Yeah, these two kids are all buddy-buddy now.

Upon talking to Theismann, Kimmel clarified his Monday night crack: "I was not making fun of Joe Theismann. I was just making everyone else in the booth uncomfortable."

Theismann admitted he was watching "CSI" at the time of the controversial quip, but said he got a chuckle of it when he heard about it afterwards. Joe also made a correction to Kimmel's comment, saying, "The steam was coming out of my nose, not my ears."

See, now there's something else they have in common: They both made everyone uncomfortable while in the "Monday Night Football" booth. Maybe Kimmel can use Theismann has a strike-breaking writer. Sure, Theismann didn't cross the picket line during the NFL strike, but hey: Times is tough.

Joe Theismann And Jimmy Kimmel Make Peace On LA Radio [Sports By Brooks]

Kimmel, for his part, seems befuddled by the whole matter.

"Technically, couldn't you say Joe Theismann has also been banned from Monday Night Football?" Kimmel told SI.com in a phone interview from Los Angeles. "If he showed up, they probably would not let him in. I was hoping to get banned from a casino first, but I suppose it's satisfying in a way to be banned from any television show. I don't know what I did exactly but apparently it was horrific."

We don't see what the big deal is either; it's not like Kimmel said, "Boy, aren't you guys glad that Theismann guy is gone? What a douche that guy is, right, Tony?" Though we will say that the mental image of Joe Theismann showing up at the MNF booth, and ESPN security not letting him in, is a quite amusing one.

Monday Night Kickoff [SI.com]
MNF Still Haunts Joe Theismann's Corpse [Deadspin]

Kimmel's quote: "And we welcome Joe Theismann watching from his living room with steam coming out of his ears." You know, we wouldn't mind seeing that, actually.

Everyone Is Piling On Joe Theismann Now [Awful Announcing]

Tony loves Ron, Ron loves Tony, everybody loves Mike and Tony hates himself. Should be quite the show.

"More than anything else, I hope it's fun, and Jaws' personality seems to lend itself to fun. As neurotic as I am, as pessimistic as I am, as cynical and subversive as I am, I have fun doing those [games]. Jaws and I can have fun together.

"There is no chance [Jaworski will make Kornheiser more optimistic]. I'm going to be like Darth Vader and welcome him to the dark side. I'm going to be, 'Come and see the music of the night. I am the Phantom of the Opera.'"

We're gonna go ahead and ask somebody out there to do a Kornheiser Phantom of the Opera photoshop now.

We think this year's crew can't help but improve with Theismann's absence, particularly with the likable and smart Jaworski in there, but we still love that supreme leader John Skipper watched the whole practice session. He seems optimistic, as long as Kornheiser puts the correct cover sheet on his expense reports.

New Monday Night Football Crew Will Have Some Fun [Newsday]

Theismann, in an interview with Shapiro, says he still doesn't understand why he was taken off the show and replaced by Ron Jaworski.

"It was a total and complete shock to me that they were going to make a change. They told me they wanted to make the show more issue-oriented, I asked them 'was it the quality of my work?' They said no. They said they noticed that when they studied the tape, when it came back to me, I talked about football. I guess that was the problem, but you'll have to ask them.

"Hey, I'm a football guy. It's what I do. To say I'm not disappointed would not be correct. I'm very disappointed. I believe that 100 percent of the audience, whether it's Sunday night or Monday, wants to be entertained and educated about football. We have enough shows on ESPN about issues all over the place. To me, when you call it Monday Night Football, the expectation of the fan is to see football, and hear about football."

We think the answer is simple, Joe. When John Skipper — a true leader! — and Norby Williamson — Norby! — told you they wanted the show to be more "issue-oriented," what they really meant was, "Jaworski is so much freaking better than you at this. Oh, and Kornheiser can't stand you."

Theismann says he won't be doing any on-screen NFL work for the network, though he will still be paid by the network. Poor guy.

Theismann Benched By ESPN [Washington Post]

This seems like a dramatically missed opportunity. The Smittblog has a few more useful suggestions for what fans would really want to bid on.

• See How Long Can You Spend With Skip Bayless Before Punching Him In The Throat.
• Get A Tour of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory From Quint Kessenich.
• Watch The Monday Night Opener With Joe Theismann.

