Each week, we'll rundown some of the more comically bad softball atrocities by some of these players. If you've got your own, please send it along to tips@deadspin.com. Of course, these are [Sic'd] for your viewing pleasure.

I got one- me. Sunday the 26th was our Coed lower level opener. We got rained out the week before. We lost the toss and went down 1-2-3 in the top of the first. Bottom of the second I (pitching) give up an in the park home-run (not as rare as you'd think seeing as how our left fielder weighs 110 pounds and has never tossed a ball in her life before tha evening), a single, and then proceed to catch the next pitch as a comebacker with my face. Attached are two of me in the ER. 30 stitches and I'm swollen like a mutha today. Ah well, we only lost 21-0. Gotta keep up the spirit of last year (last year's record 1-15). I didn't mention we all work at brewpub. Cheers!

John Rocker Is The New Kenny Powers

Last night we had a coed softball game our team is 1-5 and for some reason Ched Smaha thought we needed a spark. We arrive @ Central City and our team now includes a racist former major leaguer, John Rocker. Before the game starts Im standing at the end of the dugout and He and Ched are talking and apparently Rocker wants Ched to soft toss some balls into the side of the fence for him to hit. Ched wouldnt do it and said "its just a coed softball John". He looked @ me and grunted some words..hgolool. softoss ..... I did it and he hammered three into the chainlink fence and grunted a few more times. He then bats 2nd. in the first inning.. you'd thought it was 9th inning World Series 1996 by his intensity in the on deck circle. He STRIKES OUT- Swinging in slow pitch softball. It was great what a fuckchop. He then proceeds to Sit in the stands with the only guy in the stands and the guy is wearing a Crocodile Dundee hat, ponytail and an ole Dale Jarrett Tshirt. Sits their all night except when in the field or @ bat. He later hit a swingin bunt to the pitcher and was out. Also he played left center and dropped a routine popup Julie could've caught. I thought it was great. Couldve been a Great MLB Closer and now he went 0-2 w/ an E for the Shamrock Mudtires. He has to be one of the biggest falls from stardom in the history of all sports. Mare went 3-3 with 2 inside the parkers . Shamrock Mud Tires won 21-11, we are back on track."

Do You Have To Let It Linger?

Back when there were still record companies my cousin and I were the ringers on the Island Records squad. People who work in the music business are not overly coordinated. They're also hampered by the massive amounts of booze and drugs they ingest. The two of us claimed to work in the mailroom so we could play ball for them for several summers. In return we got CD's, concert tickets, and booze and drugs. Excellent trade.

A group called The Cranberries joined us for one game. One of the guys actually made good contact but ran to the pitchers mound instead of first base.

We always hated the pricks from TVT records. Bunch of pasty-skinned metal heads playing a co-ed game way too seriously. Used to kick their asses on the reg anyway. Punks.

Softball Season Brings Out The Best And Worst In Everyone [Deadspin]

"Now, just let me say right up front that this all getting blown out of proportion: there was no arrest, I wasn't escorted out, I walked out of the bar with my friend. I just love how this stuff goes from point A to point B in no time."

Rocker called me on the phone about 20 minutes ago and said, yes, he unequivocally cannot stand Steak Shapiro. He called him an ass. He called him "little and fat. " A few times. He said this guy's been "motherfucking me on the radio" for years. He said they did have a shouting match with each other a few years ago at another bar, but that it was more "7th grade, put-down stuff." He said the only reason Steak Shapiro has a job is because his "daddy owns the station." So Rocker doesn't like him. At all.

I relayed to him Shapiro's take on what happened last night, how Rocker supposedly eyeballed him from across the room and then went apeshit when Shapiro asked him if they could be "civil."

"Well, how does somebody know if I'm eyeballing them unless they're eyeballing me," Rocker said. He also claims that Shapiro did ask him if they could be "adults tonight" but he also claims that Steak called him a "redneck" and that's what set him off.

Here's a brief transcript of this portion of our interview:

AJD: So, you did yell at him?

JR: I "dog cussed" him.

AJD: Did you call him a "jew faggot"?

JR: I don't think I said anything about him being Jewish...

AJD: Good! Did you call him a faggot?

JR: I don't know. Maybe. I can't remember.

AJD: Okay...did you call him a "motherfucking cocksucker"?

JR: Yeah, I definitely did. I like saying that. I say that a lot.

Okay, so pretty much everything that Shapiro claims happened did happen, but Rocker says that the only reason it escalated to motherfucking-cocksucking-faggot levels was because Shapiro called him a redneck and he's not going to take that stuff from Shapiro.

"Look, I haven't been in a bar fight since I was 20 years old. I'm not going to punch anybody in the face or do any of that stuff. But when someone comes up to you and disrespects you right to your face, it's almost like they've slapped you. I can't take that. I'm going to say something," he said.

Rocker understands he's a target and that anytime he gets into these types of altercations it's going to make news. But he also says he's just misunderstood and not the politically incorrect bully everyone makes him out to be.

"I've always been good to you guys. Hell, I let Will parade his dumb ass all over the country doing a dialogue skit with me and my girlfriend and I never said anything. I probably should have."

It happened at the W Hotel-Buckhead in Atlanta, where the nightclub Whiskey Blue was staging its grand opening on Thursday night. Invited where several area celebrities, among them Jamal Anderson, Bob Whitfield and Rocker, the latter whom we all know. Also on hand was Atlanta sports radio host Steve "Steak" Shapiro of 790 The Zone, who has a bit of a tumultuous history with Mr. Rocker. In retrospect, perhaps inviting both to the same function was not wise.

