He'll be taking on Simon Aouad, a former Chester County (PA.) cop who was busted a few years back in a drug/illegal weapon raid. He now splits his time between boxing and running a chain of pizza shops.

King, of course, has surfaced recently on "Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew" and VH1's "Sober House." That, plus the fact that he's never fought before, leads me to believe that this is all on the up-and-up and is in no way a quick cash grab.

I know some people will see the irony here," said Rodney King about boxing a police officer. "But I would have fought anyone who was worthy. I take this very seriously. Never felt better-physically and in the mind."

As if this whole thing wasn't bizarre enough, early reports had King taking on Jose Canseco, hence the odd headlines. But that would be just silly!

Report: Rodney King and Former Cop, Not Canseco, to Fight [Yahoo!]

Poor Pedro Gomez drew the short stick and got on the phone today with the Juice Prophet, who continues to prove that you can be totally in the right about something and still sound like an utter boob:

"If you were in the game in the last 20 years, there's a 95 percent chance you were knowingly using something,'' Canseco said. "I said 80 percent back then because that was the number of players that I knew were on. But that number was greater.''

This translates roughly to, "That number I pulled out of my ass a few years back is smaller than the number I'm pulling out of my ass right now."

Canseco says MLB facing bigger issue [ESPN]

All he's ever wanted is to protect the integrity of the game to which he dedicated his entire life, and he's been rewarded with nothing but hostility, ridicule, and hundreds of thousands of dollars he's squandered on cutting-edge, injectible equine-muscle-enhancers.

The freshest indignity visited upon baseball's bitch-titted Cassandra: he called a press conference yesterday to gloat about Manny Ramirez's 50-game suspension for illegally attempting to stimulate his egg production, and no one but a single Associated Press reporter showed up to recognize his latest vindication. After several uncomfortable minutes of his anguished "I TOLD YOU SO! WHEN WILL YOU LISTEN?" echoing through the empty Beverly Hills hotel conference room, the misunderstood former slugger finally opened up the floor to questions; weirdly, the AP reporter was only called on after an uncomfortable exchange with a cater-waiter who mistakenly wandered in on the conference, in which Canseco repeatedly invited the "dude from the Four Seasons Gazette " to ask him where Pudge Rodriguez liked to be injected.

Jose Canseco only has to picture one person in underwear [Big League Stew]

Each week, we'll rundown some of the more comically bad softball atrocities by some of these players. If you've got your own, please send it along to tips@deadspin.com. Of course, these are [Sic'd] for your viewing pleasure.

Sir, Your Foot Appears To Be Dying

I thought you might be interested in this, which I think is grosser than the guy who caught a softball in face. I was covering home, there was a play at the plate. I was set up like a first baseman, glove arm up to make the catch and make the tag when the third baseman, who was about 10 feet away from me, heaved a fastball at my ankle. it made a loud enough sound that people on the next field heard it. It hurt. I continued to play that day, as it was the first game of a tournament, which we won. I resisted going to the dr. for almost a week.

Ed. Note: Amazingly, his foot is fine now. And Mike's team, The Cleavers, won that fateful night. He's a soldier!

When Day-Drinking Goes Horribly Wrong

A few years back, a buddy of mine played softball on Sunday evenings for his work. One particular Sunday, we spent all day on a boat drinking heavily from a keg. He had a game at 7pm that day and we decided to bring the remainder of the beer to the game that night. At the end of the fourth innning he came out for a kegstand. He ended up going 0-5 with 5 K's that day and somehow crapped his pants a little. Heres a couple of pics from that day.

