Nothing has gone right for the poor Metropolitans in this calendar year. From the ownership down to the bat boys, the entire organization has been beset by financial issues, management missteps, injuries, errors, poor timing, and just plain bad luck. Every week seemed to bring a new crisis or terrible disaster and through it all, they constantly found inventive and entertaining ways to squander victory. And there's still a month left!

Join us now on a journey through the outer borough's season of hell, as we look back on the losingest bunch of losers who ever lost a baseball game.

January 15: The Mets kickoff 2009 by unveiling a commemorative patch for the upcoming season, their first at spanking new Citi Field. It is roundly and swiftly denounced.

February 3: Citigroup, which got its name on the stadium via a 20-year, $400 million licensing deal, considers backing out the agreement because they can no longer afford it. Suggested name change: "Taxpayer Field"

February 17: OF Carlos Beltran declares the Mets the "team to beat" in the NL East and in response to Philadelphia's Cole Hamels (who referred to the Mets as "choke artists") says, "Hopefully we kill him, and then he'll have to deal with the situation." Beltran, who will make $19 million in 2009, plays just 67 games before going on the disabled list for10 weeks (and counting.) [Photo: AP]

February 18: The last remaining piece of Shea Stadium is knocked down.

April 6: SP Johan Santana wins his opening day start against the Cincinnati Reds. Two days later, the New York Times reports that the Mets no longer offer group discounts to Little League teams that visit Citi Field, as they did at Shea Stadium in previous years.

April 12: In Santana's second start, OF Daniel Murphy drops an easy fly ball in the second inning against the Marlins, allowing two unearned runs to score. The Mets lose, 2-1. Santana says after the game: "It's one mistake that he made. It cost us the whole ballgame, but it's part of the game ... This is not going to be the first time. I don't think it's going to be the last one, either." That's called foreshadowing.... [Photo: New York Daily News]

April 21: One week later, Murphy badly misplays a flyball in the eighth inning against St. Louis, allowing the eventual go-ahead run to reach base on a triple. On June 24, after being moved to first base, Murphy makes another costly error that contributes to another Mets loss. (He did manage to make one nifty play this year.) [Video: MLB.com]

May 10: The Mets beat Pittsburgh, 8-4, and move into first place in the NL East. The three-game sweep of the Pirates gives them a seven-game winning streak, their longest of the season. They remain in first place for 8 more days, leading by as much as 2 games before dropping back to second. It is the high water mark of their season. [Photo: AP]

May 13: All-Star SS Jose Reyes hurts his right calf. He makes 7 more plate appearances before being placed on the DL and does not play again in 2009.

May 16: 1B Carlos Delgado is placed on the 15-day disabled list, after just 26 games played. Three days later he has arthroscopic surgery on his hip and does not play again in 2009. [Photo: New Jersey Star-Ledger]

May 18: The Mets commit five errors in an 11-inning game against the Dodgers. The game ends when 1B Jeremy Reed throws the ball away attempting to force out the winning run at home plate.

May 20: A fan gets her arm stuck in a Citi Field toilet, while trying to retrieve a dropped gold tooth. Plumbers must be called to the stadium to free her. [Photo: A Helluva Town]

June 4: RP J.J. Putz, acquired in 3-team, 12-player trade during the offseason, has surgery to remove a bone spur from his elbow. While on a rehab assignment in August, doctors discover a slightly torn ulnar collateral ligament in the same elbow. He will not play again in 2009. [Photo: Canadian Press]

June 12: SP John Maine is placed on the 15-day disabled list with "shoulder weakness." He does not play again in 2009. [Photo: NY Daily News]

June 12: Leading the crosstown rival Yankees by one run with two outs in the bottom of the ninth, 2B Luis Castillo needs only to catch a routine fly ball to end the game. He drops it, allowing both the tying and winning runs to score. [Video: MLB.com]

July 2: On a one-game road trip to Pittsburgh the Mets are booked into the Westin Hotel. The hotel is also hosting Anthrocon, the "galaxy's largest Furry convention." [Photo]

July 3-5: Trailing the division leaders by just one game, the Mets head to Philadelphia for a crucial three-game series. They are swept, scoring just three runs all weekend. They fall to fourth place and are never closer than four games behind the rest of the season. [Photo: AP]

July 12: Mets fans boo their giant mechanical "Home Run" apple after it fails to rise in celebration of a Fernando Tatis dinger. [Photo: AP/Star-Ledger]

July 22: The New York Daily News reports that while visiting the Mets Double-A farm team in Binghamton, Vice President for Player Development Tony Bernazard took off his shirt and challenged minor league players to fight him during a locker room tirade. One day earlier, Bernazard loudly berates an assistant in front of scouts and fans at Citi Field, because someone else has taken his seat during a game. Five days later, Bernazard is fired.

