Also ... Not Chicago. In a somewhat surprising turn, the Second City became the Fourth City after being eliminated in the very first round of IOC voting. Tokyo went next and Madrid came in second.

Jay Mariotti on SportsCenter (from Copenhagen!) about the vote: "I don't need to tell people that when it comes to big events, sports teams, Chicago tends to lose the big one."

2016 Olympics decision day [BBC Live Blog]
O NO!! CHICAGO LOSES 2016 OLYMPICS [CBS2]
Rio de Janeiro wins 2016 Olympic Games in landslide over Madrid [USA Today]

UPDATE: IOC President Jacques Rogge makes the announcement:

Mariotti dubbed Matt Barkley the next great QB in SC's lineage of gun-slinging supermen after the Trojans' 53-point shellacking of San Jose State on Saturday. But since the jury is still out on Matt — his first career victory came against a WAC team that played .500 ball last year — Mariotti was forced to gush about the undeniable "sex appeal" oozing from Barkley's "blond hair and good looks."

Thanks for sharing your tastes, Jay.

What makes this man crush so creepy is the fact that Barkley is only 19. As Mariotti points out, Matt isn't even "old enough to grow more than peach-fuzz stubble on his face."

Is Cool Barkley Next Great College QB? [FanHouse]

Just as there was a Lesson, with a capital L, to be learned in Josh Hamilton's recovery from alcohol and drugs, there is an equally important Lesson to be learned in his near-downfall, according to pretty much everyone who has written about it. No one is angry, no one is sad, no one is laughing with the delight of schadenfreude, they are just "Disappointed." (With a capital D.)

"Josh Hamilton is human" in case you didn't know. He confessed immediately to his family, his coaches and his God. He blames no one but himself, which is both forthright and impressive from today's athlete. No one's faith has been shaken, because Josh's hasn't been either. Even the "Josh Hamilton Sucks" forum is filled with positive messages. Everyone has his back.

Jay Mariotti's heart "sank" when he heard the news. He is not angry. (Although he maybe blames Johnny Narron.) People with addiction are never not addicted, as you have also been reminded. It's a lifelong struggle, and Hambone's struggle will continue to unfold in front of us.

And that's good, because the Josh Hamilton story has been too triumphant to implode now. Sport needs it. America needs it.

The other thing everyone agrees on is that no matter what Hamilton did in that bar, he's still better than the people who photographed it and passed them around. Like the "scum-laden photographer" whose karmic debt will soon be paid. The "Jezebels"—and not the good kind—who seduced and encouraged the unsuspecting innocent. (Seriously, this guy basically just called them whores.) And let's not forget the "gotcha web sites" (i.e., the one you're reading) that wallow in others misery. The internet is a bigger cesspool then Maloney's, but don't worry. We'll get ours.

That's how you handle a world that puts a camera in your keyhole, that demands the end of your privacy and free will because you happen to do something well. You look it right in the eye and make it blink, as all cowards do.

But Hamilton didn't seem interested in revenge. Besides, he has a much more menacing enemy, the one that wrestles for control of his impulses.

He's talking about The Devil. It's good to know that bloggers still rate below him on the evil scale.

Texas Rangers' Hamilton's story of salvation adds a chapter [Dallas Morning News]
Hamilton displays more character than those who exposed his weakness [OC Register]
Hamilton's stumble only says his story is unfinished [Star-Telegram]
Josh Hamilton's Triumphant Tale Too Special to Implode Now [Jay Mariotti]
The Roar of the Crowd [The Takeaway]

It's only a matter of time before Jay scrambles back to the newspapers he declared dead, so let's just try to enjoy the last few weeks of Jay Mariotti screaming on the Internet about how people who scream on the Internet are terrible.

I, for one, cannot wait for another medium to be invented, so that Mariotti will nonsensically destroy it, before resigning himself to succumbing to its siren song, before destroying it again. There is no medium that can handle Jay Mariotti. It's not the screens that got big: It's Mariotti that got small. Or something. I can never carry that metaphor to its conclusion.

