Lenny Dykstra
Featured black men on the cover of his magazine.
Charged charter flight to his mother's credit card.
Hammered by HBO. (Finally.)
Filed for bankruptcy.
Played dirty.
Slept in car.
Pawned the rest of his belongings.

PREVIOUS NOMINEES
Erin Andrews

The Japanese can invent a transforming giant robot that spits out used panties, but they can't invent embeddable video? Check it out here — Dykstra makes his triumphant appearance at the 3:00 mark.

Here's a rough translation from my only Japanese-speaking friends who are up at this hour:

former big leaguer lenny dykstra just happened to come into the store after he retired from baseball, he was a venture capitalist, but due to the economy he went into chapter 11 bankruptcy in july

'i only come here to pawn my things'
'this is the watch from being the most valuable player of the week'

unbelievably, some of the commemorative awards from world series were seen in the display case

pawn shop owner: 'i can't put a price on this champion ring. It would cost 150000 yen to make this ring, but since it's lenny's it would fetch several 10,000,000s of yen. when is this from?'

'1986 world series'

'1986 world series. against boston, right?'

'yep'

dystkra: 'i come here because there is someone i trust here. he worries about me. so i have him taking care of my life medals/awards.'

So, yeah, all that hoopla about Nails auctioning off his stuff? Guess no one wanted it, since it's at a pawn shop now.

セレブが質屋に　危機が富裕層直撃 [TV Tokyo]

Dykstra owns two homes in a gated community in Ventura County, the larger of which is valued at $18 million. But since he's failed to pay his homeowner's insurance, and doesn't appear to be capable of doing so, the state has stepped in and seized the assets until they can be converted to cash.

But just because he's not in control of his homes anymore, that's not going to stop Dykstra from trying to make a little money off them:

Dykstra owns two multimillion dollar homes at Lake Sherwood, one formerly owned by hockey legend Wayne Gretzky.

He allegedly went to the property and removed lighting fixtures, wood flooring and a La Cornue oven and cook top - which the Gretzkys installed for $51,750 - according to a bankruptcy court filing. Dykstra could not be reached for comment, but according to the New York Daily News he acknowledged removing some items, but denied selling them.

Yeah, I'll believe that. While he's forced to sell his World Series ring to make some cash, I'm sure he just wants the flooring for nostalgic reasons.

Dykstra Shut Out Of Lake Sherwood [Ventura County Star]

Dykstra filed for bankruptcy last month and is also divorcing his wife. Both those moves have come back to bite him now that his house is full of mold. He blames his insurance company and wants them to pay for his temporary housing while they sort it out. But the insurance company says they've already given him temporary housing. That's where his wife is living. Despite his protests, they aren't going to give them two new homes.

So when CNBC's Jane Wells asked him for an update on his financial situation, he gave her the straight poop:

"I don't mean to be crude," he says, "but where do they expect me to (go to the bathroom)?

Dykstra also told her that when he's not sleeping in his car, he just crashes in hotel lobbies, which I can sort of imagine him doing even when he had money. So is this the "flying higher" part of his current lifestyle?

Now Lenny Dykstra Takes On Insurance Industry [CNBC]
The Kevin Coughlin Show & Tell: Lenny Dykstra Hits Rock Bottom: Living out of his car [Kevin Coughlin]

I am so rarely right about anything, so I hope you'll forgive me here, but: I was onto Lenny Dykstra from the get-go. (Genius! I was the only person who noticed something was seriously wrong. Sure! Only one!)

It actually wasn't that long that The New Yorker and Bernard Goldberg were extolling Dykstra's genius, with a total straight face. Because this was the one horrible moment in world history that people listened to Jim Cramer. (Never listen to a New York magazine columnist unless their name is Kurt Anderson, John Heilemann or Chris Smith.) Now, of course, Dykstra has been revealed as a fraud, as well as a guy who actually uses the word "spearchuckers."

Even poor Bernie Goldberg has has turned on him. Oh, and he's taking all his son's money too. Still: It's possible he's eligible for TARP funding.

But is it it enough to get him in the Hall of Fame? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open through the weekend.

Dykstra was predictably incoherent throughout most of the 20-minute interview with CNBC's Jane Wells which is why compressing it down to under two minutes and adding Keyboard Cat accompaniment seemed necessary. Plus, it's Friday.

Farewell, Lenny.