"Rocker has a problem with me," Shapiro told me by phone today. "I took him to task for things he has said, and he's hated me ever since."

Shapiro was one of Rocker's main detractors following the whole Sports Illustrated controversy. That's the infamous interview with writer Jeff Pearlman in the Dec. 27, 1999 issue of SI in which Rocker went on his "queers with AIDS" diatribe aimed at the people of New York. Shapiro, who was doing a lot of work for CNN and Fox at the time, called out Rocker for the comments on more than one occasion. (CNN transcript here: Scroll about a third of the way down the page).

So here's what Shapiro said happened at Whiskey Blue last night. But before we start with the craziness, Rocker, through a second party, has categorically denied to us that any of this took place. So you know.

"We were standing near each other, and he (Rocker) was staring at me the whole night, trying that rock star pro wrestler stuff," Shapiro said. "So finally I say to him 'Let's try to be civil, OK? Can we be civil to one another?' And that's when he exploded.

"He said 'I'm not being civil to you, you motherfucking cocksucker!,' " Shapiro said. "He just went off, and we started going at each other. He called me a 'Jew faggot,' and a couple of other things, you know, just doing what John Rocker does. He was out of control. People had to separate us. I was saying 'Are you going to hit me John? Is that what you want?' Of course knowing full well that he could crush me. I'm 6-2 at 42 years old, and he's 6-5. He could destroy me. But it didn't come to that. We were in each other's face and finally a few people came along and led him out of the bar."

Shapiro said much the same thing happened four or five years ago at a similar function.

"That's Rocker," Shapiro said. "He has anger issues; the guy can snap. He was a bully when he played, and nothing's changed."

Attempts to reach Rocker have been made and we're still awaiting his comment, which may or may not come today. We'll see.

A.J. ! Long time! YOU MUST KNOW: JR and I are still very much together!Retraction time, YOU!
And will you PLEASE use an updated picture of John and I if you are going to use one ?Attached a more recent picture of John and I! The one you have is awful! LOL! But we learn from our mistakes...no more stripper-couture for me and JR burned the zipper shirt!

The New York Daily News updated their original story and reached out to Alicia Marie again — and Rocker, this time — to get some clues about Marie's "relationship" with A-Rod:

Marie insists she never was attracted to the sexy Yankee and that they barely even touched. "At the very most a peck on the cheek," Marie said. "Like, 'How are you doing?'"

Even her current beau said A-Rod's presence was never a concern.

"Alex and I had a conversation about it," Rocker said last night by phone. "And he said, 'We are just friends.' Guy to guy."

People need to cut Rodriguez some slack, Rocker added. "Alex is the best ballplayer in the world. He is going to have a lot of temptation. ... You can't expect him to be a saint. He has done well. He has no STDs. No illegitimate kids. No multiple wives."

Well, at least Rocker has A-Rod's back.

Ex-stripper won't tell of sex with A-Rod, but muscle gal speaks of pal [NYDN]

Well, look who it is! Welcome to the party, Alicia Marie, who's unfortunately making news because her name is being tossed around as a possible "friend" of Alex Rodriguez. But Alicia is quick to respond to the New York Daily News to defend herself and her "friendship" from such tawdry allegations:

Responding to an e-mail from The News, Marie said Rodriguez frequently visited her Chelsea apartment a few years ago to lend a sympathetic ear "when I had just gone through a separation and divorce."

"I am well aware that people will assume the absolute worst here, but Alex was, and to this day remains, just a close friend," wrote the 5-foot-10 brunette. "Friends hang out together in each other's apartments!"

Unfortunately, there is some more troubling news buried in this story — Alicia and John Rocker recently broke up, but she told the DN that she "still loves the man New Yorkers love to hate." Aw. It seems like only yesterday that I witnessed the tricep-extending chemistry between these two in person. From the Super Bowl XLI files:

Alicia Marie says that when she and John were walking through Coconut Grove, O.J. Simpson stopped while in the back of his white limo, rolled down the window, and hollered over to John Rocker that he's a fan of his. Brilliant.

Most other people would probably lose their minds from such a creepy encounter with the Juice, but Rocker seemed a little perplexed of how to take the compliment, shrugged, and appeared to accept it for better, worse, and weirdness.

"He's kind of fat now, " Rocker said.

They graciously agreed to take a picture and then Rocker requested that there be no altering with photoshop. "Don't make it so her top's off or that I'm saying "I Hate Black People" or something."

.

A-Rod shocker! Fitness model, Boston Babe on Alex's Roster [NY Daily News]
Our Interview With John Rocker [Deadspin]

It sounds nicer than what you're doing for Valentine's Day.

"Alicia Marie and I will be at a spa for a couples' massage, going to a live jazz club and spending the night at a posh hotel - champagne, strawberries in the room - where a personal chef is going to come and prepare dinner. Piece of Cake in Buckhead is making a special Valentine's Day cake for after dinner."

Sheesh, he's got a pretty lucrative post-baseball career, we guess. Other highlights include Magic coach Stan Van Gundy taking his wife to a Van Halen concert and Falcons owner Arthur Blank making it absolutely clear that he loves animals by giving his wife a cat. They should all just skip it and just go to a book reading. Or, you know, sit alone and cry, realizing death will be solitary.

