Ryan Lochte is a douchebag with gills, George W. Bush without the evil and/or a golden lab turned into a human. His fame, his good looks, his 11 Olympic medals, his seeming good nature, his unending capacity for inanity and the singularity he achieves within his babbling all make him a perfect specimen for reality TV. …

Reality TV is inherently shitty, so it's hard to judge Olympic gold medalist and über-bro Ryan Lochte too harshly for laying What Would Ryan Lochte Do? at our feet. A guy's gotta do what he can to stay relevant these days.

"It's like having a pet dog for a long time. You get attached to it, and when it dies you miss it."