Usually, it's because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday (except today, because shit went kaplooey on me yesterday and I was out on Friday) until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

At Least He Wasn't Wearing The Tar Heel Mascot Head At The Time

Towards the end of my tenure in Chapel Hill, UNC played NC State down at Ericsson Stadium (now Bank of America Stadium) in Charlotte, in the hopes of a larger stadium getting more fans. It didn't work; we're a basketball school. I forget the exact year (1999, I think) but the game was on a Thursday night and was being called by the Thursday night ESPN crew. Writing for the student newspaper, a couple other writers and photographers and I drove down to cover the game.

Covering a football game is much worse than watching a college football game, because any break you need (food, bathroom, etc.) must be done either really quickly during timeouts (impossible) or during halftime. So, as expected, the bathroom for the press box was a madhouse when the other writers and I went in there during halftime. We were standing in line for the urinals and happened to be right next to a stall. The guy in that stall was taking a dump, and it was not going well for him - all kinds of farts and splashes were coming from there. Then the very forceful grunting started. This guy was really pushing this one out in a hurry. Being the incredible mature college students we were, we all were trying to hold back our laughter. But we each saw that the other was doing the same, and with each successive noise, we all laughed a little harder. Eventually, everyone in the men's room was looking at us with the "Oh grow up" look on their faces.

Well, we heard the toilet paper roll in the stall being used and then the toilet flush. The man walked out and it was none other than Lee Corso. He saw everyone staring at him, waived his hand, and said a loud "Hey guys" to the entire room in a really excited, upbeat tone. Everyone stood frozen and stunned as he washed his hands and then left. As soon as the bathroom door shut, every single person in there burst into hysterical laughter. If only we had known who it was. I'm sure one of us would have tapped on the stall and given a "Not so fast, my friend" to help calm him down in there. I can't watch him on Gameday without that experience being the first thing I think about.

Yes, Viva La Stool

SUBJECT: stool

what fucking state do you homos represent?? what fuckin teams do you represent...i cant even read your SHIT cause it sucks...i can barely see my screen cause i have so many fucking trophys blocking it....suck a dick...viva la stool

Thank You, Sir, May I Have Another

SUBJECT: PS

id rather watch meatspin.com than read deadspin... 8=====D

Now, We're Also Getting Jason Whitlock's Hatemail

Jason,

Up until now, I respected you. However, now that you have come out against Rush Limbaugh on his quest to become a partial owner of an NFL Team, I have to re-think things.

You have repeated things that Rush supposedly said. You DID NOT fact check these things and you now look like a complete FOOL in my eyes! The only racism that exists are from the likes of you and all other liberal sports media that have run with these lies! In the end, you are just another black guy, looking to lampoon the white guy! Yes, that means you are NO DIFFERENT than President Obama (an "OUT & OUT RACIST", and the "INFAMOUS RACE BAITERS", Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton! I REALLY thought you were above this and a better man than this! YOU ARE NO MAN AND I WAS COMPLETELY WRONG ABOUT YOU! I truly hope the U.S. Citizens (especially the Sports World) remember you for what you are (A TRUE "RACIST") and where you came down on this particular situation! I for one, no longer have ANY respect for you!

Regards,

Eric Miklas

P.S. You Have Shown "YOUR TRUE COLORS" And Now Have Been Proven To Be QUITE TYPICAL!

And one more...

Jason,

I checked out your website ("Deadspin") and would now like to add this,....

If Limbaugh and the "white race" are soooooooo bad, why then are their tons
of pictures of you with WHITE girls hanging all over you?

As I said below, you are "TYPICAL" and you are just another sorry RACIST!

You have now SUNK to the "land of no return" (where Al Sharpton & Jesse
Jackson reside). You will now sow what you reap! "ALL THINGS COME TO
THOSE WHO WAIT". Yours is coming!