Valentine's Day Plans Vary For Sports Personalities [Atlanta Journal Constitution]

He seems fired up about "the misinformed writings of an ESPN.com journalist," which is odd, since he's referring to a wire story on ESPN.com. But alas. Here we go:

What I will attempt to do now is cut through the mind-numbing, irrelevant fluff the media loves to fill their airtime and articles with and give you the simple facts that I know and believe to be true, as I have lived them and can explain them much better than some pen jockey who has never spoken to me personally and lives 3000 miles away. Here are the facts using the simplest terms with the most convenient definitions:

Rocker is, in fact, quite simple in his explanations, we'll give him that. And he picked a good day to draw all the attention to him on the matters of steroids. Nothing else going on steroid-wise today, nope.

JohnRocker.net

Fortunately, Rocker is being the lovable galoot that he is, confessing to steroid use in the third person.

He also said that "Bud Selig is a clown and should do the entire world a favor and kill himself." Rocker, no stranger to controversy, made those comments on Atlanta radio station Rock 100.5.

Later Monday, he told Atlanta sports talk radio station 680 The Fan that "between 40 to 50 percent of baseball players are on steroids" and "in 2000 Bud Selig knew John Rocker was taking the juice."

It's sad, really, to see a guy we very much enjoy reduced to following the irrefutably foolproof career path paved by Jose Canseco. Sheesh, he's even dressing like the guy.

John, call us: We know some people. And by "people," we mean, well, we pretty much just know you. But not Biblically.

John Rocker Was On Steroids. Shocker. [UmpBump]

Anyway, it appears Rocker received some HGH from that lab everyone's talking about. The collective jaws of a sports public are dropped.

"That was a growth hormone that was prescribed by a doctor in relation to his rotator cuff surgery in 2003, so I don't really think there is anything to the story," said Debi Curzio, Rocker's publicist.

That's Curzio in this morning's New York Daily News. Doctors say that HGH isn't supposed to help with recovery from rotator cuff surgery, but that's beside the point: If Rocker has been using HGH, for whatever reason ... well, it certainly does explain a lot.

More Rocker Dope [New York Daily News]
Now There's A Shocker [Rumors And Rants]
Our Interview With John Rocker [Deadspin]
John Rocker Rocks Slowly [New York Magazine]

(UPDATE: Ms. Curzio writes in with a statement:

"In 2003, several doctors had recommended that my client, John Rocker, take growth hormones in an effort to continue pitching right up until he had rotator cuff surgery. Growth hormone supplements can be purchased over the counter at any vitamin store across the country, and they were recommended to help heal John Rocker's shoulder and to potentially avoid surgery. Reports by the media trying to link my client to the use of illegal substances are incorrect, and this is nothing more than another example of irresponsible journalism.")

Maxim's Superbowl Shitshow party was everything one could hope for and so much more. The Sagamore Hotel transformed itself into a beachfront paradise with celebrities and athletes, and, of course FredEx and his Godly hands cavorting about the joint. Freddie Mitchell was attached to Irishman Brady Quinn and Julius Jones for most of the evening, trying to round up ladies, or an offseason workout partner, or relevancy— most likely all three. I approached Freddie, bursting with Eagles superfandom, thanked him for 4th and 26 and the Vikings Divisional playoff game which he totally owned. Then I asked for a pic. Next question?

"What are you up to now?"

Fred pauses. Annoyed...Death stare...He hates me.

"Chillin'..."

Obviously.

Action photos were scarce at the event, since many of the paid photogs would get a little huffy if renegade digital camera sorts were cockblocking their work. But , I did my best.

After the jump, read about the somewhat fascinating conversation with John Rocker, Warren Moon, and David Spade's fuckyfaced PR agent.

I arrived at the Maxim Party waaaay too early, proving my red carpet greeness and lack of confidence in being let in without the help of the dearly departed mustache. So, at 9 p.m, I'm sitting on an oddly shaped plastic love seat smoking a cigarette, taking in the Hotel De Maxim regime setting up their various Absolut Vodka and Coors Lights stations. I then wonder again how Coors Light continues to be allowed into these supposedly A-list events. Why doesn't Gennessee Cream Ale ever pony up for these things?

Dude comes over, asks to bum a cigarette, and introduces himself as Chris, a press agent for BWR.

"Yeah, I'm supposed to meet David Spade here and be his handler this evening. He'll be here soon."

Without much provocation, this greasy sumbitch just starts dumping on Spade for no reason.

"He's a real fucking loser. He's doing this sitcom right now that completely fucking sucks. But that's all he can get now."

"Well, he got Heather Locklear, though right?" I ask, trying to keep the conversation only 20% less slimey.

"He wishes. He's totally using her just to get his name out ther. Now, she's somebody. But, seriously, Spade's a nice guy, but he's a total fucking loser. If I get enough in me I might call him on it tonight."

"Oh, so they're just friends? They never hooked up? I kind of figure that. Or hoped that, at least."

Dude asks for another cigarette immediately after he puts the first one out he bummed.

"No, no, no. He's fucking her. He fucks her all the time. He's just acting like he's a good guy and in love with her, though. He's not. That's how he's using her.He's trying to pull of this nice guy routine, but it's not the case. I mean, he's cool and all, he's real friendly, but just not with her. Like I said, he's a fucking loser."

BWR Public Relations, ladies and gentlemen — they treat their clients great!

About 10 p.m. Spade walks in with the Farley Brother in tow. Kind of surreal, like in this weird Tommy Boy flashback kind of way — epic, really. I just feel bad for Spade. He should probably get some other people to handle his publicity better.

