned Dida.

32' Ronaldo gets the ball at the top of the box and manages to turn and get a shot, which is blocked and easily collected by Kawaguchi.

31' Both teams are getting time on the ball on the offensive end, it's just that nobody's stepped up and played the killer ball, with even Brazil's shots so far all being fairly far away from goal.

30' Brazil continues to search for an opening, moving the ball around well and taking on the Japanese defenders. Japan has space on the break and seems to be hoping that they will be able to sneak a goal on the counter.

27' Slow Brazilian build-up results in a long cross from Cicinho into the box from the right side, a great glancing header from Tsuboi preventing Ronaldo from getting a clean header at cold. Japan clears and Brazil continues to build, eventually winning another corner on a blocked cross, which is then cleared (again) by Japan.

25' Another Japanese quick break results in another player getting too far under the ball and downing a passing zeppelin.

24' Great build-up from Japan and Brazil has to scramble to play a square ball over the end-line. Japan wins the header on the corner but head it wide of goal. Japan has looked like the stronger aerial team to date, having won all the corners at both ends of the field.

22' Ronaldo knocks it back for Juninho P. who hits a laser towards the upper corner, Kawaguchi does very well to tip it over. The corner is cleared and Robinho races into the box before losing the ball to a strong challenge from Alex.

20' Strong shot from Ronaldo tipped around the post by Kawaguchi. Ronaldo is doing much better in this game and it seems likely that he'll get a goal at some point.

18' Great chance for Japan as Kaji gets the ball on the side of the area on the break and somehow sends the ball to one of the 2 Brazilian defenders, rather than the 4 Japanese attackers. Out for a throw.

16' More Brazil as Robinho blasts a shot from the top of the area, tipped over by the Japanese keeper. A corner follows as Brazil step up the pressure.

15' The ball falls well for the Japanese near the Brazilian area, they work it inside and Inamoto does his best Juninho P. impression by making sure the paying customers behind the goal are staying awake.

14' Juninho P. on a strong run into Japanese territory, he's hauled down and Brazil have a free-kick from about 35 yards out from the right side. Juninho P. does his part for public safety, knocking over a guy trying to steal people's purses in Row 54.

11' Brazil continues to attack, Cicinho laying the ball off to Robinho, whose volley from the upper right of the area is blocked out for a corner, which is easily cleared. Robinho looking very lively thus far.

10' Kaka manuevers for a shot at the left top of the area before putting a blast well wide of the upper right corner of the goal. He made two defenders look pretty silly there; the final shot was lacking though.

9' Japan is looking pretty good; they still can't get anything going in the final third, with Brazil doing a good job at staying in front of the ball and forcing the bad pass. Brazil enters into another strong spell of possession.

6' Brazil passing the ball around outside the Japanese box, holding possession easily, even after a Robinho run comes to nothing. The ball is almost lost, then worked to the other side, an incisive pass is put in to Ronaldo, who freezes the defenders with stepovers and launches a left-footed shot that's blocked well by the keeper. Corner comes for nothing.

4' A long cross from Cicinho is just too high for the corpulent Ronaldo and goes out for a goal kick. It will be interesting to see if Brazil play well with a supporting striker (Robinho) as opposed to playing with two center-forwards, as they have in their first two games. Croatia just scored against Australia, which is good news for Japan.

3' Japan break on a counter down the left with loads of space, however, the ball into the box is lacking and Brazil easily clear their lines. The Japanese retain possession and then give it away on a ball to no-one.

2' After a quick Brazilian attack, Japan gain possession and hold it in the middle third. Brazil is closing them down quickly and it will be very tough for the Japanese to get through. A long ball into the box from Nakata is off Tamada's foot and out for a goal kick.

1' Japan kick off attacking from left to right. Today's broadcast courtesy of U-ni-vi-sioooooon. The odds of the play-by-play guy singing the theme from "Brazil" : Pretty Good.

0' You are looking liiiiiiiiiiive at the Westfalenstadion in Dortmund, home of Europe's largest "stand" (section of seats behind one of the goals). Brazil in their traditional yellow kits (although with the odd choice of white shorts and socks), Japan in the blue and black.