Best Regards,

Eric Miklas

He's Mr. ChoochTober That's Why

I was just sent this. I can't explain it, and I'm not sure I want to.

http://icecream4chooch.com/(viaTheFightins)

Emails You Don't Want To Get From The Gawker Office Manager

Hey AJ,

Just to let you know that we cannot see the frog anywhere in the tank.

We can hear the crickets going all day...gee I hope they did n't eat the frog. LOL

Next time you are in please check it out.

Thanks,

Roxanne

Tebow's Christian Army Revolts

•

I am respectfully writing to say that you should be absolutely embarrassed by your article regarding Tim Tebow being the "Lamb of God". If you had any respect at all for the Bible or Jesus Christ, you would not write such things. I am pretty sure that Tim Tebow himself would also be angry and dismayed by your article and the assertions you are putting forth.

•

Tommy, a little jealous, my friend? Look, if you want to live his life and be Tim Tebow, then give it a try. Writing stuff like that makes you look ever so small. Quoting Luke and John? Yes, you obviously know Jesus as well... er not. Hating Tim Tebow for being either a great quarterback, a great person, or a Christian... I'm thinking it's the last one that's the clincher for you. How's this one. "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first." John 15:18. Jesus knew what he was talking about. You don't.

And Craggs Gets Yelled At By The Guy Who Designed AT&T Park (née Pac Bell)

Tommy

I had designed Pac Bell Park while working at Hok Sport in Kansas City and some other sports facilities. I was too happy about your sensational article and even though it may attract some readers due to its negative spin I don't think it will get everyone to hate Pac Bell once they read the article. I got the impression you don't have a clue of the design intent or even why we used red brick or who design the kid park.

I am not sure if you are a drop out architecture student or a very unhappy person who never got a chance to play baseball in the big leagues. Didn't your mother tell you 'if you don't have anything good to say don't say anything.

Randy

Randy Shear
7027 Gaston Parkway Dallas Texas
75214 USA

Ryan Leaf Used To Be Carried In The Arms Of Cheerleaders, Part 97

While in my local library, I found this carved on a table. It's a heart with RYAN LEAF. I guess some people are into 0.0 QB ratings.

And Then There's This Insanity

AJ, THINK OF THE CONVENIENCE OF HAVING BATHROOM PRIVACY JUST ABOUT ANYWHERE. THE BASSROOM SETS UP ON A BOAT, ON THE GROUND OR THE BACK OF A TRUCK IN ABOUT A MINUTE.

MESQUITE, TX —- Cover Your Bass introduces "The Bassroom" the complete portable privacy system that allows you to spend more time on the water fishing by eliminating those inconvenient moments.

Cover Your Bass is the culmination of research and development from innovators Matt and Kirk Smith, a father/son team of fishermen from Texas, who have created the ultimate portable bathroom for your fishing boat and growing lists of other uses.

Aptly named "The Bassroom" this ingenious product fills the need for a portable bathroom system in a market that has been overlooked and neglected for years. With privacy concerns and today's current "eco-friendly" movements, the Bassroom virtually eliminates the possibility of over-exposure from your boat while providing an environmentally safe alternative to lengthy trips back to the loading dock or using the shoreline as a bathroom.

"We've created this product to fill a void that currently exists in today's fishing arena" said Matt Smith, owner and creator of The Bassroom. "In today's world you never know who has a camera or video phone and would enjoy the 10 minutes of fame by posting a video of you "caught in the act" on YouTube or similar social network websites. The price, privacy, and function of The Bassroom provides security and comfort for much less than the cost of embarrassment or possible legal fees for over-exposure while on the lake. With proper care the Bassroom will provide privacy for only pennies a day. Have one on your boat when you need it." says Smith

The entire Bassroom system is stored in two handy transportation bags that can easily be tucked away in your boat until needed. With a total setup time of approximately 60 seconds, you can quickly construct your Bassroom in times of an emergency and leave the unit assembled while you continue fishing or simply fold down and store. Never have to leave your fishing spot, waste time and gas running around looking for a bathroom.
Although created specifically with fishing in mind, the Bassroom is gaining popularity with hikers, campers, bikers, ATVer's, and tailgaters who find the ease of transport and privacy a welcome addition to their trips. The Bassroom is great on the back of a truck for family picnics and outings

"The feedback we have received from customers has shown a wide demographic range from young adventurers to Pro Anglers. The Bassroom is great for privacy, shade and a rain shield for the entire family, including pets." says Smith.