July 27: At the press conference announcing the dismissal of Tony Bernazard, general manager Omar Minaya accuses Daily News beat writer Adam Rubin of "lobbying for a player development position," implying that Rubin's coverage of Bernazard was influenced by his desire to secure a job for himself in the Mets' front office. Minaya apologizes the next day, at the behest of Mets COO Jeff Wilpon.

August: In one of the season's few bright spots, 3B coach Razor Shines takes a stand against hiney-fingering.

August 4: Luis Castillo sprains his ankle after slipping and falling down the dugout steps during a game. The Mets lose in extra innings. [Photo: New York Post]

August 15: All-Star 3B David Wright is hit in the head by a fastball from San Francisco's Matt Cain. During the two weeks he spends on the disabled list, the Mets fall 5.5 more games in the standings. [Photo: AP]

August 20: Former closer Billy Wagner returns from injury and appears in his first game in over twelve months. He is immediately placed on waivers and (after waiving his no-trade clause) is sent to Boston within a week. [Photo: AP]

August 23: Adam Goldstein, better known as DJ AM, throws out the ceremonial first pitch at Citi Field. Five days later, he is found dead of a suspected drug overdose. [Photo: Reader Greg B.]

August 23: Trailing 9-7 in the bottom of the ninth inning against the Phillies, the Mets have runners on first and second with nobody out when OF Jeff Francoeur lines into the 15th unassisted triple play in Major League history. It's only the second time ever that a MLB game has ended with an unassisted triple play. [Video: MLB.com]

August 25: The Mets announce that Johan Santana, who will make $19 million in 2009, will have arthroscopic elbow surgery and is placed on the DL for the remainder of the season. [Photo: AP]

August 28: Erin Arvedlund, author of "Too Good to Be True," a book about jailed hedge fund manager Bernie Madoff, asserts that Mets owner Fred Wilpon will be forced to sell the team within the next year. Wilpon and his family lost an estimated $700 million as a result of Madoff's fraudulent schemes. The Mets deny the claim.

September 1: With one month remaining in the 2009 season, the Mets begin the day 17.5 games behind the Philadelphia Phillies.

[Video: MLB.com/Mike Byhoff]

Before the first pitch at Great American Ballpark today, Santana went from one end of the dugout to the other greeting each of teammates in a unique way. It's not like he just has two or three that he recycles—every single guy gets his own secret shake and Santana somehow remembered them all on cue. That must have taken the entire spring training to organize. What a tremendous athlete!

Mets fans may remember that Jose Reyes caught some heat for some ill-advised terrorist fist bumping two years ago, but I guess Santana has no such concerns for hand-based decorum. He's like the Rain Man of high-fives.

Mets' Santana Is Finding His Rhythm in the Clubhouse [NY Times]
Mets Live Blog [New York Daily News]
[Video via SNY]

And I just saw Carlos Santana last week at the Fillmore.

E. Santana shook off Miguel Cabrera's two-run homer in the second, and the Angels won it on Gary Matthews Jr's run-scoring single with two out in the ninth. Meanwhile, Willie Randolph lived to see another day as Fernando Tatis and Ramon Castro each had two run-scoring singles for New York, which won for the second time in nine games. But, can anyone tell me why they played in Baltimore?

• And If That's Too Soon, You Can Make It A Minute-And-A-Huff. Oh what a night. Tuesday's Yankees-Orioles game featured nine home runs, 12 pitchers and a 67-minute rain delay, which is always fun. It ended predictably, though, as Aubrey Huff doubled in the 11th to make it 9-9,, then scored the winning run on Alex Cintron's single. Baltimore came back from deficits of 4-0 and 8-4, making steam shoot from Hank Steinbrenner's ears in comical, cartoon-like fashion.

• Tim The Enchanter. In case you didn't know, Tim Lincecum is 7-1, 3-0 over his past four starts, after getting the win in the Giants's 6-3 victory over Arizona. Bengie Molina and Jose Castillo had homers for El Gigantes.