So, the rest of the early arrivals start to filter in. I'm alerted that John Rocker and Alicia Marie are milling about. Hey, they know Deadspin! Right? They do, actually, and give their regards to the Royal We. Alicia Marie says that when she and John were walking through Coconut Grove, O.J. Simpson stopped while in the back of his white limo, rolled down the window, and hollered over to John Rocker that he's a fan of his. Brilliant.

Most other people would probably lose their minds from such a creepy encounter with the Juice, but Rocker seemed a little perplexed of how to take the compliment, shrugged, and appeared to accept it for better, worse, and weirdness.

"He's kind of fat now, " Rocker said.

They graciously agreed to take a picture and then Rocker requested that there be no altering with photoshop. "Don't make it so her top's off or that I'm saying "I Hate Black People" or something." Luckily, I would have no idea how to do such a thing. They ruled.

After a few more Coors Lights, some of the bigger names began to walk in — Tony Romo, Andy Roddick, Spike Lee, uh, Jay Fiedler. Fiedler was introducing himself to a group of girls perched in one of the beachfront hotel rooms, scolding them for smoking.

I saw Warren Moon and did my best impersonation of a Houston Oilers fan to catch a few minutes of conversation.

"You're a warrior!" I said. He thanked me, asked if I was having a good time, then started to move with the crowd headed over to the main entrance way.

I probed him some more.

"Hey, man, that Buffalo game? That stil haunt you? I'm still pissed about it."

Moon was a little annoyed. "I'm sorry you're pissed. That was 20 years ago, you have to get over it. I did. I lost a lot of big playoff games in my life. That was just one of 'em."

"Yeah, but that was bad. Still kills me."

"It was 20 years ago. Y'all have a good time tonight."

Then he hustled through the crowd to go find a nice lady to take home and punch in the face. Or Coors Light. One or the other.

The Hotel de Maxim, unfortunately, had two bathrooms that were supposed to satisfy about 4,000 Coors Light-filled bladders for the evening. I and my cohort decided that we should head back to my hotel down the street to piss and then come back in. We were told we could come back in. But the wait was lengthy by that point due to the party getting extremely crowded and even though there was so much more magic on the inside — KFed! Fergie! Mike McMahon! Ridiculous looking girls made of suntan and areola! — but we'd had enough. But the Hotel de Maxim, was who we thought they were — shockingly awesome. I just hope David Spade had himself a good time.

Pearlman, who in recent years has tried to put the story behind him in a similar fashion as Rocker, was less than pleased by Rocker's "New York liberal Jew" comment and has penned a Page 2 piece saying so. He minces few words.

It's official: The gloves are off.

Part of me would love to use the rest of this space to simply print the entirety of my daylong interview with Rocker. You know, more of his deep thoughts on gays, blacks and the like. But, alas, who has the time?

And that's one of the nicer things he says. If you're one of those people who only reads Page 2 and hadn't heard of this "Deadspin.com" business until the story, well, welcome: Here's the interview he's talking about.

We'd like to reiterate that Rocker (and Alicia) was unfailingly polite and open during the interview. Which, of course, might have been the problem.

Our Interview With John Rocker [Deadspin]
The Light Beyond Rocker [ESPN]
Authors With Pure Hearts: Jeff Pearlman [Deadspin]

Why did we decide to interview Rocker? Well, the interview took place just a day after Michael Richards' famed "fork up your ass" performance at The Laugh Factory in Los Angeles, and we thought maybe he could shed some light on the situation. He also is promoting, uh, something right now, his "Speak English" campaign, an attempt not to change his image but, you know, enhance it. It's clear Rocker would like to be a Fox News talking head, and he's in the process of writing a book expounding his worldviews. And also: We thought it would be fun to see what kind of drink Rocker would order. (Mandarin Absolute and Red Bull; not much of a surprise there.)

He was accompanied by his girlfriend, African-American model Alicia Marie (pictured), who chimes in occasionally during the interview. She's a lovely woman, and awfully nice. (She ordered a Diet Coke.) After the jump, our entire hour-long interview with Rocker, mostly unedited, except for when a question we asked made us sound like an idiot, in which case we edited it up to make ourselves look witty and charming. We were going to have a surreal picture of us, Rocker and Alicia to accompany this story, but we had a few too many Newcastles and forgot to take one. We're such an exceptional journalist.

It's long, but we hope you find it worth your while. Maybe. Enjoy.

———————————————————————————————

Hey, thanks for meeting up with me. Cheers. Welcome to New York. How long are you here?

Through Sunday, actually.

Where you having Thanksgiving?

At her parents' place (points at Alicia Marie).

Really? Uh, have you met her parents before?

Yeah. I've met the younger sister, and both parents. I've met her mom once, her dad twice and her younger sister went to dinner with us three weeks ago.

Uh ... do they like you?

Alicia chimes in: I was initially worried about my dad.

I can imagine.

Alicia: But my dad, like, loves him.
Rocker: Yeah, we all went out dinner and had a great time.

Really?

Yeah. They really like me. They're really nice people.
Alicia. I grew up in Connecticut. They're the only black Republicans on earth.

Did you guys really meet when John was pitching against me in Herald Square Bryant Park? I'm really pissed you struck me out, by the way. My excuse is that it was really cold outside.