But is it it enough to get him in the Hall of Fame? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open through the weekend.

If you're unfamiliar, AutoSummarize is an aggressively useless tool that, with a few clicks of the keyboard, will summarize for lazy fifth-graders whatever report they just plagiarized out of the Encyclopedia Britannica. It will also reduce a fulminating columnist's prose to its purest essence.

Here is Mariotti's latest, at 10 percent:

This is the decade when sports stopped being about sports. Am I blaming sports bloggers and their commenters that a very disturbed person secretly videotaped Andrews as she was standing nude in her hotel room, then posted the five-minute video on the Internet? Unlike one of the Erin-consumed leeches — who admitted this week, "I have never met Erin Andrews,'' — I have met her as an ESPN colleague. I've seen Katie Couric wear shorter dresses. I'm a girl that loves sports. How can she return to a hotel room without wondering if someone's peeping? How can she live wondering 24/7 if someone is leering? I wouldn't blame her if she left the sports business and entered the entertainment world. A blog said I was with a "semi-hot blonde'' at an NBA party; she was a public-relations person for a player marketing a charity game. A blog recklessly ran items that weren't remotely true when I left the Chicago Sun-Times.

OK, I think I see what he's driving at. Let's take this down to 5 percent, though:

This is the decade when sports stopped being about sports. Am I blaming sports bloggers and their commenters that a very disturbed person secretly videotaped Andrews as she was standing nude in her hotel room, then posted the five-minute video on the Internet? I've seen Katie Couric wear shorter dresses. I'm a girl that loves sports. How can she return to a hotel room without wondering if someone's peeping?

Still, there's a lot of noise in there. Here's Mariotti, at 1 percent:

This is the decade when sports stopped being about sports. I'm a girl that loves sports.

Hmm. Well, that's interesting, and it certainly adds a personal dimension to Mariotti's deeply felt rage at "the sex-and-objectification culture" invented by blogs and only blogs (none of them affiliated, mind you, with his "respectable, globally regarded site"). I'd point out that this "sex-and-objectification culture" could also be attributed to Renaissance painters and probably anyone with a penis during the Pleistocene Era, but that'd be unfair of me. He's just a little girl who loves sports, not history.

Lesson of Erin Andrews: Grow Up, Boys! [Respectable, Globally Regarded Site]

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Jay Mariotti: Cad

(Ed. note: Here is an IM conversation between myself and a lovely lady who shared a recent run-in with Jay Mariotti, the soon-to-be Blog Star Of The Chicago Tribune. Some of this has been edited to protect the innocent, but the story is too amusing to pass up. Enjoy.)

AJD: Spill, please
NICE YOUNG LADY:knew about around the horn, whatever, but I certainly didn't know or care who was on it
NICE YOUNG LADY: I pretty much told all of this to mariotti who goes off on how he's a huge star
and how he relates to [NFL Players] because he fears cameras and photos taken of him in clubs as well
NICE YOUNG LADY: and how he can't be spotted with alcoholic beverages (like the one he was holding) because ESPN would ream him out
NICE YOUNG LADY: (unlikely)
NICE YOUNG LADY: and how it's really tough to be so well known
NICE YOUNG LADY:and famous
AJD: Really.
NICE YOUNG LADY: and have everyone up in your grill
NICE YOUNG LADY: I am paraphrasing
NICE YOUNG LADY: he did not use the word "grill"
AJD:Yes.
NICE YOUNG LADY: and he's divorced
NICE YOUNG LADY: and got my number
AJD:Nuh uh.
NICE YOUNG LADY: You cannot use any of this verbatim
NICE YOUNG LADY: CANNOT
....

