The ploy didn't work for South Africa, but still, a few rolls of Charmin might come in handy. You never know.

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Madrid's transfer payment for Brazilian superstar Kaka (yes, I know) is believed to be a world record and one that will keep Milan in business for at least a little while longer. The gist of the story seems to be that Milan—which is owned by Italy's billionaire prime minister—is hurting financially, so Kaka humbly agreed to take a large contract with a free-spending club to help his previous team. What a trouper. I guess even billionaire prime ministers have bad decades.

Meanwhile, Madrid can apparently afford to spend money like a drunken sailor. Their new president, Florentino Perez, is actually the old one who built Madrid into a powerhouse in the early aughts by buying the world's best talent. If they're ever going to catch Barcelona, trying that strategy again seems as good a plan as any.

Perhaps someone with a more secure grasp of international sports could explain why U.S. sports don't try this transfer fee stuff. When teams like Milwaukee and Oakland and Minnesota watch their best players waltz away for big bucks contracts (or maybe get pennies on the dollar in a trade), would it help if Boston and New York had to dump big piles of cash on their old desks to take the talent? Or would it just give the small teams even more incentive to hoard money and stay terrible? The agents would certainly love to get in on that action. What's one little illegally restricted labor market between friends?

Kaká Ends Soap Opera and Moves to Real [NY Times]
Spanish Inquisition: Can Kaka Really Be The New Zidane At Real Madrid? [Goal]
Cristiano Ronaldo next on Real Madrid's shopping list [ESPN]

First he poached the former World Cup winning manager for Brazil, Luis Felipe Scolari, from his follow-up gig, then he made two of the EPL's (suck it, Barclays) splashiest summer signings by bringing in Deco from Barcelona and Jose Bosingwa from Porto. But if there's anything Abramovich can't stand, it's being outspent. Even if it's by himself.

The Monopoly-money waving oil oligarch appears to be continuing his raid on the Iberian peninsula as Chelsea are on the verge of completing a £29M (~$58M) deal with Real Madrid for Brazilian Robinho. Now, just to prove that the only person capable of one-upping Abramovich is Abramovich there is also an £80M bid in to nab A.C. Milan's ace Kaka (also Brazilian) before the transfer window closes up for the summer. The latter was denied about 5 minutes after in appeared in print. But denials are only as good as the 1's and 0's they are encoded in.

If Abramovich is trying to buy all of Brazil, he should just do the whole thing at once. He might get a bulk discount. But as he makes himself the EPL's blancmange—only instead of winning Wimbledon he means to win every fucking trophy available—the rest of us are reduced to waiting for Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Brainsample to come eat him.

Anyway, if any of you are Russian billionaires and want to help level the playing field, there are 19 other EPL teams that might take your call. Oh wait, 18, Liverpool have already decided they don't want competent rich people running their show.

Chelsea to sign Real Madrid's Robinho in next 48 hours [Telegraph.co.uk]