Does anyone remember this gem from back in 2007, when federal agents brought up the name "Bruce Gradkowski" during an investigation into point shaving at Toledo? (An investigation that turned out to be uncomfortably accurate, by the way.) Former Rocket Gradkowski was under the care of Jon Gruden in Tampa Bay by then, and here's what the coach had to say about that:

"I don't watch ESPN. I don't believe half the [expletive] people on the channel, personally – no disrespect. But if Bruce Gradkowski is throwing games in Toledo, how in the hell does he lead the NCAA in passing percentages? That is a crock. You know, these reports make me sick – really. I don't believe [there is] any truth to it, and I'll go to my grave believing that. I hope ESPN 3 or 4 has real sources behind this story, because it has nothing to do with the kid. He's a great kid. He wants to be great. This is very uncharacteristic, in my opinion, of 'professional' journalism."

I guess Norby (!) Williamson [ESPN's programming chief, for those not in the know] was willing to let bygones be bygones since Gradkowski wasn't formally accused of anything—even if his teammates were clearly up to something. (No disrespect.) Of course, this also opens up the possibility that Gruden has never actually seen "Monday Night Football" and believes it to be some sort of cooking show. That should be a fun first day.

Buccaneers Win Tussle With Texans, 31-24 [Pewter Report; 2007]
See also:
ESPN4? That Was Supposed to Be A Secret!
Jon Gruden Joins "Monday Night Football" Crew. Seriously.
Toledo Athletes Accused Of Point Shaving

UPDATE: ESPN's official response: "Ultimately that candid commentary actually provides the foundation for successful TV commentary. We might not always agree when a newsmaker takes a shot, it's about serving the fans and candid insight is important."

Gruden, who lost his defensive coordinator to Baby Boy Lane, then lost his job running the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, has found a new career—listening to Ron Jaworski explain the mechanics of three-step drops. It shouldn't take longer than three or four weeks of lousy MNF blowouts before Gruden will probably do something scumbaggy and Mike Tirico will stare wistfully off into the distance as he imagines what life would have been like if he'd stayed with the circus like his parents wanted. Carnies never judge.

Of course, we all know that Gruden is just biding his time until next summer when it's finally revealed which NFL team has drafted the toughest quarterback who ever lived. Jon will then arrange for the "extradition" of that team's head coach, taking his place as mentor and idolater of The Tebow. Then he'll be replaced in the booth by Cody Gifford and the circle will be complete.

Jon Gruden to replace Tony Kornheiser on 'Monday Night Football' [USA Today]

According to Pro Football Talk, Rice hopped on the NFL Sirius radio program Movin’ The Chains to let it be known that Jon Gruden's a heartless tyrant who treats all his players like disposable heroes.

Back to the front:

"You look at what he did when Chris [Simms] damn near died on the field he wanted to release him right when he got injured. I get hurt, my shoulder's torn off the bone. This dude releases me. You know what I mean? I'm your guy. The list goes on. Keenan McCardell, that situation was a debacle. Keyshawn Johnson, another situation [that] was a debacle. Joey Galloway, which was his man, was in the dog house all year because he got injured, broke his ankle or whatever. Brad Johnson, that situation was bad. Brings Jeff Garcia in here,
oh, he's going to change things. I helped recruit him [and he] released me, kept Jeff and then put him in the dog house. Gets rid of Brian Greise, brings him, starts a controversy. It was chaotic. I'm giving you facts."

And then Rice gave opinions.

"How I feel personally? I could tell you that, too. I think he's a scumbag," Rice said. "I think he's a scumbag personally. That's when he's telling you one thing and… You know what he told me? 'Simeon you'll be here in the next five years.' I got injured [and] this man's never said one word to me. I won a Super Bowl for you. I got 13 sacks, 12, 15 every year for you. I balled. I got injured [and] you let me go like it was nothing."

Well, to be fair, Gruden wasn't the only one to let Simeon go. After he was released by the Bucs, Rice latched on to Denver for a little while and then asked to be released due to lack of playing time, then hooked up with the Colts. He's planning a "comeback" this season as a pass-rush specialist, but he's just an empty shell.