NICE YOUNG LADY: I would NEVER EVER EVER EVER
EVERRRRRRRRR [hook up with him]

NICE YOUNG LADY:besides I think he had a girlfriend there
NICE YOUNG LADY: some blonde
NICE YOUNG LADY: anyway ... so we talked for quite some time
and he's going on about his schedule, how he films 250 days a year
NICE YOUNG LADY:how it's so intense.
NICE YOUNG LADY: and he makes me WATCH A CLIP ON HIS PHONE
AJD:REALLY
NICE YOUNG LADY: I am not making this up.
NICE YOUNG LADY: okay, now I feel like a gossiping bitch. Am I being a gossiping bitch?
NICE YOUNG LADY:I sort of am.
AJD: Not at all!

Step Inside The Mind Of Tommy Scraggs

(Original doodle before this.)

Plaxico Being Shady? Get Out Of Here!

I live in South Florida and saw none other than mr. plaxico burress on Monday night...albeit briefly...and under VERY SUSPICOUS circumstances. Scene: Crabby Jacks (Pompano Beach). Plax pulls up on his black moped/motorcycle hybrid and comes inside (no one recognizes him as this is a real "good ol" boy type place, but they have great wings and cheap beer!). He goes outside and sits at the bar by himself but DOES NOT order drink(s) and/or food. Crabby's is the type of place where everyone is "partying". A big russian mobster type looking guy comes up and gives plax a big hug...and this is where it gets good....passes off something to Plax!! Plax quickly gets on his bike and takes off down federal highway....I tried to take a camera pic but could not get one quick enough....

BOTTOM LINE: From my "experience"...it was obvious that Plax was picking up a bag of cha-cha...

PS
Even after plax left...it was obvious that mr. "russian mobster" and his crew were "partying"

Crazy Joe Devanna Still Angry, Crazy

The Herd Is Strong

Fred Boone, Ladies And Gentlemen

An Angry Sauna Would Like Us To Pass A Message Along To Jeff Pearlman

MasterSaunas: You're the douche bag for writing such an article, you rely on athletes and then talk shit when someone retires….fuck off pearlboy…clark had more talent in his left nut then you do in your entire body. Why don't you talk to clark in private if you have a problem instead of spewing onto the internet your deadspin claim…too bad you didn't remember the rest of the verbal beat down you took after the no screw you…..jackass…

ME: What article are you referring to, sir?

MasterSaunas: pearlman...about Will Clark...what an asshole this pearlman is....anybody
can write an article or have an opinion, but pearlman should keep his
thoughts to himself.

Very funny that someone farted in his face though....maybe he should get a
clue...or maybe it's just a vendetta situation with him...like a scorned
women or little boy, maybe the fart wasn't meant for him, pass this email on
to him....

Mariotti's flirtation with hopping over to the Tribune side began last August. On the way out of the Sun-Times, no one was spared. He torched the newspaper industry as a whole. His former employer. His former colleagues. This was expected because, as you may have noticed, Mariotti's created a cottage industry for insufferable prickdom.

In January, he stuck firm to his down-with-newspapers crusade when he joined AOL's Fanhouse as a regular columnist. The new digs gave him more real estate to spew Mariotti crappage and the clout to piss all over the print industry whenever he got ornery. Yesterday's column was particularly galling because he seemed to forget that he was writing for a blog altogether when he belatedly opined on the Jerod Morris-Ibanez ordeal with laughable ignorance and extreme prejudice toward the "reckless idiots" who spread unfounded rumors and speculation from the safety of a blood relative's cellar or what have you. Of course, many of Fanhouse's writers weren't happy about this, since the column pretty much bashed them too (two weeks late). But Mariotti is a professional. He's trained in libel law. He drives a Dodge Stratus. So he says. Mariotti was so off in his criticism and approach he even managed to briefly turn long-time Emeritus basher Gerard Cosloy of Can't Stop The Bleeding-infamy into a Will Leitch sympathizer. Brilliant.