Dykstra Bankrupt [CNBC]

Dykstra wrote a letter full of Forcieresque factoids and historical references on his personal website today to let every single person who still considers his stock picking advice sage and lucrative that he's still kicking. It's a truly inspired letter, one bursting with positivity and then strangely cites Burt Reynolds as a brother-in-bankruptcy.

Enjoy:

Just the Facts (and a brief history lesson too)
By Lenny Dykstra

July 9, 2009

By now, many of you have read the news and begun to ask me about it. Since I feel you are like family to me, I will therefore hold nothing back. . . .

I have always prided myself on transparency - both in my personal life and in business. Although there will always be people who choose to spin information negatively, I do hope and believe that most of you will not be swayed solely by muckraking and sensationalized accounts. For those who are interested in the actual facts, I am happy to share.

Incidentally, I expect to be taping an interview for CNBC later this morning and welcome you to tune in for more.

The facts:

1. On July 7, 2009, in a move necessary to shield my property from a host of meritless claims, I filed a petition for Chapter 11 protection.

2. The action will provide me time to reorganize my estate and allow me some breathing room to challenge a multitude of meritless claims that have been made against me.

3. This will further allow me to pursue my lawful claims against a number of parties who have attempted to steal my property, breached material agreements with me or otherwise acted in bad faith or with the intention of causing me to suffer financial harm.

4. I expect to emerge from Chapter 11 protection and continue to achieve my business goals, free from the attacks of those who have attempted to extort me.

5. Aside from the re-launch of my investment newsletter, I will soon be able to resume publication of project which is very close to my heart - The Players Club: A magazine built "For the Players, by the Players."

I assure you that my personal financial maneuvers will in no way adversely affect the quality or continuance of this service. On the contrary, we are now moving full steam ahead on some major enhancements and updates. Within a week or so, you will already start to see the improvements!

You, my loyal subscribers, have stood behind me and realize that my record speaks for itself (111 and 0 with more victories on the way!).

Perhaps if I had invested in my own picks (I am barred from doing so legally), instead of entering into business with parties who sought to destroy me, things might be different for me today.

Regardless of my personal woes - the Chapter 11, the divorce proceedings which my wife sadly seems intent upon pursuing (emotionally, this is by far the most painful of my troubles) and issues regarding my home and the mortgage my lawyers consider to be fraudulent; I am nonetheless committed to serving you and helping YOU to make money.

Bottom line is that this is not about me, it's about YOU! I still stand behind you 100%.

For those who judge me harshly, they might consider if they have fairly examined the evidence before throwing the first stone. . . .

I know that those of you who are honest with yourself realize that no matter how successful we are at any particular point in our lives; it can all come crashing down in a heartbeat.

Of course we all fall down at times (clearly, me included!). Nonetheless, through God's grace and the mercy of the US Bankruptcy Code, thankfully, this is not a life sentence.

Just like when we analyze a solid "though as nails" stock and choose to buy in when it is down, I hope that you will similarly stand behind this "Nails"- your most humbled servant.

My investment strategy is designed to counter against the inevitable ups and downs in the market and leverage them for gain. Even stock in the greatest of companies can tumble. However, when this happens, the ride back to the top will be that much more rewarding. . . .

Although I am saddened and a bit embarrassed that I had no choice but to resort to this action, at least I am in good company. . . .

Two of our greatest presidents, Thomas Jefferson (filed several times) and Abraham Lincoln, were able to restructure their lives through bankruptcy and went on to do great things such as helping to establish the University of Virginia and abolishing slavery.

Ulysses S. Grant went bankrupt after leaving office when a partner in an investment-banking venture swindled him. (I can certainly identify with this one.)

William McKinley filed for protection while serving as Ohio's governor in 1893. He was in debt to the tune of $130,000 (an insurmountable sum in those days!) before some friends eventually helped to bail him out. Three years later, he occupied a desk in the Oval Office.

Other prominent men who made the list and later went on to huge successes:

- Mark Twain
- Donald Trump (2 timer)
- Henry Ford
- William Crapo Durant (founder of GM)
- Walt Disney (up to bat several times)
- Burt Reynolds
- H.J. Heinz
- Milton Hershey
- P.T. Barnum
- Lenny K. Dykstra (coming soon!)

When I look back and appreciate what incredible contributions these men made to our country and our freedom, I wonder if the quick-to-judge media outlets of today would have been wise enough to allow them the opportunity to rise again. . . .

Feel free to contact me any time, teammates. I'm here in the dugout watching out for you: Nails@NailsInvestments.com. As always, I welcome your questions and comments.

