Who's the bum now? Derrick Mason demanded to know following Baltimore's 500 yard, 38-point offensive showcase against the Chiefs yesterday.

In the wake of that victory, the former retiree WR made this rebuttal to current retiree WRs Keyshawn Johnson and Cris Carter:

Keyshawn Johnson is the bum, that's why he's in the analyst seat. He tried to come back to football but no one would sign him. He was never that good a player. He got lucky and signed on in Tampa Bay and won a Super Bowl because they had a great defense.

"Just look at the two people doing the criticizing, that's all I'm saying. Keyshawn was overrated and Carter is in the same boat I'm in. He doesn't have a Super Bowl ring either. He's in the analyst seat without a ring. At least I'm playing. He still wants to play but he can't anymore. We're the bums? That's why you're in the analyst seat. Just be quiet and keep dreaming you still could play.

Ravens Offense Explodes, On And Off The Field [PFT]

Ravens Win With More Than Just Defense With Flacco Behind the Wheel [CBS Sports]

UPDATE: ESPN maintains that Johnson/Carter never called Flacco "a bum" during the press conference. " nobody specific was being addressed during that comment...They were just talking and said that the Ravens have not spent all their money on receivers...they spend it on defense."

Here's an amusing little snag from Awful Announcing, featuring current "Inside the NFL" analyst Warren Sapp and budding home decorator/"NFL Live" analyst, Keyshawn Johnson. Sapp was responding to viewer questions during his "Ask Warren Anything" segment. One viewer was curious about Sapp's thoughts on his former teammate's upcoming "Tackling Design" reality show. Sapp is, well, not impressed.

(On whether he would ever watch Keyshawn Johnson’s reality show about interior design)
SAPP: Me, watch Keyshawn on an interior decorating show? Keyshawn, I knew you were a bitch. And thanks for making it all clear.

And ESPN columnist Jemele Hill, obviously thirsting for retired NFL diva blood, is excited about the possibility of man-on-man bitch-slappery. On her personal blog, she antagonizes Keyshawn about Sapp's comment and encourages him to stand up for himself .

Look, I'm not a violent person, but that strikes me as ass-whupping worthy. When Joey Porter and Brandon Marshall got into their war of words, notice Marshall stopped just short of calling JP a bitch. Probably because you just don't go there.
If I'm Key, we couldn't handle it like gentlemen, we'd have to get into some gangsta shit.

You hear that, Keyshawn? You've been called out, son. Grab your stenciling tool.

Warren Sapp calls Keyshawn a "Bitch" on Inside the NFL [Showtime]
Jemel

Awful Announcing has the press release:

Outspoken NFL veteran wide receiver Keyshawn Johnson may be known best for his play on the field, but now he's putting a completely different set of skills to the test in "Keyshawn Johnson: Tackling Design." Furniture, fabric and finishings used to be just a hobby, but with his football days behind him Johnson's wide-receiving now has more to do with fitting furniture through the front door of a house. Will clients take this former pro-athlete seriously as an interior designer? The ten episode half-hour series follows Johnson as he tries to make a name in the world of interior design. And given the pressures and personalities, Johnson's famous temper is sure to be put to the test.

It's good to know that the producers of the show see the benefit of keeping "Johnson's famous temper" as part of the show's narrative arc. I can't think of a more compelling half hour of viewing than watching Keyshawn walk into an under-utilized space to yell at a stranger about color schemes and where to put the ottoman. Good news for LA residents — you could be one of Keyshawn's first victims.

Keyshawn Johnson Now has a reality show [Awful Announcing]

Owens used his weekly radio show to explain that his comments on Sunday were said merely out of frustration due to the loss to the Washington Redskins and that the fact that roughly half the balls thrown his way were "not a valid catchable pass" is not a reflection on the skills of the man throwing them or the offense that created them. So everything's cool ... ALL RIGHT!? What is not all right, however, is when a no-talent washout like Keyshawn Johnson dares to criticize him from his ESPN analyst chair.

"Then, Owens turned his attention to Johnson, who he referred to as "Sheshawn" on three separate occasions, the Star-Telegram reported.

(As the No. 1 overall pick in the 1996 draft) he is the ultimate underachiever on that (ESPN) panel. I am the reason he is in the booth," Owens said. "Everybody is aware when I was brought to Dallas, he was the one they let go to get me here."

Sooooo ... no hard feelings then? It's kind of hard to know who to side with here. T.O. vs. Keyshawn? Can we get Deion Sanders or Pete Rose involved somehow?

In other news, Terrell Owens has a weekly radio show? How is that not simulecast on all ESPN networks, TBS, Comedy Central and C-SPAN?

• T.O. reportedly defends Romo, rips 'Sheshawn' [MSNBC]

That being said, the only way that this interview between Keyshawn Johnson and Chad Johnson could be more entertaining is if Clinton Portis suddenly appeared in giant glasses and clown shoes. I've never seen the interviewer get frustrated and end the interview ... isn't it usually the other way around?

Video: Keyshawn Johnson Interviews Chad Johnson [Sportaphile]

If you want to relieve the sublime comedy of Keyshawn Johnson's "excitement" after learning that the Carolina Panthers drafted his "buddy" Dwayne Jarrett — thus securing his release from the team — the video above has the complete footage. It was funny at the time, but it improves considerably knowing what's going to happen three days later. Best part: Keyshawn pointing out that he advised Jarrett to stay in school, a decision that surely caused him to drop in the draft. Taking a guy's job seems like sweet revenge there.

As if they had nothing better to argue about, Terrell Owens and Donovan McNabb are feuding over a text message that Owens may or may not have received from his former Eagles' teammate. McNabb says he sent Owens' good tidings after T.O.'s trip to the hospital last week, which may or may not have been a suicide attempt. But Owens said he never got the message. Hilarity ensued.

"I think the message was sent," McNabb told the Associated Press. "If he read it or received it, then I think he would know."

And:

"Look, I'm not trying to start anything," Owens said. "He's a smart guy. If he wanted my number, he could've gotten it."

We hear that the two of them will meet in some sort of football game this Sunday.

• You Go, Keyshawn . Do we really need another scandal in which former victims continue to appear out of the woodwork? Panthers' center Justin Hartwig says that he, too, was a victim of Albert Haynesworth's foot three years ago (the Titans' defensive tackle was suspended five games for stomping on Andre Gurode's head on Sunday). Hartwig says that Haynesworth kicked him in the chest during a training camp drill in 2003 when both played for the Titans. This, of course, prompted Panthers' receiver Keyshawn Johnson to pipe up: "I wouldn't want him on my team. That's just me. I don't condone it. I don't think it's cool. If somebody did that on this team when I was here, I'd tell (owner Jerry Richardson) the same thing, 'I don't want him on my team. I'm not going to play with a dude doing that on my team.' "

• Randy Moss Has His Finger On The Problem. It's the age-old question: If Randy Moss spouts off in the forest, does it make a sound? In his latest rambling manifesto, Moss told Fox Sports Radio that he wasn't concerned about the team's poor start because "it doesn't seem like nobody else is concerned." Ignoring his double negative, Moss continued "I mean, I don't really know what the feeling is. But I know the feeling is bad, so that's saying no one cares about what's going on around here." To which head coach Art Shell responded: "I don't worry about that. Maybe I'm naive, but I don't worry about that." Yeah, it's like a passenger on the Titanic complaining about the noise in the next stateroom.

T.O.-McNabb Feud Heats Up Over Text Message [MSNBC]
Keyshawn Rips Tempermental Haynesworth [MSNBC]
18 And Unhappy [SF Gate]