The Bassroom system itself consists of heavy duty 190T polyester material with access doors on both the front and back equipped with over-sized zippers for easy handling. The polyester is waterproof and flame resistant to assure safety and comfort. The waste disposal bags contained in the full Bassroom system are convenient zip-up bags, constructed of a sturdy 2 mil. black plastic material which effectively and safely handle the waste storage and transporting.

Currently priced at only $104.95 plus $15.00 shipping U.S. for the entire system, the Bassroom will provide years of service with proper handling and storage. Visit www.coveryourbass.com for more purchase details, videos, and product reviews from the experts.
PLEASE TAKE A LOOK AT OUR PHOTO GALLERY ONLINE — The Bassroom can be set up on a boat, the back of a truck, or on the ground, providing a private bathroom almost anywhere.

The Bassroom System is a must have for the tradesmen too !! Plumbers, electricians, landscape companies, sprinkler system companies , brick masons and traveling project managers - think of the convenience of having a bathroom on any job-site in just minutes. BUY ONE FOR YOUR BUSINESS and use it on the weekends for the whole family.

Cover Your Bass (www.coveryourbass.com) Home of the Bassroom is located in Mesquite, Texas providing portable privacy for your boat. 972-849-4868.

FREE TSHIRT OFFER ONLINE — for a limited time

CORSO PHOTO COURTESY OF THE SPENCER HALL DANCING ANIMAL SHOW AT EDSBS

We know, it's pretty much the exact opposite of college football season right now, but Lee Corso himself is timeless. We hope to someday see him put on the headdress of Chief Illiniwek during an Illini prediction at some point; we doubt he knows much about the whole "controversy."

But let us know: Do you like the Lee Corso? Do you not like the Lee Corso? Vote, people!

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

The 3 1/2-minute video featuring Spurrier was rolled out with some fanfare and shown on the scoreboard to fans prior to the season opener in an effort to inspire the Gamecock Nation to see better times ahead. The theme of this new era in Gamecock football is, "The Game Is On."

USC athletic director Eric Hyman explained this is an effort to "brand" the term and get Gamecock fans excited about the future. The presentation referred USC fans to a website "www.letsshowcorso.com."

"Fans will have a chance to throw footballs at Lee Corso's head," Hyman said of the interactive site where an animated Blake Mitchell (USC quarterback suspended for the opening game) throws balls at the sports network star. "You're going to see other things come out of this. This is the starting point. You'll see."

One day we'll all be able to throw footballs at Lee Corso's real head. We can only hope he's not wearing some mascot's outfit at the time.

Spurrier: Game on, against Corso

So the season kicks off next Saturday. Well, it actually kicks off on Thursday, when contender LSU (Did you hear? Les Miles can't win when it counts!) plays nontender Mississippi State. (Did you hear? Sylvester Croom is black!)

Then it's on: Nearly half of Division 1-A teams will see their national title hopes effectively implode after the very first weekend. (I'm looking at you, loser of the Cal-Tennessee game.)

But not before ESPN puts on an eye-drying 25-hour pregame show running Wednesday night through Thursday night. If nothing else, that demands a drinking game, a sip for every hour:

Hour 1: 1 sip if...
USC is slurped. (Yikes: Gonna be a long night/day.)

Hour 2: 2 sips if...
Every time "Virginia Tech" and "tragedy" are used in the same sentence.

Hour 3: 3 sips if...
Lee Corso drops an F-bomb.

Hour 4: 4 sips if...
Lou Holtz makes an argument that makes your head hurt.

Hour 5: 5 sips if...
Mark May pats himself on the back for being disliked.

