The Buccaneers brass insists it was an accident and that no offense was meant to the Saints, who, uh, are slightly familiar with hurricanes. It is not known if during Bears games they play Sufjan Stevens' "John Wayne Gacy," if during Redskins games they show footage of the burning Pentagon and if during Bills games, they just show old clips from O.J. Simpson movies.

The best part about this: The Bucs say the song is just part of their typical cheerleader routines. Hey, Tampa: Update the ole' playlist, OK?

Song Offends Some Bucs Fans [Tampa Bay 10]

Lipinski, who just spent more money than our parents have made in their life on a piece of jewelry that everyone who sees it is going to know he didn't actually earn, has a lot in common with T.O.; he tried to cloak his personal indulgence and whims in charity as well. "I like to try to donate to charity, but, I have to admit, the ring intrigued me," he says. T.O. only does interviews with David Letterman anymore, so he had no comment on the auction, though we suspect if he had, he would have used the third person singular.

South Jersey Businessman Buys T.O.'s Ring [TerrellOwens.com]
Terrell Owens' Suspicious Charity [Deadspin]

But whatever your thoughts on Thomas' politics, one has to admire not only his outspokenness, but also ... his poetry. Yep, Thomas has published a book of poetry, and it's full of all kinds of great stuff. Our favorite:

Now I look upon my culture,
I see ballers, sure I do
Hard corers in Haute Couture, in furs
Enough to make my ancestry - stir

My brothers among me,
Kwame a black walnut tree,
Lorenzo in his Benzo, give Stevie Blake his Vitamin D
Gheorghe, the Great White Way,
My endocrine Giant is dying on the parquet

My soldier in hardwood war, Haywood
I ask: What sound is made from the clapping of one small hand?
A heart bigger that the prostate gland
of Abe
Honest, Master Pollin, an ego so kingly swollen, let me go,
Because the Foggy Bottom Metro is still an underground railroad

Honestly? That s the best poem about Abe Pollin s prostate we ve ever read.

Etan Thomas Rises To The Occasion [Edge Of Sports]
More Than An Athlete: Poems By Etan Thomas [Amazon]

So we'll just say it didn't shock us when we read about Giants fans taunting Saints fans about Katrina during the Saints' "home" game last Monday. One Saints fan reported being taunted with "Where's your swimmies? I hope you have your swimmies!" and "You deserve what you got. New Orleans people are stupid." We have sympathy for the Saints fans, but, honestly, you guys were wearing Saints jerseys at the Meadowlands. You're lucky you didn't end up buried in the endzone.

Giants' Fans Sick "Kat" Calls [NY Daily News] (via Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer)

"I've missed communicating with you; I've missed talking baseball with you, especially in the midst of the pennant race; I've missed hearing from you; I've missed blogging."

"We lifted their spirits and preached the message of never quitting. We made sure they haven't forgotten how to laugh. Laughter is the food for the soul, if you can laugh, you can forget all your problems. In fact, to make sure of that, I led a congo (sic) line as Gloria sang."

Sweet Jesus. Would it be insensitive here to say that we'd prefer the hurricane?

Tommy Lasorda's World [MLB Blogs]

The NBA announced yesterday that, because of Hurricane Katrina, the team will play 35 of its games this year in Oklahoma City which now, deep breath here, officially makes them the New Orleans/Oklahoma City Hornets, or, as we like to call it, NOOCH.

Please, PLEASE let them put that on the front of their jerseys.

Hornets To Play 35 Games In Oklahoma City [NBA.com]

But one group that did? The brand-spanking-new — and pretty great — hoops blog YAYsports! rose to the occasion, accepting the challenge. And ABA commissioner Joe Newman is even considering taking them up on it:

Thanks for the email and the offer. We haven't heard from the NBA but we did hear from the national jockey's association, the Lawrence Welk Foundation and you about playing the exhibition game if the NBA didn't do it. All three are under consideration. We've been offered the gym at St. Monica's Church, seating capacity 11, for the game. We'll let you know.

Again: We love the ABA.

Joe Newman Says Maybe [YAYsports!]
ABA [Official Site]

i had same problem you did. i called the number at various points all night and could never get it to stop saying that it couldnt be connected. finally just got tired and stopped. and theres no way those phones were being answered by the players. what the hell are they writing down on those pages anyway? a credit card number? did they just run them all through a scanner? the whole thing is crap.

The NFL claims it raised $5 million during the telethon. We call bullshit.