Simeon Rice Calls Jon Gruden A Scumbag [PFT]

But seriously, how is Herm Edwards the only coach to not be fired this offseason? And he has a brand-new general manager, no less. I can only assume that Herm is an FBI plant, maintaining his position solely to gather intel on the drug trafficking scene in Kansas City. And that the Chiefs are in cahoots with the feds. And that's truly the least ridiculous reason I can fathom for that man still having a job.

The NFL season has officially started, so it's time to finish the impassioned season previews from various writers, bloggers, diehard fans, cooks, TV personalities, and numerous other walks of life whom consider football the only sport worth watching. Clearly, these previews will be running until, oh, the first round of the wild card playoffs based on how quickly they've been coming in. So, for the next few days, expect a lot of these. Actually, let's see how many we can get out in one day.

Today: The Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Your author is Josh Zerkle.

Josh Zerkle is one of the weekend contributors here, and also does his thing on KSK and occasionally for With Leather. He lives in the Palmetto State, home of the most overrated rivalry in all of sports, Clemson vs. South Carolina.

Only recently was I certain of how to spell Buccaneer (that's with two Cs and two Es), which might be all the blinding insight you'd need into a team that you'll probably never talk about, wager on, or even see on TV. But the NFL is one of those sports where if you follow one team, to some degree, you're following every team. So let's brush up on what makes this team relevant, both historically, and today.

—The Bucs had American sport's first openly gay mascot.

Say bonjour to "Bruce," as he was affectionately called when the expansion Bucs began play in 1976. And to ensure that Tampa Bay would be remembered as the Mecca for man-love, their uniforms were Some people called him "faggoty" and "a bad influence on hetero children everywhere," but he was proud! And, sadly, when the Buccaneers updated their uniforms in 1997, poor Bruce suffered a miserable and undeserved fate. Rest in peace, Bruce.

Some speculate that the real reason Tampa Bay changed uniforms was to make way for the league's first openly gay team — the Dallas Cowboys.

—The Buccaneers have a fucking pirate ship in their stadium!

Well, hang on. It's not a REAL pirate ship. It doesn't sail the stormy seas, it partakes in neither raping nor pillaging, and I'm quite certain that no timbers have been shivered to date. But it is 103 feet long, and the fake cannons on board fire when the home team scores. Still, it's not like the Cowboys have a replica of the Alamo in their new digs. That's because the Cowboys are neon-nightclub-flaming gay.

— The Buccaneers have players and coaches with whom you're actually familiar.

They signed head coach Jon Gruden to an extension in the offseason. They signed 362 quarterbacks in 2007, but all of them combined were still cheaper than Donovan McNabb. Out of that fray emerged Jeff Garcia, who completed 64% of his passes in the 13 games that he played.

And anyone playing fantasy football this year is by now familiar with the meteoric rise of Earnest Graham last season, with his 10 TDs in a 13-game span. Graham restructured his deal so that he received $1 million just for getting into camp. Oh, and his 2008 salary is guaranteed. Dexter Jackson, one of those speed demons coming out of Appalachian State, was taken by the Bucs in the second round of the draft, and he expects to contribute on offense and special teams right away.

—The Bucs won their division last year; they're good!

They did shit the bed at home against the Giants in the wild card round last year. But, as you know, that Giants team ran the table for their third Super Bowl victory just weeks later. The meat and potatoes of this team has returned for 2008 (plus they got rid of Chris Simms! Fist pump!) and they'll look to repeat as division winners in a relatively weak NFC South.

For many decades now, the state of Florida has been a haven for retirees looking to escape the unpleasant changing of seasons in the northern states. If you're a fan of one of the 29 teams that aren't located in the Sunshine State, or one of the other two that are, give this team some consideration for you time and attention.

Or you can watch the Dallas Cowboys up until they buttfuck themselves out of the playoffs in January. Your call.