At the end of the Golden League baseball season in September, Lima was pitching for the Edmonton Capitals. He pitched for Long Beach or one of the California teams earlier in the season. I'm in Calgary and saw two games between Edmonton and Calgary. Lima sat at the end of the dugout and chatted with fans, joked around with them, gave away baseballs, hot-dogged it quite a lot, etc. Greg — Calgary, Alberta

Daulerio,

Greetings from the Long Beach Armada, where Jose Lima spent the 2009 summer on the mound for Long Beach in 11 games, putting together a 2.93 ERA. His ex-wife apparently called our GM looking for Lima during our season. He was traded to the Edmonton Capitals toward the end of the season where things went south — er, North — like his ERA.

It was great having "Lima Time" in Long Beach this season, and he is still just as full of all his antics as ever. Hoping he's back with our team next season. Although if he is, I wonder if we'd have an issue with Melissa showing up at the games to chase him off the mound. Actually, talk about a great minor league promotion!

Don't know if any of this will help in Melissa's quest to find him, but it should make for interesting fodder for your readership. Let me know if there's anything I can do to assist in your goal.

Josh Feldman
Director of Promotions / Broadcast
Long Beach Armada Baseball
2900 Orange Ave, Suite 203
Signal Hill, CA 90755

See? That wasn't so hard. He's either in California or Canada. As for Melissa, well, she's feeling a little under the weather: "Just got your message. I will call you later on today. I'm suffering in bed with a nasty sinus infection so i'm not up to talking quite yet. Enjoy your day!"

Will do!

Also of note, this isn't the first time Melissa has reached out to the Lima fan base. Reader Nick G. tells his own Find-a-Lima story:

I have a story about Melissa Lima I'd like to share. I don't expect anyone to believe this story, I still have trouble believing it myself, but I assure you that I am not creative enough to make something like this up, nor would I gain any satisfaction from telling a bogus story to a website. I don't have any way of proving this without a doubt, but I hope that you will give me the benefit fo the doubt on this.

About 6 years ago, I started to become a serious baseball fan. Like anyone, I love comeback stories, and so when Jose Lima came back from the dead to make 14 starts for the KC Royals, starting with a 7 game winning streak, I embraced his story. He's certainly had a colorful past, what with a 20 win season and being a journeyman and such. I am a Dodgers fan, and when he went to the team in 2004, led the team in wins with 13, and even pitched a complete game shutout against the Cardinals in the playoffs, I became one of his biggest fans. As a typical high-schooler, I had a Myspace account, and, in honor of his story, I littered my page with references to Jose Lima. While he didn't do much of anything past 2004, I left the acknowledgments up as a tribute to his improbable 2004 season, and the best game he ever pitched.

Fast forward to Spring 2007, I had moved on to college, but had felt no reason to remove the Jose Lima-inspired Myspace account. One day I checked my page and, completely out of the blue, I had gotten a message from none other than Melissa Lima. She told me that she had been looking for Jose on various websites for some time, and while she was unable to find him, she did find my makeshift Jose Lima fan page (most likely the only Jose Lima-inspired page ever made on Myspace). The reason she messaged me, she went on to say, was because when she saw my page, she remembered all of the various pieces of Lima-related baseball memorabilia left in her house. She told me that, if I gave her my mailing address, she would see what kind of stuff she could find of his, and send it to me. She, of course, had nothing to do with all this crap, I'm sure she didn't need constant reminders of her ex-husband. She felt that, as an avid fan, I would appreciate the items.

I assumed that it was just one of my friends screwing with me, but I messaged her back and forth for a week or so, and eventually sent her my address. I never expected anything to come of it but, sure enough, 3 weeks later I received a large package at my dorm room. I called a friend over to see me open it, and indeed, she wasn't lying. She sent me a frame piece commemorating his first start in 2003 since coming back from the Independent leagues, a win against the St. Louis Cardinals. It included a large photo of him, and the official lineup card from that game, along with a message from then-manager Tony Pena congratulating him on his career comeback. I do not have a lot of authentic MLB memorabilia, and this frame is now my prized possession. I thanked her profusely, and encouraged her to send me anything else that she found of his (she never did, which is quite alright).

If you'd like, I can take a picture of it and send it to be posted. And if you do not believe any of that story, I encourage you to go ahead and ask her if she remembers the college kid in Michigan with the Jose Lima myspace.

Sincerely,
Nick G.
East Lansing, MI

For now, the search continues...

