The interview stylings of José Guillen:

"Too many (bleep) babies here. They (bleep) don't know how to play the (bleep) game (bleep) and win the game right, the way it's supposed to be (bleep) played. (Bleep, bleep). And that's the problem (bleep) here. Now I (bleep) (bleep) know why this (bleep) organization's been (bleep) losing for a while. Now I know. [Manager Trey Hillman] cares more than anyone here about winning. That guy cares. Every single day. It's killing him. (Bleep). We've just got to be smart and know what we need to do to win (bleep) games. (Bleep) (Bleep). That's (bleep) it. There's too many (bleep) guys that won't do this, do that, like they've given up, like they don't care. (Bleep).''

Note: In that last sentence, he actually said the word "bleep."

Guillen declined to name players he felt were not doing their share. Hillman has come under fire lately for questionable late-game decisions, including leaving Joel Peralta in to face Justin "Island Of Dr." Morneau in the 10th after he had allowed Craig Monroe's pinch three-run homer in the ninth that tied it. Morneau hit a leadoff homer for the eventual winning run.

Here's a blow-by-blow account of the fateful ninth, as reported by the blog Royals Authority. Headline: Craptastic! Oh well, Kansas City, fear not: You are still home to Wizard Cat's favorite pro franchise.

• Can You Hear The Drums Fernando? (Alternate headline: Endy's Game). Endy Chavez hit his first home run in more than a year to tie it in the bottom of the ninth, and Fernando Tatis won it with a two-run double in the 12th as the Mets beat the Marlins 7-6. It was the first time this season that the Mets had won a game they trailed after eight innings.

• No Dice, Sox. (Alternate headline: Erik The Half-A-B). As Daisuke Matsuzaka heads off for a shoulder MRI (Robotic Monkey Arm! I need you now!), the Red Sox were shut out by the Mariners' Erik Bedard, 1-0. Yuniesky Betancourt homered for the only run. Bedard had given up nine runs in his previous start, against the Yankees, and had come in with seven straight losses.

• Who's The Boss? (Alternate headline: Mr. Redlegs' Wild Ride). David Ross homered in a six-run first, and rookie Jay Bruce (batting average .667) had a double and two walks in his second game in the majors as the Reds beat the Pirates 9-1. Fun fact: Cincinnati is undefeated at home (9-0) since Mr. Redlegs lost his head in that tragic ATV accident on May 7.

• What Is This, Soccer?. (Alternate headline: Eight Days A Weeks, I Loo-oo-o-oo-ove Ya). Another 1-0 outcome, as Rickie Weeks had a run-scoring triple in the eighth and Jeff Suppan "Sandwich" dominated over eight innings as the Brewers beat the Braves. Jo-Jo Reyes had given up only two hits and had retired 14 consecutive batters before giving up the run.

• Wizard Cat Defensive Player Of The Day. Curtis Granderson, Detroit Tigers. Noticing that Granderson had not been an everyday player, Wizard Cat worked an elaborate magic spell and got Jim Leyland to change his mind (may also have involved peeing on his smokes). Now Grandy's in the lineup every day, making diving catches like this one. For some reason you need an evil Windows plug-in to see the video, so enjoy the still photo if you don't want to bother. Wizard Cat gives this catch: Four wands.

Because it's clear he never received any lessons in financial management.

Wednesday night, while Guillen played against the Marlins, his girlfriend was robbed of $10,000 from his paycheck. How did she have access to his paycheck, you ask?

Well, it turns out, she was actually cashing a portion of his weekly paycheck ... at a check cashing service in a rough section of northeast Washington, D.C. She was jumped outside a Money Mart with nearly $12,000 in her Louis Vuitton purse.

We know a lot more Deadspin readers know DC better than we do ... but they do have banks there, yes? At least one?

Ghetto Fabulous [Chin Music]

Nationals reliever Felix Rodriguez was ejected after hitting Paul Lo Duca with first base open in the eighth inning on Thursday, and Washington manager Frank Robinson was also tossed; an interesting delightful concept, being that Robinson is MLB's former Director of Discipline, preceding Watson. All of this makes us long for the good old days, when players were getting plunked all over the place and no one thought much of it. The Giants' Ron Hunt was the modern-day king, getting hit 50 times in 1971, and never charging the mound once. That was in the midst of an incredible six-season stretch in which he was hit 24 or more times; finishing his career with 243 beanings. Don Baylor was hit 35 times in 1986, and finished with 267 plunkings. The modern-day record is held by Craig Biggio (273). No. 7 on the all-time list? Wait for it ... Frank Robinson, 198.

Guillen, by the way, was hit 19 times last season, making us think that perhaps he's not the innocent victim he claims to be. And of course they can all take lessons from Roger Clemens, who did it old school, all the way.

'Just Cool It' MLB Tells Mets, Nats [New York Daily News]
Best Mound Charges [There's Your Karma, Ripe As Peaches]
Roger Clemens Grounds His Son [Deadspin]