The AP has already retracted their initial report that stated that the three players involved in the incident had been charged with rape. They were charged with "conspiracy," which I'm sure makes a big difference in a court of law. According to the reports, one of the accused and the victim both agree that they were having consensual sex in his dorm room, when his buddies burst into the room. What happened next is where things get fuzzy.

The victim told police they got naked and assaulted her. Their lawyer says it was just some "sophomoric, college-boy antics," which is ironic because it appears they are all freshman. I don't know what Connecticut law considers to be "assault," but I have a feeling that dropping your pants in front of a naked woman pinned to a bed goes beyond "alcohol-fueled hijinks."

The girl screamed and struggled with her assailants, police said, and Triner and Travers fled the room. Sanders then asked the sobbing student if he could resume having intercourse with her, police said.

Oh my. So if I'm understanding this correctly (and these reports turn out to be true), they didn't rape her. They just made her think she was about to be raped. As a joke. And one of them somehow thought this wouldn't spoil the mood?

Given the history of lacrosse players, drunken sexual hijinks, and the media, I'm sure all future coverage of this story will be completely reasonable and free of hyperbole. So let me kick things off by saying that America's children will be the downfall of human society and this is probably a harbinger of Earth's ultimate destruction by aliens in 2012. Developing.

SHU lacrosse players charged with sexually assaulting female student [The Connecticut Post]
Sacred Heart Lacrosse Players Charged in Connection with Assault [WTIC]
STORY REMOVED: US—Lacrosse Players Charged [AP]
[Photo via]

All in all, the brawl lasted ten minutes, resulted in 173 penalty minutes, and led to ten players (including both back-up goalies) getting tossed. It was also the largest spontaneous outburst of mass violence in Canadian history not involving a canceled Guns N' Roses concert.

Game 2 goes later this evening. Should be a doozy.

Mann Cup: Bench-clearing brawl mars Salmonbellies' 12-9 win in Game 1 [The Province]

*****

That's it for today. To those contributing members of the workforce, enjoy the rest of a deserved long weekend. And to those of you dreading a return to school, remember - you always have options.

It was one of those rare games when it was perfectly acceptable for the common spectator — OK, me — to switch allegiances on every score, even though I didn't actually care who won. Also, players on both teams wore those uncomfortably large triangles of eye-black. It was college lacrosse at its finest.

Cornell seemed to have the title wrapped up first when it took a late three-goal lead, and again, when it regained possession leading 9-8 with 20 ticks left. Then came one of the best sports sequences of the year — or, as one video dubbed it, the Greatest 20 seconds in Lacrosse History!!

It's Moyer. Twenty seconds left. Nims all over him. Ball on the ground, still loose. Can Syracuse get it? Keough does. Ten seconds left. Here's Abbott, trying to get loose, in front, Nims has it, he scores! He scores! Kenny Nims scores! With four seconds left! Can you believe it? The Orange ties it up! 9-9!

Soon after, Cody Jamieson scored early in the overtime and, of course, Syracuse won. No way Cornell was going to rally after a failed clear, a missed ground ball, a catch in traffic, an over-the-shoulder pass tipped by a defender right into the stick of the game-winning sniper, who still needed to dodge the goalie and sneak in a bouncer.

Amazing rally lifts Syracuse [Post-Standard]
Syracuse wins 2nd straight national title [The Daily Orange]

Jesse Painter played for Notre Dame de Namur University, a Div. II school in Belmont, Calif., about three miles from where I live. I may have even seen this guy play, as I am a fan of the butterfly net sport. If so, he didn't make a lasting impression. But he did with a recent email, which he sent to a couple of Bay Area coaches, who then forwarded it on to others. Hilarity ensued. An excerpt:

Hey my name is Jesse Painter I have been trying to get onto a Mens Lax team for a while now that I recently graduated NDNU last Spring. You probably don't want any young guns on your team but I am telling you I can probably out sprint any player on your team and can hit top cheese on the run everytime.