Well, when it warms up, let's try it again. Yeah, you were wearing the Rick Ankiel jersey, right? Sorry about that. I don't know what happened to that kid. The first game he disintegrated was against us, actually, back in 2000. They ended up winning that game, though in the first three innings he had, like, eight walks. The media got on him so bad. After they beat us, they kept showing the highlights over and over. I guess he probably watched all the press about himself, and when he came back in Spring Training, that's all they could talk about.

Anyway, yeah, we met there. I haven't actually picked up a ball since that day.

Really? You haven't pitched once? Not even in your backyard or something? Do you miss it?

I miss parts of it. When I watch the playoffs I miss it, but when I watch Game 146 in the middle of August, I'm glad to be out at the beach instead. There's part you miss and parts you're happy are gone.

Do you still talk to any current players?

Yeah, tons. I just talked to Mark DeRosa, who just signed a big deal with the Cubs. I talk to Ryan Klesko a good bit. John Smoltz every once in a while, Dave Burba, Andruw Jones, Steve Woodard, he got married about a month ago.

What's your schedule a lot like now? You seem to be in New York a lot, with Alicia around.

I'm here at least twice a month. She's my main business up here, but I'm meeting with my literary agent. I think I found an editor we feel comfortable with editing. I do a lot of work with a venture capital guy here too, and I'm always doing radio interviews and what-not.

And you two met when she was interviewing you? Because I want to make it clear that I'm not hitting on either one of you.

Yeah, all of her questions were, "Do you have a girlfriend?" "Would you like my number?" I just looked down her shirt, saw what I needed to see and moved on. (Laughs.) I took a leap of faith, because she had a long coat on, and she could have had big birthin' hips or something.

I see.

But I found her, and here we are. The hips are fine.

Yes. Want another drink?

Yes please.

OK. Let's talk about the 7 train story, of course. What I find amazing about the aftermath of the story, and this is what I wrote in the Deadspin piece, was that Americans love second acts. No matter what a celebrity does, if they say they're sorry for it, and seem legitimately apologetic, we tend to root for them to recover, at least until they screw up again. But that never happened with you. You gave that interview, and from every day since then until now, you were The Racist. You never got a second act. I'm not saying you necessarily deserved one, but people usually don't deserve one. Why do you think that interview just set it all in stone like that? Did you ever try to resalvage your reputation? Are you still trying? Is that what the book is for?

Naw, I don't think the book will help with that, and I don't care. The book is more conservative Republican rantings. The Bill O'Reillys of the world, they will appreciate it, the Rush Limbaughs of the world will appreciate it, but, unfortunately, most members of the media - well, I don't know what you are politically.

I'm an agnostic. Politics terrify me.

Well, anyway, those liberal media people, they'll appreciate some things, but I am a Republican. I'm not Republican in everything - I mean, look at my girlfriend - and I'm not a huge pro-lifer, but I think 95 percent-plus of the media is liberal, and they see me as the antichrist of liberal views. It's much easier for them to just keep piling on than to look closer and realize that, hey, we might have been wrong about this guy.

It seemed that people felt like you were an outlet for their own sublimated racism. They were like, "Well, we must not be too bad, because we're not nearly as bad as this guy."

It was much easier to label me than sit down like you're doing and actually talk to me. It's a lot easier to label and move on. There are two or three hot-button issues in this country that people feel like they need eradicate, and racism is one of them. So when you have someone like me who has said something, or has betrayed themselves to be such, if you can label them as The Racist, well, Katie bar the door, because we're going after him. Liberal America, which is probably 90 percent plus of the media, that is their end-all, be-all of expressing themselves as liberals. They're all "happy, everybody get along, everybody mesh into one big happy union." When these comments were made years and years ago, it became easier to label than to sit down and wonder, "OK, what is really going on in this guy's head." That's what a huge purpose for this book is going to be. Yeah, these things were said, but these were the 45 minutes worth of context that surrounded those things that were said. You can make anything look bad when you just strip it out.

To be fair, you are promoting a campaign called "Speak English." That's hardly the type of thing that's going to change your image. You did choose that. That wasn't a misquote.

I'm not looking to pop any bubbles about myself; people are gonna think what they're gonna think. I came to that realization about a year and a half ago. I was doing Hannity and Colmes, and because of that SI interview, I had been tiptoeing around every interview I did just to make sure I didn't say the wrong thing. I did that throughout that whole interview, and on the way home, I realized, "You know, I'm retired. You can't get me. You can't picket where I work or play. You can't fire me. I don't have to be politically correct anymore." I realized I didn't have to worry about whether or not the minorities were mad at me. If I wanna say it, it's gonna get said. If you wanna not like me because of it, then oh well.

Alicia, I have to ask: Do you agree with all his political views?

Alicia: Well, there are many things we disagree on, yes, but at least I see where he's coming from. I feel like part of my job with him is to help people get past this whole "He's John Rocker" thing, because anything that comes out of his mouth is going to be misconstrued, no matter what he says. I want to help facilitate that.

Rocker: Well, it's not like it's her job or anything. It's not like I said, "Well, I need to hire a black girlfriend to make me look better."

People have said that.

Yeah, she's gotten lots of emails. I wish she weren't so accessible on the Web, actually. Honestly, I don't understand why people are so interested in me, and what I'm doing, and who I'm dating. But people mostly misinterpret the fact that I just don't care. If I were still playing and needed to worry about my image, I might pull some shit like this, dating a black girl, just to throw the old Jedi mind trick on people. I'm out of the public eye now. People's opinions aren't that important to me, I'm not gonna do something like this just to change the opinion of people I don't care about.

