José Mourinho Gets Philosophical In Rant Directed At Haters In The Media

"The world is a bit strange. Maybe because of diets, and maybe because of the quality of produce we are eating, I think memories are getting shorter," José Mourinho begins his wild, metaphysical ride that somehow ends with him basically calling certain members of the media jealous cowards. » 3/13/15 11:04am 3/13/15 11:04am

José Mourinho Comes Up With Novel Way To Criticize Poor Refereeing 

José Mourinho was pretty unhappy with referee Martin Atkinson in Chelsea's draw with relegation threatened Burnley, feeling that there were multiple uncalled penalties for Chelsea, and that Nemanja Matic was sent off unjustly. Not wanting a fine, he restrained himself from blasting the decisions directly, instead… » 2/21/15 12:47pm 2/21/15 12:47pm

Nobody Wants Fernando Torres

Fernando Torres must've thought that his two-year loan move away from Chelsea—where, instead of repaying his outrageous transfer fee with a highlight reel of goals, he became more well known for his comical, almost unbelievable ability to miss unmissable shots—to AC Milan would be the perfect opportunity to recover… » 12/12/14 3:35pm 12/12/14 3:35pm

Chelsea And Spain Are Locked In A Dumb War Neither Can Win

Even by the standards of dick-measuring contests, the one ongoing between Chelsea and the Spanish national team has been awful for months. At some point, though, this sort of thing stops being merely dumb and threatens to become actually harmful to the players each side should be trying to protect—and we're nearing… » 11/13/14 5:30pm 11/13/14 5:30pm

The Assassination Of Iker Casillas By The Coward José Mourinho

Real Madrid handily beat Barcelona this weekend, with adulation bestowed upon many of the individual victors for their performance. Isco proved his grit and talent in fighting for a spot on a team lousy with great attacking midfielders and excelling when given the chance. James Rodríguez showed why he was made the… » 10/29/14 2:22pm 10/29/14 2:22pm

José Mourinho Doesn't Intend To Stop Being An Asshole Any Time Soon

José Mourinho is feeling himself right now. He has the best team in England, maybe the best in the world, and they're firing on all cylinders. So his typically dismissive response to a recent controversy involving other coaches' not taking too well to his celebratory handshake routine isn't surprising in the least. » 10/18/14 10:00am 10/18/14 10:00am

Elderly Samuel Eto'o Bashes Mourinho, Plans To Play As Actual Old Man

Samuel Eto'o is in the Ivory Coast today in support of the Copa Coca Cola, an international youth tournament. In an interview before the event, he had some choice words for the "fool" José Mourinho and anyone else who wants to fuck with Hollywood Court. » 5/15/14 2:41pm 5/15/14 2:41pm

Typical José: Chelsea's Champions League Win Was Right On Schedule

José Mourinho's teams are some goddamn cockroaches, man. Just when you think you've got them squashed, their viscous innards seeping from their corrugated underbelly—as PSG could've justifiably believed, leading Chelsea 3-1 after the first leg of their Champions League tie—they somehow keep right on crawling and end… » 4/09/14 2:03pm 4/09/14 2:03pm

Mourinho So Excited By Torres Winner He Goes Into Stands, Gets Kissed

Last week Chelsea manager José Mourinho went into the stands after being sent off. Today he went back amongst the supporters, but voluntarily after Fernando Torres's 90th-minute winner to down Manchester City. » 10/27/13 2:06pm 10/27/13 2:06pm

Willian's Shock Transfer To Chelsea Is More Than A Cock-Waving Contest

London club Chelsea unveiled Brazilian star Willian from Russian club Anzhi Makhachkala for around £30 million. We're sad to see this particular transfer saga come to an end, because for a couple of weeks, this was the best story going. » 8/28/13 1:04pm 8/28/13 1:04pm

REVEALED: Pages From Jose Mourinho’s Match Tactics Book

Those of you who study Real Madrid manager Jose Mourinho closely will have noticed that, when he isn't chewing gum, yelling, or shooting smouldering looks at people, he likes to write a lot of stuff in his Real-branded notepad during matches. » 11/03/10 1:30pm 11/03/10 1:30pm

The Champions League Is Harder To Win Than The World Cup, Lies Jose…

As reported on the popular Spanish website,, Jose Mourinho's mouth has once again kicked into action before the logic part of his brain, as he muttered these words: » 9/15/10 12:15pm 9/15/10 12:15pm

Mourinho Celebrates With Incredible Display Of Spitting

For those of you too busy pinking up your faces and sloshing back summertime pints, Jose Mourinho had a great night on Saturday, bagging another Champions League trophy, before celebrating with a home made water fountain. Some highlights after the jump. » 5/24/10 2:00pm 5/24/10 2:00pm