The Mets lost to Atlanta last night in extras, but not before Jay Bruce leveraged anal power to launch a big dinger off Bartolo Colón. Your music is the appropriately titled “Anal Power” by Czech death metal group Törr, from their 1992 album Chcípni O Kus Dál.
Jay Bruce tested J.D. Martinez, and that was a bad idea. Down a run, with two men on with two outs in the ninth inning, the Mets’ Travis d’Arnaud hit a grounder through the right side. Bruce steamed around third, and Tigers right fielder Martinez came up throwing:
Yeah, she's asleep. ... Shhh. ... No, it's OK. I can hold her. ... Shhh. ... Nice day, huh? ... [crack] ... Oh, wow. Hey, hun. Look out! It's coming this way! ... [grunts, stands up] ... YOU be careful! This ball's coming right at us! I GOT THIS! ... I just have to ... [adjusts grip on child, reaches for ball] ...…
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
The only thing we really know about Jay Bruce so far: He likes enormous hats. Look at that thing. You could keep your wallet and keys in there. But other than that he's just about perfect; at least according to Reds' fans. It's Brucemania! Here's how firmly it's taken hold on Day One: Reds bloggers are writing…
• He could also use a big league roster spot. [Bus League Baseball]
• Can you really put a price on Big Brown's ejaculate? [Insomniac's Lounge]
• Not good times for Will Allen. [100% Injury Rate]
• Salisbury University could use a good lacrosse goalie. [Busted Coverage]
• I've been trying to not think about Jason…