That last one sounds really, really fun.

ESPN Really Missed The Boat With Their V Foundation Auction Items [The Smittblog]

I felt like he could have presented himself in a much more professional manner. It looked like his tie was the first time he ever tried to tie one. It looked like his hair, he had just walked out of a shower, and he stands there, relieved as all get-out, chewing gum. And to me, that's not a professional image.

Anyway, Brady Quinn took it to heart ... and cut his hair before showing up to Browns minicamp. I personally don't feel like the length of his hair will be much of a deciding factor in how good he turns out to be. Listening to Joe Theismann, though ... that can't be a positive indicator.

Also:

Already under fire [News-Herald.com]
Brady Quinn Cuts Hair to Appease Joe Theismann [NFL FanHouse]
All eyes on Quinn [SI.com]

A Super Bowl-winning quarterback with the Redskins and ESPN NFL commentator since 1988, Theismann, 57, was apparently informed of his removal on Friday. But Newsday quoted an ESPN spokesman as saying "we have nothing to announce."

As anyone who has listened to Theismann talk over the last few years knows, this was a long overdue move. (We hope that Theismann kid can land on his feet.) We're not sure Jaworski is necessarily going to make Tony Kornheiser any better ... but it certainly can't hurt.

Theismann Out Of MNF Booth [New York Times]
But Who Will Exchange Witty Banter With Jim Belushi? [Deadspin]

A source with knowledge of the situation tells us that ESPN is yanking analyst Joe Theismann from Monday Night Football. Earlier this year, the network said that the lineup for the weekly NFL broadcast would return unchanged in 2007.

Per the source, the likely replacement for Theismann is Ron Jaworski, who performed well (despite wearing ladies' glasses) during the back half of a season-opening Monday night doubleheader and who currently is handling booth duties for the ESPN/ABC coverage of the Arena Football League.

I'm not upset if it's true that Joe Theismann's no longer a part of the Monday Night Football booth, and if it's true that Jaws is in, that's good news too. But the problem in the booth was not Joe Theismann. The problem was named Kornheiser, and trying to fix the MNF broadcast team by cutting Theismann is like trying to fix the Dallas Cowboys chemistry problems by cutting Terry Glenn.

And when you want to real scoop on ESPN's NFL broadcast plans, you know where to go: Detroit Tigers pitchers. Nate Robertson talked to Parcells, and says that Parcells told him he was offered, but turned down, the Monday Night gig.

Are You Ready For Some Tuna? [Chicks Dig the Long Ball]
Sunshine Out at MNF [Pro Football Talk Rumor Mill]

For all the talk of Brett Favre and Matt Hasselbeck and a dogged night from Shaun Alexander, the main impression we took from last night's MNF Seahawks' win over the Packers was: SNOW! Screw Thanksgiving: We know the holidays are really upon us when it's snowing real hard and people are falling over and you can see everyone's breath and ... aw, man, how happy are we that Chicago's going to be hosting playoff games in January?

The game itself was rather entertaining, for a mismatch in late November, and the Favre love wasn't as overwhelming as we feared it would be; the famous late-father Raiders game was only mentioned once, and not in too nauseating of detail.

However, a note on Jimmy Kimmel, who was the Celebrity Guest in the booth this week. We have our own history with Kimmel, but we have no particularly animus or affinity toward him. But last night, in about five minutes, he singlehandedly desconstructed and destroyed the Tony Kornheiser experiment. Kimmel was funnier than Kornheiser, more knowledgeable about football than Kornheiser and, in the real moment that mattered, more willing to take on Joe Theismann than Kornheiser (which is the real crime). After yet another ridiculous Theismann statement, Kornheiser remained silent until Kimmel, who couldn't help himself, said, "Well, I don't know about that, Joe." And then, as if awakened, Kornheiser said, "Yeah! What about that, Joe?" And then Theismann had to backtrack. If the late-night talk show thing doesn't work out, we'll nominate Kimmel to take over in the MNF booth. OK, him or Christian Slater.