Jose And Ozzie Canseco Will Never Help Your Team Win

we're away, other team is home, it's the top of the third, we're up, and i run over to coach first base. these dudes we're playing look pretty solid, big bats, bunch of athletes, but we got a jump on them in the first with three runs and tacked on two more in the second. so, our first guy up hits a nice liner for a double, and as i'm yelling out some chatter, i see these two sizeable men running up to the other team's dugout with their baseball gear "we got so goddamn lost, those directions were terrible" blah blah blah. wait, these dudes are fucking huge. and, gosh, that one kind of looks like, is that, no, but he looks like jose canseco. wow, so does the other one. but no way, right? who are these guys? i'm sort of tripping out as they walk into the dugout and start stretching a bit when i hear their guy playing first base utter "don't worry about it...jose, ozz, warm up and we'll get you in next inning." yeah, jose, ozz - it's fucking jose canseco and his brother ozzie. these dudes are big, and they're about to play against us, and i'm thinking "is this even legal in our league?" we;re about to play against some former major leaguers and, as if you don't know, some former major juice heads. (note: most of us thought their left fielder was eric davis, but never really got a confirmation on that, but either way, you could tell he played some form of pro ball, he was that good and just natural)

this is cool as shit!

so, jose's first AB - now, our league is slow pitch, but we're in the highest league and the pitchers, for the most part, are really good at throwing moon balls, i mean really high balls that come down and are pretty tricky at times to make solid contact, especially if you're used to hardball - and, we have no fences in our league, so if a ball gets past you, pretty much a homer, but the upside is you can play super deep.

so, keith, our pitcher, throws a sick moonball to jose on the first pitch and jose swung so damn hard he about screwed himself right into the ground...and missed! it was awesome. then second pitch he crushed the crap out of it but our left fielder was smartly playing in pasadena, so was able to catch it. same went for ozzie. next AB ozzie hit a weak little dribbler to thrird and was thrown out. then jose crushed a nice ball in the gap for a double.

they played shortstop and third, jose and ozzie respectively. and yours truly, who was batting cleanup last night (what's up), for my last AB, i hit a damn lazer that was a sure base hit, maybe a double, what i thought was over third's head, but ozzie climbed the ladder and caught it in the top of his glove...nobody else in our league catches that ball, seriously. he's about 6'4' and has some serious hops.

so, as i sit here with said remnants of hangover, just thought i'd share this pretty awesome, pretty surreal night i had last night. i've found myself in and around some funny situations out here in hollywood, but this one was pretty memorable. memorable especially since we beat those dudes, 10-7. chalk it up to stellar defense, and some clutch out-of-the-gate hitting.

Fing jose and ozzie canseco...

cheers,

michael

It Doesn't Look That Bad

A friend of mine wanted to play softball last season, and he apparently hadn't thrown a softball/baseball since he was a little kid. We brought him out to play on our really, really crappy team, figuring he wouldn't be dragging us down no matter what. Things started off bad when he sent his wife out to buy him a glove. She bought him some tiny, plastic-looking thing that was not going to help his struggling skills. Plus, you just gotta buy your own fargin glove.

So we got down to the fields early so my boy could warm up after a 10-year layoff. We started with a few tosses, then went to pop-ups (since he'd probably be playing outfield). I'm not talking moon shots, either-I was just kinda lobbing it up there, maybe 20 feet high.

I think he caught a few before he fully misjudged one and caught it with his face. I thought it tipped off his tiny glove, but the other guy with us swears it never even touched the glove. Either way, it sounded like someone whacking a slab of beef with a paddle. Our boy went down in a heap, and when he got up I figured he'd be a bloody mess. Instead, there was no blood, and his face looked pretty normal. Then he opened his mouth and we noticed he'd shorn off one of his front teeth. The crazy thing is how clean it was-not jagged or anything, just a clean break, halfway up the tooth, right at the gumline. Awesome.

He took this photo with his iPhone to see how bad it was. I wish I could have taken a photo of his face when he looked at the photo. He was just crushed.

Word is he's not allowed to play softball any more. No word on the fate of that kickass glove. Good news is that he found a dentist who reattached the tooth and you can't even tell it was ever shorn off.

KM

Canseco will headline the first round of the "Super Hulk Tournament - World Superman Championship," a mixed-weight, mixed-size martial arts free-for-all, against super heavyweight Hong Man Choi of South Korea. Choi is over seven-feet tall and weighs 327 pounds (yes, that main image is to scale) but believe it or not ... he's terrible! He's got a 1-2 lifetime record. Fortunately for Canseco, kicking a giant in the legs is actually allowed in this game.