Remember: Life's a Journey, Enjoy the ride.

I believe this is the part of Lenny Dykstra's life where the chubby cat comes in and starts pounding on the keyboard.

Lenny's Lonely Letter To Fools [Nails Investments]
Lenny Dykstra Tells His Side Of The Story [Dealbreaker]

The filing indicates that Dykstra, Inc. was kept afloat by shitloads of unsecured loans. Here's a rundown of some of the empty-handed fools that loaned LKD money:

So that's some of the money owed to people, not including the maids ("Fuck the maids!"), the printers ("Fuck the printers!), or the dozens of other people he's swindled. But it's a start.

More unpaid:

Dykstra's attorney, Jonathan Hayes, did not comment in any of the stories, but that's probably because the chances of him actually getting paid for his services are infinitesimal.

Ex-baseball star and entrepreneur files for bankruptcy [Reuters]

But an earlier draft of the script, dated Dec. 1, 2008, is making its way around the Web. It's 129 pages, which means it's up to the intern to parse through it, pick out the good parts and then compile the particularly entertaining excerpts. It wasn't hard to find a handful of lowlights, and in addition to the ones included, there are a surprisingly large number of pointless factual inaccuracies: The Charlotte Knights are Triple-A, not Double-A; Scott Hatteberg never played one year for the Rockies; Bryan Bullington and Roger Ring were not the draft choices directly before Jeremy Brown; and when Olmedo Saenz grounded out in the ninth inning of the fifth game of the 2001 ALDS, there were no outs, not one, thank you very much.

Besides that — and plot twists that pit Beane as an avid concertgoer and convert Paul DePodesta into a weightlifter — the screenplay made me wish some studio would take a chance with this movie, even if Michael Lewis himself didn't see the movie in the book. The first two acts are slow, relying on Bill James to explain sabermetrics to the women dragged to the theater by their geeky boyfriends brothers. The last 30 pages, though, are as action-packed and climactic as a trading deadline and AL West race can be.

And yes, there are cameos from Lenny Dykstra and Joe Morgan, outright allusions to Roy Hobbs and Jimmy Stewart and subtle nods to Bobby Knight and Angels in the Outfield. It's Moneyball, coming to a theater near you... well, maybe never, but hopefully soon.

"OK, Let's start with a naked Billy Beane, the steam rising off the shower and crowning his head, like... God!"

"Great idea, but here's a better one. We'll cut to a Bill James voiceover, and then cite Henry Chadwick."

"Oh, I like it. But it's a bit too, hmm, secular. Let's throw some stigmata in there."

"You sure you want to go that route?"

"Absolutely. And blood! Lots of blood!"

Lest the movie offend the Jewish crowd, Arn Tellem makes a cameo when Beane goes to Tellem's son's bar mitzvah and, like everyone else, struggles to keep a yarmulke on his head. Bobby pins, Billy. That's the trick. And don't be depressed — bar mitzvahs are fun!

A few scenes in and Beane's already throwing chairs against the big board. Nobody pays any attention. Apparently there is fighting in the war room.

I think this is the beginning of a beautiful uncomfortably intense friendship.

Because after you seduce an Outback waitress, your next step isn't to call the Indians' general manager in the middle of the night?

Ah, Christmas — makes more sense than you think. But don't bother trying to figure out how It's A Wonderful Life comes into play.

I thought this was the most entertaining soliloquy of the movie, but then everyone's favorite Sunday Night Baseball analyst makes an appearance.

And the Lord said, "Ask and ye, Chad Bradford, shall submarine, no problem."

Well, all of this certainly makes a lot more sense now.

From bar mitzvahs to Auschwitz? Let's hope this was one of the segues Soderbergh edited out.

One of the screenplay's more puzzling revelations is that Jeremy Giambi is obsessed with The Natural. And, apparently, he's so caught up in the climax that he yells, "Yeah, Hobbs!" even though he's seen it hundreds of times. Also, this is why Beane trades him. Yeah, Beane!

Billy Beane and fantasy baseball owners across the country: not so different after all.

Should make for an interesting Spanish subtitle.

Aaaaaaaand scene!

If Goldberg was guilty of glossing over Dykstra's obvious instability during the March 2008 interview, he goes out of his way to show the pathetic reality this time around — he points out how there's "no furniture" when he peeks inside the mansion, shots of him pacing on his cellphone to try to get in touch with Dykstra. But, to be fair, you can clearly see that at least a couple of those bills Dykstra pulls from his pocket are hundreds so he does have more than the "$75" Goldberg says he has. So there's that.

