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dimly lit duan!
Posts Tagged “
Jessica Simpson
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dimly lit duan!
it's a hard knock duan
HBO: Jessica Simpson Will Not Retard Our Football Camp Show
Everyone getting excited about the upcoming season of Hard Knocks: Dallas Cowboys has every right to be. With a colorful cast of characters to choose from like Terrell Owens, Pacman Jones (please), Tony Romo and the mesmerizing handywork of Jerry Jones' plastic surgeon, it'll be entertaining television even for those who don't enjoy HBO's other reality programming. More »
vegas baby
Tony Romo Gambles Like He's Still In Charleston, Ill.
Want to know the perils of being a "superstar" Dallas Cowboys quarterback who tends to have some trouble getting his team out of the first round of playoffs? If you start dating a featherbrained "pop star," you might end up in Robin Leach's blog — Robin Leach's blog! — with stories about losing $2.5 million in Vegas. More »
mysteries
Tragedy In The Big D
The birthday party for the quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys was celebrated the last night at a Dallas night club where he was joined by friends and family members. Tensions ran high for a little bit when an unexpected guest dropped by and moved through the throngs of people toward the guest of honor. The Cowboys' quarterback became nervous when a doe-eyed , blonde-haired woman with blue icing on her face approached him — should he tell her that she has blue icing on her face? That would be the polite thing to do. More »
battle of the swordsmen
Roethlisberger Attempts To Renew Classic Steelers/Cowboys Rivalry
Perhaps he was coaxed into saying it by a sound bite-hungry Mike Tirico and Michelle Tafoya. Maybe he was just trying to make the December 7 game between the Cowboys and Steelers a little more melodramatic. Whatever the reason, Big Ben Roethlisberger, drinking champion and clumsy motorcyclist, has seemingly taken a half-hearted shot at Tony Romo and his bubble-headed lass, Jessica Simpson. More »
don't do it, tony!
Tony Romo And Jessica Simpson Preparing For Wedded Bliss
Sure Jessica Simpson may have been a distraction to the Cowboys this past season; the only thing standing between the franchise and a Super Bowl championship (tries to suppress gales of laughter). So to ensure a healthy and successful 2008 season, Tony Romo should dump her, right? Well here's a solution you probably didn't consider, Cowboys fans. He could marry her! I now take you to Us Weekly, where frankly I get all my scoops: More »
who gets custody of the pink jersey?
Tony Romo Thinks He Can Do Better
Good news, fellows ... Jessica Simpson may soon be available. So for Heaven's sake start wearing collared shirts! (Preferably popped.) Word is that Tony Romo would like to dump her ... only she's not going easily. Hmm. Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction comes to mind here for some reason. More »
good times, weren't they?
I've played this six times and it just keeps getting funnier; but then, I've never been known for my taste. It's the Dallas Cowboys' season in eight seconds. Th-that's all, folks. More »
Today's NFL Season Recap: The Dallas Cowboys
I've played this six times and it just keeps getting funnier; but then, I've never been known for my taste. It's the Dallas Cowboys' season in eight seconds. Th-that's all, folks. More »
enough with this already
Strahan Would Totally Tap That
At first glance it's moral support from an unlikely source: Giants defensive end Michael Strahan says that Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson should be given their space. Leave Romo alone! He's a human being! Etc., etc. But you and I know what the real deal is here. Hey Tony, if you ever get tired of her, please don't forget a certain large, gap-toothed individual who took it easy on you in the '08 playoffs. Yes, Strahan wants some of that. Quite a bold move for someone whose body odor is offensive to squirrels. More »
boring gossip crap
One More NFL Prop Bet, This Time With Jessica Simpson
No matter how excited you might be for Sunday's Cowboys-Giants game, we assure you, your 16-year-old
once upon a time in mexico
Jessica Simpson Is Officially The Yoko Ono Of Sports
First of all, this post makes me feel dirty; Pat O'Brien dirty. And we did talk about it over the weekend, so perhaps you could skip the whole thing? No? Read on then. More »
what could possibly go wrong?
Brady Is Giving Romo Dating Advice Now?