Un-fortunately for Canseco, he is also terrible. His only "combat sport" experience is an ass-kicking from former St. Louis Cardinal Vai Sikahema and a three-round draw against Danny Bonaduce. So why not unite him with Choi and they can make a mockery of the sport together? Just make sure they don't try to pay you in yen, guys. (Or South African Rand.)

DREAM's "World Superman Championship" Will Be the Greatest MMA Freak Show in History [Cage Potato]
Jose Canseco to Collide with Choi in Super Hulk Tournament [picture via Sherdog]
Jose Canseco to fight for Dream [Watch Kalib Run]
Sex tape is next on the to do list for Jose Canseco [Top Cheddar]

Jose Canseco went to USC's Bovard Auditorium to talk about his life in baseball, which of course means talking about steroids. He begins by accusing A-Rod of going after his sloppy seconds—first the 'roids and then Madonna. (That is kind of creepy when you think about it.) Then he tries to explain that he was completely clean in 1998 (when he hit 46 home runs) even though he also claims he needs to take extra testosterone to this day, to keep his "levels" balanced. And how he could have just gone on hitting clean home runs if he hadn't been blackballed by baseball. (It's kind of hard to believe that the owners wanted to send a message about steroids just as they turned a blind eye to baseball's biggest home run surge ever, isn't it?)

Naturally, Canseco had no problems discussing other current players. He says that Ken Griffey Jr. was always clean, but Jose still had to throw in a "you never know..." And finally, he casually estimates that he is 90% certain that Manny Ramirez is on the list of 104 positive players and that is the reason he couldn't get a contract this offseason. Not the fact that he was a 36-year-old head case asking for a $100-million commitment in the worst economic climate ever.

Normally, we wouldn't even feel like mentioning the continued ramblings of this hulk-like windbag, but ... he is always right. Damn him and his professorial knowledge of bacne medicine!

Jose Canseco continues to take shots [Los Angeles Times]
Jose Canseco says A-Rod a "Canseco copycat"; Manny Ramirez "most likely 90%" steroid user [Steroid Nation]

Kittle, told The Chicago Tribune that Canseco has plenty of enemies, especially after he willingly trampled all over the professional athlete's clubhouse omerta.

"My first thought was: 'I wonder who's going to be the first one to shoot him'. I still think somebody who might have had their life ruined might take vengeance on him. If I were [Canseco], I would think about that...That's how I look at things. Maybe it's the wrong way, but I think in [bad] economic times when kids are exposed to it and they get to the big leagues to make the money, they will do [steroids]. But it's the wrong path. It's a quick fix. ..There is a sign in just about every clubhouse: 'What you see here, what you say here, let it stay here when you leave here.'"

So if Canseco suddenly gets an invite from Mark McGwire, Jason Giambi, Pudge Rodriguez, and A-Rod to go on a boating trip, he should decline. Just not in the face guys, okay?

Ex White Sox Player Ron Kittle Says Jose Canseco Should Watch His Back [Steroid Nation]

• The NHL Skills Competition, in all its glory. [Gunaxin]

• Large has the definitive take on Sugar Shane's monumental win from ringside in LA. [The Sporting Blog]

*I was initially under the impression that Canseco won the decision based on the image of his hand being raised in victory.

“In males, [Human chorionic gonadotropin] mimics L H and helps restore and maintain testosterone production in the testes. As such, hCG is commonly used during and after steroid cycles to maintain and restore testicular size as well as endogenous testosterone production."

In other words, when you put the juice in you, it shrinks your nads. So you put this stuff in after it to re-embiggen them. Problem solved. Frankly, we think the government needs to end this crazy war on drugs that keep your nuts at their proper size. How many lives will it ruin before we learn our lesson?

And oh, by the way ... Jose Canseco is sleazy drug cheat who will never ever change. Ever.