The biggest tragedy out of all of this is that we'll probably never see "The World According To Lenny" hit the big screen:

HBO Finally Outs Dykstra As Bumbling, Sad, Delusional Trainwreck [Deadspin]

Wisely, Goldberg revisits Dykstra on tonight's "Real Sports" and he's no longer awestruck by Dykstra's palatial estate or getting joyrides in a $300,000 Phantom. Nope, Goldberg's all business this time around, as he paints Dykstra as a deadbeat loser in a giant empty house on the brink of financial ruin. Philly.com has part of the transcript of their conversation where Dykstra maintains his sad, stubborn f-word filled denials about his troubles:

DYKSTRA: Who? Tell me who I owe?

GOLDBERG: Let's go through a few people. The printers . . .

DYKSTRA: F—- the printers. The printers are criminals.

GOLDBERG: The flight attendant?

DYKSTRA: F—- the flight attendant . . . They all think they can come here and steal my money.

Dykstra says the legal cases against him are "all bull—--."

Goldberg asked Dykstra what he would say to people "who think once upon a time you were flying high and now you're broke?"

Dykstra laughed and withdrew a wad of bills, which he began counting. Goldberg said, "OK, so you've got $75 in your pocket, that doesn't make you rich." To which Dykstra replied, "I never carry less than $1,000. But flying high? Looks like I'm still flying pretty f—-—- high. And by the way, I'm flying higher."

So fuck the printers, fuck the flight attendant, look, I have $75 in my pocket right now to show you, tough guy? Brilliant.

Hopefully this is the last public take down of Lenny Dykstra and he'll finally slunk away back into his dirty hole and deal with the issues in his own life and stop ruining other people's in the process.

HBO Feature Suggest Dykstra's Empire In Trouble [Philly.com]

The benefit of the doubt everyone from Bernard Goldberg to The New Yorker gave Dykstra last year about his investments, Fish shows all the evidence that completely undermines those stories with disturbing facts. One of the most disturbing: Dykstra recently used his mother's credit card to charge $23,000 to order to charter a plane ride back to his home in California from Cleveland. She has not been paid back. Nor have his brothers, many of his business partners, and plenty of other people who became seduced by Dykstra's supposed business acumen. Although it's not quite Madoffian, Dykstra's financial recklessness is lengthy and deliberate, dating back to his car wash days.

Some of the carnage:

• "Just in the past two years, Dykstra has been the subject of at least 24 legal actions, including 18 since November. Three suits hit the courts on Jan. 29. He's been sued by publishers and print companies, by three different groups of pilots and by a Maryland-based financial and litigation consulting firm that offered expert testimony on his behalf in an earlier lawsuit. He's even been sued by a die-hard Mets fan who was the best man at his wedding 20-some years ago, though that New York investor claims there is no bad blood."

• "Dr. Festus Dada, a Nigerian-born gastric bypass specialist, who filed a fraud/breach of contract suit and alleges Dykstra kept a $500,000 deposit after a deal fell apart to purchase a Southern California car wash and retail center then owned by Dykstra. Dada walked away from the transaction, claiming in the suit that Dykstra had made significant changes to the final escrow agreement, including the insertion of a five-year contract for Dykstra's old Phillies teammate, Pete Incaviglia, to serve as general manager under the new ownership."

• "Two Players Club vice presidents filed claims for unpaid wages after they quit in January. The Minneapolis-based firm hired to design his Players Club Web site alleges Dykstra stiffed it on a $1 million contract, and then bounced two separate $125,000 checks."

• "Dykstra borrowed $250,000 from New York literary agent David Vigliano last May with an agreement to repay him $300,000 in November — a robust 40 percent annual percentage rate. Vigliano filed suit after Dykstra didn't come up with the money."

• "The high-powered global law firm K&L Gates, which waged many of the legal skirmishes on Dykstra's behalf, withdrew its representation late last year because it was "not paid current," according to his former lead counsel, David Schack."

• "The Gretzky estate that Dykstra bought for $18.5 million — he planned to flip it for a sweet profit before the housing market belly flopped — now sits vacant and is listed at $16.5 million. According to public records, four notes and deeds of trust are held against the property, totaling more than $13 million. One of the note holders, Index Investors LLC, filed a default notice in March, alleging Dykstra was behind on his payments in the amount of $422,436."