Hour 6: 6 sips if...
Chris Fowler gripes about the weekly location of GameDay.

Hour 7: 7 sips if...
They defile Boise State's Statue of Liberty play by re-enacting it on the in-studio field.

Hour 8: 8 sips if...
Kirk Herbstreit hates on the SEC. (Or if anyone rips the Big East.)

Hour 9: 9 sips if...
You're still up at 3 a.m. ET when Hawaii's practice comes on the air.

Hour 10: 10 sips if...
You've signed up for fantasy CFB and you're still tweaking your rosters.

Hour 11: 11 sips if...
Anyone swoons "Tebow."

Hour 12: 12 sips if...
You care if your cable operator signs up for the Big Ten Network.

Hour 13: 13 sips if...
You confuse Mark Schlabach with Mark Schlereth.

Hour 14: 14 sips if...
The new GameDay theme song makes you wince. (Nothing says "college football" like Fitty and Farrell!)

Hour 15: 15 sips if...
The new GameDay theme song includes a remix from the 7th Floor Crew.

Hour 16: 16 sips if...
Every time "Virginia Tech" and "Vick" are used in the same sentence.

Hour 17: 17 sips if...
Anyone mentions that Mississippi State coach Sylvester Croom is black.

Hour 18: 18 sips if...
Anyone mentions that Alabama coach Nick Saban is a douchebag.

Hour 19: 19 sips if...
Rece Davis whimpers from exhaustion.

Hour 20: 20 sips if...
They run a heartstring-tugging profile of Marques Slocum.

Hour 21: 21 sips if...
You're scheduling your Friday night around watching Temple-Navy.

Hour 22: 22 sips if...
You sense any lingering bitterness when Bob Davie mentions that he used to coach at Notre Dame.

Hour 23: 23 sips if...
Anyone says "Spread."

Hour 24: 24 sips if...
Any reference to "Every Day Should Be Saturday" or "Orson Swindle."

Hour 25: 25 sips if...
Erin Andrews points at you and mouths "Yes... YOU."

This week's Trendspotting: "30 is the new 35." A new rule pushes kickoffs back from the 35-yard-line to the 30. Urban Meyer thinks it will be a big deal. MGOBlog's Brian Cook does not. I'm a huge fan of Brian's, but I'll go with the coach of the reigning champ on this.

More injuries? Fewer touchbacks? More TDs? Better field position? Unintended consequences and TBD gamesmanship? No one really knows how it will work out, which makes the new kickoff rule the biggest X-factor of Week 1, if not the season.

This week's Must-See Games:
1. Tennessee (No. 15) at Cal (12): Longshore/Jackson > Ainge/Whoever.
2. Wake Forest (34) at BC (28): Wake-up call that this ain't '06 anymore.
3. Florida State (19) at Clemson (41): FSU's offense STILL sucks?
4a. Kansas State at Auburn (18): Big 12 vs. SEC, Part 1
4b. Georgia (13) at Oklahoma State (42): Bulldogs overrated? Yes.
5. Georgia Tech (27) at Notre Dame (39): Who will be Irish QB? Really, who cares?

Send any/all email reactions, questions, gripes and tips to danshanoff-at-gmail-dot-com.

Here's some fun developments from Ohio State-Michigan land:

• When there's a pissing contest the likes of this one, the final decision might have to come down to famous alumni.

• Noted The Nation sports commentator Dave Zirin puts on his Tsk-Tsking hat to deride the "a raging bouillabaisse of
testosterone and alienation." And this is bad how? Do love the use of the word "bouillabaisse," however.

• If Michigan fans need a plan on how to survive Columbus unmolested, here's a handy primer.

• Time for a completely unsubstantiated and irresponsible story coming out of Columbus (those are so much FUN!), from a hotel worker in Columbus:

There was a slight problem with overbooking at the Blackwell and ESPN Gameday lost their rooms (money talks when it comes to endowment funds). All of the downtown hotels are full, but there were a few rooms available. Unfortunately there wasn't a room at the nice lofty hotel for Lee Corso.