Now, onto the Tribune rumor. According to sources at that paper and other Chicago newspaperland employees, Mariotti's going to jump over to the Trib-owned "Chicago Now" blog operation as soon as that pesky Sun-Times non-compete clause ends in August. Chicago Now is overseen by Bill Adee, a former Sun-Times sports editor, and the man who was heavily lobbying the Zell-owned paper to snap up Mariotti last year. He hearts Jay.

Once this is finalized (they apparently already have mock-ups of Mariotti's page prepared), what will become of the Fanhouse column? This is still shrouded in mystery, sadly. Fanhouse ed's won't talk about it. And even a well-intended email to Jay Mariotti himself (at his personal AOL email address — what a company man) was not returned. Bill Adee over at the Tribune also wouldn't respond to an email inquiry either so unfortunately this post will most likely fall into the Reckless Idiot category even though its intentions were good. Alas, I was forced to solicit comment from the Chicago Tribune's communications coordinator, Kate Mersman, about the Mariotti move. She responded via email with a very polite "no comment."

But as Mariotti knows, being a long-time professional and all that, "no comment" responses to direct, succinct queries generally mean that the underlying stories are true. At least, in my unprofessional opinion.

I thank him because he did the sportswriting profession proud in his three years on Monday Night Football. Kornheiser technically isn't a sportswriter anymore, having escaped the dying newspaper business like many of us, but when he was hired for one of the most high-profile assignments in sports television, he was dismissed by many viewers and critics as a columnist painfully out of his league.

As it turned out, he often carried the prime-time broadcast with his sharp observations and well-grooved wit, providing the background knowledge necessary to pull off the sideshow shtick. ... Kornheiser, a journalist at heart, knew that the style couldn't exist without the substance.

...

I'm sad to say that no one's going to be putting another sportswriter in that booth or any other booth. Kornheiser is the first and last of a breed.

The column is a bro-hug from one increasingly irrelevant sports columnist-cum-TV personage to another, which I suppose is sad in its own way. But then here comes Mariotti, basically using Kornheiser to loudly proclaim his own value in this modern age, when "the written word stopped being more powerful than the spoke word."

I am one of those writers — a regular on Around The Horn, the lively, seven-seasons-and-running debate show that precedes PTI on weekday afternoons — and our target audience of thirtysomethings, twentysomethings and teens clearly likes to watch more than read. ... AOL has an enormous monthly audience of sports readers on FanHouse, and when the site launches video, that's when quantum leaps in viewership will take place. It's a video age.

Point being, the people on the video screen have to be informative and compelling.

People like Tony Kornheiser, Mariotti writes, and here's wagering he can think of another. The psychologists, I believe, call this projection.

Admit it: You'll Miss Kornheiser on MNF [FanHouse]

In case you hadn't heard, the Patriots sent their "franchise" quarterback—who has fifteen non-high school starts—to the Chiefs, along with crafty veteran Mike Vrabel, and all they got in return was a single second-round pick. So wait ... that's why everyone was making such a big fuss about Cassel during the offseason? The Patriots were really going to throw out Tom Brady for a guy who wasn't worth half a second-rounder?

Or could it be that Cassel was simply a parting gift to former Patriots executive and new Chiefs GM Scott Pioli? Jay sure thinks so and he wants Roger Goodell to lay the smackdown on someone.

What better way to thank Pioli, who tag-teamed with Belichick to mold three Super Bowl-champion teams, than by setting him up with a dramatic personnel boost in his first winter? Problem is, it smacks of an integrity issue when Belichick earmarks business with a pal and doesn't maximize his return in a big trade. You think other teams aren't irked today at The Gray Hoodie's unusual graciousness? Complicating the story was a Saturday night report on ESPN.com that the Denver Broncos had pursued a three-way trade that would have reunited Cassel with new Broncos coach Josh McDaniels and sent Jay Cutler to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who would have compensated the Patriots. The talks fell through for whatever reason — all of which is said to rightfully anger Cutler, an accomplished Pro Bowl quarterback who reportedly wants to be traded now — and it prompts more questions about the Belichick-Pioli perfecta winning out.