That's not all. Fish isn't charitable at all with Dykstra's unpolished demeanor — the dude-isms, the farts, the loopy mannerisms — and keeps them in the proper context at all times.

What's sad is that I know people who have their money tied up in Dykstra's "Nails On The Numbers" financial scheme. The newsletter costs $1,000 a year and is something that Dykstra has handed off to many of his magazine employees in lieu of actual payment for work. One person — a well known newspaperman — swears up and down that he's made money from Lenny's options picking. But this person has also been enmeshed in all of the magazine chaos that Kevin Coughlin highlighted in the GQ article last month. I asked this individual if that article was accurate and he said, if anything, it didn't come close to revealing some of the bizarre things Dykstra pulled with The Player's Club: non-payment, constant dropping of racial epithets, overpaid employees, underpaid employees, and an utter lack of any sort of editorial vision or oversight. It's a disaster of epic proportions and is hurting a lot of people Dykystra's used everyone in his family to funnel money and, according to my friend, paid him for one story out of the checking account from his son, Cutter Dykstra. Here is a copy of one of the recent "Nails On The Numbers" newsletters. This is what you get:

Go make money, dudes!

Bottom line is — Lenny Dykstra is a reprehensible human being. He lives, as Fish says, in a fantasy world. And he's been very successful at deluding people into thinking that they too will become millionaires if they stick by him. Some people have made money, but many have not and have not been paid and have lost precious time working for that stupid magazine to take off . Hopefully, for the rest of his life, people will finally realize that Dykstra is every bit the fraud he's always appeared to be.

UPDATE: A finance expert dissects "Nails On the Numbers"

FYI - I find it either hard to believe your buddy has made money with Lenny or was just straight lucky. Anyone who has more than a basic understanding of options quickly realizes that Lenny's strategy is inherently flawed. In many ways his strategy is similar to Blackjack's Martingale betting system. The result is you rack up a large number of winners (e.g 99 times out out 100). The problem is that the one lose quite often wipes out the winnings of all your other trades. Look in the scorecard that Lenny posted and you will see that the Amdoc's loss nearly does that. Lenny even tried to pull some bullshit with that as shown here:

Other problems that occur is he doesn't mark his portfolio - so even through he realized $56,000 in wins, he could be sitting on $200,000 of unrealized losses, but he would still claim he is making money. He even says it is not a loss until you take it. (Under that theory, he hasn't lost anything on Wayne's house). He also doesn't actually trade his recommendations. That creates an interesting scenario where Lenny could "own" 250 option contracts in his newsletter and there might only be 1000 in existence. When one contract sells at his price he counts all he owns as sold. Great in theory, but in reality it doesn't work as you probably wouldn't be able to get that large of a trade executed at your price (without slippage).

Dykstra's Business: A Bed Of "Nails" [ESPN]

Well, he's definitely full of shit about one thing — his Players Club magazine. You remember that, right? The glossy mag he bankrolls that features content geared toward helping millionaire athletes live a prosperous life the right way. GQ ran a story in its April issue written by former Players Club editor Kevin Coughlin, who wrote thousands of unkind words about his ex-boss. Some of it's old news: the paychecks were inconsistent, the working environment was less than professional, and Lenny was a self-promoting retard. Then Coughlin gives us a glimpse about what it's like to spitball editorial ideas with Dykstra. It ain't pretty:

Lenny's all-time favorite workplace prank is saying something outrageous just to see how those around him react. Sometimes the jokes are on himself. During one of my first visits to the office, Lenny-a known steroids user, according to the Mitchell Report, though he's repeatedly denied it-blurts out to me and two other employees that "back in the old days, we'd rub some HGH [human growth hormone] on our elbows and knees." No one knows whether he's joking or not. Other times, Lenny's attempts at humor can be downright offensive. At one meeting, Lenny goes off on how a particular layout looks "faggy"-despite the presence of a gay page designer in the room. (Later, Lenny says to me: "Did you see the look on that fag's face?") On another occasion, I field a call from Lenny about potential cover subjects while I'm at home; Lenny's on speaker when he proudly states, for both my wife and me, that "nobody can call me a racist-I put three darkies and a bitch on my first four covers."

The first four Players Club covers featured Derek Jeter, Chris Paul, Tiger Woods, and Danica Patrick.

"What was that, Lenny?" I ask.

