Giancarlo Stanton Is Rightfully Wary Of The Marlins' Stink

Giancarlo Stanton is having a tremendous year. He leads the NL in WAR, and he's carried a plucky young Miami Marlins team that is without ace José Fernández to a .500 record and within range of a Wild Card spot. On a normal team, a season like this would leave a player like Stanton feeling enthused about the… » 8/26/14 1:56pm 8/26/14 1:56pm

Miami Marlins Owner's Insane Book About Peanuts Will Melt Your Brain

When we speak of spring and baseball, we speak of renewal. New shoots of grass, possibility, the warm rays in Florida. We rarely mention the game's antipodal force that dwells there too, a darkness that consumes joy—its unblinking saurian eyes unevolved for 37 million years, unregenerate in its predation on all hope.… » 4/03/14 1:17pm 4/03/14 1:17pm

Disgusting Rich Person Jeffrey Loria Sold A Painting For $32.6 Million

When Jeffrey Loria isn't busy running the Marlins into the ground, he's wheeling and dealing in the art world. On Monday, he sold a (lovely!) portrait by Alberto Giacometti for $32.6 million at a New York art auction. That puts the painting's value just $7 million shy of the current payroll of the Miami Marlins. » 11/06/13 5:20pm 11/06/13 5:20pm

Jeffrey Loria Continues To Be A Meddlesome Twerp

Wednesday's Miami Herald contained a mysterious report about a mysterious pitching change before Tuesday's Marlins-Twins doubleheader: nameless "Higher-ups" had shifted top prospect Jose Fernandez to the early game, and "ace" Ricky Nolasco to the later one. Now, thanks to Jeff Passan, we know what was meant by… » 4/26/13 1:15pm 4/26/13 1:15pm

Jeffrey Loria Strikes Back: "It Ain't True, Folks" And Marlins Park Has…

Jeffrey Loria took out a full page ad in several South Florida newspapers today in an attempt to win the hearts and minds of the six people who haven't quite made up their minds on his wretched franchise. He talks about a lot of things: the unsustainable roster full of major league talent, the World Series Miami won a… » 2/24/13 4:05pm 2/24/13 4:05pm

Jeffrey Loria Told Jose Reyes To "Get A Nice House In Miami" Four Days…

We knew that the Marlins had given Jose Reyes "verbal assurances" that they wouldn't trade him, but yesterday brought a new report about the exact content of those promises and when the Marlins were making them. In particular, walking pair of conspicuously expensive sunglasses Jeffrey Loria told Jose Reyes to buy a… » 2/16/13 12:20pm 2/16/13 12:20pm

The Real Cost To Miami For Marlins Park Is In The Billions

We've aired our grievances with the very concept of public financing for sports stadiums, especially the sweetheart deal Jeffrey Loria got for Marlins Park, where the team had to cover less than 20 percent of the cost. But even if you're not philosophically opposed to tax money going to multi-millionaire owners, it's… » 1/25/13 11:10am 1/25/13 11:10am

The Marlins' Megadeal Could Be Good For Miami If Jeffrey Loria Didn't…

It took almost a week, but everyone's taken their physicals and the commissioner's office has signed off on the crazypants deal. Deep breath: The Marlins will receive Henderson Alvarez, Yunel Escobar, Adeiny Hechavarria, Jeff Mathis, Jake Marisnick, Anthony DeSclafani, and Justin Nicolino. The Blue Jays get Jose… » 11/19/12 5:15pm 11/19/12 5:15pm

The Marlins Specifically Promised Not To Trade Jose Reyes And Mark…

Need another reason to hate the Marlins? Let's add this to the list (there's seriously a list): not only did the Miami Marlins and their awful ownership trade away half the team—they did so despite promising at least two stars, who signed with the Marlins this summer hoping to stay in Miami for some time, that they… » 11/17/12 7:15pm 11/17/12 7:15pm

Mayor Of Miami Writes Letter To Bud Selig Imploring Him To Stop The…

It's not just Marlins fans and baseball bloggers that are mad at Jeffrey Loria for gutting the Marlins roster yet again. Now the Mayor of Miami is lobbying for Bud Selig to prevent the Marlins from sticking the city of Miami with a brand new stadium that nobody wants to go to because the team's roster keeps getting… » 11/16/12 6:32pm 11/16/12 6:32pm

Inveterate Asshole And Loria Stepson David Samson Tries To Justify The…

Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: This is the guy who called Miamians stupid for funding the stadium. » 11/15/12 6:01pm 11/15/12 6:01pm

The Miami Marlins Are A Hilarious Disgrace

Here is what has happened in the last year of the Miami Marlins, formerly d/b/a Florida Marlins: They swindled the citizens of Miami for a new stadium and drew the SEC's notice. They filched Jose Reyes from a franchise that has actual fans but no money and a municipal government that refuses to be robbed blind. They… » 11/13/12 7:07pm 11/13/12 7:07pm

Yup, A Giant Truck Full Of Fish Crashed Into A Building Named After…

Good writers spend ages searching for the perfect metaphor, the one that makes everything make sense. Agnostics spend their years searching for some sign that a higher power guides the universe. Look no further, heretics (and Marlins beat writers). Everything was revealed today, in the midday sun at Yale University in… » 10/01/12 5:55pm 10/01/12 5:55pm

Hey Knicks, Marlins, Orioles, Redskins, And Islanders Fans: ESPN Says…

Venerable Kings blog Sactown Royalty notes that ESPN: The Paper Thingy ranks the Maloofs as the worst owners in sports—all of sports!—in their "Ultimate Standings 2012," which rates organizations across the four major sports based on some arbitrary methodology that I don't care to look into. (The owners are rated by… » 9/08/12 2:00pm 9/08/12 2:00pm

Last Night's The Franchise: Miami Marlins Distilled Down To Its…

The Miami Marlins all-access curse-fest that is The Franchise premiered last night on Showtime, and the first episode made for enjoyable viewing (more enjoyable, at least, than the ESPY Awards, which it ran against). Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria bet the house on the 2012 season, hoping a new stadium, new geographic… » 7/12/12 4:10pm 7/12/12 4:10pm