José Mourinho's Self-Regard Grows In Inverse Proportion To Chelsea's Record

Hey remember when David Moyes coached United for a year, everyone agreed it was an unmitigated disaster, and it became the standard by which to measure all EPL meltdowns? José Mourinho, the little tyrant man who will probably get fired from the USMNT someday, and Chelsea have started this season three points worse… »10/04/15 11:48amSunday 11:48am

Chelsea Players Starting To Rebel Against José Mourinho

It was inevitable that Chelsea’s astoundingly poor performances and results so far this season would lead to some level of internal strife inside the club. We now have confirmation of this, with sources in the team describing a rift between the players and José Mourinho to two different papers. »10/01/15 1:48pmThursday 1:48pm

Diego Costa And José Mourinho Are The Shitheads We Need

The more you think about it the more inevitable it seems that José Mourinho—the ne plus ultra of managerial shit-talking, barb-throwing, and incessant needling of rivals—and Diego Costa—his dispositional equivalent on the field, only with elbows substituted for verbal barbs as his projectile of choice—would combine… »9/21/15 4:53pm9/21/15 4:53pm

Here's José Mourinho's Bullshit Excuse For Why He Demoted His Team Doctor

Earlier this week, José Mourinho demoted Chelsea’s long-serving team doctor, days after he publicly showed her up during a game last weekend. He’s rightly come in for criticism for the decision, so now “sources close” to him have concocted an excuse for the change: the players didn’t feel comfortable around a lady.… »8/12/15 6:46pm8/12/15 6:46pm

José Mourinho Demotes Team Doctor After Blowing Up Her Spot On Pitch

Eva Carneiro, the long-serving Chelsea first team doctor, has been a staple of the team’s matches over the years, rushing out onto the pitch as the first responder to any and all of their injuries. It’s very likely that one such attempt to treat a player on the field last weekend will be her last, however, because… »8/11/15 1:20pm8/11/15 1:20pm

Jose Mourinho Is In Midseason Form As Chelsea Barely Survive Swansea

Chelsea opened their Premier League title defense today with a topsy turvy 2-2 draw against Swansea City. As you can see, Jose Mourinho ain’t too happy about it. Our staff of amateur lip readers concurs that he’s dropping a “Fuck off Michael!”—directed towards referee Michael Oliver—but you could make the case that… »8/08/15 3:31pm8/08/15 3:31pm

José Mourinho Has No Use For This Loser's Medal, Or For Arsène Wenger

Arsenal beat Chelsea 1-0 today to win their second straight Community Shield, and it appears Chelsea manager José Mourinho has about as much use for the match as the rest of us. Here he is avoiding congratulating rival manager Arsène Wenger and then throwing his second-place medal up into the crowd. »8/02/15 12:55pm8/02/15 12:55pm

José Mourinho Is Shitting On Managers Again, Which Means Soccer's Back!

We’ve seen preseason play and preseason brawls, and now that José Mourinho has broken out the ol’ charcoal grill and laid on a couple thick slabs of Arsène Wenger and Manuel Pellegrini tenderloin, the aroma of preseason beef means the Premier League season is just around the corner. »7/28/15 6:39pm7/28/15 6:39pm

José Mourinho Gets Philosophical In Rant Directed At Haters In The Media

“The world is a bit strange. Maybe because of diets, and maybe because of the quality of produce we are eating, I think memories are getting shorter,” José Mourinho begins his wild, metaphysical ride that somehow ends with him basically calling certain members of the media jealous cowards.
»3/13/15 11:04am3/13/15 11:04am

José Mourinho Comes Up With Novel Way To Criticize Poor Refereeing 

José Mourinho was pretty unhappy with referee Martin Atkinson in Chelsea's draw with relegation threatened Burnley, feeling that there were multiple uncalled penalties for Chelsea, and that Nemanja Matic was sent off unjustly. Not wanting a fine, he restrained himself from blasting the decisions directly, instead… »2/21/15 12:47pm2/21/15 12:47pm

Chelsea And Spain Are Locked In A Dumb War Neither Can Win

Even by the standards of dick-measuring contests, the one ongoing between Chelsea and the Spanish national team has been awful for months. At some point, though, this sort of thing stops being merely dumb and threatens to become actually harmful to the players each side should be trying to protect—and we're nearing… »11/13/14 5:30pm11/13/14 5:30pm

The Assassination Of Iker Casillas By The Coward José Mourinho

Real Madrid handily beat Barcelona this weekend, with adulation bestowed upon many of the individual victors for their performance. Isco proved his grit and talent in fighting for a spot on a team lousy with great attacking midfielders and excelling when given the chance. James Rodríguez showed why he was made the… »10/29/14 2:22pm10/29/14 2:22pm

José Mourinho Doesn't Intend To Stop Being An Asshole Any Time Soon

José Mourinho is feeling himself right now. He has the best team in England, maybe the best in the world, and they're firing on all cylinders. So his typically dismissive response to a recent controversy involving other coaches' not taking too well to his celebratory handshake routine isn't surprising in the least. »10/18/14 10:00am10/18/14 10:00am