PREVIEW: Although this match technically has some possibility of changing who goes through to the next round, chances are slim of that occuring. Japan still has a chance to go through; however, to do so, they most defeat Brazil and Croatia must beat Australia, plus the scores of each game have to work out such that Japan has either higher goal difference or goals scored than Croatia. The easiest way for this to happen is for Croatia to win 1-0 and Japan to win 2-0. This doesn't seem too unlikely on the face of things, that is, until you consider that Japan is playing Brazil. If you hadn't heard, they're supposed to be pretty good. Brazil has already clinched first place in the group.

This should be an exciting and attacking match as Japan must play for the win and Brazil isn't under much pressure having already clinched their position in the knock-out stages.

There's also some interest in the fact that Japan has a decidedly Brazilian slant, with Brazilian legend Zico as their head coach and naturalized Brazilian Alex as their starting left-back.

JAPAN: Japan will be without captain Miyamoto as he is suspended through yellow-card accumulation. The Japanese have been unable to find much goal-scoring in this World Cup, with their only score coming on a very strange goal against Australia. The key men for them will be Nakata and Nakamura in the midfield, as they are their best passers and the players who look most likely to score (Nakamura being the scorer of the aforementioned goal). Japan cannot act like the US and sit back, as they need to play to win and denying Brazil the ball seems to be the best form of defense.

Lineup:

23 Kawaguchi, Yoshikatsu
7 Nakata, Hidetoshi
8 Ogasawara, Mitsuo
10 Nakamura, Shunsuke
11 Maki, Seiichiro
14 Santos, Alessandro
17 Inamoto, Junichi
19 Tsuiboi, Keisuke
20 Tamada, Keiji
21 Kaji, Akira
22 Nakazawa, Yuji

BRAZIL: Although they've stuttered through their first two games, Brazil are still going through and as such are starting a fair amount of players who usually sit on the bench. Most Brazilians and neutrals should be interested in seeing how Robinho does in the starting lineup as he replaces Adriano. Robinho is a live-wire of a player and should provide a couple good moments regardless of whether he scores or not. Ronaldinho has been unusually quiet thus far and it would be nice to see if he can have a good game now that the pressure's off. He's joined in midfield by a couple of new starters in Gilberto Silva, Arenal's defensive destroyer and Juninho Penrambucano (referred to hereafter as Juninho P.), a dead-ball specialist who might be the best free-kick taker in the world.

Lineup:

1 Dida
3 Lucio
4 Juan
8 Kaka
9 Ronaldo
10 Ronaldinho
13 Cicinho
16 Gilberto
17 Gilberto Silva
19 Juninho Penrambucano
23 Robinho

Japan 0-0 Croatia. ...because Darijo Srna mised a penalty kick against Japan this morning in the 21st minute of the game. Great save by Yoshikatsu Kawaguchi, the Japanese keeper, diving to his left to get one of his giant goalie gloves on the low shot. Croatia can still get through with a win, and I hope they do, because they've got the best jerseys in all the World Cup.

France 1-1 Korea . Well, the French finally scored a goal, which had previously been about as rare as them winning a war. What they didn't do, however, was win, giving up a goal to Ji-Sung Park in the 81st minute for the 1-1 tie. That gives France 2 points, and if there's a winner in tomorrow's Switzerland/Togo game, it'll put France in jeopary of not advancing out of a group that includes South Korea, Switzerland, and Togo. Fair to say that France's international soccer efforts are comparable to those of American basketball?

Togo Still Has Issues The Togolese players were considering boycotting tomorrow's game against Switzerland, until FIFA officials stepped in and convinced them otherwise. Players, coaches, and officials are still bitching about money. In the 76 year history of the World Cup, no team has ever withdrawn from a match. I think it's time to send dispatch Drew Rosenhaus to Togo and let him work this thing out.

Today's first game: Japan taking on Australia. It's a good palate cleanser for the big United States match coming up at noon. And if you didn't get enough of The Mighty MJD over the weekend, you're in luck, because he'll be doing all our 9 a.m. games this week. Starting with this one, obviously.

So, after the jump, the live blog begins. If you're feeling frisky, leave some comments, or email MJD and let him know what you think.

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90:00: Anyway, that's going to do it for me. Enjoy the USA/Czech game later, and please do not even consider treading on our boys. Have a good one.