****

Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. Barry Petchesky and Special Sauce will be offering cold beverages throughout the nighttime hours. Now, it's off to go get that prescription filled.

You see, Ms. Lima emailed this site last Wednesday night in an effort to help provide you, boob-ogling reader of the fortnight, with more photos of herself:

Since some people are still obsessed with wondering why there are only one or two pictures of Melissa Lima, I thought I would share a couple more...

Enjoy!

Being the intrepid truth-seeker that I am, I first inquired whether this actually was the top-heavy mystery woman who tickled the internet's fancy with her busty patriotism so long ago.

Come on, Melissa. This isn't really you. If it is, this is like finding Big Foot and the Loch Ness monster all at once.

Proof, please.

MLima:

Funny! What kind of Proof do you want?

Me:

I have no idea! It's just, well, odd. And what are you Googling yourself or something?

(No shame if you are. I'm doing it right now. Not Googling you, but, you know, ME. Because I'm vain.)

And I thought you and Jose were separated? Wasn't that a rumor? Or something?

I don't know. I'm confused.

Anyway, call this number 917-854-3630 and say my name in Spanish or something: A.J. Daulerio.

MLima:

Well, I stopped googling myself years ago but I decided to google Jose to see if I could see where he was at right now...No, we are not together anymore. He owes me child support for like two years and It's getting old. BTW, my sister and I used to be obsessed about what people would write about me! Crazy!! I even got asked to do a five page spread in FHM magazine, but turned it down. Stupid me! I guess they were getting lots of letters requesting me. I will call you manana and say anything you want in spanish...well, not anything.

You can now tell your online peeps that you found something better than the loch ness monster ;)

Off to bed...

And, of course, she called the next day and left a message. If she could roller skate, she'd be up for an internship at Deadspin.

But, for now, let's help her find Jose Lima. Deadspin I-Team...assemble!

Yesterday, the Long Beach Armada added pitcher Jose Lima to its rotation for the 2009 season, ensuring that at least one person on their staff will be able to fill-in for National Anthem duty should the local beauty pageant winner or church choir cancel at the last minute. The Armada's manager, ex-big leaguer Garry Templeton, is thrilled for Lima Time Redux:

"I'm excited to have Jose Lima pitching for us this year. His experience, skill, and leadership will be a great benefit to us. I'm glad that we have the opportunity to showcase his skills and give him the chance to rejoin a major league club."

Templeton also added that he's excited for Melissa Lima to sit in the stands every fifth day and "HAVE YOU SEEN THAT PICTURE OF HER AND THE SIZE OF THOSE BOMBS?!"

*****

Good morning. It's Saturday, find your spines.

It's Lima Time Again, Now in Long Beach [Farther Off The Wall]

Okay, so he's going to be pitching for the Camden Riversharks, an Atlantic League team not affiliated with Major League Baseball.

Lima is no stranger to the Atlantic League. After being released from the Tigers in 2002, he used a stint with the Newark Bears in 2003 to bounce back to the majors with the Royals. In eight starts with the Bears, Lima was 6-1 with a 2.33 ERA and 52 strikeouts in 54 innings.

Why, that's near domination. It's only a matter of time until a rotation spot opens for some scrubby team (looking at you, Nationals). And from there, the national anthem singing will commence and there will be a great ogling of spouses. And it will be good.

We had been wondering why Lima was willing to play in the Korean minor leagues just to keep his career alive. We wonder no longer.

Jose Lima Begins Scouting Career [East Windup Chronicle]

A few weeks ago, it seemed, the world was faced with the sad prospect of bidding farewell to Limatime when reports surfaced out of Korea that he had been released by the Kia Tigers. Mope no longer, lovers of exuberant pitchers with stacked wives, for not only is Limatime born anew with the Tigers, HE A WINNAR!

But in the end mother nature was no match for Jose Desiderio Rodriguez Lima, who stepped to the mound on a temperate May evening in Seoul and pitched with the valor and energy of a man half his age, powering his Kia Tigers to a 12-1 win over the Worri Heroes.

Deftly mixing off-speed with more-off-speed pitches, sinker/changeup, changeup/sinker, sinker/sinker/changeup, changeup/changeup/sinker/changeup, kept one of the KBO's more powerful lineups off-balance and often delirious.

East Windup Chronicle notes that in giving up only two hits and a walk in seven innings, Lima earned his first win in Korea and lowered his ERA from a bloated 7.43 to a merely mediocre 5.70.

