Tipster Joe sends along this wire photo from the weekend, with an accurate-if-unnecessary caption:

Your morning roundup for April 17, the day burglars everywhere accept the fact that trying to rob 81-year-old stroke victim/Korean vet Bobby Smith means they'll get a piping-hot frying pan filled with potatoes across the head.

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

The Red Sox's nefarious plan to lose a bunch of games finally comes to fruition, as they put in a claim on Johnny Damon — to block the Rays from landing him. [Boston Herald]

Freed from the Yankee yoke, Damon says he's finally allowed to display his Red Sox championship ring. Also, his caveman beard and stripper wife. [NY Post]

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

The signing of Randy Winn instead of Johnny Damon has convinced one season ticket holder not to renew. I agree. A lineup of only eight 8-figure salaried all-stars just doesn't show enough of a commitment to winning.

In sports, everybody is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Alex Rodriguez, who won the weekend by pretty much just owning these playoffs. He's like some amazing mythical creature!

Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to tips@deadspin.com. Subject: Morning crap.