• M-M-M-My Kuroda. Sean Gallagher got the win and Aramis Ramirez and Kosuke Fukudome had run-scoring hits in a three-run seventh to lead the Cubs over the Dodgers 3-1. Hiroki Kuroda (2-4), who was Alfonso Soriano's teammate with the Hiroshima Carp in 1997, took the loss, although he left with a 1-0 lead.

• Mets Geek Changes Name To Rays Geek. Hey wait, can they do that? Because their chosen team "sucks," as they put it, popular New York Mets blog Mets Geek has changed its name to Rays Geek, and will now follow the Tampa Bay Rays. This has to be a first, doesn't it? Peculiar, especially since they've decided to keep their old logo, Mr. Met.

• Wizard Cat Defensive Player Of The Day. Brian Roberts, Guillermo Quiroz, Baltimore Orioles. It's common knowledge that Wizard Cat loves the 4-2-5 double play almost as much as he loves Little Friskies Seafood Sensations®. And all the better when it comes against A-Rod. And when it occurs with nobody out in the 11th? Just pure magic. Wizard Cat gives this play: Four wands.

Contact Wizard Cat at Wizardcat@live.com

The Mets gave up a lot, but not so much that Metsblog is worried. They're still trying to figure out a "six-or-seven year contract extension," which means it's possible, when this contract is over, we will be on our 46th president, and Citi Field will already be outdated.

Twins Agree To Deal Santana To Mets [USA Today]

For all the talk that blogs and talk radio spread unsubstantiated rumors and hearsay, just about every team has been associated with a Johan Santana trade, when, in fact, nobody knows anything. The Yankees, with Hank Steinbrenner doing his undignified gallop to catch up with this father's ghost, have dropped out (until they haven't), the Red Sox are waiting around and now the dipping their toes in. Strangely, they're resistant to add Jose Reyes to a trade; we can't imagine why. There isn't a single story about baseball in the last month that hasn't included Johan Santana's name, and not a single thing has happened. Nobody knows anything.

Report: Everyone Interested In Santana [The Sports Hernia]

The most enjoyable, ludicrous piece of trade speculation has to come from Bob Sansevere in the Pioneer-Press, who says the Twins would be crazy not to make the following trade:

Red Sox Get:
Johan Santana
Joe Nathan
Carlos Silva

Twins Get:
Jacoby Ellsbury
Dustin Pedroia
Jonathan Papelbon
Jon Lester
Clay Buchholz

As Fire Joe Morgan points out, sheesh, he's right: The Twins would be insane not to take that deal! Of course, Theo Epstein might not be up for such a trade, especially considering the fact that Carlos Silva is a free agent, something one would presume a columnist for a Minnesota newspaper would know. But the Twins have to go for it, nevertheless!

Um, Bob ... [The Dish]
Blockbuster! [Fire Joe Morgan]

Blyleven, of course, is now a broadcaster for the Twins, famed for saying "fuck" on the air at least twice, and also for the following comment, which I hope is true: Earlier this season, Blyleven and broadcasting partner Dick Bremer were discussing bowling, and Bremer said that he had his name on several bowling shirts. Blyleven responed: "So you have 'Dick' on your shirt?" Blyleven, who won 287 games in a 22-year career, is the only eligible member of the 3,000-strikeout club not in the Hall of Fame. This annoys Twins fans no end, and to tell you the truth I'm not exactly thrilled about it myself. Of course, he also once gave up 50 home runs in a season, which is still the major league record. Fun fact: Santana is 20-2 with a 1.85 ERA in 28 August starts since 2003. He gave up only two hits on Sunday — both by Sammy Sosa — and improved to 13-9. Mike Cuddyer's home run provided the only run of the game. Hey, is that new stadium ever going to get built, by the way?

• Frasier Crane Approves (But Will Not Be Watching). The Seattle Mariners: Not playoff bound? The Fighting Ms are a half game ahead of the Yankees in the wild card race, and two behind the Angels in the AL West. But Seattle plays 17 of its next 20 on the road, and I don't think that any are against the Devil Rays. Still, they're one of the hottest teams in baseball, so who knows? Jose Guillen's two-run homer in the first led an 11-5 win over the White Sox on Sunday.