There's more, of course, and Mariotti does sound a bit paranoid ... but that doesn't mean people aren't out to get him. Cassel is almost certainly being overrated, but one lousy second-rounder for a guy that other much dumber teams would have gladly overpaid for? Plus another player to fill a roster spot thrown in? It does seem rather generous, especially for New England. Could Jay actually be the voice of reason here? Fascinating, if true.

Kansas City's Sweetheart Deal for Cassel Warrants NFL Probe [Fanhouse]

* * * * *

Anyway, that's it for tonight. Still no word on those missing boaters, but hopefully we'll know more in the morning—and hopefully it will be good. It's a downer, I know, but wish for the best anyway.

Gooood DAY.

Real Clear Sports has an excellent interview with Fanhouse's new columnist, which is just oozing with typical Mariotti bitchiness. When asked about the Sun-Times squabbles and his subsequent departure, it's obvious he's yet to get over the whole incident:

I signed an extension in July under the belief that the paper would try to upgrade its Web site, which is the only way any newspaper can survive in the future. It was a fair request — I was devoting two more years to them — but they completely dropped the ball in Beijing. The subsequent "heat" was silly and embarrassing to them — I laughed at it. Can you imagine the New York Times or any other serious newspaper devoting the thrust of an entire edition to anyone who left the paper? Have some pride. Don't seem so hideously desperate that you're hung up on a sports columnist leaving and handing back about a million bucks. Don't trot out writers to disparage me when, frankly, they should have been directing that fire toward a newspaper war that was lost years ago.

And of course:

It's my life, not theirs. I wrote 5,000 columns for them in 17 years. I wrote on holidays, spent massive amounts of time away from home. Roger Ebert, whom I've met once, can kiss my ass. No one gave more blood to that place than I did, and if I decide it's going to die an imminent death, it's my call. And based on events of the last four months, I couldn't have been more accurate. The place is dead.

Unfortunately, Mr. Ebert is probably too busy recovering from thyroid and salivary gland cancer to engage in such an unpleasant activity.

Interview With Jay Mariotti [Real Clear Sports]

Last Mariotti post, I promise. I just thought I should point out that commenting is enabled for his columns, and they've been, um, interesting. And I think I saw a couple of Deadspin ringers. A sampling:

• Jay, you are hot garbage. Like a ripe diaper filled with Indian food.The same attacking style that you slam is the only style you know. Exhibit A: This article... and your point of view in May 2005 of the White Sox. Reeeaaally missed the boat on that one, huh? — doubledowne11 01:42:15 PM Jan 05 2009

• And - who wants to bet to see how long it takes before the ability to comment on Moron's articles gets disabled "due to bandwidth", which is code to hurting his feelings? — bjngnnss 11:09:42 AM Jan 05 2009

• Combining the irrelevance of Jay Mariotti with the irrelevance of America Online was a logical step for both parties. Regards,Pete Gaines. — petejayhawk 12:11:30 PM Jan 05 2009

• Wow — it's amazing the level of detail you can come up to spin your side of the story. That's the BS you can dream up in your head when you're off for 3 months. — bjngnnss 11:07:30 AM Jan 05 2009

• He is absolutely right, the wave of the newspapers future is online. Newspapers are dying, but not necessarily newspaper companies, if they're smart enough to push more to the web.And what is lost on those who criticize Jay is that just because they don't agree with what he writes, doesn't mean he's a bad writer. — danielr11 10:35:50 AM Jan 05 2009

• Welcome Jay.........I have always enjoyed you on Around the Horn, and look forward to reading what you have to offer on AOL. — minnie1pill 09:34:03 AM Jan 05 2009

• The tale of Jay the Joke is far more complicated and sickening than the pap printed here. Many of us are glad this flea has left Chicago sports-writing to classier, sharper journos. Bye-bye, ya meaningless jerk! — dutchmccool 03:49:37 AM Jan 05 2009

And the immortal ...