Apologies in advance for this item. You should know that, if you click on it, there will be a Britney Spears photo, the weekend box office receipts for Alvin and the Chipmunks, and the headline: Jamie Lynn's baby-daddy is a 'lying, cheating dog.' Hey, it's New Year's Eve; who's reading this anyway? On to the Tony Romo/Jessica Simpson news. More »
three's company
Show Romo Your Love On Saturday
So, do you REALLY want to get into Tony Romo's head on Saturday? Show up at the game wearing a Jessica Simpson mask; hilarity is sure to ensue! It's all thanks to the new site RuinRomo.com; which I discovered thanks to a commenter. The site provides a Jessica Simpson mask which can be printed out, cut out and worn to the game; plus, helpful hints on reminding our hero just how distracting his girlfriend can be. (Includes the instruction: "Paste popsicle stick to bottom for easy handling."). More »
he-man woman haters club
T.O. To Romo: Girls Are Icky
I've thought about it and decided that it all had to be a nightmare. All I remember are fleeting images: Jessica Simpson. Pink jersey. Multiple sacks of Tony Romo. Terrell Owens asking for Simpson's phone number. Press conference. Yoko Ono. Jerry Jones' face melting like the Nazi in Raiders of the Los Ark. Ah!
After a media firestorm was created with his comments about Tony Romo's girlfriend, Jessica Simpson, being a distraction, Terrell Owens said he was joking and that he's sorry. "I tried to get [Romo] to call her so I can explain to her that she doesn't really know me and that I can be funny," Owens said. "And that everything I say, the media will take it and run with it. It's not a big deal. I will try to rectify the situation between her and I."More »
creepy, learing broadcasters
About the only thing missing from Joe Buck's commentary here is Dateline NBC's Chris Hansen walking out from the hallway to question him. BUCK: "I only wanted to talk, I swear." HANSEN: "I have your transcript right here; it's pretty explicit." More »
Joe Buck Verbally Gropes Jessica Simpson. Eww.
About the only thing missing from Joe Buck's commentary here is Dateline NBC's Chris Hansen walking out from the hallway to question him. BUCK: "I only wanted to talk, I swear." HANSEN: "I have your transcript right here; it's pretty explicit." More »
cultural oddsmaker
Who Will Tony Romo Date Next?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think.
2007 is turning out to be the year of the Romo. Just 10 months removed from single-handedly ruining the Cowboys playoff run, he's bounced back. Enormously. So far this year, he's ripped through a couple of nubile ladies (Sophia Bush, Carrie Underwood), put up monster numbers and earned respect around the league, and in between signed a $67.4 million contract based on half a season's work. To top it off, the guy could go 15-1 this season and skate into the playoffs. Look at the rest of the Cowboys schedule: they've got Detroit, who've reverted back to vintage ineptitude, and the Carolina Panthers, who've somehow become a first-year expansion team again. The two toughest games they have left are with the Mighty Birds, who have been wildly inconsistent (or consistently mediocre) all year, and the Redskins, who even though are their most bitter rivals, now have a gaping hole in their ... strong safety.
[dodges pitchfork]
Moving on! Now, Romo's tapping Jessica Simpson, who unless is secretly moonlighting in Bolivian gang bang films, most likely still has a vagina that smells like a combination of "Very Vanilla" Little Tree car freshener and a baby's forehead. Sadly, this relationship is not going to last. Not that Romo's the second coming of Proust or anything, but regardless of how hot Simpson is, holding a conversation with her must be like talking to Gizmo : Oooh! Bright lights! Yum-Yum !
So, he's not into librarians? Not a problem. A definite deal-breaker to be a Romo Girl is just skank-out dirty. Romo doesn't want a lady with a sullied reputation, one marred by sex tape videos or a body damaged by belly-button mashing pregnancies. No, he likes his ladies clean, untarnished — we're talking PSA grade 9.5 and above. The only question left to answer is...who's next?
So this week, I'm putting on my hymen mask, readjusting my chastity belt, and placing odds on the next pretty pony to enter the Romo Corral.
Push the button.
More »