The "top cheese" email has become rather famous, and now Mr. Painter has responded to all the commotion. He sent another email to the site BroBible, defending the first one. He begins this way:

I will reply if you take that mug off of me and show a regular lacrosse picture on the site. heres a suitible one.

BroBible complies. Painter responds:

I had played against these club teams before in college and smoked them, so really there was no envy to start things off. I was just looking for a suitable team full of guys who might want some younger players. It seemed like maybe they would because I had even seen some highschool players have a game or two with them. It turns out 6 months earlier I had been seriously trying to contact the so called "team managers" on their homepage and by email and I received no response. After a few emails and months later I was at a standstill because no one would give me the time of day. This led me to become a bit fired up and frustrated with these guys so I knew I had to make a statement.

Those who know me, understand that I am a guy who doesn't care about what anyone says or thinks about me. I make jokes, pull pranks and will say anything on my mind, even if it pisses someone off. So here I am sitting at my desk with the fire in my belly I felt before each game itching to get on the field and do some damage on the opposing team. I thought, hey why not throw out some bullshit email to show these Dukes why they should have let me play for them. I didn't know if they would take it serious or just throw it in the spam folder so I was like what the hell. I decided to mess with them a little bit, throw in some rants, toss out some names, & make them think I was the biggest & best shit they ever flushed down the toilet. Which basically worked (on Mr. Matty Fields along with his compadres, the Marin Lax Squad). Thanks Matty, with your help this shit spread faster than the "Leaked Beat Up Rhianna Facial Photo." Before you knew it people were trying to hit me up and figure out if I really thought I was that good or if I'm some loser trying to make a name for myself. The answer is no I am not either of those people, I'm just a guy who loves playing lacrosse because I get to hack peoples shins, throw bows, and chuck a ball at peoples faces standing in front of the net. However, I still do manage to hit top cheese whether you like it or not.

Jesse

Whether you're a guy who loves to hack peoples shins, throw bows, or just hit top cheese despite all the doubters, you have to appreciate this. Jesse, however, doesn't actually mention scoring goals, which he did only six times his senior season. (Correction: 24 goals, which was third-best on the team. Go Argos!).

Top Cheese-Hitting Laxer Jesse Painter Explains to BroBible His Infamous Email To Marin Club Team [BroBible]

Yes, I'm making fun of lacrosse players, because it's easy and blindsiding unsuspecting opponents with your shoulder doesn't make you a football player. Dropping the gloves and slugging it out doesn't make you a hockey player either, but it is still entertaining.

The donnybrook that followed this hit actually is impressive, especially after you see the tango and Daniel-san posturing that proceeded it. I didn't think that would turn into an actual fight! But that's the Boston-New York rivalry for you. There is no love lost between these two cities, am I right?

"This is no laughing matter." Nope! Not at all! (She's fine, by the way. That's why it's funny.)

By the way, did you know Major League Soccer Lacrosse was founded by the Body By Jake guy? We had no idea.

The league has sought to make its dancers, music, marketing and logos "edgy" in a bid to connect with the 12- to 19-year-old demographic. The Mammoth have resorted to those tactics, too, making a range of eye-catching moves, including seating some fans in hot tubs beside women in bikinis.

Here's the one picture I was able to find of the hot tub in question...

It doesn't take an MBA to recognize brilliance... no matter what Shanoff may tell you. I'm just not sure I'm crazy about using women in bikinis to draw attention to your product. Surely I'd never partake in such nonsense.

Hot Tubs And Women In Bikinis Will Always Help Attendance [FanIQ]

Original Mammoth hot tub picture via Flickr

The LumberJax of the National Lacrosse League have achieved an unusual "first" in professional sports: The team owner is marrying a player. Angela Batinovich, majority owner of the second-year franchise, is engaged to Adam Bysouth, a player for the indoor team. "We kind of had to decide if this was going to be something we really wanted to try or if this was just something we needed to just end and not let it complicate our lives," Batinovich said. "And we decided we wanted to keep going."

I have no idea what that quote means, but here's to hoping that we see more of this kind of thing in professional sports! No, um, wait ...