(Getty Images Photo)

That said, last night's MNF game between Carolina and Tampa Bay was aggressively boring; we give credit for a yeoman's effort by ESPN to come up with a headline that said so without saying so: "Carolina gets win, but there's room for improvement." (Yes: Also, Tampa Bay lost, and there's room for regression. And footballs were thrown, but there's opportunity for them to be handed off as well.) When in doubt on what to write about following a Monday night game, we can always hit the old standby: The announcers. At The Fanhouse, The Mighty MJD contorts himself to write something some of us couldn't help but think: Joe Theismann is currently a stronger broadcaster than Tony Kornheiser. Ugh. We think we need a shower after typing that.

Carolina Wins, But There's Room For Improvement [ESPN]
The Kornheiser Chronicles: Week 10 [The Fanhouse]

[Monday night], during one of the greatest NFL comebacks ever, the MNF crew reached its nadir. While the Bears stormed back, TK and Theismann could only muster the most annoyingly obvious statements about how incredible the comeback was. Sure, the comeback nearly rendered everyone speechless, but somehow, we think Jaws and Vermeil would have been able to provide something remotely interesting.

We remain fond of Kornheiser, but Monday's game was damning proof that the team has somehow gotten worse as it has gone along rather than better. On the whole, actually, we think ESPN has squeezed every last drop out of the "Monday Night Football" franchise, for the better; it still feels like an event, which is not what we were expecting. But yeah: Something is gonna have to change soon, because this kind of isn't working. Is Vermeil still available?

Can The JV MNF Crew Start Warming Up In The Pen [The Big Lead]

Tony Kornheiser sounded like he'd been broadcasting for a heckuva lot longer than Joe Theismann — listening to the two of the them talk, we keep hearing Mortal Kombat's "FINISH HIM!!!!" in our brains; the question is not whether Kornheiser could destroy Theismann on air, the question is whether he actually wants to — and in the late game, Dick Vermeil was a surprising joy, smart, funny and kinda, we dunno, warm. Seriously, did that broadcast team even have time to practice? And they were still the best we've heard so far.

As for the games, well, if we were Redskins fans, we'd be deeply concerned, and it's not just the Cruise thing. But that's better than being a fan of the Raiders, whom, after last night's game, we're pretty comfortable with calling them the Illini of the NFL. Perhaps they should device a new way to punt.

Vermeil On Monday Night Football [Off Wing Opinion]

• New York Times: "Kornheiser, open-eyed, fit in well. He didn't sound scripted, and never appeared so eager to get his air time that he trampled on Joe Theismann's. He left the game-calling to Mike Tirico and the analysis to Theismann while carving out his natural territory as a snarky, but not irritating, commentator who will keep track of story lines and ask Theismann to explain terms like the silent snap count."

• Los Angeles Times: "And the star is newcomer Tony Kornheiser. He was the focal point of the telecast, and all things considered, he not only survived but was pretty good."

• Associated Press: "Tony Kornheiser had to be better than the short-lived sitcom loosely based on his life. And he was. Much better. And that's even putting aside such a low standard as 'Listen Up.'"

• USA Today: "He sounded like he'd done enough prep work to reasonably comment on what amounts to a glorified NFL practice. And Kornheiser was as good as the action itself."

As for us, we thought Kornheiser was good too, but what's really obvious is that this team is going to rise and fall by how much Kornheiser annoys Theismann. Honestly, these two are really not citizens of the same planet, and if the tension level can keep being elevated weekly from the point it was last night, Theismann's gonna have a Howard Beale moment. Kornheiser should go into every broadcast with the same mantra rattling around his head: "Annoy Theismann. Annoy Theismann. Annoy Theismann." We could have listened to the Bob Newhart/Bed And Breakfast "debate" for an hour. (Hey, Joe: He's kidding, you dolt.) Theismann appears more than willing (unable to stop?) to be baited by Kornheiser and that, friends, is what's going to make this team click.

You know all those things you've been wanting to scream at Theismann during his broadcasts all those years? Kornheiser's going to say them, it appears. Outstanding.

(UPDATE: Kornheiser's own paper is considerably less kind.)

Many of us gathered our first glimpse of the crew working together during "SportsCenter" this morning, in which we learned that everyone on set has bizarre hair and that Kornheiser is not opposed to the occasional dramatic pause to put on his glasses.

