Saban took the Bama job the day LSU played in the 2007 Sugar Bowl, and signs such as "Saban is a D-Bag" popped up in the French Quarter. Back in Miami, the coach was speaking to reporters off the record. He repeated a story a friend, who Saban said happened to be on LSU's board of trustees, told him—a story that ended up taped and played on the radio a few weeks later. Here it is: "He was walking down the street yesterday before the Sugar Bowl. He calls me. There was a guy working in the ditch, one of those coonass guys that talk funny. I can't talk like them, but he can. Most people in Louisiana can. He says, 'Hey, you see where Coach Saban signed up with Alabama?' You know, however they talk. And the board of trustees guy says, 'Yeah I saw that,' and he says, 'That son of a b—, I feel like he's f— my wife.'"

It didn't matter that Saban was trying to be funny, or that a lot of people use the word coonass. A segment of LSU fans heard ditch-digging coonass and saw red. "Cajun people are proud," Ragoo explains. "When they perceive that you're putting them down and making fun of them, they become focused and galvanized about kicking your ass."

The thing people don't get about SEC fans? Even the ones who can correctly use the word galvanized after downing a bottle of Jack want Saban dead. This game is going to be ugly and beautiful at the same time. Like a gang bang starring Pam Oliver.

Hating Nick Saban [ESPN]

Just one step away from the top 5 comes the mad genius that is Les Miles and his national champion Tigers. Today's preview is brought to you by Cajun Boy in the City. Included in his preview is a picture of an LSU girl that will make you want to cry and immediately move to Baton Rouge. Or at least give you pleasant dreams when you head home from the bar alone.

In 331 A.D., The Seventh Day Adventist Church of Constantinople printed fifty bibles, in which some significant editing of the book of Genesis was done at the behest of the Emperor Constantine (massive bag of douche by the way), for he feared the usurpation of his power in the event of an uprising by the peasantry, which was sure to take place had they attained knowledge of the leader of men that God himself had made for the world. The following is what was edited out...

At the end of the sixth day, saving his most important work for last, God created a man. This man wasn't like any other man, which God created in his likeness, no, this man was different. Different in that God formed him in the image of what he aspired to be. God equipped the man with a thick, elongated, and bulbous skull, a shape of cranium that would make him appear strikingly mongoloidish when adorned with any hat emblazoned with the letters L, S, and U, better for him to be underestimated by. Most importantly, this skull would serve to protect the precious cargo housed inside of it; a wee but efficient lump of mush built specifically to analyze and process complex gridiron data in mere nanoseconds, all the better to make snap judgments that often seem monumentally dipshit-y on the surface in their moments in time, but judgments that ultimately prevail gloriously each and every time they're made. Finally, God also gave this man a set of cyclopean nuts that would incite envy in any prehistoric hoofed mammal. God said, "Go forth and dominate the Gators of Gainesville, the Cocks of Carolina, and whatever abhorrent alliances shall attempt to rise up out of the anus of humanity that is Alabama." He then said, "His name shall be Leslie."

God saw all that he had made, and behold, it was very good. It was evening and it was morning, the sixth day. He then cracked open an ice cold Abita Amber, and then proceeded to jerk off into golden chalice, a golden chalice with purple trim.

Fast forward to 2008 where God and his masterpiece communicate regularly, via instant messenger, of course. They spoke this morning about the upcoming LSU football season. Here is a transcript of that conversation...

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: You there homie?

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: ????????????????

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: HEEELLLLLOOOO!

fearthehat: Hey...yeah...I'm here. Sorry bout that. Had to take care of a nuisance outside Tiger Stadium.

fearthehat: So what's on your mind pops?

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: Well, a lot of people down there are hittin' up the prayer line asking questions about your squad. People are worried Les, what with you kicking Ryan Perrilloux off the team and all.

fearthehat: Fuck Perrilloux! His weed sucked anyway.

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: But what are you gonna do at quarterback Les?

fearthehat: Well we've got a transfer from Harvard named Andrew Hatch, he's one of them smart assholes, and a redshirt freshman named Jarrett Lee.

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: But Les, aren't you worried? Neither one of those guys has been in any sort of intense situation on the D-1 level, much less ventured into The Swamp.

fearthehat: Hell no I'm not worried old man. We've got so many studs on offense, shit, I could put Audrina from The Fucking Hills under center and it wouldn't make a lick of difference.

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: You're right, you guys are certainly stacked.

fearthehat: Damn straight we're stacked. In the backfield we've got Charles Scott, Keiland Williams, Richard Murphy, and Trindon Holliday. Any of those guys could rush for 1000 yards if they were stupid enough to go to some piss-pit like Ole Miss where they'd start right away.

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: And you're pretty stacked at receiver too. You've got Brandon Lafell, Demetrius Byrd, Terrance Tolliver and Chris Mitchell.

fearthehat: That's what I'm saying. And don't even get me started on the defense. We've got Ricky Jean-Francois coming back. Ricky. Jean. Francois. Can you even make up a better name for a LSU football player? FUCK NO!

