Justin Gatlin, most famous for being the World's Fastest Man for about a day before they added time to his record, probably because they knew he was going to test positive for steroids about a month later, tried out at wide receiver for the Texans this week. It's key that he find some gainful employment in the general vicinity of soon, because he is banned from track and field until the year 2014, also known as "the year the Cubs finally get out from under Alfonso Soriano's contract." (Oh, and they'll have rocket packs by then, surely.)

No word from the Texans or the new NFL commish about whether or not he'll make the team. One might wonder if the NFL would be all that excited about having a proven steroid cheat in their league, but, hell, they already have so many already! What's one more? Come on in; the water's great!

World's Fastest Man Tries Out With Texans [The Fanhouse]
No Steroids In The NFL, Nope: That's Baseball's Problem [Deadspin]

I cannot account for these results, because I have never knowingly used any banned substance or authorized anyone else to administer such a substance to me. In the course of my entire professional career, I have been tested more than 100 times. All of the tests this season, including the out-of-competition and in-competition tests conducted just before and after the race in Kansas, were negative.

Oh, good, so he has a copy of the "What To Say When You Test Positive" handbook. Surely, there were one or two of those laying around, as his coach, Trevor Graham, was heavily involved with the BALCO investigation. Victor Conte himself wrote to the U.S. Anti-Doping agency, alleging that Graham doped the bejeezus out of his athletes. More details can be found here in this excellent San Francisco Chronicle article.

Anyway, Gatlin faces a lifetime ban from competition, because it's not the first time he's tested positive. They can't ban him from future appearances on Pros vs. Joes, though. So he's got that going for him.

Gatlin nailed for doping [SFGate.com]

Now. We're not experts in the art of timing a man running, but nevertheless: We call bullshit. We cannot imagine a single timing mechanism so finely calibrated that it can so obviously distinguish one-hundreth of a second to the point that a world record can be taken away. We are willing to grant — we suppose — that such a timer exists and is used in international competition. (Again: We guess.) But how, exactly, was it determined that not only was that clock off — by one-hundreth of a second no less — but another clock, which happened to be in the vicinity, was more accurate? Is this how it works? Really?

If we were Gatlin or his agent, we'd be screaming bloody hell. But apparently, they're taking it well.

"This is just more incentive for Justin to go out and break the world record again officially," his agent Renaldo Nehemiah told Reuters from his home in Reston, Virginia. "He is in excellent shape for this time of the year. That bodes well for him."

(By the way, that's the same Renaldo Nehemiah who played for the 49ers.)

That quote makes us even more suspicious. That's your first reaction? No appeal? No gnashing of teeth and rending of garments?

The official explanation? "Based on his time recorded after winning the race, Gatlin ran 9.766 seconds, which was then announced as a world record 9.76, the statement read. According to IAAF rules, this should have been rounded up to 9.77." So this was a rounding error? That's it? Any fourth grader knows to round up; when a world's record is at stake, one would think it would be noticed. Sorry: We think something's fishy with a BALCO stink.

Gatlin's World Record Revoked [Reuters]

9.76 seconds. Damn. I can't even fathom how fast that is. I don't think I can go that fast in a car. It's a mind-boggling number, and it's the fastest ever recorded, so, not to go all Daily Quickie on you, but I think you could do a lot worse than bringing up the world record in the 100m in your discussions of most impressive athletic feats in history.

It's been a huge month for Justin Gatlin. There's this world record, and just a few weeks ago, he was on Pros vs. Joes with Brandi Chastain, Herschel Walker, and Darren Daulton. Obviously, the conclusion to be drawn here is that an appearance on Pros vs. Joes can do nothing but help an athlete's career. It's not too late for John Rocker to get himself into the 2006 Cy Young discussion.

Gatlin guns down 100m record [The Age]
Justin Gatlin: 9.76 [Sportolyis]