Kornheiser's schtick of late has been to note that he doesn't know anything about football, that'll he'll be terrible, that he never stays awake for games, so on, what forth. But we remain optimistic that he'll be fun, at least for a while; in a pinch, he can always just fall back on a fun touchdown call.

Monday Night Hair [Choke Artist]
CBS Does Something Smart, World Stops [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
Tony Kornheiser Is Into Leather [Deadspin]

Out of the "Baseball Tonight" crew, it'd be safe to say that Harold Reynolds would've been one of the longshots to be accused of sexual harassment. However, as of this week, we know that's not the case, and "Handsy" Harold has left Bristol, his legacy of demonstrating bunt techniques and calling people studs now permanently marred by indiscretion.

And it's woefully apparent that if HR can be taken down, all sports analysts are susceptible. There is no safe hug when it comes to interns, fellas. So, today I'm slipping out of my leather pants, unstrapping the ball gag, and handicapping the next sports analyst to be accused of sexual harassment.

Let's go check out some back tattoos, after the jump.

——————————————————-

Steve Kerr: 5/1

Don't be fooled by Kerr's affable charm and $4 haircut: behind that smirk lurks a man scoping out whale tails during commercial breaks. So, put a 22-year-old intern with a 90's Bulls fixation in a conversation with him, and he'll completely unravel. It'll start out innocent enough, but then there'll be post-game cocktails at TGI Friday's, invitations to watch some old footage of game film and an eventual rousing game of Indian wrestling. "Me and Scottie used to do it all the time!!!", he'll say. No, you didn't, Steve. No, you didn't.

Joe Theismann: 7/1

He's always presented himself as a man of strong moral character and been very cautious of how he's perceivediIt's Theees-man). But with the new MNF gig, he'll be opened up to a whole gaggle of interns, all of whom he'll think have interest in hearing about his storied career as a player. Who could pass up a chance to see the scar on his leg? I know I couldn't. Nobody could. Unfortunately, HR's made unbuttoning your pants a sin around ESPN.

Sterling Sharpe: 2/1

Sterling's just too dapper and handsome and shouldn't even be allowed to talk to young girls, let alone touch them. First time this guy high-fives an assistant producer after a show, NBC will have him escorted out of the building. You know, for precautionary measures.

Kevin Kennedy: 3/1

Yack. There's always been something creepy about him, even when he was a manager. Is it the pock-marks or the mustache? And you can almost smell the booze on him through the television. Kennedy will probably use the whole, "You look just like my niece" approach at first and send little boxes of chocolate covered pretzels, and then he'll not-so-tactfully ask to touch her cleavage.

Mary Carillo: EVEN

She'll fly under the radar for a little while, being very ambigious about her approach to female interns — she'll compliment them on their sweater vests and posture, as opposed to their asses. But then, she'll start bringing them handmade Christmas ornaments offer to take them hiking in Big Sur, where she'll proceed to bring up discomforting topics about Steffi Graf's legs and how Anna Kournikava's "not that pretty" in person. Then she'll offer the impressionable young lady a dried apricot and move in for a warm hug, where she'll not so subtly then ask the young lass to pee on her thigh. MC's a menace, bottom line. Remember Paula Poundstone?

We're of two minds on this move, actually. First off, Kornheiser's ascent from scribbling quipster to multimedia ESPN "personality" is precisely the type of thing we're always lamenting; the eroding of interesting viewpoints for the sake of having the opportunity to scream on television. Yet ... we'll confess that we like Kornheiser. He's a little bit of a loose cannon for ESPN — something which will almost certainly come up at some point this year — and we've always found him a funny writer. We're not sure exactly what he's going to bring to the broadcast — he seems like a type of broadcast tweener, not enough Dennis Miller to be a jokester but not enough Dan Fouts to be an analyst either — but if they're going to change everything around anyway, might as well give him a shot.

As long as Jason Alexander isn't allowed to get anywhere near the booth.

Kornheiser To Join "MNF" [Washington Post]

(By the way, we found it incredibly strange that in the ESPN story, Al Michaels — who has only worked for the ABC family of networks for 20-plus years — only gets a cursory "oh, yeah, by the way, he's leaving too" mention. Makes one wonder just how sad everyone over there is to see him out the door.)