I've been watching previews for the new reality show on Animal Planet—yeah, that's right—called appropriately enough, "Jockeys: Win Or Die Trying" and I gotta tell you ... I'm pretty pumped about it. You've got fights, intrigue, horrific injuries, athlete temper tantrums and Kanye West music on the soundtrack. It says "Die" right in the title! It's got it all. There's even a lady jockey! Do I smell romance?

The truth is that being a jockey is way more dangerous than people realize or care to think about. Try falling off a moving horse sometime and see how quick you get back up. That's why these people are obviously insane, hyped-up, adrenaline junkies and if it wasn't for the fact that they weigh one-third what an NFL lineman does, they would probably be throwing bouncers through plate glass windows every night of the week. I'm certainly not going to mess with one.

Plus, let's face it—any show that can make jockeys look even the slightest bit cool has to be worth at least one slot on your DVR, right? (Premiere is tomorrow at 9 PM, by the way.)

"Jockey: Win Or Die Trying" [Animal Planet]

The closest that Knott had ever come to winning was fifth place, so it's only natural that as he approached the finish line in first place, he began waving to the crowd, allowing another horse to nearly beat him.

'Joe Tizzard had told me he would stay and said not to do anything silly at the last.' So Anthony left it until after he had cleared the final flight before his mad moment with a flourish to the gallery that could have had disastrous results.

'I had no intention of doing that but the vicar and all my friends from my village of Sturminster Newton came running from the bar and there was a tremendous roar. You wave to people when you pass them in our village and I was just doing that. I had no intention of doing it, I just forgot I was in a race.'

(Usain Bolt nods head knowingly).

Anthony Knott's Moment Of Joy Lifts The Winter Gloom [The Daily Mail]

A Toowoomba jockey has been caught using a sex aid in an attempt to deceive stewards in a drug test. Jason Warrington had left the track when he was asked by Queensland Racing stewards to return to provide a urine sample for precautionary drug testing. Acting chief steward John Hackett caught the jockey squeezing urine from a dildo concealed inside his pants.

"I tried to cheat the system and I got caught," Warrington said on Radio TAB today. "It was one of those stupid things you do."

And now this update from Wikipedia:

In Japan, many dildos are created to resemble animals or cartoon characters, like Hello Kitty, so that they may be sold as toys, thus avoiding obscenity laws.

Perhaps Warrington shouldn't have used the "Inspector Gadget" model. And where's Fred Smoot when we need him? Oh, they cut him!

Dildo Jockey 'Panicked' [Fox Sports]
Dildo [Wikipedia]

Well, the photo right there is from the event, and for some reason, we can't stop looking at it. We think it's because we didn't realize they were actually going to use the gates. Or wear the numbers. It's jockeys running out of gates while wearing big numbers. Do you think any of them had to be led into the gate by a muzzle? Are they stormy and tempestuous? If one fell and broke his leg, would they shoot him? Did they all eat apples after the race?

So many questions, honestly.

Short People In Riding Pants, Running [Deadspin]

Because nothing amuses us like jockeys, here's a neat — if not necessarily new — promotion they're trying at Calder Race Course this weekend: A jockey race! Because nothing's more compelling that five-foot-tall guys sprinting.

Anyway, it's all a part of "Extreme Day" at the racetrack, which involves races going backwards and even something with a skateboard. We would like to see a jockey on a skateboard.

Calder Preparing For Inaugural "Extreme Day" [Thoroughbred Times]

Jackson was named the co-national manager of the guild last week together with Dwight Manley, who once represented Rodman and Karl Malone and, in addition, is a rare coin dealer. Evidently the Jockey's Guild is near bankruptcy, eight months after the firing of former director L. Wayne Gertmenian. (You may recall that Gertmenian's firing did not go as smoothly as all had hoped). The key bone of contention is medical benefits: Most owners don't provide them (jockeys are for the most part general contractors), and the Guild is too broke to chip in. Jackson admitted that he knew virtually nothing abouit the horse racing industry, but that''s OK, because he knew Martin Luther King, Jr.

I know the principles of organizing. Dr. King didn't have to follow around garbage workers to know his role was to motivate garbage workers to stand up and fight for the right to organize

In other words, get ready for a very tiny, high-pitched labor strike.

Jesse Jackson To Help Lead Jockeys' Guild [New York Times]
We Now Pause For This Short (Ahem) Announcement [Deadspin]

(UPDATE: The Jockeys Guild writes in to correct that "Rev. Jackson is a Special Advisor to the National Manager, not co-manager of the Guild. Rev. Jackson will serve as a consultant and not be involved in day-to-day operations." Which seems for the best.)