• It Came From The Bottom Of The Sea. Hmm, was I just besmirching the Devil Rays? Tampa Bay 4, Cleveland 3 in 12 innings. Joel Guzman game-winning single in the 12th.

• 40 Is The New 12. John Smoltz struck out 12 to pass Phil Niekro on the team career strikeout list, Atlanta beating Arizona 6-2 behind Mark Teixeira's two homers. Smoltz now has 2,920 strikeouts. Still, the Diamondbacks have won 10 of their 11 series since the All-Star break.

• The Thrill Is Gone. I am shocked to learn that Philadelphia blew a 4-0 lead en route to an 8-4 loss to the Pirates. Matt Kata's three-run double in a seven-run seventh inning was the highlight.

It's tough to find a man on the planet who doesn't love Alyssa Milano. Her allure is timeless, considering her career ascension has matched up perfectly with most 30-something men's sexual awakenings. Think about it: As a teenager in the 80s, she was the perfect combination of girl you'd take to the ninth grade farewell dance and girl most of you'd inconspicuously fondle at the mall. In her 20s, she wasted no time shedding her image as a child star and makes the leap to lesbianic vampire movies, Poison Ivy II and "Melrose Place." (That trifecta alone guaranteed she'd have many mop socks named after her. Ask my father. He always wears his Alyssa Milanos on Sundays to do yard work.)

Now, in her 30's she's become the real life Annie Savoy, using her lady cave to assemble what would've been one of the more dominating fantasy baseball staffs in ... 2003: Brad Penny, Barry Zito, and Carl Pavano. It's true. Alyssa Milano's vagina's 2003 WHIP would've been 1.24.

Lately, it's appeared that Alyssa has put herself on the DL when it comes to bedding players (perhaps the coital equivalent of "dead arm"), reserving most of her player admiration to her MLB blog and her MLB lingerie line or whatever that is. This cannot last forever, and the more and more baseball games Milano attends, the closer she gets to fully recovering . She's so riled up right now that anytime she drives past a ballpark you could probably drown mice in her underwear.

So, this week, I'm blowing off some Teen Steam, slapping at my Tony Danza, and calculating odds on the next MLB baseball player to have sex with Alyssa Milano.

Let's touch 'em all, after this Moop.

Johan Santana:6/1

Her affinity for starting pitchers is well known, and she's referred to Santana as "dreamy." Although Santana's a married man, it has to betough to turn down the advances of Alyssa Milano. But Santana should steer clear of her, lest he suffer the Milano curse that has befallen most of the pitchers she's doinked. Chances are, Santana will resist, but should some marital trouble suddenly arise, don't be surprised if Milano starts singing the praises of skyway sex on her blog.

Chad Cordero: 3/1

Although Milano claims to be cosmic chums with Dmitri Young, I'm thinking their relationship would fall into the category of platonic: She'll talk to Meech about his game, her love life, her family; he'll talk to her about his combustible brother, "The Man," hot wings. But Dmitri will also attempt to play matchmaker for Milano, and what better guy to set her up with than the Nationals crooked-capped closer, Chad Cordero? Cordero would be delighted to have such a lady, and although she won't be interested at first, Milano will eventually succumb to Cordero's chicano-esque charm and the fact that he calls her his ruca. But Milano should beware the Havoc-like lure of Chad — and, most important, she shouldn't drink too many tequila shots with him and his buddies then boozily ask how to become a member of his gang. (See: Phillips, Bijou.)

Bobby Abreu: 5/1

Alyssa favors plate discipline over the allure of the inside the park home run, which is something she gushed about about regarding The Meat Hook's five-pitch at bat in the All-Star game's last inning. And even though he's having an off year, Abreu is usually masterful about working a count. Plus Abreu loves Mediterranean white girls, as some of the strippers at Scores could attest to first hand. But he also has a problem with his girlfriends having sex on film, which doesn't bode well for Alyssa since Embrace of the Vampire still pops up on Cinemax every once in while.

Matt Kemp, James Loney, D.J. Houlton...: 2/1

A lifelong Dodgers fan, it seems like a lock that she'd go after somebody she could root for all of the time. But with that whole Brad Penny situation still fresh, she probably won't start dating one of his teammates too soon. However, she's also a gamer, and what better way to acclimate some of the younger talent to the Major League life than by offering her services. Let's just hope she does them individually and doesn't cave into the pressure from some of the rook's to play "Blue Devil Broom Closet." That could end badly for everybody.