Thankfully, some members of the faculty don't spend their off-hours knitting or reading and let the others know that, yes, "Fukudome" is in fact the surname of a n extremely popular Cubs player who happens to be Japanese.

Sadly, the girl's mother reveals that this whole incident could have been avoided had family been able to afford the real jersey their Cubs-crazy daughter wanted:

"She's a big Cubs fan, and we got the jersey at Dick's. We were going to get a [Kerry] Wood one, but it cost more."

Given the hypersensitivity of this school's administration, a "Wood" jersey probably would have resulted in a three-day suspension.

Is Fukudome a Dirty Word? [Chicago Sun Times]
Fukudome is Obscene In Chicago [Slanch Report]

Taken aback by this development, the Cubs began their inevitable fall from grace with a 10-7 loss to the Brewers, who collected 17 hits off of five Chicago pitchers (Jason Marquis started and went five innings, taking the loss). Mike Cameron, Corey Hart, Bill Hall and JJ "Kid Dyn-o-mite" Hardy all had three hits for the Brewers. With Alfonso Soriano returning from the DL on Thursday, the Cubs will get about beating this jinx business. But just in case, I'm learning how to say Epic Fail in Japanese.

• The Yankees Have Jumped The Shark. Alex Rodriguez has been placed on the 15-day DL, a development that has caused much wailing and gnashing of teeth in the Bronx, but at least Jorge Posada now has some company. The Yankees celebrated this news by losing 6-4 to the resurgent Tigers, as Gary Sheffield and Curtis Granderson had homers and Kenny Rogers earned the win. Detroit (12-15) has won six of its past eight.

• The Sky Is Falling On Roy Halladay. If you've got kids, you've probably seen the movie Chicken Little, and the baseball scene therein. In that scene Chicken hits a home run to win the game, and takes about an hour rounding the bases, with all manner of comical missteps along the way. Such was the scene on Tuesday with David Ortiz, who scored from second on Kevin Youkilis' single in the ninth to give the Red Sox a 1-0 win over the Blue Jays. Vernon Wells helped by butchering the ball in center as Ortiz chugged around third. Jon Lester threw a one-hitter over eight innings for the win, and Roy Halladay went all the way for the loss; his fourth straight complete game, and third loss. Damn.

• The Joe Saunders Show. This Angels-Athletics rivalry is getting to be an entertaining thing. Joe Saunders went to 5-0 as LA/Anaheim/Fullerton beat Oakland 2-0, moving into a first-place tie with the Athletics in the West.

• Torre On A Roll? The offensive stylings of Jeff Kent — a two-out single in the ninth — broke a tie and gave the Dodgers their fourth straight win, 7-6, over your still-in-first-place Florida Marlins.

• Your Padres Update For Today. Maddux gives up, will skip over win No. 350 and go directly to No. 351.

In a post on ChicagoSports.com, writer Rahula Strohl was offended and then opened up the forum to some of his commenters to explain why the T-shirt was not offensive. Of course there were some people who agreed with Stohl, including this enlightened commenter who did his own due dilligence in order to come to this conclusion as to why it was offensive:

What's wrong with you guys who defend the t-shirt? Fukudome does not like the shirt, whatever the intent, good or bad, who cares? He does not like the shirt and he is offended, why people try to impose the shirt on him and other Asians (myself included) as being "ok" confuses me. Also, what doesn't even make sense to me is that the "L" and "R" make some sense but since when did "C" and "K" become a pronounciation issue for Asians? I just watched all 3 Karate Kid movies just to make sure and Pat Moriata never had a problem saying "C."

Exactry.

Words Cannot Describe It [ChicagoSports.com]

Some of the signs the bleacher bums parade out in the stands aren't exactly correct Japanese, and the headbands are worn all wrong, says Fukudome:

''It's nice to see more and more people wearing the T-shirts and the headbands,'' he said Thursday. ''But I do realize that many people are wearing the headbands upside down.''

The signs he has read also have amused him. For instance, one sign tried to say ''It's going to happen'' in both English and Japanese, but the Japanese translated to ''By coincidence.''

''Basically, all of the signs have mistakes in the translations, so they don't make much sense,'' Fukudome said.

Cubs Fans Show Off Inaccurate Love Of Fukudome [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
Fukudomania [Sun-Times]

Perhaps even more troubling than the loss, was Kerry Wood's three-run ninth-inning barf as the Cubbies' new closer. Lou Piniella still maintains an aura of positivity, even though more games like this will surely result in dust-kicking temper tantrums or more desperate motivational techniques.

