•If he's going to bang his way through Hollywood, why not try a little acting? Derek Jeter has a cameo as a homeless man in the new Will Ferrell movie.

•Holy shit. I don't ever want to see the Bears on national TV ever again (not that I get the NFL Network, but you get the idea). Jay Cutler passed the ball to 12 different players; five of them on the 49ers.

•Maybe Jamal Lewis had a point about Browns practices being too rough? DE Keith Grennan ruptured a patellar tendon during yet another one of Eric Mangini's "opportunity drills." If the point of these optional practices is to give players the opportunity to prove to coaches that their knees won't explode, Grennan failed to impress.

•Joe Namath's yellow Lab was declared dangerous and must be muzzled, after it attacked a UPS driver and a nurse. Expect Joe to be running the wildcat offense for his retirement community's recreational period football team soon.

•Cam Ward will miss a month of action after having his leg sliced by a skate blade. Want the only proof you need that players aren't as tough as they used to be? Clint Malarchuk was back in goal a week later.

•An eighth grader was suspended for shaving Bengals stripes into his hair. The school claims it violates their code of conduct on hairstyles, but I think his real crime is being a Bengals fan.

•Tired of the flowchart meme yet? Too bad, because here's a really good one for NHL suspensions.

•Finally, because it's sweeping the Interwebs, it's the Dock Ellis LSD No-Hitter. In cartoon form!

*******

TONIGHT: Amazingly, Matt Sussman isn't live blogging. Just pretend he is. Create your own bingo card in the space below.

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin and...SKEETS.

Seriously, whom are we talking about here?

Something happens in his fourth season. But not at first - for most of the season, it's the same problems as before. But, somehow, when his team needs big performances late, he gives it to them. Then, the playoffs come and he's brilliant - almost a different quarterback. The two-headed monster at running back is working, and he's the one pulling the strings. There's a confidence in his gaze and his stride that no one has ever seen before. His teammates see this and feed off of it - suddenly, he's their guy, and they'll run through walls for him.

And so he leads his team into the Super Bowl, where he faces unbelievable odds, against a seemingly invincible coach. And you know what? He wins that game, and in doing so becomes a legend.

We are not quite ready to live in a universe in which this happens.

Eli Manning ... Legend In The Making? [Your Face Is A Sports Blog]

And that's a face that needs to be played by Jake Gyllenhaal.

Now it seems Paramount Pictures wants to put Joe Namath's colorful - and not always jolly - life onscreen. Jake Gyllenhaal is first choice to play Joe. If you ever saw Jake as the Marine in Jarhead, you know he can bulk up impressively. He can look like a star quarterback. And, he is a terrific actor.

(We're quoting Liz Smith there. Won't happen again for a while, so revel in it.)

We think a movie about Joe Namath would be rather entertaining. But, really ... could it possibly more entertaining than this?

God. It never gets old.

Brokeback Namath [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

The answers go from Dan Marino to Andy Pettite to Joe Namath to Pete Rose, who once tried to put his mack down on Lady Andrea's mom. Actually, I'm not sure that's the right term ... he sort of offered to pay her for sex. I guess Pete Rose kind of implied that Lady Andrea's mom was a whore. Which is unfortunate, because she probably isn't.

As for my mom, she was into John Elway (eh), Joe Theismann (which makes me want to take her Mother's Day gift back), and now that I think about it, she kind of had an odd thing for Rickey Henderson, too (AWESOME). Man, if things had worked out differently, I could be calling Rickey Henderson dad ... of course, he'd still be calling himself Rickey. But that's just the complex kind of relationship we'd have.

Mother's Day Potpourri - Your Mom Loves Hot Athletes Too [Ladies...]

When one of the editors of Kissing Suzy Kolber has his picture taken next to a clearly thrilled Joe Namath ... well, that gets itself its own posts. Sometimes worlds collide a bit too much around these parts.

Dispatch From Miami ... Ta-DOW! [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

(In all seriousness, the guys from KSK, in our opinion, have made this NFL season twice as entertaining as it probably would have been otherwise. We'll never think of Rex Grossman the same way again, and that is to our benefit.)

"I was under the influence, and when you get under the influence, you may think you have things under control, but it's a fact that you don't," Namath says. He adds: "It was that incident that brought to light that I needed to do something, absolutely. And I'm glad. I hated having to deal with that incident, the family, the friends ... the fans. I mean, that really hurt."

We are pleased that Namath was able to get help for his drinking, and that it took something so high-profile and profoundly hilarious to make it happen. But he really shouldn't worry about having disappointed his fans; frankly, the guy earned himself a whole new generation of them.

Namath Is Happy He Tried To Kiss Suzy Kolber [San Jose Mercury News]

Well, turns out he doesn't limit his self-hammering to clubs; he's bringing it back home. Nice-Guy-Brady Beard Bridget Moynahan told a reporter that her favorite meal is "peanut butter sandwiches and straight Grey Goose vodka." (Hey, at least she's eating something.) Honestly: No one will be surprised if, in 20 years, Brady has a Joe Namath moment on the sidelines in Foxboro. "I couldn't care less about the team struggling ..."

We Hear ... [Boston Herald] (third item)
Tom Brady Loves Him Some Olsen Twin [Deadspin]