1. Mike Leach is Blackbeard. This is how the negotiations should go to make him Tennessee's next coach. a. Rent a dumptruck b. fill dumpruck with cash c. drive dumptruck to Lubbock d. dump money in Leach's front yard. e. repeat until contract is signed. Right now Mike Hamilton should be on eBay trying to buy Blackbeard's sword and then offer to dip it in the blood of a virgin (hint she won't be a Tri-Delt in Knoxville) for signing.

There should be a stat for how often Leach's receivers score touchdowns without being touched. It's uncanny. In fact, I'm making it up right now. Le Leach. That's French for "the Leach." People in Lubbock are very worldly, they'll love this. Here's Le Leach giving the weather.

It's always sunny in Knoxville, Mike, always.

2. Iowa's Daniel Murray hadn't made a field goal since the first game of the season. Then he drilled a 31 yarder to beat Penn State by one. Credit to Iowa's coaching staff for accepting the holding penalty on the next-to-last play for Penn State. They'd stopped Penn State on third down but elected to give them another shot after moving them back ten yards. I was cursing the stupidity of this decision when the Penn State wide receiver came wide open in the middle of the field, but Darryl Clark airmailed it for a pick. Meanwhile, please tell me Daniel Murray didn't play it cool after he made this field goal. I'm hoping he showered, went straight to the sorority house and started clambanging. If he didn't, can we rescind the win?

Right now, you should definitely be thinking to yourself, this guy just clarified the BCS? Yeah, he did.

3. Florida destroyed Vanderbilt. The only time Florida didn't score on their first 7 drives was when the refs inexplicably missed a Percy Harvin touchdown and ruled that he fumbled. You know in horror movies where the villian of the film suddenly realizes he's even more powerful than he ever thought he was? This is Urban Meyer right now. Somewhere there's a hero that can slay him, but I'll be damned if I can find one.

Be honest, if you had to pick a team to win the national championship today, you'd pick Florida, wouldn't you? In later years the fact that Hailey and Hanna Nutt's dad went to Gainesville and won with this Ole Miss team is going to seem even more remarkable than it does now. As for the Alabama-Florida SEC Championship Game, I've got the feeling the folks in Miami are upset their BCS Title game is going to be upstaged a month early.

4, North Carolina is going to win the ACC's Coastal Division...maybe. The Tar Hells smacked around Georgia Tech 28-7. At least that seems somewhat likely. We'll have a better idea after Virginia Tech and Miami play on Thursday night. Win and Virginia Tech will have the tiebreak over North Carolina should both win out. But given the clusterfuck that is the ACC this year, who knows?

5. How has LSU's Jarrett Lee gotten a pass on being the worst quarterback in college football? Lee has 14 interceptions. 14! What's worse than this? 6 of those picks have been returned for touchdowns. God, if only Ryan Perrilloux were still eligible. Only, Perrilloux has 12 interceptions while playing for the Jacksonville State Gamecocks.

On the exact opposite score, how good is Alabama's Julio Jones going to be by the time he's a junior. The NFL mandate that guys stay for at least three years in college makes players like Jones into Gods. Seriously, who is going to cover this guy next year or the year after? If Julio could leave after this season he'd already be a first-round pick. At least there's no history of Alabama receivers getting injured because they couldn't leave early.

And with this hat selection, the number of children born in Alabama named Julio will increase 14,000,000%.

6. Cincinnati goes into Morgantown/Deadwood and wins 26-23 to take the inside track to the Big East's BCS bid. Beat Pitt at home on November 21 and get past Louisville and Syracuse and Cincinnati will be in the BCS. I know, ridiculous, right? Let's be honest, how many years is Bill Stewart going to be at West Virginia? Two years at most?

7. Tennessee lost to Wyoming. I know, I know, I'm really questioning a lot of things about my life right now. One of them is this, say UT's players called every play on offense from inside the huddle by the quarterback sketching the routes on his hand. Could we score more than a touchdown in a game? I'm thinking yes. That offensive coordinator money has been really well spent this year and the Clawfense is appropriately named if only because I'd rather claw my eyes out than watch it any longer.

To help clear the palate, here are two more pictures of Hailey and Hanna rocking the football uniform.

"I actually ran into Julio in the spring recruiting. I said hello to him. I said, 'Well, I guess I’ll be seeing you at the end of August.' And then he got out and got in his Escalade and drove off. That’s serious. And then I went over and watched (Alabama freshman) Burton Scott at Vigor High School at the track over there, and Burton Scott was running around. He went and got in his Escalade out at track practice and drove off. So I’m familiar with those two guys."

Koenning now says he was joking. Right. Jokes often contain the phrase, "That's serious." At least Alabama has a sterling record when it comes to NCAA compliance.

Tiger Tracks [Charleston Post and Courier]