It's getting deep into spring training, but the 35-year-old pitcher was still unemployed as of Sunday. He had been offered a minor-league deal by the Washington Nationals back in November, but turned them down. However, when they came calling this weekend with the same terms he jumped on board. So why the change of heart?

"Why did I sign with the Nationals?" Tavárez said on Sunday. "When you go to a club at 4 in the morning, and you're just waiting, waiting, a 600-pounder looks like J-Lo. And to me this is Jennifer Lopez right here. It's 4 in the morning. Too much to drink. So, Nationals: Jennifer Lopez to me."

Hey, no one is judging you, man. Every team is the same once the lights go out.

Attractive Offer, After All [Washington Post]
The Nats Are Julian Tavarez's Drunk Hook Up [Misterirrelevant]
Julian Tavarez is eloquent [3:10 To Joba]

Update: Now with audio! [Big League Stew]

Taverez has answered taunts, not known who Ernie Banks was, fought in spring training and fired baseballs into the stands. He has done this for both teams, and we're all a little scared of him. Though we'll give the Red Sox some credit; they did get him a World Series ring. Which he promptly lost.

It seems the newest member of the Milwaukee Brewers left the $20,000 prize in his locker when the Red Sox designated him for assignment, then released him earlier this month. "They're going to mail it to me, I'm sure," Tavarez said.

We suspect that either Tavarez swallowed the ring in a ravenous rage, or that it's planted somewhere deep within the cheek of a Milwaukee bouncer.

Julian Tavarez Loses World Series Ring [Red Sox Monster]

Of all the athletes you'd want to make fun of while he's holding a baseball, Julian Tavarez seems like a particularly dangerous choice.

If anybody knows what he's saying in Spanish at the end of this clip, we'd love to hear it.

Heckling The Wild And Crazy Julian Tavarez [Red Sox Monster]

Not long after the Red Sox's game against the Tigers was postponed because of rain Wednesday, [Red Sox pitcher Julian] Tavarez was predicting October baseball for the Red Sox and extolling the virtues of doubleheaders — even if he's never heard of Mr. "Let's play two", aka Mr. Cub.

"I don't know who Ernie Banks is, but I hope he was a good guy," Tavarez said. "I'm like him, I hope."

To be fair, we're not sure if Julian Tavarez knows who J.D. Drew is either.

Tavarez: Ernie Banks? Never Heard Of Him [Red Sox Monster]

It's entertaining enough, but we're more intrigued by the very strange reaction from Trot Nixon, the Red Sox outfielder. Citing the fight, Nixon said that teams shouldn't play each other 19 times a year because "it builds up stress." Off Wing Opinion chuckles thusly: "MLB Marketing is testing a number of new slogas to reflect Nixon's thinking: Baseball Fever: You Gotta Dial It Back."

Tavarez: One Strike, One Brawl [Boston.com]
Nixon: We Need To Make Baseball Less Exciting [Off Wing Opinion]
Julian Tavarez Is Crazy, Man, Crazy [Deadspin]

Anyway, we can't say we were too surprised when Tavarez, now with the Red Sox, punched Tampa Bay's Joey Gathright after being spiked yesterday in an exhibition game. It was a rarity in sports fights: A clean, solid punch. You don't see that nearly enough.

Red Sox fans, eager for some fire that was missing last year, are taking this as a reason to love Tavarez. We understand this inclination, but still warn Red Sox Nation to beware. Tavarez is four kinds of crazy, and eventually, he's gonna end up decking Schilling. Only a matter of time.

Julian Tavarez Wins By TKO [Over The Monster]
Julian Tavarez's Rocket Arm [Deadspin]

Everyone knows Julian Tavarez is just a tad volatile and we learned that at a Giants-Brewers game in 1998. A group of us decided to get general admission seats for an entire Giants-Brewers series at County Stadium with one sole purpose: heckle Barry Bonds. There seemed to be about 50-60 other people with the same idea.

Before the game started, Bonds was standing in the outfield during BP and my buddy Steve was tossing rather general insults at Bonds, nothing profane or personal, but still pretty tiresome. We were 16 at the time, and it was better than being out drinking or
doing drugs. After about 10 minutes, Julian Tavarez approached us at the left field rail. He asked us what our problem was. And Steve said, hey we paid, we're not being obscene, we don't like Bonds. Tavarez went on to explain, "Hey man, there are kids here. They like Bonds. Don't ruin their hero for them." Steve just nodded and looked to be in agreement.

Tavarez thinking the situation between us and Bonds was over, turned to walk away. Then Steve made a dangerous decision. He hollered, "There goes a true hero Julian Tavarez...unlike Barry Bonds!" and went back into his Bonds yelling.

Well after about 10 minutes, we had forgotten about Tavarez. Suddenly, gloves went flying up all around us. Tavarez had thrown a ball into the crowd. Except this wasn't your underhand toss to a kid. It was a damn hard throw. Tavarez was trying to Joey Belle Steve! Luckily, some old guy with a glove snagged it in front of Steve's head. Steve would have been in big trouble without that guy.

Needless to say, we were not surprised to see Tavarez's karate kick moves on the mound years later.

Athlete Run-In: John Kruk, Man Of The People [Deadspin]