When you guys walk down the street, and people see that you're John Rocker, do they say anything?

I don't ever make eye contact with people on the street. I've become like a New Yorker in that way. People want to say, "Hey, has John Rocker changed, has he turned over a new leaf?" I haven't changed at all. I don't understand why it's so hard for journalists to admit that I haven't changed; they were just wrong. Maybe they made me change by writing an article or something. That song by Joe Walsh, "Life's Been Good To Me So Far," that's totally how it is. I haven't changed.

Just to ask for the millionth time: Do you regret the interview? You didn't really pitch much after that.

If it would have been portrayed in the correct version, no. The way the sucker punch was done, yeah, it was horseshit. Every dark cloud has a sun behind it, though; there's a lot of things I can do now that I wouldn't have been able to do had it not been for that article. It's opened a lot of doors. I know a lot of players who had a lot better careers than me, but when they retired, you never see or hear from them again. For some reason, people still have interest in me. Without that article, I wouldn't be writing a book. When you go into a restaurant and the maitre'd says, "Come on in, sit down," that's when you don't mind it. When you're at Bungalow 8, and the bouncer won't let you in because he's Dominican, well, that's when it's not so good.

That really happened?

Yeah, even though two or three of my best friends are Dominican or Puerto Rican. And her, of course. (points to Alicia)

Did any players ever give you any crap about the interview?

Not really. Most players have been misquoted before, so they know how it goes. It happens on some scale to pretty much everybody.

So when I told most of my friends who don't know anything about sports that I was interviewing you, they all knew who you were and wanted me to ask you about Michael Richards.

Well, it was bad, but I bet he ends up getting work in a few years. That's not what happened to me. People still bring it up today all the time. People act like they're gonna "get me" or something. Journalists act like they're the first person to ask me about racism. I apologized and everything, but it didn't stick. I think it's because I was a white man from the South. My favorite show is South Park, and those guys are probably liberals, they're from Canada, but their perception is that the South is dumb, ignorant hicks. They don't see it as the cultural center that it really is. The liberal side of things, they try to pin the South as the racist place in the world. We can connect John Rocker to the South, which equals racist, which equals John Rocker is a racist. The South is just a bunch of fucking racists, that's what they want to see it as, and I just got caught up in that. Michael Richards is lucky he's not from the South. If I'd been Ozzie Guillen, no one would have cared. But I'm not. I'm from the South. It's just a gross double standard. I have a chapter in my book about double standards.

How far along with the book are you?

I've got about 70 pages written. I've put it on hold for a bit until I find a publisher. When the deal is done, I'll finish it up over the course of the next couple of months. That's the thing, though: When people have an agenda, that's all that matters. Jeff Pearlman is who he is: A liberal Jew from New York. He's one of their own, who spent a couple of hours with me, pulled things out of context, and you're trying to create a persona of an individual when you don't know them. You look at Michael Irvin, and Michael's a friend of mine -

You're friends with Michael Irvin? Really?

Yeah.

I would like to watch you two talk to one another.

He's a very nice guy. I see him at a lot of parties. Anyway, it's not like when he goes on to do his morning show, people don't call him the crackhead womanizer, though he's been caught twice with cocaine and prostitutes. I've heard from people who have worked with him on movie sets that it's not a once-in-a-while type of thing, that it's more of a lifestyle thing. So I sit back amazed that people still don't give me any slack on it.

I'm not sure how long your friendship with Michael Irvin is going to last.

No, we're friends, we're friends. Honestly, people in this world just need to stop being so sensitive. Sure, if you go take a lead pipe to someone because they're a different ethnicity than you, then yes, you've got problems. But someone's gonna call me a cracker or a honky? Come on. I'd think the Islamic religion is the most sensitive group of people ever. These people lose their minds over anything. I'd like to see someone make a comment about Muslims, Muslims get mad, and have the person say, "Take it, and ram it right up your ass. Get pissed all you want, I'm not taking it back." You see people ripping on Jesus or the Virgin Mary or Jewish religious stuff, and people can take it. Get on Muslims, though, they get on you quick. At some point, someone needs to just be irreverent. I like Carlos Mencia, I like Dave Chappelle, they can dish it out and have fun with it. The crying and bitching and whining for people to not express their dislike of you, it's no way to bring people around to you.

Do you think if the story hadn't come out, you'd still be playing?

I don't think so. When I played in Long Island last year, I stunk, man. It had been two years since my shoulder surgery, and I was throwing 88 mph on a good day. It would take me 40 minutes to get loosened up for one inning. The shoulder would have blown out regardless. In 2000, I had an ERA under 3.00. The next year I led the league in saves. But then I got traded to Cleveland, and I was pissed to leave Atlanta. I pitched well for the first month I was there, then I stunk, and then I went to Texas, and I was kind of pouting.

If it hadn't been for the story, you might have stayed in Atlanta.

Yeah. [Braves general manager] John Schuerholz traded me. He's a real asshole. I'm gonna absolutely crucify him in my book. The credibility that guy receives for the Atlanta Braves dynasty ... he is an imbecile. Every player who took that team to the playoffs were people who were already there. All his good acquisitions were no-brainers. Scheurholz tries to take all the credit, but he's a complete moron. It's amazing he gets so much credit for it. We had a bad arbitration case, he and I. He just sat there and motherfucked me to death, you suck, you're horrible, and I lost the case. I never spoke to him again. He'd walk right by me and say, "Hi, John," and I'd just ignore him. He has the worst case of Little Man Syndrome I've ever met. He's about 5-foot-5. He's a piece of shit.