• Tom Gordon should just be vanquished to a small island and forced to eat himself. Brett Myers gave himself a mohawk and pitched like a number one starter for a few innings, then the inevitable 5th inning fade happened again and the Phillies were forced to go bull-penning. Ryan Madson gave up a couple, the Phillies tied it in the 8th, but then Flash came out turd-tossing in the 9th that led to a Washington Nationals offensive volcano. Final score: 11-6. Once again the Phillies start off with major concerns about their pitching staff, and the nagging feeling that the first part of the season will be absolutely horrible. Wake me when it's June.

• The Bastard Mets quest to forget about 2007 . Even worse for the Phillies, the Mets trotted out prized pig Johan Santana, who pitched seven strong innings and officially scared the brown stuff out of all National League contenders. David Wright popped a double in the fourth inning which provided more than enough runs to defeat the Florida Marlins. The one bright spot for Florida? Those lovable Manatees, who jiggled their way into the hearts of thousands of Miami women who like their dancing men rotund and smelling of cased meats.

• Speaking of fat guys...C.C. Sabathia looked bad in what may very well be his final opening day start as a Cleveland Screaming Native American. Lucky for him, Mark Buehrle was just wretched, giving up seven runs in a little less than two innings of work, putting his White Sox in a 7-2 hole early. But they rallied back and tied it up just long enough to make it interesting. Casey Blake spoiled the intrigue in the 8th with a three-run double which was enough to kill the Sox and illicit a litany of vile Venezuelan expletives from Ozzie Guillen.

• Uh oh, better get Safeco Making his Mariners debut, Erik Bedard threw approximately 435 pitches in just five innings but still managed to stifle the offensively incontinent Texas Rangers. Kevin Millwood gave up five runs, got the loss and is still wondering how the hell he once won 18 games for the Braves.

On 205th explains (via Wikipedia):

The Rising Sun Flag is the military flag of Japan. It had been used as the ensign of the Imperial Japanese Navy and the war flag of the Imperial Japanese Army until the end of World War II. It is also presently the ensign of the Japan Maritime Self-Defense Force and the war flag of the Japan Ground Self-Defense Force.

This flag is often considered offensive in countries which were victims of Japanese hostility, particularly China, Australia, United States and the Koreas, where it is seen as alarming, nationalistic and hostile. (Wikipedia)

As if Australia had not suffered enough.

Lest you think we're doing an anti-Cub thing, we remind you of this image, far more terrifying and offensive than anything the Cubs marketing department could come up with.

Chicago Cubs Have No Problem Offending People [On205th]

(By the way, Fukudome and Josh Beckett have actually faced each other before.)

I think that it's every UCLA coed's dream to one day be Mrs. Suksomwong. Ladies, ladies, please! No pushing! Sheesh, take a number!

[UCLABand.com, via Dave Barry Blog]

The Cubs are looking for a left-handed-hitting outfielder to take over right field and balance their right-handed lineup. Fukudome, who has averaged 29 homers between 2003-06, was limited last season because of bone chips in his right elbow. Cubs manager Lou Piniella said scouts have described the outfielder as a cross between Hideki Matsui and Ichiro Suzuki.

Whatever that means.

And now we must officially apologize for the sophomoric attitude toward this man's name. It's juvenile behavior, and we're better than that, quite frankly. It's now out of our system. (Hee, hee).

Cubs Win Fukudome Sweepstakes [Chicago Cubs.com]
It's Pronounced "Koh-skay Foo-koo-DOUGH-may" [Bleed Cubbie Blue]

Silly name aside, he seems like a valuable commodity for any team in need of a left-handed power-hitting outfielder. If/when he signs with an MLB team, he should make about $10 million a year, which is ... okay, I'm kidding. I can't put get past that name.

We silly pig-dog Americans may laugh and slap knees on the name "Kosuke Fukudome," but you have to wonder who among our ballplayers have names which, when translated to Japanese, are downright goofy. I'm sure Josh Beckett is Japanese for "one who poorly juggles fetuses in his spare time." And with our luck, Dmitri Young translates to "peaceful are the tides."

Getting To Know You: Kosuke Fukudome [UmpBump]
Fuk Me? No, Fukudome! [The Nationals Enquirer]