90:00: And it's in the books. Australia gets a 3-1 win, and the Japanese guys are shellshocked. I'm not even sure if they know what happened. They look like the Raiders after they were just beaten by the tuck rule, only it's not quite as funny.

90:00: GOOOOOAL! Australia adds another one, and this has, in the last 10 minutes, turned into a rout. And that'll wrap this one up. It was John Aloisi. I'm feeling a little bad for the Japanese team right now. Shep Messing is openly celebrating, though. I believe his mother was actually a kangaroo.

90:00: Three minutes of stoppage time here.

88:40: GOOOOOAL! Holy fuck. Tim Cahill scores from way out, putting up in the top corner, saying, in effect, "That's not a goal... That's a goal." What an incredible turn. Tim Cahill, amazing shot.

87:41: Fukunishi lasers one just wide of the goal. Heating up there. Just a few minutes to play, and they're both going for the W.

86:41: Australia's got some legs under them now, they're threatening to get another one. Kennedy wastes a chance for a corner by fouling someone, though.

85:22: Japanese guy gets taken down right on the edge of the box. Shep says it should've been a penalty kick. But they get a corner... Schwarzer knocks it up in the air, it's knocked out, and it's goal kick time for Australia.

83:45: GOOOOOAL! The Soccerroos get one out of a long throw-in... Tim Cahill found the ball at his feet with an empty net, and G'day Mate. 1-1. Man, how that one found its way through that mess of legs, I don't know. Whole new ballgame.

82:55: Free kick for Australia... Just a few yards outside the box, and ANOTHER great save by Kawaguchi. That guy's been phenomenal today.

81:17:: Lucas Neill wastes a possession for Australia. I don't know if he was trying to score there, or cross it, but he ended up just rifling it into the stands.

78:08: Japan threatening again. They're pretty good on the counter attack here today. I like the way they play.

77:38: Yellow card on some Australian asshole, Aloisi, I believe, who just shoved a Japanese guy down out of frustration.

75:15: Fast break for Japan... pass just a little bit behind where it should have been. Looked threatening for a minute there.

74:15: Shep: "I feel like there's a goal coming, either by Australia or Japan on the counter." Well, thanks for narrowing it down, fella. I really thought Iceland had a good chance to score here.

73:05: "Good long ball to Nakamura, and that's not the guy you want around your box." I disagree, Glenn. I think there are a lot of women out there who would like to have him around their box.

71:39: A giveaway by Japan deep in their own territory. Australia can't make anything of it, though.

70:38: Kennedy, if nothing else, seems to have given Australia a spark. He hasn't been close to finishing anything, but he's been active.

69:22: Tim Cahill gets a yellow card for doing something mean.

68:10: Hard low shot, and a great save by Kawaguchi. That was outstanding. Reflexes, baby.

67:24: Kennedy is knocked down at the top of the box... free kick time. Tension. Six Japanese guys stand by side, holding their Japanese junk. Viduka's taking it.

66:23: Corner for Australia, and the big new guy, Kennedy, nearly gets a head to it. They need some life.

65:52:: Shep calls "Bobby Convey" "Conway."

64:51: Nakamura has the ball along the baseline (though I know it's not called that), and kinda gets shoved out of bounds. I guess that's not a foul. Perhaps a flop would've been in order there.

62:43:: Japan's playing some nice long balls across the pitch. They are definitely not out of idears. Australia's had a decent amount of possession here in the 2nd half, but they can't seem to build anything. Sounds to me like they have a case of the mondays.

60:06: Another sub for Australia. 6'4" Josh Kennedy enters the game. Shep Messing says that Australia is "out of idears." Yes, idears.

58:03:: Aussie goalie heads one, but ends up right on the foot of a Japanese attacker. And they get a corner. Nothing doing there for Japan.

56:32: Yellow card on Craig Moore of Australia. He grabbed someone's jersey away from the ball, which is cheating. Sportsmanship is for T-ball.

53:14: After an odd incident where there were two balls on the field, Japan is awarded a free kick, and they just give it right back to Australia. The commentators call it "good sportsmanship." I call it "kinda dumb." This is big show, fellas. Bad call or whatever, I say take advantage.

50:14: Australia brings Tim Cahill into the game. He's had some injury problems, and I think Australia was hoping to not have to play him today, but there he is.

50:04: It's evident that the 2nd half will not be played at the same buck-wild pace of the first half.