I don't know why I'm asking this, but what do you think of the war?

I'd like to go into politics someday. I'm a little young now, but I think I'd be good for it and people would get behind me. I'm not a George Bush fan, but I'd like to see him work with the left a little more. But we need to help those people. They were living under the iron fist of a dictator, and we have to help them. But I don't know. It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't type thing. But it's Islam and the Middle East. It's not gonna get better.

Thank you for your time, sir.

Thank you. Congratulations on your Cardinals, by the way.

Thank you.

I was totally with him until the part at the end where he said "E Pluribus Unum." SPEAK ENGLISH, DICK. There's no room here for your crazy Latin talk.

I'm not sure I completely understand what Rocker's doing here, but he describes it as "a campaign to encourage people to support the sustainment of the American culture and the American heritage." Because, you know, those are being threatened by... I dunno. Someone. Fight the good fight, Rock.

John Rocker In The News [The Airing of Grievances]

"The guy told me when I got there [the sensitivity training] I had to show up to make it look good for people, so after about 15 minutes I left and walked right out of the room and it satisfied the powers that be.

"This is a free country. If he wants to use a lewd term, he should be able to use a lewd term. Can't you use a lewd term in America if you want?"

Yep. You sure can. But then the rest of the world has a right to think you're a complete douchebag. By the way, how's that working out for you, Rock? Did your career go pretty well after exercising your freedom to use lewd terms? Oh, really? I'm sorry to hear that.

So there it is, Ozzie. It really couldn't be more clear, could it? I don't know if the training will do him any good, and I don't know if Ozzie will ultimately go. But I do know that this is career advice from John Rocker. John Rocker, Ozzie. Think about it.

Report: Rocker calls sensitivity training a 'farce' [ESPN.com]

Aw yeah ....

The pursuit by Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa of Roger Maris' single-season home run record in 1998 made "fans love the game again," Rocker said.

"It made a better game for the fans, the pitchers threw harder, the hitters hit it farther," Rocker said. "Maybe he (Bonds) did steroids, maybe he didn't. But until a blood test comes around to say yes, he absolutely did them, it's all speculation by people who have no proof and have no experience. He probably did it, so what?"

OK, so John Rocker talking about Barry Bonds and steroids is one thing. But here's the best part: Rocker is currently working on a book called "The Truth About Everything."

We're kind of curious about everything, so, yeah, we'd like to know the truth about it. Sweet! How does Rocker describe the book? Here goes: "[The book is] conservative political commentary with sports overtones along the lines of authors Bill O'Reilly and Michael Savage."

If you don't think Rocker's getting his own cable show within the next three years, you're plum crazy.

Rocker On Bonds: "They're Basically Ganging Up On Him" [Dalton Daily Citizen]
Deadspin Field Trip: Batting Against Rocker [Deadspin]

• John Rocker was such a popular guy that Twisted Sister (Twisted Sister!) felt like he was impugning their integrity by using one of their songs as his entrance music.
• "The Mad Hungarian" Al Hrabosky used to enter to "Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2" played on the organ.
• Mike Stanton of the Nationals uses a Toby Keith song that refers to "putting a boot in your ass" as "the American way."
• Todd Jones, while in Detroit , used the Counting Crows' "Mr. Jones." Then, in Florida, he uses a Christian rock song.
• The best music, as selected by the article's author, Nas' "Hate Me Now," used by A's releiver Huston Street.

A Christian rock song... come on, Todd Jones. Why not just go with "Wind Beneath My Wings"? Couldn't find a suitable Celine Dion song? The theme from Titanic, perhaps?

Myself, I'd go with a techno remix of "YMCA." I think that would intimidate.

Hear My Song, Fear My Fastball [Slate.com]

I don't know who's in charge of the wardrobe on that show, but my compliments to them. Both Canseco and Rocker have perfect ensembles for going straight from a Bon Jovi concert to any kind of bar that has a mechanical bull. That's not an easy look to pull off.

Also, I think we could solve any of the world's oil shortages by draining their hair. If we could get a rig on Rocker's head, gas prices would be under $2/gallon in no time.

CNBC just got insanely sexy [Gaslamp Ball]

But that wasn't his first appearance in New York today. At 7 a.m., Rocker was in Bryant Park, promoting his new reality show, "Pros Vs. Joes," by pitching to winners of an ESPN Radio contest in a batting cage.

Oh, and us: He pitched to us too. Seriously. We batted off John Rocker this morning. We have the full report of just another strange day in the life of John Rocker, after the jump.

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We arrived at 6:30 a.m., which, after a night of drinking every time the Oscars showed Jamie Foxx right after a reference to "Crash," was a sore mistake. We mulled around and met up with the beleaguered press contact for SpikeTV, who had invited us to the event. He was one of the few people there, but, then again, it was 6:30 in the morning.

In what was anything but a surprise, Rocker is huge. He also has a ponytail, which we suppose was inevitable. Some "hey, who's ready to PAR-TAAYY!" dope with a microphone asked Rocker what he thought of the contest winners he was about to pitch to. Rocker responded, "More like contest wieners." Honestly, it's so nice to have Rocker back around.