NFL Raises $5 Million [NY Times]
The NFL Wouldn't Let Us Give Money [Deadspin]
Defining Bullshit [Slate]

We were so impressed by this that, despite having given to the Katrina fund before, we wanted to give again, because the NFL asked us to. And because we wanted to talk to John Elway. So we grabbed our phone and dialed the number they kept flashing on the screen. And we had a little bit of trouble, to say the least.

After the jump, the long and laborious process:

• 7:50 p.m.: 888-635-5933. Busy.
• 7:58 p.m.: Busy.
• 8:15 p.m.: "We are unable to complete your call at this time. Please try again later."
• 8:36 p.m.: Busy.
• 9:15 p.m.: Ringing ... success! "Thank you for calling the NFL hurricane relief hotline. I'm Peyton Manning of the Indianapolis Colts." Hi, Peyton! Wow, I'm so impressed you're taking these calls. So you know, I think that — Wait ... recorded message.

Crap. Some recorded lady. "To donate using a credit card using our automated system, press 1. For information on mailing a donation by check, press 2. If you would like to speak with a representative, press Star." We want Frank Gifford! STAR! STAR!

NFL Films music plays. This music makes us almost feel less guilty for actually wanting to watch football in the midst of this altruistic telethon. Music ... music ... music ... "Thank you for calling the NFL Relief Hotline. I'm Michael Vick of the Atlanta Falcons." It's Ron Mexico! What up, dude? We hear lysine, an amino acid, is very helpful for your affliction. Viva La Mexico! Oh, darnit, that was recorded too.

More music ... music ... music ... "You've reached the NFL Bush/Clinton Katrina Relief Fund Hotline. Can I help you with your donation?" Yes! A real person.

We speak: "Yes, we'd like to give $100 to the fund. With whom am I speaking?" The voice: "This is Keith. Can I take your credit card number, or would you like to write a check?" Us: "We'll give you a credit card. Is this Keith Brookings?" Voice: "Uh, no, sir." Us: "Keith Traylor?" Voice: "No, sir, I don't play —-" Whoa! What happened? We got disconnected. And that didn't sound like John Elway! Jeez. Let's try this again.

• 9:27 p.m.: "We are unable to complete your call at this time." Grrr!
• 9:45 p.m. Busy.
• 10:01 p.m.: "Thank you for calling the NFL. I'm Peyton Manning! I — " Shit. We were so used to hitting redial we accidentally hung up. Dammit!
• 10:15 p.m. Busy.
• 10:26 p.m.: Busy.
• 10:29 p.m.: Ringing ... success! "Thank you for calling the NFL hurricane relief hotline. I'm Peyton Manning of the Indianapolis Colts." ... The recorded lady is back. "To donate using a credit card using our automated system, press 1. For information on mailing a donation by check, press 2. If you would like to speak with a representative, press Star. Para espanol number tres ... What? Now it's ALL automated? Man, screw this: Tony Danza lied to us. We're just gonna give online. Jerks.

Elway Chips In At Telethon [NFL.com]

Yep, tonight's an extended telethon to help the victims of Hurricane Katrina, and though we obviously support the cause, we can't help but smell all kinds of public relations stench wafting through. (By the way, we love the above picture of Dolphins cheerleaders accepting donations; the NFL never met a charity it couldn't jazz up with some sex and violence.) Considering the NFL was strangely unsympathetic directly after the disaster, and considering the NFL certainly has much to gain by the Saints continuing to be successful — they should hire David Stern to make sure they win — we just kind of feel like tonight's going to be a bit of an overkill. Better way to put it: If you need Chris Berman to convince you to contribute to the Red Cross, perhaps your priorities aren't quite where they need to be in the first place.

NFL Hurricane Relief Telethon [NFL.com]
NFL To New Orleans: Let Them Eat Cake [Deadspin]

Anyway, Solomon praises ESPN for its Hurricane Katrina coverage, says that — get this — the network is covering Terrell Owens too much, and actually writes the phrase "hype sells, but rarely endures," which might be the funniest thing on ESPN.com since the last Bill Simmons cartoon. He also says that figures like Texas Tech coach Bob Knight — who has an upcoming reality series on the network — should be treated as "newsmakers," not "entertainers." He then went back to watching "Teammates," we bet.

