No telling who you'll run into at your local megamarket. For Deadspin reader Adam Lark on Monday at the Meijer's in Livonia, Michigan, it was none other than Detroit Lions quarterback Jon Kitna; scoping out the cereal specials, no doubt. "He was in the checkout line next to me," Lark said. "He was very pleasant and accommodating, seeing that his t-shirt indicated he was in fact under the influence of the spirit. Like many other professionals, you'd think Kitna would get the hell out of this wretched, economical depressing state they call Michigan."

But we can't help but question the motivation for all that faith, after we read what Kitna said he's thankful for.

Lions quarterback Jon Kitna on what he's most thankful for: "That I don't have to go to hell."

We don't know if Kitna's next comment was, "Unlike SOME people" while eyeing the reporter warily ... but man, we hope so. Because nothing says love and devotion than doing something because you're afraid you'll be tortured for eternity if you don't.

What Jon Kitna Is Thankful For [The World Of Isaac]

Now Kitna is getting some flak on local TV and in a newspaper column. Kitna said he was just trying to have fun, but regrets the scrutiny the costumes created. "If I would've known this, I wouldn't have done it because I didn't want to try to bring attention to it," Kitna said Wednesday while surrounded by reporters and television cameras.

Elsewhere in shameful remorse:

• Sorry for not being the least bit sorry. — Bill Belichick

• Sorry for the racial slurs. — Dog the Bounty Hunter

• Sorry that lowering my voice and cutting the ponytail didn't work. — Only female baseball umpire

• Sorry I'm such a twit. — Scott Boras

• Sorry for the pumpkin tax. — Ohio

Kitna Regrets Wearing Naked Coach Costume [MSNBC]

Remember Lions assistant coach Joe Cullen's naked drive-through Wendy's experience? Well, Kitna "dressed up" as Cullen, and even had his wife play Wendy.

"A lot of the guys on the team remember what happened," Kitna told Fox 2 at the party. "It's far enough removed that you can laugh at it now."

Some people are being real sticks in the mud about it, which is silly; as anybody who knows Jon Kitna can tell you, all of his jokes are authorized by God.

Jon Kitna As Naked Coach Joe Culle [Quo Vadimus]
What Was Kitna Thinking? [Detroit Free Press]
At Least He Didn't Biggie Size [Deadspin]

"Nope, in a moment of weakness, I decided to interject myself into the career of a journeyman quarterback who has had a buzz haircut since 1984. Lots of people think that I favor men with long flowing locks because that is what Jesus looked like. These people are wrong. Heaven has been partial to short hair on men since the Reformation. It has just taken a long time for short hair to catch on.

"I also know that some people have questioned Jon Kitna's assertion that I healed his concussion via a miracle so he could play in the second half of one football game. Just because there are six billion people on earth and all of them are asking me for things all day long doesn't mean that I don't have my priorities in order. After all, I know that Minnesota-Detroit is a rivalry game. Plus, I also engineered Jon Kitna's miraculous World Bowl V Barcelona Dragons win over the Rhein Fire in 1998. But no one noticed."

We think this might be fake, but only because everybody knows God is rooting for Kurt Warner. Duh.

Cure Kitna? God Did It, But He's Not Sure Why [ClayNation]

Kitna said that it must have been God that cleared his head during halftime after he received a concussion during the Lions' game with the Vikings on Sunday.

"I've never felt anything like that, and for it to clear up and go right back to as normal as I can be, is nothing short of a miracle," Kitna said. "I just definitely feel the hand of God. That's all it was. You can't explain it."

The good news: Yes Jon, it was God. You were right. The bad news: He was wearing a Fire Millen t-shirt.

Kitna Credits 'Hand Of God' After Concussion [MSNBC]

"I'll keep to myself what I think we actually will win. But it's more than 10 games," Kitna said.

"I don't like putting a lot of pressure on people, but Calvin Johnson, to me, will have about the same impact that Reggie Bush had in New Orleans," Kitna said. "He's everything that they said he was and more."

If he's implying that the Lions have been as big of a disaster as New Orleans in the wake of Katrina, fine. And if he says Calvin Johnson is going exceed all the hype, I can buy that, too.

But somehow, Drew Brees is being left out of the equation ... and he seems like a key factor, since the different between Kitna and Brees is the biggest reason I'm having trouble wrapping my head around the idea that the Lions are going to win 11 or more games.

Brees, with his 96.2 QB rating and his 26 touchdowns that also may have had something to do with New Orleans' miraculous 2006 season. Meanwhile, Jon Kitna ... well, he's still Jon Kitna. I admire his optimism, but as of right now, this bold proclamation is the most noteworthy thing of his career as a Lion.

QB Kitna says Lions will win 10-plus games in '07 [ABC12]