Just to be mean, SpikeTV hired "cheerleaders" to jump around, bother commuters and hand out Cracker Jacks. We spoke with one while we were both sneaking a cigarette. The conversation:

Us: Jesus, it's freezing out here.
"Cheerleader": You have no fucking idea.

As we waited for Rocker to finish stretching, we looked around for other "reporters." We found two: One was a reporter from The New York Post who looked extremely nervous about the possibility of batting against Rocker. The other: Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa.

Bored and freezing, we began talking to Christopher Becerril, a contestant on the show (a "Joe," if you will). He said that he had lived in New York City for 13 years and "dabbled in skeleton." We tiptoed away before finding out if he meant the Olympic sledding event, or something more weird and sinister.

At last, we were on. Strangely, SpikeTV had hired an actual umpire for the event, even though each "competitor" was only allowed three pitches. We don't know much about the culture of umpiring, but this has to be considered just above umpiring blog softball on the Umpiring Chain Of Gigs.

Unfortunately, before we finally started, Takanawa had to cut some strange promo with Rocker which involved — and thankfully, we have photographic proof here — her sitting on his back while doing pushups. And that got us to thinking about Rocker, and how little headway he has made.

We are a country that loves redemption. It really shouldn't have been that hard for Rocker to rehabilitate his image after that disastrous interview in 1999; it was, after all, only an interview. And it's not that he hasn't been trying. He has hired a full-time PR person — whom, after talking with her, clearly seems to care about Rocker personally as well as professionally; she has the disposition of a perpetually disappointed but still fiercely protective mom — he has taken every opportunity to be fan-friendly during his minor-league stints and even posed in a NYPD hat. Yet he seems destined to be classified as a racist moron with more than a few screws loose in the eyes of the sporting world. He pops up every once in a while, and we all gleefully whack him back down.

Mind you, as the "Cold Pizza" stunt today shows, he doesn't do himself many favors. But why do we save so much vitriol for Rocker? Even if he's is merely an idiot, he's certainly a harmless idiot. He's an out-of-work ballplayer who said something extremely stupid seven years ago and will forever pay the price for it. It's as if we collectively use Rocker as the extreme prism through which we view our own discomfort with the real issues of race, ethnicity and homophobia in sports, and in the world. We might have our own prejudices, unspoken or not, our own concerns, our own views of inequity ... but hey, at least we're not as bad as that guy! Demonizing Rocker makes us feel better; he has become the canvas on which we project all our negativity. He's the dumb hick; not us, not ever.

Which is why no matter what Rocker does, no matter how hard his publicist tries, no matter how many reporters he lets ride his back while he does push-ups ... he'll always be doomed. We need him to be doomed. It makes us feel better.

But enough of matters of a semi-serious nature: It was time to hit. (Excuse our puffiness, by the way; it was extremely cold.) After the Post reporter — who had looked much, much worse than we had during warmups — hit one out of three pitches, we were motioned to enter the cage.

We stared out at Rocker. He really was quite huge. And you know what? We were intimidated. It would be a lie to say otherwise. We didn't need a reminder of just how touched athletes are by the gods in their abilities, just how superior they are to us in every physical aspect ... but we had a feeling we were about to get one anyway. We just hoped it wasn't a reminder right at our head.

But no! We were undaunted! Professional athlete or no, Rocker was not about to deny us our opportunity to relive high school athletic glories. Sure, we spend all day on a couch typing, but that's just how it happened to turn out. Today, today, we would remind the world of how opportunity slipped through our fingers, how close we came to athletic glory. We don't just write here, we don't just observe here, we don't just criticize; we do things!

Three pitches later, we were done. He throws really hard. We mean, like, really hard.

This morning, we went to go see Rocker. Like, in person. But we're not going to get into that until this afternoon. We do have to point out that Rocker was scheduled to be on "Cold Pizza" about half an hour ago, until host Jay Crawford came on the air to say the following (reported by The Mighty MJD):

"John's involved with a new show which I will not name the name of now, and I won't tell you where you can see it or when you can see it."

"We had a nice conversation about baseball during the commercial break, and then he asks me politely, "Hey, you're not going to get into the stuff about the New York comments," well, yeah, John, we are. That's part of who you are. So he went over to the other side of the studio, and he was sitting like a four-year-old child, his lips were pursed, the next thing you know, he stands up and stomps out of the studio, right after we tease that he's coming up on the show. He just doesn't get it."

"If you do watch the show, John told me he's on it on weeks 3, 7, and 10, so just don't watch those weeks."

Much, much more on Rocker's invasion of Manhattan later this afternoon. But when you piss off Jay Crawford, you're only tempting fate.

According to the profile, if it can be believed, Rocker has changed a lot since we saw him last.

I am ready for a committeed retlationship and I am looking for a woman who will be a good wife, full time mother and best friend. As much as I want an independent woman, I hope to find someone who will is willing to focus on motherhood and our lives together. To say I'm a lot more mature at 30 than I was at 24 or 25 is an understatement. I'm more grown up.

Independent women shouldn't be scared off by Rocker's hope that you'll "focus on the motherhood." As long as, as the profile requests, you're "White/Caucasian." Oh, and you make between $50,001 to $75,000 a year. And you like to beat up some queer with AIDS and can't help but wonder how all those foreigners, whom you're just not a very big fan of, got in the country.

Yep, ladies: You could shoot out this fella's spawn. Line forms in the back!

"bullpenjohn" [Match.com]

(UPDATE: Rocker's publicist Debi Curzio writes in: "As John Rocker's publicist, I can assure you he is not on match.com.")