Batinovich And Bysouth Married [NLL.com]

Team leaders said Kyle Hawkins was dismissed because of his job performance, not his sexual orientation. Hawkins recently completed his first season as head coach after publicly disclosing his homosexuality. The team finished with a 6-9 record, Hawkins' first losing season at the school. "We, as a team, did not feel coach Hawkins was the best man for the job," team president Andy Mackley said. "Sport is all we care about, not the sexuality of our coach, players and those associated with our team."

Among the concerns: dissatisfaction with his practice regimen and the coach's negative reputation outside the school. "Those are laughable," Hawkins said. "A week and a half before the meeting, they had sat in front of the ESPN cameras and said what a great coach I was."

Hawkins famously came out in a post on the Outsports message board in June of last year. It was some of his players, ironically, who wanted him removed.

Four of the players, all of them seniors this coming year, voiced concern to the administration and asked that Hawkins be removed as head coach of their team. One of the players' parents is the president of the Mizzou lacrosse parent booster club ... who wrote a letter to the university administration asking that Hawkins be removed as head lacrosse coach.

Missouri won the Big XII division of the Great Rivers Lacrosse Conference in 2006, and Hawkins had a 127-58 career record at the school. At Missouri lacrosse is a club sport, making it about as high profile as the Worlds of Warcraft Club, and just slightly more athletic. So one would think that if the school had a successful coach, it would do everything in its power to hold on to him. One would think.

Maybe there's an opening on Tony Dungy's staff.

Gay Lacrosse Coach Let Go At Missouri After Nine Seasons [USA Today]
Openly Gay Kyle Hawkins Faces Fire And Finds Support At Missouri [Outsports]

We have always been amused by lacrosse, which is America's oldest sport and tends to put us in the mind of butterfly collecting. It is also the only sanctioned activity in which it is legal to poke your opponent repeatedly with a stick. But we also knew that the pro version was missing one key ingredient: Drunken, loutish fans. Well, as you can see, problem solved.

The Rochester Nighthawks are your new National Lacrosse League champions, after Sunday's 13-11 triumph over the Arizona Sting. This was not lost on hundreds of Nighthawk fans who gathered around televisions to watch their team finally win the big one. Of course, the game was supposed to be played at Rochester, but had to be moved to Glendale, Ariz.

"It's unfortunate they couldn't have had the game here, but we're more than thrilled," said Nathan Ferguson, 29, of Gates. "It has been 10 years since they won. This is awesome!" Like many fans, he was disappointed that a scheduling conflict prevented the game from being at Blue Cross Arena at the Community War Memorial. Rochester had earned home-floor advantage, but the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus was already booked.

This happened to the Super Bowl once, didn't it?

Nighthawks Soar To NLL Title [Rochester Democrat & Chronicle]
NCAA Lacrosse Quarterfinals Will Have A Different Look [USA Today]

To anyone who has followed the case over the last few months, this is no surprise, and for anyone who knows the publicity-ready Nifong, the fact that the news broke the Friday before Christmas isn't much of a surprise either. Frankly, as far as we're concerned, the earlier this case gets out of everyone's lives, the better.

Long timers: Where's Tal4Prezz when we need him?

Nifong Drops Case [WRAL]

What I've tried to do behind the scenes is say, 'We're with you. We'll see what happens, and whatever happened if you did it, you should be punished.' Giving support does not mean you're choosing sides. Giving support is what a university should do ... because we're in the kid business.

Yes, you can almost smell the graham cracker being dipped into the milk. By the way, nothing in the interview about this, in case you were wondering.

So you know, though: We're in the kid business.

Coach K Breaks Silence On Duke Lacrosse Case [MSNBC]
Does Redick Have Bigger Worries Than The DUI? [Deadspin]

Todd Munson is a Deadspin reader who lives in Los Angeles and — like all good sons — went home to see his mother yesterday, in Omaha, Neb. When he was walking down Dodge Street, the main Omaha drag, he noticed the word "WHORE" on a sign hanging from the pedestrian bridge just above.

He looked closer, and he realized it was one man's lonely protest against the accuser of several Duke lacrosse players. The sign said: "JAIL THE DURHAM WHORE. DUKE LACROSSE POWER." We'll let Munson take it from there.