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: You have no weaknesses?

fearthehat: The only weakness this team has is getting distracted by all the ass in south Louisiana. The guys in the locker room tell me that Cajun girls have vaginas tighter than Hungarian rat traps, and that sticking your dick inside of one is like sticking in a vat of hot butter. Shit'll make you crazy.

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: Ah yes, Cajun girls. Saucy little tarts. And they can cook too!

fearthehat: So give me some dirt on some of the other coaches in the SEC pops. I won't tell anyone, I swear I won't. Go ahead, tell me, Tuberville's a kid fucker ain't he?

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: True. Little Laotian boys to be precise.

fearthehat: What about Urban Meyer? That asshole just looks like a sick perv.

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: Diaper Pail Friends member.

fearthehat: What the fuck is that?

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: Google it. :)

fearthehat: One other question pops...those Florida bloggers that are always picking on me, Shanoff and Swindle, they jerk off to Tim Tebow's YouTube clips, don't they?

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: In tandem. Via iChat. They watch each other. And then they Twitter it. And then they argue over IM about whose load of baby batter would most make Tebow proud.

fearthehat: Figured as much. Now let me run, I gotta get back to cooking up something special for that twatwaffle kid from Auburn who tried to take out Dorsey's knee last year. Remember him?

ahardmanisgoodtofind69: Chaz Ramsey. He's Kige Ramsey's cousin you know?

fearthehat: Who the fuck is Kige Ramsey?

Per the Advocate:

“Ben Miles is all over Snoop’s stuff,” Miles said.

“I found every guy around him is a former coach or player, and he runs a league of youth football and provides opportunities for young people.

“I defend his music, and am much more a fan of the person.”

Miles than announced that he and Snoop Dogg were going to look for boobies. Before turning tearful and remarking, "If only Ryan Perrilloux were still here today, none of your chronic would go to waste."

Update: Do yourself a favor and check out the video introductions on the same page. Miles raps. Honestly, this is Heaven sent.

Miles, Snoop Dogg share spotlight [2theadvocate.com]

Sound or no sound, Central Michigan's pulling away 28-10. UCF and Tulsa have themselves an exciting little shootout in Orlando, with UCF up 31-23 at halftime. Boston College has an early 7-0 lead over the Hokies, App State is up 21-7 over Eastern Washington, And The Nedyssey Continues...

The front page for ESPN.com right now is showing "Source: Miles to announce he's staying at LSU" in one column, and "Report: Les Miles Headed To Michigan" right next to it in another column. — hvconstat9

I got this tip more than twice ... as soon as I go to look at ESPN.com in the name of screengrabbery, of course they took the video down and kept just the one about him staying at LSU.

i am so disappointed about the Miles to Michigan thing. how would a bowl game between the two teams have played out? does he coach LSU? Michigan? both? neither? does he sit in the stands like Brady Quinn's sister and wear a half-and-half jersey? I NEEDED THIS — usckb

Maybe Les should just register 2jobs1coach.com — ditkaby7

Okay, I shivered at that one. Yet I shared it. Hugh II's just masochistic like that. Onto non-Les Miles insight:

Some games get Erin Andrews and other games get Paul McGuire sitting with the camera man wearing eye black — Len Bias Cocaine Surplus

After Navy's TD, my father suggested the only way for Army to get good football players again would be to bring back the draft. I don't even have a joke here. Because if Army loses a 6th consecutive game, they might agree. — mlmintampa

Why do they always have to air paul mcguire out on the camera stand? I bet he smells like bengay and trenchfoot — phatmore93

Pam Ward just described Central Michigan's quarterback Dan Lefevour as a "nifty" runner. Any moment now I expect her to call Onterrio Sneed "the bee's knees". —The Bad One

I was rather hoping Steve Canyon and Brenda Starr would introduce the players for Army-Navy football, seeing as they all stopped being relevant around the same time. — Tuffy

True or False: Motivational Speaker Holtz would coach a better game today than Wannstache? — Jerkwheat

Ian Eagle says Army beat out 115 schools for two standing room only, private Dave Matthews Band performances. I question whether that was really any sort of victory. — Signal to Noise

Report: You all rule. IM NCAA Deadspin to continue ruling.

"This team has not lost a game in regulation. I know it does not mean much to you guys (media.) The point is, in a 60 minutes game, we play as competitive as we can be. There is not a team that we have played that has bested us in the first 60 minutes. If you had to look at the length and width of the game, that is how it is measured. Then you go to overtime, and I think our overtime system is just as flawed as any other overtime system. It's just the way it is and it is probably correct. You have to decide it then where it takes the length of the field and certain situations out of it. It is imperfect, but a darn good system. You tell me if there are other teams in this country that can say that. If you just give us ties, like in the old system, we are undefeated with two ties. Maybe that adds up as one loss."

This is true. Also, if they didn't keep score in football, LSU would also be undefeated. Really, they should just give trophies to everyone simply for showing up. Oh, and flowers.

Miles Addresses Media [LSU Sports]