49:41: Australia has never scored a goal in the World Cup. Hm. I wasn't aware.

45:59: Hottest fan shown so far... blonde Australian woman. I would like to put a shrimp in her barbie. No hot Japanese fans, though. At least not for our straight male readers.

45:00: Shep Messing is saying that the Japanese goal should've been called back. I disagree, it looked to me like the keeper went plowing into some other people by his own will, but... I think it's also worth pointing out that Shep Messing knows infinitely more about soccer than I ever will.

45:00: Alright, that's the half. Still 1-0 Japan, and hey, I dig the way they're doing business. Entertaining game. I'll be back for the start of the second.

44:29: Action has slowed a little bit here, just before the half.

43:04: I also failed to learn Spanish. I did get that "T-Mobile" in Spanish is "T-Mobile," though.

41:00: I'm back on ESPN2. I just missed Shep Messing, and I was tired of not being able to tell if the commentators were saying names or just random Spanish words that maybe sounded like "Nakamura." And their time/score thingie is back.

40:32: Free kick for Australia, and it's a long attempt on goal. Pretty good one. Shot goes off the side of the net.

36:25: Okay, now there is a Japanese guy laying on the field like a bitch. I guarantee you he's back on the field in two minutes, despite looking right now like he's just been atacked by Jeff Gillooly.

32:52: Nakamura gets drilled from behind, and there's no call. And to his credit, he's not just laying there like a little bitch. He's up on his feet and back in the play. Maybe that shouldn't be noteworthy, but it is. A Japanese shot goes just wide.

32:52: Nakamura gets drilled from behind, and there's no call. And to his credit, he's not just laying there like a little bitch. He's up on his feet and back in the play. Maybe that shouldn't be noteworthy, but it is. A Japanese shot goes just wide.

30:59: This is probably the most exciting game of the Cup thus far. Australia's just banging on the door. A corner, followed by a free kick just outside the box. And then Japan responds by getting it down to the other end quickly and threatening to score on the other end.

29:39: That was Nakamura on the goal, by the way. Sorry.

25:48: GOOOOOAL! Oh, I think I'm turning Japanese. A crossing attempt from outside the box just went over everybody. The Aussie goalie tried to jump out and play it, but he hit a mass of players and didn't get there. He screwed up. And it's 1-0 Japan.

24:02: Close call for Australia there... nice shot off of a nifty back-heel pass, and a diving, fingertip save from the Japanese goalie. This is some handsome soccer.

21:33: Nakamura whistles one just wide of the goal along the ground. Japan's best chance yet, and it wasn't far from going in. I think that's who it was, anyway. I can't understand these guys.

20:05: Long, sustained possession for Australia in the Japanese zone. Seemed like Japan got away with a little foul there to finally end the possession. But man, it feels like the Soccerroos are going to get one soon. Goal kick for Japan.

19:19: Okay, welcome to Univision. Bienvenidos, I should say. I'm going to learn Spanish before halftime.

?.??: For some reason, ESPN2 has decided to dispense with their live time/score thingie at the top of the screen. I've said some unflattering things about the Worldwide Leader... They might just be intentionally screwing with me.

13:34: Australia keeps the pressure up, and the Japanese defense is scrambling. Not a lot of midfield play here. It seems like all the time has been spent with one team or the other threatening. More Australia than Japan.

12:21 Fukunishi blasts a long shot just over the bar. And by the way, there's no way I'm not going to screw up a few names today, so that's just something we're all going to have to deal with.

11:03: Japan's wearing blue jerseys. I'd have guessed red. Hm.

10:00: Pretty good action here, up and down the pitch. Lots of room. Japan earns a corner... Aussie goalie punches it away, and he was fouled. Goal kick.

6:46: Another corner, Viduka can't quite get to it. Phew. Alright, I'm starting to wake up.

5:48: Mark Viduka gets a couple of good looks at the goal, met by two saves by the goalkeeper. Corner for the Soccerroos... Japanese header goes over the bar.

5:08: Lots of movement up and down the field, but no one really getting close to the goal. Lots of talk from Shep Messing about Zico, the former Brazilian star and Japanese head coach.

0:30: Japan gets fouled right away, and gets a free kick right outside the box. Nakata is taking it. Into the wall.