• first!! jay rulz — markot09 03:46:59 AM Jan 05 2009

Will the notoriously thin-skinned Mariotti allow this to continue? Hey, if you're going to be part of the new wave, Jay, you've gotta take the good with the bad.

Also, kudos to Sports by Brooks for this:

From a man who said the future of sports journalism “sadly is not in newspapers”is writing for … AOL. Have I showed you the mousetrap-powered car I made in high school? Wanna know what I made the wheels out of?

Sunnier Times In The New Mainstream Media [AOL Sports]

How did the initial effort go? I have to say, I've never before seen The Great Wall of China, Richard M. Daley and animal penis combined so seamlessly in an opening paragraph. But then I don't read as much as I should. I'll sum it up by saying this: Jay is still all class. He wastes no time in lobbing Holy Hand Grenades at his old employers, even taking a swipe at them with the name of his column: Sign of the Times.

Just what were the circumstances of Jay leaving the Chicago Sun-Times, you might ask? In his accounting of events, Jay of course plays the victim, like always. Let's get right to the most interesting portion.

A week into the Olympics, I was inside The Water Cube That Phelps Built when a voice-mail popped in. It was from the sports editor of the ailing Chicago Sun-Times, asking me to accommodate the newspaper's Paleozoic-era deadlines by doing something the readers wouldn't appreciate. He wanted me to write one column that had Michael Phelps winning that day's race and another column that had him losing. Both would be filed long before the event, which, in some quarters, would be considered an editorial directive to cook up fiction.

I would insert blanks for the finishing times, which a copy editor would fill in, and the bulk would be a lot of jibber-jabber that worked regardless of the result. The editors would decide which column ran based on the outcome. In other words, processed lunch meat for your 50 cents — and it wasn't the first time. I usually just dealt with these hideous requests. This time, I balked.

Jay, stop! I must shield my eyes ... I can barely see you through the reflection off your shining armor!

Also there's this; read into it what you will:

I'm working for a company, AOL, that attracted 54 million unique visitors to its programming content sites in November and ranks fourth in traffic among Internet news sites. As established writers keep moving Web-ward, it will cause consternation among a few members of the sports blogosphere, some of whom think they own the Internet when, as everyone knows, Bill Kurtis owns the Internet. I've never bought into this "mainstream media vs. bloggers" blood war because, in my mind, we're all writers. The best young writers provide compelling takes on sports. The losers wake up each day and attack (choose your ESPN target), an approach that can't attract much audience beyond a few neurotic souls in sports media. Now hear this: I'm a bit too busy to hate bloggers or, really, anyone but terrorists and certain Illinois politicians. I just think they should be writing about Steve Smith, not Stephen A. Smith.

Then, later, this horrifying graph:

Know how nutty it got? AOL rated me 14th on its Most Controversial Sports Figures list, between Chad Ocho Cinco and the Steinbrenners. If my eventual new bosses knew about my torrid fling with Madonna, I'd have cracked the top five, I betcha.

I can forgive you for a lot, Jay Mariotti. But for placing that mental image in my brain, may you rot in Hades.

Others mentioned in Jay's first column: Bill Plaschke, Woody Paige, bloggers, Mark Cuban, Glenn Close. Oh, it's a fun read, which includes nothing of the Rick Tealander-Barack Obama controversy. Come on Jay, shouldn't a reporter include all the facts?

Jay Mariotti Joins AOL Sports [Chicago Tribune]
Sunnier Times In The New Mainstream Media [AOL Sports]

So here's the interview. And as one might imagine, the Sun-Times is having a lot of fun with this. Over at their Sports Pros(e) blog, Kevin Allen has uncovered Schollmeyer's Facebook page. Take a look:

Allen and I agree that this is our favorite portion of the interview:

MA: Describe Jay Mariotti the coworker.
JM: I'm the best teammate you'll ever have — if you're in this business for the right reasons. If you're a columnist who's lazy, boring, political, doesn't write the tough piece, you'll hate me. If you're a beat writer who courts the favor of the people you cover and knows more than you report, you'll hate me. If you're an editor who doesn't have vision and guts, you'll hate me. But if you care and have a soul, we'll get along great."