"I said I put three spearchuckers on the cover!" he replies.

Oof. Of course Dykstra told the Philadelphia Inquirer that Coughlin is lying and only wrote the story because he was fired. Oh, and those racist terms? Complete nonsense, Dykstra says.

"I lived with Strawberry and Gooden."

And he never called them spearchuckers. Hopefully, this story finally gets people to understand that Lenny Dykstra is not the mumbling financial wizard he presented himself to be. In fact, it's probably very telling that Jim Cramer vouched for Dykstra's business expertise very early on. Can we blame him for this too ?

Think Your Job Sucks? Try Working For Lenny Dykstra [GQ]

The bad part was it was the day before the Mitchell Report was supposed to come out, so when I sheepishly dropped a question about it ("I'm sorry, but I have to ask...") into the conversation, the convivial tone quickly ceased.

"What the fuck is this?," he said. "I don't know anything about that, man. What are you trying to do?" This was followed by a succession of mumbled "fucks" and "dudes" and then a quick hang-up. I felt horrible, like I'd just yanked off Santa's beard because, you know, I could.

Yesterday, Dykstra appeared in a Manhattan courtroom to fight over $139,000 owed to him by a Manhattan accounting firm. Luckily, some one stuck a tape recorder in his face after it ended:

• [They] folded like Mitch Williams in the ninth," Dykstra said about the firm that sued him as he made reference to a former Phillie teammate who served the winning homer to the Blue Jays' Joe Carter in the '93 World Series. "There was no case. There was nothing."

and

• "That's my f—-in' ashtray money, bro," he told the New York Post, when asked about claims he owed a private jet company $7,000. "I don't even know if I flew on their plane."

Aloha, Mr. Hand.

Lenny Dykstra — Still Classy After All These Years [NBC Philadelphia]
Lenny Gets A Walk [NY Post]

Here's the gist of his strategy. He buys options that don't expire for at least 6 month's. He books wins very quickly. He keeps doubling and redoubling losers. And never actually realizes a loss until an option expires. He started this round on Opening day of baseball, so he's only 7 month's into it. His losers are likely in the pipeline still as the market carnage was in the fall.

Now keep in mind also that because of the nature of the strategy, the losers utterly dwarf the winners by a magnitude of 40:1 and higher. So if he has as few as 3 losers in there, he's down on the year. And I suspect he has many more.

Keep in mind also, there's no capital allocation limits. He can buy and buy and buy, so unlike every other financial strategy, there's no return on capital that we can calculate.

I have no idea what that guy just said, but it sounds bad. Look, I got a 1.5 in "Concepts in Macroeconomics" in college. I blog for a living. Are you really going to turn to me for sound financial analysis? Or a guy with a .285 lifetime average?

Investing Legends: Where Are They Now? [Daily Options Report]

Since retiring from baseball over a decade ago, Lenny has opened a chain of car washes that he sold for $52 million (what?), started a magazine that tells rich athletes how to spend their money (seriously?), and launched his own investment newsletter that charges subscribers $1,000 a year to receive his personal advice (excuse me?). But we haven't got to the crazy part yet. His "Nails on the Numbers" stock picks are 83-0 and following them yourself would have earned you $200,000.

"He has become adroit at picking stocks, famously so, in part because he had a big investment nearly wiped out in an economic downturn in 2002. The $2 million he had in his account had dwindled to $400,000.

"So I go to Wally Wall Street with his G.G. suspenders ... Gordon Gekko," Dykstra explains. "Remember him? 'Greed is good.' Great movie. So I ask, 'What happened to my money, bro? ... And I had no idea what he was talking about," says Dykstra. "It was humiliating. And I decided then and there that this would never happen to me again. I got 30 of these financial newsletters and I studied every one of them."

Dykstra also claims ("by his own accounting") to be worth $64 million dollars. He has also been sued by a few folks for not paying his bills, but that's just the cost of doing business, right? He's too busy picking out china patterns for the dishes on his private jet to worry about that crap. (The key word is "classy.") You could try attending one of his investment seminars, but let's face it—if you're not a former pro athlete you're kind of wasting your time. "You have to have chips to play in the game," he says.

Seriously, we have to get this guy in the Obama cabinet. Then we hand him a Louisville Slugger and send him downtown to give Wally Wall Street a little "investment advice" upside his pretty boy, Ivy League head. I got your recovery package right here!

Former Phillie Dykstra living high-flying life of an entrepreneur [Philly Daily News]