• Canseco ‘Detained’ at Mexican Border For Steroids [SbB]

As I reported first on the PMS Show on Thursday afternoon, I have learned that former MLB Slugger, Jose Canseco will be in the hot seat on Fox's Reality Show, "Moment of Truth" Canseco already has taped the episode and according to my source that was in attendance.

[D]uring the taping Canseco was asked if he ever injected Mark McGwire with steroids and if he ever corked his bat amoung other questions that were asked during the taping.

...The way the reality show works is the contestant in the chair takes a polygraph test prior to going on stage and is asked the same questions. If the anwsers the contestant gives on stage matches the polygraph then, they continue to advance and get more money.

We discussed this show on KSK a while back and came up with this question: if you were a contestant, why would you ever lie? The questions are all yes/no, so even if you lie, not only do you lose out on the money, but then your family knows the truth anyway. People are so stupid, but then if you ever managed to get on that show, that level of game theory is probably over your head anyway.

David Vassegh's Blog: Canseco's Moment Of Truth [am570radio] via [Ben Maller]

Canseco - the man who gleefully turned baseball upside down with his tell-all steroid expose "Juiced" - did something he hardly ever does in public after weighing in at 248 pounds. He blinked.

"You better pack your lunch, 'cause I'm going to kick your ass," Sikahema growled. "I'm going to chop you down."

"We'll see bro," said Canseco, his eyes shifting side-to-side.

Update: Here's the video, courtesy You Been Blinded

Sorry you got your ass handed to ya, brah. Still, Jose got a $35,000 purse for what was only supposed to be a fight consisting of three two-minute rounds, all of which goes to the Shriveled Dick Fund of America. Meanwhile Sikahema got $25,000, $5,000 of which he's to the widow of a Philadelphia police sergeant killed in the line of duty. What a mensch.

With apologies to flubby...

From Dan Gross of the Philadelphia Daily News:

Canseco and promoter Damon Feldman are seeking a challenger to fight the Oakland Athletics veteran on July 12 at the Bernie Robbins Stadium in Atlantic City. The chosen opponent will be paid $5,000. Brave souls should e-mail fightcanseco@aol.com. Canseco's opponent will be revealed in this column next week.

There are conflicting reports as to whether the event will be boxing or mixed martial arts, and whether it will be three opponents, or just one. In fact, only two things are certain: Jose will probably forget about the whole thing and not show up; and Charles Barkley will bet a hundred grand on the outcome.

Remember, that's fightcanseco@aol.com. Don't be afraid to pad that resume, Deadspin readers!

Jose Canseco Wants To Tussle With Athletic-Types. [Deadspin]
Dan Gross: Canseco Entering The Ring [Philadelphia Daily News]

Here's what will supposedly take place at the Atlantic City Surf's minor league baseball stadium:

Canseco is seeking three people over 200 pounds to fight him in Atlantic City's Surf Stadium on July 12. The three dudes will get $5,000 each for going three rounds (two minutes each). Promoters reportedly prefer athletic types or celebrities to hop into the ring, but any mook'll do.

According to Hoffman Wolff, media relations mouthpiece of the Atlantic City Surf, there have been discussions with Jose Canseco's people to make this happen, but the date is not official yet. Wolff says they would most likely hold the event on a Surf off day, but the specifics — who Jose will fight, time, cost — are still being hashed out. Most likely, Jose's people will probably try to shake every single cent from concessions and ticket sales, so this "event" still might never happen.

If it does, I wonder if Pat Jordan counts as enough of a celebrity? That would be quite a battle.

Jose Canseco wants to whoop you [Radar]

Last question, what's next for you? Next thing would be some more reality TV, a reality TV show involving martial arts. I am working with producers to get my movie made, the story of my life. And I am working on a third book which will be fiction.

Fiction, really?Yeah it's going to be about baseball and cloning. It's a very dark dark sci-fi story.

I'm a little surprised i09 didn't jump all over this.

LAist Interview: Jose Canseco [LAist]