JORGE Julio provoked the largest Saturday home crowd in Mets history to actually chant "Bring back Benson," though it never specified Kris, Anna or the 1980s sitcom. At this point, any of those would be more acceptable.

You simply can't go wrong with a reference to a Robert Guillame sitcom, so if nothing else, Mets fans should thank Jorge Julio for that. But Sherman isn't the only one who isn't feeling Jorge; that's one of just two seperate Julio-hatred articles in the post today. And this Mets blogger at MiracleMets.Net says Julio makes Kaz Matsui look like Jeff Kent. I don't think he means that in a nice way.

Brewers 8, Mets 2 [MiracleMets.Net]
JORGE EARNING HIS BOOS [New York Post]
TIME TO ADDRESS THIS JULIO MESS [New York Post]

MEDIA ALERT

ANNA BENSON DISMISSES DIVORCE PETITION

April 4, 2006 - According to her attorney Jeffrey B. Bogart, Anna Benson today has dismissed her divorce petition filed in Atlanta, Georgia. She expresses her love for her husband and her sincere desire to reconcile their marriage.

Source: 5W Public Relations

Now. OK.

This world is full of scary, scary things, nasty large things, with sharp teeth and pointy claws. These things hold us all the day through, and they make us feel less than well, or, even worse, as if we are something other than we have always told ourselves we were. These things make us scared; they make us dead inside. They make us lose faith in our basic self-trust, as if the world is constantly shifting beneath our feet, as if what we have always thought of as real no longer exists as such.

And then ... as quickly as it had all been pulled away ... our faith is renewed. We look outside, and the sun shines brighter, the grass glistens, the sky is vast, open, endless, beautiful. There's hope out there, kids. There's hope for all of us. Your faith was rewarded.

It all worked out. Sleep easy, everyone: It's all going to be OK.

The Day The Music Died [Deadspin]

Wait. We're not ready. Give us a second.

According to the New York Daily News, Anna caught Kris cheating on her with one of her friends. This, of course, begs the question: Anna Benson has friends? Anyway, Benson's publicist says, "She's completely crushed; she didn't see this coming. She had no choice but to take this action."

Hmm. Far be it from us to cast aspersions on the reputation of a woman with a shitload of guns, but let's look at the facts here. Just after a trade from the largest media market in the country to Baltimore, in the middle of spring training, Kris Benson decided that not only he was going to have sex with a woman who was not his wife, but specify that it be one of her friends? Really? Either Kris Benson is an even bigger moron than any of us could have possibly imagined ... or something's fishy about this tale. Or both, we suppose.

Bensons Kayoed [New York Daily News]
The Day The Music Died [Deadspin]
Do Not Mess With Anna Benson And Her Guns [Deadspin]

Each generation has its cultural touchstones, those moments when everyone remembers where they were, at that specific moment, from that second until the day that they die. Late at night, at a dinner party or social function, someone will mention the event, and the party will hush, and recollections will be shared with whispers, as quiet as possible, so as not to upset the delicate nature of such sacred memories.

This is one of those moments: According to her publicist, Anna Benson has filed for divorce from her husband, Baltimore Orioles pitcher Kris Benson. She says the marriage is "irrevocably broken."

You were there. Let's all share this moment. Let us never forget. Only with time will these wounds heal.

Anna Benson Files For Divorce [Mets Blog]

(Photo via AnnaBenson.net)

The conversation will no doubt focus primarily on:

• What to do instead of sitting on your fat ass collecting welfare.
• "Loofa Things." (Or, say, "falafels.")
• "Magniloquent diarrhea."
• "Dorks" who "hug fucking trees."
• Pretty much anything involving ripping the flesh off an animal and letting its blood drip down your chin while its shrieks lessen in volume until, with a final muted gasp, it mercifully meets a timely death.
• New Orioles pitching coach Leo Mazzone.

"The O'Reilly Factor" [Fox News]
Dumb, Dumb [AnnaBenson.net]

Take your time, Kris Benson. And cross your fingers that somewhere, someplace, somehow, there is somewhere very far from here, where your life is different somehow, where you have a nice wife named Taylor, and she bakes pies and supports your career and doesn't threaten to sleep with all your teammates were you to ever be unfaithful. (Oh, and doesn't always threaten to kill the dog.) That place has to be out there, Kris. Maybe Kansas City.

NY Mets Christmas Party Gallery [Newsday]

Anyway, apparently Anna is no fan of PETA and their anti-fur protests. To say the least. From her open letter to the organization:

And where did you get the idea that animals should have the same rights as mentally challenged people? Maybe we should let animals compete in the Special Olympics as well? You re suggesting that they have the same mental capabilities, so why not? You are all fucking crazy and idiotic for being so radical and one sided about animals. They have, like, two cells in their little animal heads, but I think natural instinct helps them understand that they are here to eat and be eaten.

And I also think that the animal gods understand that, in the big scheme of things, some animals must give up their fur to keep me warm just like some humans must give up their lives because Mr. Bear didn t like them walking through his woods. Besides, if animals were not killed some, they would take over the earth, multiplying exponentially, and our resources would be jeopardized. Your idiot-based campaigns make me want to go kill some deer.

We're hardly huge PETA boosters, but, for the record, we would very much like to see dogs compete in the Special Olympics.

Letter To PETA [AnnaBenson.net] (bottom of page)
Anna Benson Is MAKING NEWS [Deadspin]

This, of course, makes perfect sense, the Mets trading away someone because of the assuredly wretched publicity it would receive for a players' wife posting nude. We full expect a statement from Anna next week saying that Willie Randolph took Benson out in the sixth inning when he had plenty left because of her upcoming appearance on VH-1's "The Fabulous Life," that Benson shoulder troubles stemmed from her impending fragrance line and that the Mets' late pressing of Benson's uniform on her appearance on the Howard Stern show on "E!" airing at 11 p.m. weeknights, Eastern/Pacific.

Amazin's Hurler's Wife Pitches Fit [NY Daily News]
AnnaBenson.net [Official Site]

(As usual, Newsday's Jon Heyman had this first.)