Now let's get him and the wifey on national anthem duty, stat!

Lima was released by Korea's Kia Tigers yesterday, and that should just about wrap this up.

The final straw apparently came Tuesday evening against the LG Twins, a game in which he surrendered eight runs on eight hits in just 3 2/3 innings. Kia is currently in last place having won just four of 15 games. He leaves Korea not having won a single game, as the headline on the Korean Web portal Naver gleefully reads: "Not one win gathered...Lima is Kicked Out!"

This means a goodbye not only to Lima Time, but also Lima's wife. Though he can still sing the national anthem with her, right? Right?

Lima Time Comes To An Abrupt End [East Wind Up Chronicle]

Yep, you're gonna have to go to Korea to see Lima Time this year.

The Kia Tigers, cellar dwellers of the Korean League, are on the verge of signing Lima to become their new ace. According to the Korea Times, "The Tigers hope that Lima could be a top-of-the-rotation starter for them."

Lima would be the crown jewel in an offseason in which the Tigers have also signed fellow Major League castoffs Wilson Valdez, Jae-Weong Seo, and Hee-Seop Choi.

Ha: Check out that blockbuster offseason! (We had been wondering what ever happened to Hee-Seop.) The Koreans, we tell ya, they're gonna love Ms. Lima. She should keep him employed in some league across this planet for a few more years now, you'd have to think.

Lima Time Set To Hit A Whole New Worl [UmpBump]

Yep, Lima will never retire. He's now pitching in the Mexican League, and you know what? He's doing quite well. For Saraperos de Saltillo, he's leading the league in innings and second in victories. It was to our considerable surprise that Jose Lima is only 34 years old; we figured him for at least 55.

Someone's gonna sign him by the end of this year, and we have a creeping fear it's going to be the Cardinals.

How Do You Say "It's Lima Time" In Spanish? [Lion In Oil]

Apparently, Sports Blog Nation is paying its writers pretty well; $152.50 is a pretty steep price for a dress, even one that possibly contains Lima DNA. The auction winner, Adam Morris, says he will "get the dress, and an 8" X 10" photo of the famous picture, with an inscription and autograph from Melissa Lima." Yep: He actually will be able to request what Mrs. Lima will write. We suspect you might have some recommendations.

I Won The Melissa Lima Dress! [Lone Star Ball]
Obviously The Breasts Are Sold Separately [Deadspin]

(UPDATE: We just contacted Morris for comment. Lone Star Ball is proud to have acquired this historic piece of memorabilia. Now, I just have to figure out a way to get my wife to let me keep it." Good luck, sir.)

The seller makes no explanation of how he came across the dress, and we're a bit too timid to ask, ourselves. The current price is $147.50, which, while expensive, seems somewhat reasonable, unless you consider the uncomfortable possibility of its possession of Jose Lima DNA.

You have until noon Pacific time next Wednesday to bid, so, you know, time's a-wasting.

Melissa Lima Famous Brown Dress [eBay]

Today's fun game: We've become borderline crazed by reloading their homepage to see the different lunatic photos they've chosen to lead the top their site. (They change automatically.) They're always funny in completely goofy ways — like that photo of then-Dodgers pitcher Jose Lima and his wife, whose breasts always show up for appointments 10 minutes before she does — and we just can't keep ourselves from hitting reload. After the jump, some of the pictures we have found ... at least the ones we can possibly describe.

(Update: A reader informs us you can find all of Yard Work's headers right here. But, jeez, that's no fun.)

• An extreme closeup of Joe Morgan's head, circa around 1974.
• Rafael Palmeiro leaning over to talk to Mark McGwire at the steroid hearings before Congress.
• A shot from Fever Pitch, with Jimmy Fallon leaning over to talk to Drew Barrymore.
• A highway exit sign pointing to the Devil Rays' Tropicana Field.
• Pete Rose raising his arms in triumph at the All-Star celebration six years ago as Mike Schmidt barely disguises his disgust.
• Jose Lima signing the national anthem next to his amply chested wife.
• The crazed George Brett after he was called out for having too much pine tar.
• Nolan Ryan with Robin Ventura in a headlock.
• Dean Cain hanging out with Bret Saberhagen at a celebrity softball game.
• Don Zimmer lying in a stretcher, looking 74 percent dead.

Keep putting them up there, guys; we'll keep reloading.

Yard Work