I don't know why this just occurred to me, but I suddenly realized that both Jay Mariotti and Dennis Miller are natives of Pittsburgh. Make of that what you will.

Local Writer Pens Love Letter To Former Sun-Times Columnist Jay Mariotti [Chicago Sun-Times]
Mariotti Unplugged [Michigan Avenue]

But what would transpire between these two bitter rivals in the aftermath should they run into each other somewhere in a non-work environment? You know, like, in a sauna.

This is not slash fiction:

“I was taking a sauna, which I do like once every ten years, and who walks in but Jay Mariotti. I swear to God. If God is my savior, if he is (he probably doesn’t want to save me, but) there he was. He almost freaked out. There were other people in the sauna. I probably shouldn’t even go on about this, but it was an hour ago. It was one hour ago, and he just started babbling.

I don’t think it’s fair for me...I’m telling you so much...it’s just surreal. I think if my eyes don’t deceive me, if he’d seen the Yeti or...Michael Myers sitting there, I don’t know, it would have been about the same. But you’d have to ask him that.

The first thing out of his mouth, ‘well, let’s just bury the hatchet.’ I had not said a word. Hatchets or anything – I didn’t have a hatchet in hand. Nothing.”

Telander didn't go on to say if this chance encounter resulted in an "Eastern Promises"-style throw-down or if the metaphorical hatchet was buried, but the surreality of this scenario even taking place trumps all possible outcomes. Well, maybe not the nude knife-fight one but still...

Rick Telander [On The DL]

There should, mercifully, be no further chapters in this epic, since the word is coming from the Chicago Tribune itself:

Mariotti and Tribune "talked about television, about the Internet, about the newspaper,'' he said. Mariotti said that discussions about working for Tribune Co.'s Chicago Tribune newspaper became a stumbling block. "The Sun-Times' lawyer threatened me with a lawsuit in 64-point type. Things sort of stalled,'' he added.

"At one point last week, there were lawyers on both sides looking into this,'' Mariotti said. "It's daunting to put together a deal. This [lawyer's letter] got thrown out in the middle of everything. We both decided that we can't do what we wanted to do.'' Sources at Tribune Co. confirmed conversations with Mariotti had been held, but Chicago Tribune Editor Gerould Kern would only say late Tuesday that "we have no plans to hire Jay Mariotti.''

First of all it's good to know that the Chicago Tribune writer here, Jim Kirk, has "sources within the Tribune Co." That's some mighty fine reportin' there, Lou. Secondly, are we sure that the reason the talks fell through was because someone got a letter from a lawyer? Wasn't that the first thing they should have been expecting? More believable would have been this scenario: "Tribune editorial staffers threatened to quit en masse if Mariotti was ever seen within a mile of the newsroom, and in addition vowed to loot and destroy Sam Zell's house like Tara in Gone With the Wind. Therefore, we have no plans to hire Jay Mariotti."

Evidently there were strategies in place to circumvent the Sun-Tiimes' no-compete clause. But Mariotti's prospective hiring was so distasteful to Tribune editorial employees — especially in light of recent layoffs at the paper — that Zell and his apprentices, Darth Michaels and Grand Mof Abrams, may have been moved to abandon the plan.

Anyway, Chicago's suffereing may be over, but America's certainly has not. The Tribune story ends with this chilling sentence: Mariotti, who continues his regular stint on ESPN's "Around the Horn,'' said that he is talking with other national media outlets.

Could he be coming to your town? To your local newspaper? Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Former Sun-Times Columnist Mariotti Not Joining Tribune [Chicago Tribune]