jeffnovitzky Page index.xml - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Ridiculous Saga Of Lance Armstrong, The Cheater Who Became An Enemy Of The State<em></em>
It was more than five years ago when Lance Armstrong went on Oprah, looked her in the eye, and admitted to the world that his iconic comeback story was fueled by the most comprehensive doping regimen in cycling history. The seven-time Tour de France winner and cancer survivor had spent his career br...
UFC Hires Former IRS Shitbag, Presumably To Oppress Its Athletes
The UFC, lately embarrassed by its fighters failing a lot of drug tests, has hired shitbag/former IRS agent Jeff Novitzky, best known as beloved baseball legend Barry Bonds’s persecutor, to be its “Vice President of Athlete Health and Performance.” This seems like a high-falutin’ and more than faint...
Jurors In Original Clemens Case Thought Retrial Would Be A Waste Of Taxpayer Money
So says U.S. District Court Judge Reggie Walton in court transcripts recently made public. While at a company picnic last September, Walton made an off-the-cuff remark to a former colleague's spouse—also an attorney. The spouse said something to the effect of "Looks like you have to retry the Roger...
Despite Jeff Novitzky's Life's Work, Cheating At Sports Is Still Not A Crime
Jeff Novitzki was an IRS agent. Not an avenging angel sent from above, nor an earthly crusader for all that is good and pure in America, but a bureaucrat. Somewhere along the way he got it into his mind that it was his job and his job alone (and his only job) to eradicate the peril of steroids in sp...
And Here's How The Clemens Case Might Did End In A Mistrial On Day Two (UPDATE: Mistrial!)
The NY Daily News is all over this one, as things change by the minute. ...
Barry Bonds Is Probably Guilty Of Being A Prick
The prosecution in the case, which begins jury selection today, really wants to make this trial about that. But it's not. It's not about steroids either, actually. It's a perjury case, to determine whether he was lying when he said he didn't take illegal things, which might not have been illegal at ...
The Case Against "The Case Against Lance Armstrong"
Maybe you've heard about Sports Illustrated's exciting new Lance Armstrong feature. At bottom, it's a story about a corrupt man who gets away with cheating because the people who'd ordinarily police it have decided to look the other way....
The Novitzky Scalps
Barry Bonds: Charged with four counts of perjury and one count of obstruction of justice for telling a federal grand jury he never knowingly used steroids. The substance he's accused of taking, The Clear, was neither illegal nor specifically banned by baseball at the time of his testimony. Trial is ...
Roger Clemens To Be Charged With Lying To Congress About Scary, Scary Drugs
The feds, basking in the glow of their wildly successful perjury prosecution of Barry Bonds, will reportedly indict Roger Clemens on charges that he made false statements to Congress about his PED use. [NYT]...
U.S. Attorney: Barry Bonds Prosecution Is Important Because Stan Musial Smoked Cigarettes. Or Something.
Joseph Russoniello, U.S. attorney for the Northern District of California, feels very strongly about Barry Bonds and the use of performance-enhancing drugs. Why? Because Stan Musial, the Perfect Knight, turned him into a smoker, that's why....
Sammy Sosa Reportedly Tested Positive For PEDs In '03. Whatever.
Sammy Sosa was among the players who tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs in 2003, The New York Times is reporting, a revelation that means nothing whatsoever unless you care about Sosa's Hall of Fame chances or the Fourth Amendment....