So the lofty hotel placed a call to the person who had reserved a bunch of rooms for his buddies ... let's call him "#27."

Hotel to "#27:" Would you mind giving up your room for Corso so the whole gameday staff can be in one building (minus Kirk who will be staying at house in c-bus)?
"#27's" response: Tell Corso he can Fu@# me!

Careful: He might just take you up on that.

A merkin is a pubic wig, worn by prostitutes after shaving their genitalia to eliminate lice or to disguise the marks of syphilis. There are many different ways of wearing a "Merkin" although most involve placing the merkin on the vulva or the scrotum.

I've got this image in my head of Corso, in his ESPN trailer, with his makeup assistant helping him put on his merkin. "Oh, there you go. What is that, crazy glue? Not so fast, my friend. There... a little left. Bingo. Let me see a mirror. Oh, damn, Lee... damn you look good."

Longhorn Nation

This is not one of those times. But it's close. Over at Every Day Should Be Saturday, they've got themselves EXCLUSIVE AUDIO of a slow jam of ESPN college football "analyst" Lee Corso doing everything he can to sex your ass up. The song is called "... for the lover in you," and we're as aroused as we've been in years. And this is absolutely real! **

According to EDSBS, "It hit #34 in Turkey, mostly thanks to the daring cover art and Corso's resemblance to a prominent cleric." You owe it to yourself to lay it down at EDSBS. John Clayton ain't gonna do you like Lee Corso.

THE LEE CORSO SLO JAM: LC FREAKS YOU LIKE BEANO COOK CAN'T [Every Day Should Be Saturday]

** Not actually real. As if that matters.

It's not exactly high art, but... it might make you chuckle on a lazy Saturday. I think it's the crudely drawn penis that makes it so amusing to me.

I just wonder if Corso will ever be made aware of this, and if so, how he'll react. We know that he's completely uncomfortable with both male nudity and people poking fun at him. I hope Lee's OK.

Many many thanks to those who directed me towards the BuckNuts message board for the picture.

Do Not Taunt Lee Corso [Deadspin]

I took the sign, rolled it up and located a place to stand by looking at what signs were on the big screen. Then I got on the shoulders of my buddy, Kent, and waited until they cut the camera back to Corso. Once the camera was back on, I blindly held the sign up with my view of the screen blocked by some other sign. As a roar of laughter went over the crowd I realized that, yeah, the sign must be up there.

He was later pulled down by cops and found out later that his picture was all over the Internet. And it's a great picture. Not a GREAT picture, but, yeah, not too shabby.

From The 15 Minutes Of Internet Fame File [Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer]
Lee Corso's Fans Follow Him Everywhere [Deadspin]

We doubt it too. Actually, we kind of think this would be a constant problem at "Gameday" tapings.

This Really Shouldn't Be On TV [Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer]

(Update from a reader: "It ain't photoshopped - I saw it on Sat morning, tivo-ed and watched a couple more times. it was at least 30 seconds of pure, unadulterated harassment before someone in the control room noticed.")

And it started so innocently! Corso was telling a kind of boring tale of Burt Reynolds once posing "nude" in Cosmopolitan magazine, when, off-handedly, one of the radio hosts made a joke about Corso posing nude as well. This offended the dignity of a man who puts mascot helmets on his head, and he just lost it.

"You are a big jerk, because of the fact you take a shot at me. Because you inferred the fact that I posed naked. ... I don't appreciate people taking shots and joking at my expense, when I don't do that to anybody else."

(You can here the full exhange here and read the transcript here.) We can't figure out what in the world pissed Corso off so much; maybe he did post nude once? Is there a full-page spread in an AARP magazine somewhere? Is this guy listed on The Bulge Report anywhere?

Corso Cracks Up [Sports By Brooks] (via Mr. Irrelevant)

(Update: This is actually old. But that's OK. It's new to us! A thanks to The Sports Bar & Buffet, by the way.)