Some people are fans of the Tennessee Titans. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Tennessee Titans. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group.

1. The whole Kige Ramsey thing is old now. Yeah, yeah, I get it. He's retarded. He makes hand gestures. He's very literal. Hilarious. I've had enough just about enough of the whole "Kige Ramsey is so dumb, he's brilliant!" thing. He's but one symptom of the wave of supposed unintentional comedy currently pervading the American landscape. We're so busy laughing at shit that isn't funny that it's affecting our overall funniness as a culture. Know why some people think Dane Cook is funny? Because they're too busy laughing at an episode of fucking "Flavor of Love" to know any better. Demand more of your fucking comedy, people.

2. No Haynesworth means Cortland Finnegan will suck. It's amazing how much a run-stuffing defensive tackle can serve to improve other players on defense. With Albert Haynesworth plugging the middle, linebackers don't have as many blockers to shed, or they can drop further back into coverage, which then eases pressure on the secondary. Every position on defense has an affect on every other position, but that defensive tackle can exert perhaps the greatest influence of all. The Titans had a lot of standout players on defense last year: Finnegan, Keith Bullock, Kyle Van den Bosch. Will they all be just as good without the big fella around this time around? Fuck and no.

3. You Tennessee folk were in on this whole slavery business. Peter King cracked the code!

4. You will never be the Volunteers. Face it: the Titans exist primarily as a way for college football fans in Tennessee to nurse a Sunday hangover. What's that? The Titans blew a #1 seed and fell to Baltimore in the divisional round? Oh well, that's too bad. HEY Y'ALL, DIDJA JUST SEE WHAT THAT THERE CRAZY COOT LANE KIFFIN JUST DID?! HE TWEETED A RECROOOOT! I'D FUCK HIS WIFE TILL HER HEAD FELL OFF!

5. When Kerry Collins is your QB, one of two things can happen. One: he'll play serviceable but unspectacular football for the season, then fail to deliver in the playoffs, when you actually need to be able to pass the ball in important moments. Two: he'll start drinkin' toilet cleaner again, then he'll whip out the sambo dolls and stage a little Mantan puppet show in the locker room. Either way, while the Titans claim to be happy with their quarterbacks, the fact is that their fate lies in the hands of a thoroughly average journeyman, backed up by a limp-armed head case with a shit attitude.

And that's the Titans for you. Always good. But always a yard or two shy of being good enough to give a shit about.

Wanna be part of the Deadspin NFL previews? It's simple. Just email me here and give me some reasons why the team you hate most sucks. If it's because you dated a fan of the team and she turned out to be some crazy bitch who keyed your car, all the better.

He (Billy Ray Cyrus) had a chance to pitch the song to Titans quarterback Kerry Collins, who, as it turns out, is also a songwriter. "I dabbled a little bit," Kerry said. "I met Ed Hill and Billy Lawson and we sat down and came up with a song. I think it's pretty good." The title is "It's Not Hard to Be Happy When I'm Looking at You,"

More likely Vegas odds in the preseason of 2008: Collins accepts a Grammy for his songwriting or an MVP for his quarterbacking?

A-listers pay homage to BMI's top songwriters [Tennessean]

But it could be a lot longer than that. Young reportedly has told his mother and close friends that he wants to quit the game.

Felicia Young said her son has grown weary of all the negativity he faces as an NFL star. On Monday, he indicated to those around him he didn't want to play football any more. "Vince has gone through a whole lot as a young person,'' Felicia Young said. "And I think he has done pretty well up to this point. But it is hard, all he is going through right now. He's hurting inside and out. But he will be fine if people are prayerful and help my baby boy out. He is a young man. He just needs a lot of love and support.''

So apparently, all negotiations for the return of his $51 million signing bonus are going to be handled by his mom, if it comes to that. She's going to call Fisher and let him know that her son is quitting and then she'll have to drive over to the Titans facility and drop off his uniform, stirrups and cleats, kind of like kids do at the end of the season in youth football. But how can Young be weary of football when he reportedly spent Monday night trading autographs in my neighborhood for chicken wings?

Regardless, the Titans are moving on. Even with his injury it's not clear whether Young will play again this season. Which means Kerry “K-Gun” Collins will now be unleashing his 36-year-old cannon on unsuspecting NFL defenses. Ironic, since Collins himself has owned and lost starting roles with the Panthers, Giants and Raiders; at least some of those instances in connection with his fight with alcoholism.

I’m already terrified that Collins is going to decide he doesn’t want the pressure of being a starting NFL quarterback and the Titans will be the first team in NFL history to have two quarterbacks choose not to start for them. Oh, and the Titans have also signed Chris Simms as Collins’ backup. Remember how the Titans thought they were going to be free from drama once Pacman was gone? Yeah, not so much.

Vince Young Hurting Inside And Out, Mother Says [Tennessean]
Simms Takes Backup Role [Tennessean]

• It sure is nice seeing Kerry Collins back, isn't it? Remember when Kerry Collins was a big controversial figure? He got DUIs before it was cool to get DUIs. Collins has been around longer than you realize; he actually took over for Frank Reich, for crying out loud. Vince Young should be fine for the playoff game next week, which is kind of a shame; it might have been fun to see Collins' goofy arm hitch in the playoffs one more time. Not that we have much hope for the Titans anyway; when Kerry Collins is your savior, not even facing Norv Turner will be enough to keep you around long.

• Honestly, it really has been the worst sports year for Cleveland. It's downright wrong; that city has been cursed with just enough hope to make the disappointments really hurt. But hey, look who got some minutes yesterday!

• No offense to Vikings fans, but we're more excited to see the Redskins in the playoffs than the Vikes. Yep: We have Todd Collins fever. We bet they beat the Seahawks, by the way.

• Everyone in Detroit is chattering that Mike Martz is going to be fired. No Super Bowl losing coach has dropped as far as Martz since, who, Bill Callahan? It's a shame Nebraska, just to be funny, can't hire Martz as its next coach.

• Apparently Marv Levy is leaving Buffalo. That makes us extremely sad; we wanted him to be there until he was 103.

• The Buzzsaw finished 8-8. Mock us if you will, but we'll absolutely take it. That's the first non-losing season in a decade. Just in time for Leinart to return and screw it all up next year.

(CORRECTION: Kerry Collins did not take over for Frank Reich. That was Todd Collins. So many Collinses! We apologize.)