Putting Sports In Perspective [ESPN]

The men's and women's head coaches at Tulane told AD Rick Dickson during a conference call last week that other schools are contacting the Green Wave's top athletes and telling them to transfer. The New Orleans-based school, devastated by Hurricane Katrina, is still scrambling to figure out what to do with its sports teams, while opposing coaches obviously hope the NCAA waives the requirement that athletes sit out a year after transferring for Tulane athletes in this unique situation.

Yeah, yeah, that's bad and everything — though we hear most coaches had no such interest in the swim team, which was thought to be in a unique practice situation — but at least no one's trying to convince people their dead former player was a drug dealer. All that will do is get you hired for another job ... albeit in North Dakota.

College Football Plus (Newark Star-Ledger)

We're more curious about the actual effect the Saints' upset win over the Panthers will have on the city of New Orleans. ESPN's Len Pasquarelli seems to think so, detailing a letter New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin wrote Saints coach Jim Haslett, though, curiously, omitting the details of what it said. (Did he ask for a win? A couple bucks? A tissue?) We still find it hard to understand how excited New Orleans refugees can be about the success of a football team that not only represents a town that isn't there anymore, but probably won't even come back if the city does ever rebuild. We know we everyone's rooting for the Saints, and we know it has been difficult for their players. But we just think cheering for the Saints and cheering for New Orleans are two very different things, and somewhere out there, someone who hasn't done anything actually valuable to help will somehow convince themselves that rooting for the Saints counts as a good deed. It doesn't.

Saints Win Emotional Opener [ESPN]
The Monstrosity of Leaving the Big Easy [Deadspin]

On Terrell's official Web site, he announces he's making the seemingly impressive gesture of selling his NFC championship ring to raise money for hurricane relief. Pretty big-hearted, right? Don't athletes work their whole careers to win rings? Rings are pretty, too.

Well ... maybe not. The Philadelphia Daily News points out that rumors have been circling for weeks that Owens was going to reject the ring anyway in protest of the Eagles refusal to renegotiate his contract. Owens — or, more likely, dark lord agent Drew Rosenhaus — figured out a way to refuse the ring and still look like he cares about the planet at large. Clever. We know all that really matters is that the money is raised, no matter the motivation behind it ... but we'll just say the next time Owens does something truly altruistic will be the first.

To My Fellow Americans and Fans [TerrellOwens.com]
T.O.'s One-Ring Circus [Philly.com]

Thing is, though: We need a little visit from the Backstory Fairy. The backstory is that Saints owner Tom Benson has been threatening to move the team to San Antonio — where he has many business interests; why, yes, one of those businesses is used cars, how did you know? — for years if the city of New Orleans didn't build him a new football stadium. Considering the odds of New Orleans paying for a millionaire's new toy right now are about the odds of them erecting a statue of President Bush, and considering Benson's already-cloying private remarks to a Louisiana senator about the feasibility of a permanent San Antonio solution, well ... the man could be on the cusp of the asshole owner move to end all asshole owner moves.

And wouldn't you know it: The city is already calling him on it. In an editorial in the online Times-Picayune, the paper demands Benson announce right now that the Saints will stay in New Orleans.

It is difficult to believe Mr. Benson would want to leave, despite reports to the contrary. He has talked in recent months about how much he loves New Orleans, about his desire to stay here, and we take him at his word.

Before Katrina, Saints fans wanted their team to stay. Now they need it to stay.

Your move, Benson: You a hero, or a monster? Very rare does a public decision reveal the former or the latter so definitively.

Please Don't Go, Mr. Benson [NOLA]
Two Cities Likely To Split Saints [Washington Post]
Superdome Will Have To Be Torn Down [CNN]

Katrina Moves Marbury To Tears [Newark Star-Ledger]
Charity A Wee Bit At A Time [Deadspin]

MATTHEWS: Where s Texas getting the money for this for this effort?
PERRY: Well, you know, we will find the dollars. The fact of the matter is, this is by the grace of God, this could have been Houston, Texas, that we were talking about today, instead of New Orleans. And our neighbors are in need and we will find the dollars to make it work.
MATTHEWS: A small point. I don t mean to be whimsical, but, at this time, it wouldn t hurt for a little whimsy. How did you get the Astros out of their ballpark?
PERRY: Well, they re playing at a place called Minute Maid now, not the Astrodome.
MATTHEWS: Oh, really? I m brought up to...
PERRY: Welcome welcome to this year in baseball here, Chris.

Chris Matthews Needs The Frog [Sports Frog]