0:00: Commentator just described Nakata as the "Terrell Owens" of this Japan team. Oh, good. Hey, what's Japanese for "Our striker is a homo"?

0:00: If you'd have told me two years ago that a day would come when I'd wake up to talk about a pre-9 a.m. soccer game between Japan and Australia, I'd have assumed that you were suffering from some sort of psychosis. But here we are. Let's get it on, baby.

0:00: So I'd say Australia's probably a little better team here, and they'd be expected to win. But it wouldn't be a huge upset if Japan won, either.

0:00: And for Japan, Hidetoshi Nakata, who's with Bolton of the EPL, is in the mid-field setting things up. Shunsuke Nakamura, of Celtic of the Scottish League, joins him. Shinji Ono will be up front trying to score the goals, an area where Japan isn't thought to be that strong. It's Ono's third World Cup, despite being just 26 years old. He was on the 2002 Feyenrood team that won the UEFA Cup, but he eventually made his way back to the Japanese league.

0:00: Here are some of your key players for this one, on the Australian side: Mark Viduka's the captain, and a pretty good goal scorer up front. He's been a stud for Middlesbrough of the Premier League this year. And Tim Cahill's very good in the midfield. He plays for Everton. In fact, Australia's got nine guys on Premier League teams. That's a lot. Mark Schwarzer's pretty good in goal, too.

0:00: The official MJD simulation of this game went like this on the FIFA '06 World Cup game on the XBox: Japan 1, Australia 0. Chances were about even, but Australia hit the post a couple of times. I controlled Japan, and what can I say, I'm a gifted finisher.

• 1. Japan. Starting forward Naohiro Takahara, known in Germany as "The Sushi Bomber," just transferred from Hamburg to Frankfurt in the German Bundesliga. He also used to play for Boca Juniors in Argentina. Apparently, he will only play for clubs that are also food names. — (thanks to Kohei Yamamoto).

• 2. International. Finally; we've been waiting for a Web site dedicated to the wives/significant others of international footballers. We wouldn't open this one at work, by the way.

• 3. The United States. Landon Donovan is not only one of the youngest World Cup players, but is also one of the most stylish in his cotton Jacquard shirt, $480, and silk-wool pants, $645, by Tom Ford for Yves Saint Laurent Rive Gauche.

• 4. Italy. The Italians might have had the weakest excuse ever used in soccer, and there have been plenty. At Euro 2004 played in Portugal, in June with tempertures of 33 degrees Celsuis, the Azzuri drew Denmark 0-0. Many Italians attributed the draw to the field being too warm. — (thanks to Mike Cardillo).

• 1. Don't Bet the Dojo On Them. The U.S. beat Japan 3-2 in February in a maych played at San Francisco's Pac Bell (now AT&T) Park. It was 3-0 until very late. In said game, Zico employed the ill-fated 3-6-1, which former U.S. coach Steve Sampson used for a last place finish in 1998. It might be a necessity, though, since after Takahara there aren't a lot of options up top. Japan wants to play fast, one-touch, attacking soccer. Sort of like a team they'll play; Brazil. Unless they notch a result against Australia, 0-3 looks a definite possibility. — (thanks to Mike Cardillo).

• 2. Do The Antler Dance. The J-League has one of the more handsomely named squads, the Kashima Antlers. Of course that pales in comparison to the Japan Pacific Baseball League squad, the Nippon Ham Fighters. Sadly, Matsumura Fishworks and Tamaribuchi Heavy Manufacturing Concern did not sponsor top flight sides.

• 3. But It Goes To Eleven. May we take a short time out and talk about Japanese sports icon Sadaharu Oh? First of all, he scoffs at Barry Bonds' so-called career home run record chase; not only did he manage Japan to a win in the recent WBC, Oh also owns 868 career homers, mostly with the Yomiuri Giants. Trumping all that, Oh's jersey is worn by Nigel Tufnel in the final scene from This is Spinal Tap. — (thanks to Mike Cardillo).

• 4. Can't You See I'm Serious? Looking at Japan's roster makes one want to eat misprepared blowfish. Inamoto, Nakamura and Nakata, but not much more. Maybe Mr. Sparkle will suit up to banish Croatia and Australia to the land of wind and ghosts. — (thanks to Mike Cardillo).

(Tomorrow: Ivory Coast)