"I tried to keep a little distance between myself and the guy fearing that he might eat me, but he got all excited like crazy folks do when they think they've made a new fan. I didn't catch his name but chances are it was either Larry or Carl. He said he was out the day before and some liberal fags jumped him and tore down his signs but he was back again today because he lives in America goddammit.

He said he'd been out since one. It was six when we saw him and he said he was going to be there for another hour and he'd really appreciate it if I could support his cause by bringing him a beer. Pretty much made my trip back home worthwhile."

If you needed any more proof that cable news is making the world decidedly more stupid, here it is.

(UPDATE: By the way, they've indicted another player in the case.)

We've grown so tired of this case; no one knows anything about what happened that night, so everyone just relies on the same news reports that everyone is simultanously decrying. But it will be interesting and instructive to see if the case continues with the same fervor now that the election issue is behind us. We hope so. We really hope so.

We send you back to your regularly scheduled fun programming now.

Nifong Wins Primary [News & Observer]
Duke And Cover [Slate]

In case you've missed it, a Ohio high school lacrosse coach is under investigation for assault on one of his players. Did he punch the kid in an overheated practice? Did he grab him around the neck and mock-choke him, Knight-style?

No, no, nothing so ribald ... he simply held the kid down while his older teammates stuck their fingers in his ass.

Really. From The Columbus Dispatch: "One coach then held a player down while another, wearing a black glove, inserted his hand into the player's boxer shorts. The boy was screaming, 'Get the (expletive) off of me, leave me alone,' the report says. The event took 20 to 30 seconds, the report says. Players described their teammate as having a 'shocked look, ghostly white face.' But attorney Karl Schneider, who represents Pentz, said the reports are embellished. 'It's horseplay. It's guys being guys.'"

Yes. That is exactly what it is. Who hasn't done a little casual fisting among their boys? Right? Right? Who's with us? Hello?

More Freaky Bizarre LaCross Action [The Mighty MJD]
Coach Blames Players For Police Investigation [Columbus Dispatch]

We always forget that Bilas is, in fact, a practicing lawyer, for Moore & Van Allen in Charlotte. His bio page is right here, and it has this great morsel: Representative Cases: Lyons Partnership v. Morris Costumes, Inc., et al. (N.C. Superior Court). Successfully defended costume shop against trademark-copyright action brought by owners of children's television character Barney. "

Not only is Bilas a successful analyst, an accomplished lawyer and actor in Dolph Lundgren movies, he's also against Barney. What's not to love?

Jay S. Bilas [Moore & Van Allen]
"I Come In Peace" [Blogcritics]
Switched At Birth [Deadspin]

Darren Rovell reported yesterday that Duke lacrosse merchandise is selling like crazy. We're kind of at a loss here, so maybe you can help us figure this out. Just who is buying this stuff? We realize no Duke player has been convicted of anything, but this all strikes us as a little weird.

By the way, just so you can have today's sobering update in the real case:

• NBC has photos that may or may not show the accused smiling or not smiling or whatever, it's all kind of impossible to tell anything.
• The Durham Herald-Sun has checked out the whole "they were in a cab at the time of the allege rape" story and can't find any cab companies in Durham that remember them. The local ABC station begs to differ.

Demand For Duke Lacrosse Gear Soars [ESPN]
Duke Lacrosse Accused Turn Themselves In [Deadspin]

This is, finally, the beginning of the story, and the culmination of district attorney Mike Nifong's insistance all along that, lack of DNA evidence aside, a rape had occurred. It's worth noting, by the way, that the two players are not the ones the accuser named in the initial police report.

So, looks like a trial's coming, though probably not until the end of this year. But now the chatter goes away, and the story really begins.

Two Duke Lacrosse Players Are Arrested And Charged In Rape Case [New York Times]
Duke Lacrosse Police Report [The Smoking Gun]

(UPDATE: CNN is reporting that defense lawyers say neither Seligmann nor Finnerty were even in house at the time the rape allegedly occurred, though there have been no details as of yet.)